spring has sprung 2023, part I

 

Almost two months later I emerge, alas not a new and improved me, myself and I. But I am good enough as I am, and some days even awesome and brilliant. And one day, one week, one month at a time I try to be better than I was yesterday, last week, last month, last year. And make more of a difference and impact. Every little step counts.

And yes I’m still furious and in despair about our mindbogglingly incompetent Swedish government. And all the damage they cause our society and the world each week with their stupidity and shameful behaviour. And how much money that cost us all. 

But I also see that this is the case in the overwhelming majority in countries all over this planet. Most of societies seem to display permanent (covid) brain damages through their (in)actions and that is just scary as hell.

In order to find some peace of mind, and get back on track, create some momentum, I took an online course called ’Brilliant, Passionate You’ which I passed during Easter. As it was created during the pandemic it felt somewhat… well, not as well-composed and inspiring as I had hoped. Still, it had its moments and some lectures were very good and insightful and I did learn new things and interesting concepts. It’s obviously more a soft skills course rather than hard skills. 

But as my mind has still not regained its pre-pandemic vigour, and the strains and stress of last years kafkaesque real life drama also has taken its toll of both mind and body, this was a perfect level and kind of course for me at this moment in time.

So other than that, what has happened so far this year in the World According to Pia? Well, I try to focus on the good stuff, and create as many little pockets of joy as possible. More important than ever these days, in this crazy crazy crazier than ever world, to be able to keep on keeping on.

I’ve made a little photo album on my phone consisting of about 60 photos. From that I’ll chose a few random ones for a few posts to come, and talk about various little happenings that (mostly) have brought me joy or new insights.

Let’s start with the top photo, and the one above, in which I’m sporting my Dress 2023 - as much as I’m really cutting down on my shopping of new clothes, I’m still sticking to my Dress of the year concept (I’m still continuing to sell of pieces in my wardrobe I do not wear anymore, that don’t fit or just aren’t in line with where I am today, so it’s not as if I’m buying more new stuff to replace old stuff. I still buy less than I sell or give away). Dresses make me happy, as does colours.

This year I was totally smittened by the Marimekko shirt dress version of their classic Jokapoika (every boy) unisex shirt. Every piece of the multicoloured fabric is used up, so no fabric waste, and every dress is unique that way. It’s a lovely piece, I really enjoy the wide butterflyish arms and the fact that my dress has plenty of pink and green passages (my favourite colours and colour combo). If would however been even more perfect if it was a-shaped, knee length, did not have that fairly dominant black/blue striped passage in the front, that the belt did have D-strings just like on the model and that my belt was green not pale pink. Well, one can still wish for perfection, right?

The lovely piece of the Marimekko birch pattern (same as the bed linen in my new year’s post) is another second hand find. A shower curtain I’ve had my eye on for years now, but always been outbid on. Until this time. And it is just as amazing as it seems, a perfect piece to switch to when spring sprung!

Spring has been more winter than spring this year, and the climate emergency is ever present obviously. Because even if April in Sweden/Scandinavia is notoriously capricious and there have been snow in May on these latitudes now and then, this year has been truly crazy, from snow storms like this one day, to heavy rain the next, temperatures ranging from -15C to +10 only a few days later. This should not be happening, and it is deeply disturbing as well as energy draining too.

Last week we suddenly had sunshine every day, with temperatures close to +20C. Which is too soon in April, and it makes me dread this will be another hellish summer like 2018. The next week’s forecast shows plenty of rain and cloudy skies though.

Also living with your geriatric much loved little mum, with declining health issues, is not as easy as one might think. Or quite possibly noone else but me thought it would be just a great, money-saving, cosy, uplifting offering both freedom and security to us both solution, I may have been naïve.

Living this close with somebody again, a person I once lived with for 20 years, is quite different when that person is aging, have developed very poor eyesight, and hearing issues (yes she has a hearing aid, but she finds it very uncomfortable so…), and an aching body from a long active life, as well as a brain that isn’t as quick witted as I’ve always felt it was. As well as new heart issues appearing recently. 

Experiencing this decline and struggles daily is not the same as talking on the phone daily, visiting regularly, meeting up outdoors etc. I swore my role wasn’t going to be an unpaid home aid, but somehow I feel that’s how things have developed. 

And yes, I do believe I owe her everything good after all she has done for me over the years when I have struggled, and not least for everything I went through after M passed away in 2016. We have had so much fun together since forever, and I do concider her my closest friend too, how could I not?

Ideally every citizen in Sweden should get state benefits for helping elderly or sick family members, but that is up to the local government, and our municipality has just removed that possibility, so here we are.

Senior living is definitely not an option, and I think we’re still much in the process of creating new routines and adjust to how things are, but yes, I feel that life, my life, wants, plans, growth, needs are somewhat on hold by this situation too. 

The house needs repairs and fixing, not least that new roofing, which wouldn’t have been an issue if the housing market prices hadn’t dropped drastically last year and there had been a decent, proper profit from the apartment sale. That was not the case. 

Live and learn, live and learn.

And I am well aware about everything I have to be grateful for. Deeply so. I won a court case against an evil authority, after their relentless witch hunt for 1,5 years, for Xs sake! I got my beloved kitties back and that completely  unjust animal ban lifted! 

Little mum and I managed our way through the stress and hard work (emotionally and physically) of selling and emptying  the apartment and moving a whole life into my house, which is now our house. How totally badass is that?! 

We survived a pandemic, and the isolation and small world that created.

It has been a long, dark, cold winter, indoors and outdoors, we bundled up, managed to save some energy, as well as paid those crazy energy bills. And handled the rising food costs. That’s pretty darn badass too!

I am still standing, we are still standing. And that is just enough for now. It has to be. One step at the time. In these crazy times.

And spring, decent spring, does look more like it should every day (and I try to not let the fact that the garden do needs a pretty hefty amount of work after that ornament tree broke with the heavy snow fall before Christmas…).

And I’ve given myself a lovely, fluffy yarn project. Which has so far both ignited, delighted and infuriated me. Here’s a sample glimpse for now, more in the next chapter of spring has sprung.

Be safe, be kind, be awesome out there.