wednesday words

I was thiiis close to calling this a "wordless wednesday" post when I realised I needed to get a few words  of my coughing chest - yes, still fighting that cold I got last week, it's now in the dry-coughing-until-one-nearly-throws-up stage, an exhausting and nasty place to be - so here goes;

Tomorrow I have a dreaded meeting, which I think (for well-grounded reasons) will be another pointless meeting within our nasty political labour market system. This time however I refuse to be treated like the lesser competent person I have been treated like by a stupid beyond belief system and their little popes during especially these past two years. There's no way I can go on living my life in a vacuum like this for any longer. This was only suppose to be a very temporary solution, the measly-but-better-than-nothing employment benefits, until I got a regular income again. Clearly it has been very far from temporary, clearly it has overall been awful, demeaning and senseless. With August 2011 being the foul icing on the cake.

Tomorrow I will go there and actually say I will take this degrading treatment no more. No. More. Hopefully the new labour office administrator will actually be interested in helping (as laughable as that is) and there are some ways to get around the if-you're-not-a-good-girl-and-do-as-the-system-tells-you-you-won't-get-any-money-no-matter-the-amount-of-taxes-you've-paid for a few months until I get my business going. Because that's what I have to do, it has been my plan all along of course but I've had my aim on getting a job to pay the bills until I get the business going. That aim has failed, due to our miserably askew labour market.

All this time I've planned for my own business, but I haven't been able to neither register it nor market it openly since the Swedish labour market system doesn't allow that as long as you're officially without a job. So financially that has just not been doable. But I have now reached a point where neither my mind nor body can take this situation anymore. I need to rule my own life for real. And be my own boss. I need to be free from our demeaning and soul crushing system. I've spent most of my September seriously mulling this and come to the conclusion that this is the only viable option. For me, right now.

Hopefully there will be some financial support for a few months, otherwise we'll just have to make do with one income for a while. There will be no more shoes, no bobbaloos, no extraordinary treats (apart from those already planned and pre-paid) for a while to come. Life will feel a tad austere in that aspect.

But since I'm truly blessed with not only a highly functional brain and creativity but also a plethora of wonderful things to wear and shoes to walk in, books, camera, music, computer, TV, things to turn into new stuff (yarn, fabrics, beads and stones) and a commuter season ticket, life will not be less great. It will be good to withhold on purchases, to think about what is truly necessary. If that is what I must do until I get things going. And I wouldn't be at all surprised if I then realise that life tad austere in that aspect is a better life.

After all this teeth grinding time I've reached that point where I know I need to do this in order to get my body and soul on the right track again. Now I just have to work with my odd phoney behaviour, yes I admit, I hate phone-calls. Emails and real life meetings are great, phones are not. But, to finally being one's own boss, that's worth so much more than the silliness of phonecallphobia (even if well-founded, really).

You are so welcome to wish me luck tomorrow, but no matter how things go at the meeting, there will be closure and there will be a new way forward.

I may confess a great fondness for stripey socks and red shoes, but I will not be crushed by the system like the a wicked witch from the east. I will not. Will. Not.



Ordlista = dictionary or literally "word list"