It may be April 1st today, but I honestly think life (personally and globally) has felt like a giant cruel, anything other than progressive, joke the past few months already.
It is more difficult than ever to find meaning and joy in this world. The craziness, heartlessness, solutionlessness (I’ve decided that’s a word) is mindboggling. I know I’m not alone feeling like this. But what to do?
My life and its circumstances have finally become completely riddled in financial worries. The recurring struggles obviously began when M passed away, which was 9 (!) years last week.
Since then I have worked so hard to find my new life path and my own solutions. There have been highs and lows, there have been brightness and sorrows, like in every life. I’m proud of my problem solving skills, but the solutions have alas always turned out to be short-lived.
And even strong, multipotentialite and grounded individuals began to doubt themselves when things that look/feel/sound so right, so promising, always end up in a big, useless pile of blah.
I know, I know, many struggle currently, now more than ever.
But long term, pre-pandemic, struggles, have just worn me down. I don’t even feel like myself anymore.
It has now become r e a l l y hard to trust the process. When nothing truly positive happens, and another month goes by, that trust gets worn down, day by day, week by week. Does the Universe really has my back?
My want as well as now turned desperate need still remains:
to welcome and say yes to that meaningful and reasonably paid job (I’ve worked so had for for too long now), that align with my values, skills and experiences. It is my time to shine now.
Please, please, please, April 2025, make it happen!
I so understand how you are feeling. Being in the United States now, I feel like I'm in an occupied country. In a LOT of ways we are. The cruelty and meanness of this regime makes me sick at heart. The constantly punching down that they do is so exhausting. The totally senseless bullying of our allies, especially Canada and Mexico makes absolutely no sense. I and so many Americans stand with every country AGAINST the U.S. So many of us are flying the Canadian flag in solidarity. The gutting of our government agencies that work for us citizens, under the guise they are getting rid of fraud and waste is such a joke. And now fearing that they will dismantle the Social Security system that I was just about to sign up for. If they do get rid of it, I honestly see no reason to go on. I will not be able to survive in my elder years without that income that I have paid into for over 50 years. I wish I could see a light at the end of the tunnel, but now the future is a black hole. I wish I had words of hope for you, but at least you are not here in the U.S.!!
ReplyDelete