Friday, June 07, 2013

being in a happy place, part II


Over the years, whenever I think a lot about a specific topic, or mull some need-to-be-perfect-wording over, I usually wake up in the middle of the night with the perfect words and context. I rarely write it down, since I tell myself that all that thinking must stick anyway. To be honest, over the years I've realised it's a 50-50 chance it doesn't/does, but I've always realised that even if the original wording doesn't stick there are always new words to get me there on track again.

So when I was to write about being in a happy place, part II those original thoughts and words I woke up with the other day had flown away but I remember the feeling, the sentiment, so I'll go with that.

As blog mentioned over the years, these past plus ten years have been filled with incredible lowpoints, drawbacks, nasty, spiteful people and situations I naïvely didn't think existed. It's been an emotional rollercoaster, questioning, soul-searching, learning, accepting. I've also met a lot of incredible people, found myself in great situations, done things, met beings I would not have done or met had I not been through all those incredible lowpoints and unforeseen drawbacks out of my control (which is, granted, quite an essential part of being alive, things happen that we can't control). And I would have been a poorer person for it.

So whilst I have emotional and physical scars due to that rollercoaster ride, they are no longer open, they are no longer sore, they are experiences that have made me the I I am today and for that I am truly grateful. The drawbacks, the nastiness have also been eyeopening, I look at life differently and I've been blessed with finding my way back to creativity, rediscovered old talents, found new. It has opened up opportunities unknown, my attitude has changed, I dare to challenge myself more regularly - and I find that many (silly) things really aren't as scary as one might think, often the opposite actually. Which push me forward.

I also know that everyone has to find that particular moment in life when and where enough is enough, I need to take charge, I need to change direction. That the surrounding give you more or less well-meaning advice on what to do/be/change won't make a difference, you have to truly realise that for yourself. Realise that, obvious as it is, the people that have used and abused you, pushed you back and forth, forced you into unthinkable situations couldn't care less about your misery, your scarring. They have most likely moved forward, quite possible causing misery for others. To let them win with you turning haggard and bitter, that is to truly let yourself down.

Whilst I agree with Barbara Ehrenreich and the likes that positive thinking without reflection and realisation that life offers both good and bad stuff, be prepared for both, is dangerous in general, I also feel that uncontrollable whining about everything from major to minor is a dangerous way to put yourself into a negative thinking spiral which will never get you anywhere.

In this digital era, constant angry and whining Facebook statuses and Twitter updates is as much offputting to others as are constant bragging and upbeat updates. Most of us know that life is much more diversified than that - a good way to start is actually, easy as it may seem, start looking for small, fine matters and details every day. Instead of constantly looking for, noticing small, unpleasant things and having the urge to share them with others via status updates. It's a bit like the boy who cried wolf, for every time he cried and lied the surrounding began to care less and less and when there was wolf danger for real noone listened.

It's also worth noticing that after I stopped reading newspapers and watching the news I feel much lighter and brighter, more balanced. There will always be incredible, horrific things happening, mankind as a whole isn't very nice, but by doing good things myself, striving to be a better, kinder person, involving myself in good projects, doing my bit to inspire, engage and encourage others to do the same, leave a good and not damaging footprint I create ripples of goodness.

Not wanting to sound like some deranged preacher, but I think we, the compassionate part of humankind, can all create ripples of goodness instead of concentrating on the nastiness all around.

Go read this article on why we should ignore the news, I think it sums it up quite well.

And this one which, amongst many things, argues that following the news is actively unhealthy - some interesting, food for thought quotes from it;

- " ... it scrambled his brain with so many different topics that he couldn’t get any real intellectual work done the rest of the day."

"Its obsession with the criminal and the deviant makes us less trusting people. Its obsession with the hurry of the day-to-day makes us less reflective thinkers. Its obsession with surfaces makes us shallow."

Now, I think I'll stop here with the being in a happy place, part II - don't you worry, there will be at least one more part - , I have no idea how many of you who made it reading this far, but hopefully some of the thoughts and my personal experiences have resounded in you. Yes, strangely as it may seem sometimes, my life and heart is filled with so much more than happy shoes, bobbaloos, cuddly creatures, pastries, yarn and the obsession of colours.


Erica said...

I "made it this far" as always, and as always feel grateful for your deep and thoughtful posts just as much as your short, but pretty-picture posts. Getting a glimpse of another's thoughts, another's views, and another's lives is the silver lining of the internet. And you're so right in saying we need to take a step back and not get so wrapped up in all of the negative. Misery does love company, doesn't it? We don't want to deny it's existance, but find a balance where we accept it's presence but don't give it the power to overcome us.
But forgive my rambling. Point is that I love your blog just as much today as the day I stumbled upon it. You've brightened at least one reader's life, and I'd be surprised if it weren't many more.

Elephant's Child said...

I get my happiness from the small things like the garden, sunrise, sunset, kindness. Small things which are much more important than the supposedly bigger ones...

Poppy Q said...

I have stopped watching the news as much and reading the paper, I am with you Miss Pia. It was bringing me down and I have more time to watch the things I want, the ones that make me laugh.

Julie Q

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