sweet rejection

Today I got the sweetest rejection mail I've ever received. But as nicely put as it was I've never been more disappointed about a rejection. Because it was something I was (is) so passionate about, on a professional as well as personal level. Something I've worked for for so long. So after moments of dumbstruckness I bawled my eyes out for a long time.

That never happens unless it's sorrow over personal losses, animal cruelty or times of Weltschmerz. But this was about longstanding dreams and absolute, total conviction I was (is) the right passionate as well as competent person for the job (because passion and competence is a match made in heaven).

It was about my love for creative expressions, about possibilities, collaborations with likeminded people, important values and spreading of goodness.

So actually, I think it was just the right reaction. It's my rejection and I cry if I want to.

And it didn't help that the rejection mail also contained the sentence "Please don't be sad." That's like pushing a cry-button. Such a mail deserves a classy reply. Just let me dry my tears first and I'll be right at it.

So from yesterday which was a lovely day in so many ways, to today, the very last one of June, matters changed unimaginably fast. This is life as it is, inconcievable.

I can't begin to describe how serendipitious life has been this past year and a half, so many unexplainable coincidences pointing in one obvious dreamy direction. Sure there have been the odd here and there lowpoints of confusion, but there've always been something urging me down the path of continuing to plant subtargets in order to harvest dreams.

I've amazed myself in doggingness and conviction at the same time as I've been open to possibilities unknown. And I've worked hard, learnt oh so many things about my own capacity. While always firmly stuck to the importance of values and quality, curiousity and professionalism.

I wish the last day of June had held better news. It was not the final day round off I had expected, far from perfection. Some day this will make sense. Today is not that day.

Dear July, welcome and please make sense. Give joy.