mostly weary monday musings

:: It has been a summer without yarn activity, I have rested the sore thumb and apparently it was way worse than last time, I can only knit or crochet in very small portions in order to avoid pain. Sigh. I hope I will be able to slowly work my way back to the old capacity - otherwise it will be a sad winter indeed.

I have now begun crocheting a little perky pot holder. Not a lot of work for the end result. And with its colours summer lingers on.

I have many unfinished yarn projects, with not so much left before one can exclaim "finished!", so I should be able to at least potter with those and get the satisfaction from perhaps not a lot of continous work, but with another few projects finally finished.


:: Last Friday I simply asked the crazy job officer woman to let me switch to another administrator. If she had been in any way sensible she wouldn't have made a big deal about it, since it's very obvious not a healthy "relationship" we're having. But, of course, today she sent me a pathetic email stating everything I - yes I - have done wrong. It is full of hearsay, gossipmongering without grasping the issues and the possibility that there might, just might, be many sides to a coin. Yes I am angry, who wouldn't be, but I can't help but laugh (really) at the stupidity.

I also thought that we really had talked things through earlier, let's move on for goodness' sake, but she keeps insisting on blaming me - for putting the torch on obvious wrongs in the system - for all things stupid. Instead of looking into the issues themselves.

Her behaviour is much like the other crazy labour office woman I stumbled over once upon a time earlier.

And I can't help but feeling sad about how little I did know when I wrote this after my first week working being used as free labour (at the labour office, no less, now how about that as a joke) with them in February. So much hope squashed over those next few months, so much promises of new beginnings shattered. 'One of the best meetings I've ever had', bah humbug!

She is clearly damaged herself, by the system, working in it for some 20+ years, this is now a matter of prestige for her. The lawyer in me relish a good fight for a just cause, whilst the I who just want to leave all this ridiculous nonsense galore behind me and move on in life, the I who simply want to get a decent income source again, be the me I am, that one, she is really most tired about it all.

I have never ever, during those years of working (for a salary) within the public sector - which I've sworn I will never return too, it seems like its within its very essence is all about grinding people down to bitter pulp, the more petty king/queen attitude you have, the more valued a worker you are - felt any need to email answers back in any other tone than a matter of fact decent one. I can admit mistakes - we all make them now and then - and when I'm right I just am. Then I explain why, and my experience is that most people actually listen to such calm arguments, even from representatives of administrative authorities.

This woman evidently doesn't listen to arguments, she's now simply out to prove a point. The point being that I'm not reliable, I do not know my own good - because how could somone who is looking for a new income source know her own good? There's clearly something wrong with her, it can never be a faulty system uphold in absurdum, never, never -, I'm snobbish as I haven't accepted the appaling *jobs*, situations and places she has seen fit to order me to go see.

She has no idea whatsoever what strange and contradictory things I've been told over, especially these past six, months. The amount of weird, and not at all wonderful, people, abusers of both our current labour market system as well as the unlucky people in the job searching end of the system askew, I have met. Despite the fact that I've told her about a fair share of them.

She is not in contact with the real world, one would think she would be working with the things she does, but she really isn't. She's probably 10-15 years my senior and for everything silly, utterly clueless, downright childish she has uttered over these past months, I've mostly smiled indulgently and thought those magic words 'this too shall pass'. Because I will be out of there, moving on any day now.

Sadly it's still an inconceivable struggle, instead I have to fight this - this time it's not even that workplace from hell I left all those years ago (and from then on life would only get better...) - this time it's just a senseless insane petty queen within an equally insane political system out to prove a point.

Yes, I'm afraid I will keep blogging about this madness until it has been settled. This is how I keep reasonable sane in this current crazy vortex of my world.


:: The other day I wrote about picking flowers and how the picking leaves a thorn of regret, the undeniable feeling of 'who am I, who am any to deny them their continued life in the flower beds?'. The comment from Felis was such a lovely one regarding that; when her sister picked flowers she said that if she was a flower she would want to travel. The roots stay, but the flowers travel on. Perhaps the flowers want to travel more than the grass?

I think that was such a beautiful thought. And when one prunes flowers and shrubs it makes room for more life, more flowers, so the thought does make sense as well as beauty. Heart. When you think about it.


:: With autumn sadly upon us in a few days - at least the calendar says so - I'm trying to see something positive about it. Two very obvious things are: fab shoes in company with ditto socks.



Things will be alright.
Just because they have to.
They really, really do.