at a cemetery in freiburg i sat down and wept

Today it's exactly two years since M passed away. And as important and healing as the grief recovery process was, the subconscious mind works in mysterious ways. I've had trouble sleeping these past few weeks, a general sense of worry persistently present. It was my mother who pointed out the time of the year, this week the date, next week Easter, which used to be my favourite holiday, now forever linked to death and sorrow. Even if the grief isn't ever present, far from, I believe this time of the year will be tainted by it all for a long time. That is simply how life, and death, works.

That day when I by coincidence - which are life's little messages to tell us we are not alone - ended up on a bench at a cemetery in Freiburg on a beautiful October afternoon and cried my heart out seems awfully far away, like a distant, memorable, bittersweet dream.

I've come so far since, looking forward to going much further. In fact this week I took another step in that direction, a step so far outside of my comfort zone I'm still surprised I did it - but it was such an obvious thing the future Pia would have been angry about if I hadn't.

Someone pinged me on a 2 weeks gig as a teacher in social media at a journalist education in Rwanda, I applied. The course would take place April 2-13 already, so I didn't have time to think it over. And I didn't really expect getting a reply. But I got swift and great feedback, which then got me really stressed, because was I ready for this, with such short notice? But luckily, for now, they chose someone else for this gig, though wanted to get in touch again for the courses this autumn. Which I think sounds awesome and give me time to prepare. What an amazing experience it would be, wouldn't you agree?

This week also held a really interesting, inspiring as well as dispiriting sustainability forum at my old Alma Mater, Stockholm university. With topics like How can we achieve Agenda 2030 in a polarized world as is? The future of food, how do we get consensus on the importance of plantbased diets and health and non food waste? The world's crazy dependence on oil - the topic that interested me the least, but it was so enlightening and heartbreakingly scary - and How can academia, the business world and society work together for a better world?



Rounded the week off with having a lovely lunch and much needed, long talk with the one person that has been undoubtedly, undeservedly more bruised by the hurtful mess. The whole situation is a different kind of sorrow to work through. To learn by and move forward from, wiser and stronger.

Which in the end is what every setback, sorrow and disappointment is, a valuable experience and opportunity to change, grow and become a better human being.

As usual music helps a lot in the moving on part of life. This week I'm happy to see that George Ezra's new record is out, Get away is my favourite from Staying at Tamara's so far. And even happier to hear Haevn's first single from their first record to be - Back in the water. Everything they make seems magic to me, always beautiful and soothing. Music always makes sense, even when life doesn't. That in itself is magic.

happy birthday to me 2016

Another year has passed. And it has indeed been a milestone one. Which, to be honest, few years are. But this one has certainly been a wake-up call on loud.

The sudden, heartbreaking passing of M. Sorrow, pain and on top of that financial, practical worries galore. Life turned upside down and a lot of insights on people's behaviour (both good and bad), that I'm actually capable of a lot of problem solving on my own. But also the realisation that melancholy has forever moved into my heart.

A long long summer of many thoughts. And now autumn, October, another birthday even. 

Last week's trip was brilliant, I've seen, done and eaten so much lovely things! Not least realised that travelling on your own can be a pretty neat thing. Of course the trip will get a post or more of its own (you who follow me on Instagram already know the highlights). But for now, apart from all the loveliness, I loath Deutsche Bahn and its, to say the least, inefficiency and I'm also very happy to be home with the darling furries.

Today is a glum day in Stockholm, no gorgeous birthday weather. But really, a perfect day to inaugurate my fabulous, flowery coat and visiting the new Tove Jansson (the multi-talented artist behind Moomin) exhibition at Millesgården followed by a cosy fika with pastry. Looking forward to that!

And my wish, hope and plan for my new year is that it will be filled with love, kindness and many new, great clients for Prosit.

So, happiest of birthdays to me!

hello october

It seems like 2-ish weeks is my new every-day-blogging. Not for a lack of things to write about, but rather no real energy to do it. But after a busy few weeks of working and socializing (each exhausting in their own ways, for an introvert) I feel it's about time to make a little recap of my October so far.

:: As glorious and warm as September was, just as dreary and chilly has October been. In fact it pretty much happened over night. I've been so used to being able to take the short walk to our waste bins in the evenings in shorts and clogs that I was absolutely shocked at how freezing it suddenly was on October 1st.

The trees are slowly turning red and the leafs are falling, but not as drastically as that chilly air came.

Not having the heat pump turned on since April I realised it suddenly became a must, when October arrived. Unfortunately it seems like it's singing on its last tune (13 years old) so I can only hope with fingers and toes crossed that it'll last at least this winter season too. Of course I have radiators, but using those would mean I'd bump up my electric bills with 50%. No really a good option obviously.

:: Last week I got an obligatory visit from the municipal water gauge man, they change our water meters every 10th year. As my water meter is located inside my small walk-in closet situated in my pink office I needed to tidy that up. A lot. Because as much as I loved doing up my office back in 2011 I've still used that closet as an out of sight out of mind area of stuff. Mainly fabrics and clothes I'm about to give to charity but still haven't sorted through. 

And when I opened the closet door and fully realised just how. much. stuff. I had there I had a *minor* panic attack. Desperately needed to get rid of it NOW. Today I've packed 9 big, black, plastic bags with textile and two paper bags with clothes. Tomorrow the charity will come and pick them up. Such a relief. It might not be as liberating as the feeling after they picked up the stuff in May, but close enough. I have a couple of rooms that, yes really rooms plural, need a good cleansing too. (Not to mention the garden shed, but I'll save that for spring.) So I'm thinking it would certainly be a good project for a chilly, autumnal week to sort that out and then finally paint one of those rooms that I've been meaning to do for so long now. Liberating for the soul too, to get rid of old stuff that basically just weighs me down and organise the things I still love and need. 

I'm not a hoarder, but apparently you can still accumulate a lot of stuff over the years that you neither need nor want anymore. But you still don't get around to sorting that out. So I'm deeply grateful for the really brilliant option of just calling your charity of choice and arrange for them to pick things up. (Even more so for us with no car obviously.)

:: It is now two weeks since I sent that email to M's brother and sister-in-law. It was cathartic to finally do so. I didn't need or expect a reply, this was just my way of telling them how upsetting and hurtful their behaviour has been, in order for me being able to move on with my (new) life properly. But still, I believe it's nothing less than crazy that people don't want to reply and explain themselves when they recieve such an email. Unless of course I was spot on in the way I've felt and thought.

So the only thing for me now is to completely put aside that part of my life. Not forgetting M and what we had together obviously, but I will no longer in any way have any contact with his relatives. As far as I'm concerned they don't exist for me anymore. It's sad that they decided to behave in this inconcievable, spiteful way, but I can't allow myself to continue feeling so much hurt over it. It's not something I can forgive, but I can accept how it is in order to move on. For my own wellbeing's sake.

:: Next week I'll be heading to Freiburg. Finally. I'll also pop up to Heidelberg to be guided around the pretty city by a sweet blog reader (*waves*). I do have travel fever. As well as being really excited about a change of scenery and new experiences. And I obsess over the planning, packing and details, because I want it to be just. right. I'm sure it will be, but I also feel that if I get all this planning beforehand just how I want it I'll be able to relax and enjoy the experience more once I get there. 

Hopefully I'll get to visit some interesting sustainability projects, walk a lot, ride tram a lot, enjoy fika and vegan food galore. I remember the Schwarzwald area to be really beautiful and lush with pretty architecture. It'll be a lovely getaway and growth experience!

:: Just in time for the trip two new bobbaloos reached the Scandinavian settlement - meet Fleur (she's a coneflower bob) and Li'l Nutter (he's an acorn bob, inspired by one of my favourite childhood stories 'Ocke, Nutta och Pillerill' by Elsa Beskow and of course my love for acorns). He'll definitely be one of the bobs who accompany me to Freiburg, but Fleur is of a more delicate nature thus she'll stay at home.

Since they arrived on Cinnamon Bun Day (the brilliant Swedish celebration of this bun Kanelbullens dag) they if course were treated to a bun or two. 

:: As my iPhone - the replacement for the one that was stolen 3 years ago - has been acting up more and more I knew I would soon have to replace it. It only has/had 16GB memory too and with all my photos that's such an inconvenience. I'm not the least bit interested in getting the latest iPhone 7 nor the 6-model, because I think larger smartphones look daft and are less convenient size-wise. So I was happy when I noticed that there is indeed the SE-model which has the same optics and most features as the 6. I got my new one a couple of weeks ago, and while I'm not super-impressed with the camera - it's just too little difference from the 5-model, the real noticable difference was between 3 and 4 - it certainly runs a lot smoother so I'm very happy with it.

I don't use my DSLR nearly as much as I used to, but I'll still take it with me on the trip since I think a trip to a *new* (at least it was well before digital cameras was around when I last visited) destination is a perfect way to rekindle with it.

:: It's 5,5 years ago since I last got a pair of sunglasses for my very near-sighted eyes and while I can still wear them their glass isn't strong enough anymore and I do get headaches because of that. So I decided to get a new pair the other week. It would be nice if they're ready before my trip since it would be great to not have to deal with those headaches when the sun is shining. And since you always can get a second pair of glasses for half the price (all frames cost the same) I decided to get another regular pair too. Not that I really really needed them, but before the Non Violence-collection was discontinued I would have loved to get a pair of them, so I did. They're really cool and quite different from any other glasses I've ever had. Hopefully they'll look as good with the glasses inserted as near-sighted me thought when I tried the frames on...

:: And on the job-front? Well, I've been doing a reasonable amount of work for two old clients, sent the invoices last week and now I'll basically have a week of preparing for my trip. Enjoy the trip. Get back home, have a quiet birthday and then concentrate on future clients, jobs and collaborations. Now that I have my beautiful, flowery happy coat as a birthday gift to myself the only thing I can think of that I really would love to get for my birthday is great new clients, assignments and lovely (part time) job offers.

:: Oh, and I won a couple of tickets for the movie 'Miss Peregrine's home for peculiar children' both me and my mum loved the books so I'm treating her to the movie this week. Yes, I've really been so very fortunate in winning great things this past year (generous gift card in my favourite clothing store, the Schwarzwald trip, glasses, the annual consumption of mymuesli and now this). 

When life is rough in other aspects, and sometimes you're just not able to think 'happy thoughts to beat the blues', then it's nice to get little cheerful reminders like this that life isn't all about sadness and melancholy.

So far October, you've been pretty good. Please continue to be kind, uplifting and generous. Thanks so much in advance.

i won a schwarzwald weekend trip

In a Gudrun Sjödén newsletter in October I saw a notice about a competition; describe in 10 inspiring words why you shop at Gudrun Sjödén and attach a photo of yourself  for an even higher chance of winning.

First prize was a four days trip to Freiburg in Schwarzwald, Germany - I was there in the very early 1990ies and it is indeed a gorgeous. lush part of the world - and I thought I'd have a go. 10 words and 1 picture, well I wouldn't work with what I do if I wouldn't be able to have at least a fighting chance of winning that, right?

And as much as I dislike having pictures taken of myself I did win that other competetition with me and the best accessory recently, right?

A mere 10 words is quite a limitation to write something engaging and inspiring with. So I wrote down some keywords (made up words are the best!) and dabbled with those, came up with ridiculous dry and unengaging motivations. Until suddenly, hey this is quite neat, in fact really neat. And exactly 10 words.

The picture I attached was of course the above one, thank you little Zigne for once again putting up with my silly ideas and human nonsense. 

I emailed my contribution. And then I kept my fingers crossed, the winners would be announced in middle of November.

When I was at the hairdresser yesterday I noticed I had a missed call, when I tried to google the phone number I noticed that it was indeed from Gudrun Sjödén headquarters. Yay, there was *a bit* of excitement there, could it be that...? Today they called again when I sat on the train home - "Congratulations, you won first prize!".

Current Pia-status: so very excited and happy!!! Wow. Wow. Wow.

I don't win competitions often - which of course might have something to do with the fact that I rarely enter them - and I never ever enter any on social media that calls for the passive "like, share, tag" stupidity. I'm a firm believer that competitions should be about active things, creativity and competence. They don't have to be complicated, but you should at least actively in some way contribute with your own ideas.

I will now contact the travel agency to sort out the details. Hopefully I can save the trip for spring and lighter, greener weather. Freiburg is not only very pretty but also a city with a green profile and exciting sustainability projects - and yes, I've already looked up the vegan and vegetarian restaurants on offer. I will certainly not go hungry.

Green happiness indeed.