you are unlimited

Ever since I began gulping down tea pot after tea pot like there was no tomorrow back in high school, accompanied by philosophical discussions about life - 

because that's what the Humaniora students did. Well, at least us who actually thought a lot did, which to be honest, looking back, the majority of my class mates probably didn't. I loved high school, I just  didn't have much in common with most of my class mates though. But then again I've never been interested in having a gazillion superficial friends when I can have a few close and important ones. And that I had, hence the philosophical discussions over lots of tea - 

I've known that in tea is wisdom.

It's even better when that fact is proven by the tea's equivalent to fortune cookies - Yogi tea quotes.

These above and below ones I got recently and they both struck a special cord for me. 

Because you see, I've been spending the majority of these past few weeks working hard on a special work project - yes it has finally begun! -, which has left me in different measures exhilarated, stressed, amazed, confused and dash annoyed. I guess this is what agile teamwork is, which is great in a way - especially when our different skills seemingly blend together so very well, that's the amazed part, because I don't know these people and they don't know me yet and still, smooth working... - but I also think there's a need for more structure.

Things like, can we please schedule the online meetings and the most important update phone calls a few days ahead. If possible, when possible. And since I'm obviously the last one onboard I don't have the full story of the project and its background, beginning to grasp it obviously after these intense weeks, but still, the lawyer and (semi)control freak would have liked to be a *bit* more in the loop before I got started.

On the other important hand though, and here's the exhilarating part, I've learnt so much during these weeks only. Thrown headfirst into a project with no clear roles or really specific tasks as such I've done so much more than I thought I signed up for or was suppose to do. 

Simply because a) it's such a worthy cause (brand), b) I always approach things as a great opportunity to learn new things (and practice old ones) even if there might be initial kinks and c) when there seemingly aren't any specific roles I might as well do the most of it, enjoy the headfirst situation and get to work. 

Because you know what, the upside of slightly hazy areas of responsibilities is that noone can really object to who's getting things done, as long as it's within the brief and with the mutual goal in mind. This part we're working on now is only a first step of many in a long project. It will hopefully get a sign off this week so we can move on to the next. 

Going above and beyond what I intitially thought would be my role, well it has been fun, really fun. Somewhere down the line it will pay off in different ways, opportunities, karma etc. And when I was feeling stressed and confused a few days in to the project I got this tea quote telling me I'm unlimited and yes, yes of course I am! And since I am a Jill of many trades, why not expand on that?

For me this experience so far has also been a real tangible test on that thing I have such difficulties doing, the one thing I've been blog talking about for years now, but also the one thing that has been coming much easier for me to do ever since the grief recovery process. To trust the process. And the gut feeling. To breath, relax and let my inner (semi) control freak have an extended holiday on some tropical island far far away.

And even if I'm well-used in working with overseas clients and remote work we've then basically worked via emails and Skype. This time there have been other project management tools as well as more phone calls in 2 weeks than I've probably had in the last 2 years - you know, I the odd phoney... And since our little team are situated in Finland, Sweden and England respectively we communicate in some delightful blend of Swedish and English. Which has actually added to the fun.

The curious thing is that when I began writing this post I thought I was going to write about how much more we needed structure, specific areas of responsabilities, what do we expect from eachother, to be able to perform better, avoid misunderstandings and unnecessary stress. I still partly think that would help, but at the same time it has been a fascinating and unusual ride of trust. And a more positive experience and full of learning in a reasonably short amount of time than I ever thought it would be. Looking forward to whatever will be next.

And then the first few weeks in September there was a sudden, unexpected influx of various new job/clients opportunites. Even if I well know by now that over 50% of them always fall through in general, for various reasons, I got a bit flustered. Because what if many of them would lead to something more substantial than just a thought and initial meeting, and that they paid enough and/or were interesting enough, which would I have to chose to decline? And could I really afford to not say yes (both from a financially and the FearOfMissingOut point of view)? 

Or should I just see the next 6 months as a gritty working period, adding to my portolio of experiences and building financial stability? And the silver lining is of course, for a free spirit like me, that I mostly work from home - proud place of awesome pink office - and can usually set my own work schedule just as long as I meet the deadlines.

But as a part of my new trust the process stand that has so far worked out for the best, things partly fell through as usual, partly will begin shortly and more later this autumn. Things happen when they are meant to. Life is much better enjoyed when you bear that in mind. 

Which, again, is not the same as just sit back relax and wait for things to happen. Be active in a way that your comfortable with, and do step out of your comfort zone regularly, and take responsability for the energy you put out into the world - which will be the topic of my next post, the wise words doesn't come from me, but more of that next time.

Not only over these past few weeks, but over these past few months I've been grateful for so many things, for so many experiences, for so many people that have suddenly come into my life and changed me and my path forever. And when I feel flustered, disappointed, even deflated at times, I always remember all those things I'm grateful for. What has truly been the worst 1,5 years of my life has also been one of the most evolving and yes magical even, 1,5 years of my life. Especially these past six months. Which brings me to this second quote I got a few days after the above one.

Grateful. Always.