at the end of a mind-boggling week

It has been a mind-boggling week to say the least. From dreading in the worst of ways to having to return to the crap I left before the vacation, to the fact that on Wednesday I suddenly had a job offer which I accepted. I was both numb and very happy and finally I could move on from so much stupidity, yes on Monday I would begin a new, exciting part of my life.

On Thursday I got the unexpected news that due to unforeseeable circumstances there unfortunately would after all not be a job for me on Monday. I could not. In. Any. Way. return to the ways things were before vacation and, admittedly, I spent a good portion of Thursday crying and cursing - and really, I can't for my life see why I keep, in this way, having the worst of luck, when will the stars align in my favour? - had a good talk with M about a solution.

And ended up with actually offering my services for free to the company in question just so I wouldn't have to return to the same soul crushing, degrading, stupidity as pre-vacation and actually work to help reverse those unexpected circumstances that lost me the job. I'm happy to say that they were delighted at my offer and we'll meet on Monday to discuss it further.

When I told "my administrator" - which has also been one of my "colleagues" since February, yes I know, it's such an intricate situation, in hindsight, it is really heartbreaking that I called that meeting one of the best I've ever had, which I still feel it was, had everything turned out that promised way, but instead it turned out all blah - about what I call my "internship" - since one, as a citizen in this fine country called Sweden, has to fill in all sorts of papers to be graciously granted such a "work for free"-ship, I have to tell her - she just had to act in that condesending way I've noticed far too many times these past few months and insist on calling the "internship" that hateful, insulting, passivating term for the situation I'm in (involuntary) at the moment, but that really has nothing to do with me, my competence, skills or wants. In block letters. In case I didn't understand my situation completely. Fuming, just fuming.

Hopefully on Monday I will have a good meeting with the people I got a very good impression of past Wednesday. We'll come to an agreeable solution for all. I can then tell "my administrator" the good news and why it really is important not to use demeaning, passivating terms like this, no matter what they're called by political directives and on authorities papers. Moving on. Please, please, moving on.

The Friday ended with me lying on my back on a lawn in front of a castle trying to catch a perfect Shoe Per Diem snap. The bobbaloos - that I happened to have, pure coincidence I'm sure, colour matched with the shoes -  insisted they'd be a part of it. As if me on the back, quite possibly looking like a shored human whale, wasn't enough of silly, you can imagine the utter daftness of scene above.

But that moment in the evening sun made me giggle and smile, not cry in despair, like I had so many times during this past week. And moments like that really, really help me through rough days, soul crushing times. They help mend that too many times battered soul, they keep me reasonably sane in a crazy world.

I will now try and have a recuperating weekend, I wish you the same ~