Sunday, July 31, 2022

bye july, welcome august 2022

Welcoming August in fresh, crisp sheets I am. Won an auction on Tradera with one of my favourite Marimekko prints on a duvet cover, isn’t it wonderful?! 

— One example of my little pockets of joy I’m hanging on to, in an otherwise bleaker, crazier, hotter, more violent and frustrating world than ever. —

I most likely messed other bidders plans up with only bidding on this one piece, it was two of them available but in different auctions and most people seem to prefer buying in pairs. I only want/ed one, I’ve just never been a fan of matching bedsets, in a relationship or not. It’s like matching outfits, ugh no.

It’s second hand of course and the quality is excellent, as it mostly is with Marimekko. The only one bed set with significantly lower quality was the leopard print I got in memory of Zigne last year, and I have yet to email Marimekko about that. I will, it just haven’t been a priority…

It’s been 1,5 months since I last wrote something in blog. It’s been a hot summer, not +40C - though close to some days, and on a relentlessly sunny spot over that - and the best thing has been to stay indoors, blinders down and no windows open until it gets cooler in the evenings. 

As I have watched quite a bit of movies and TV-series during these hot times it has still been warmer indoors than ideally, but I have to say, why haven’t I realised until now that having the blinders down in EVERY window makes the world of difference??

Haven’t got a ruling from the court of appeal yet, it’s still in the middle of Swedish holidays so I don’t expect that to happen any time soon. 

A week after the trial permit I did get a remark on my appeal from the county administrative board firmly keeping to their views that I’m unfit to have animals and the ban should stay since I would endanger any animal in my care. Without any single evidence, than very inconclusive journal notes from one vet hired by them, on where exactly the danger lies. Yes, it really is just as kafkaesque crazy as it sounds. And the power they have to devastate perfectly normal pet owners lives is scary beyond words really. 

Yes, I did reply to this to the court, with a note from my vet that from these ’findings’ and the journal notes it was far from obvious that Pelle’s status were due to a long term condition ignored by me, there could have been several acute reasons to his condition, without neither blod samples nor an autopsy there is no way of knowing the true reasons unlike what the county admin. board claims.

The thing is, it shouldn’t have been I who had to get a second opinion of sorts, had the authority had someone with competence in cats and a common sense they would have known that the things they claim can be contested by another vet. Just like different doctors, different experts can come to different conclusions. It wasn’t my responsability to prove my innocence, it was theirs to prove my guilt beyond any doubt whatsoever. And they have not. They only stick to their claim I couldn’t possibly be innocent and my mental capacity to care for my animals is flawed.

And if the proof that you have taken your animals to the vet both prior and after the tragic event with Pelle, isn’t proof enough that you are a good, knowledgeable pet owner that do care about your animals then there is no way you as a private citizen in Sweden can prove your case against an authority (with clearly shady motives). Which is anything but legal security and in accordance with the rule of law.

Please, please, August, Universe and sane legal minds in court of appeal, bring my fur babies home! 

Even if they live well in their current home away from home, they have also started to show sign of restlessness and michiveousness (not the cute kind). It’s such a pity and sadness they can’t spend time in the summer garden and in their home as usual. 

And cuddle with me.

I take a lot of joy (another small, but not so small, pocket) in the fact that at least the summer hedgehogs of 2022 have arrived. First one I spotted, and had a very close encounter with (a lick and a nibble even, I may be the patient zero of the next pandemic. It was so worth it!), was this tiny one. 

Next day I spotted a bigger one, and then another small one. It’s a precious little family. Of at least three hedgehogs, and I think they live under my veranda even. Love.

Before Midsummer I also picked up my three new glasses. I’m happy (small pockets of joy) with them all. Especially so as I haven’t had new prescription sunglasses since 11 years ago, so it’s so very nice to be able to have new ones meeting my current needs.

The pale lavender ones I’m somewhat disappointed I didn’t chose tinted purple glass for, but even if I could change that within my subscription I feel it would be rather wasteful to do. The most important thing is after all that I enjoy the frames and I can see well.

And no, my hair isn’t this grey, I may sign on to being grey-hair-don’t-care, but this is just the camera and editing playing light tricks. 

It’s been a month of replacement buses for the commuter trains on my stretch, for the umpteenth summer…, it will be back to normal on August 1 ie tomorrow. So in theory I can have city dates again. Or just go on some nice outings on my own for some change of scenery. 

To be honest though, after two years of pandemic isolation and this whole upsetting story with my cats and Swedish authorities being abusive in a way that I could never ever have imagined, and the world being upside down and more polarized than ever, I’m happy to stay at home pottering around the house/garden, go for walks (when weather allows), trying to figure out my life and where I’m going next amidst all this, not having a lot of interaction with people irl at all. It feels weird to admit, but there you are, or rather here I am, in life at the moment. Just going with the flow as it is here and now. And it’s okay.

I’ve been accepted to both the university courses I applied for, said yes to them both, so my autumn will be spent part-time studying ’Circular economy, theory and practice’ and ’Cats, personality and communication’ - that will be a mix of fun and very interesting!

On September 11 we will have our elections too. As the one and only question that concerns us all and our destiny, and should be THE priority for ALL parties, is the environment and the climate emergency there is only one party to vote for if you care about at least a sliver of a livable planet for humans and the future. Go green!

But for now, thank you July, despite the heat and everything else going on right now, you were decent and interesting. 

Welcome August, happiness, kindness and exciting new beginnings please and thank you very much!

Friday, June 24, 2022

midsummer news 2022


Yesterday, the day before Midsummer weekend, I got information from the Swedish court of appeal (KammarrĂ€tten) that I have the trial permit to get my case heard. It’s been another anxious month waiting for that. But I’m so grateful to have it of course. 

Now it’s just a continued waiting game, as summer holidays season (after Midsummer to late August) is upon us it will most likely take time before the decision will come. One can only hope, think, wish and trust there will be wisdom, insightfulness, professionalism and common decency in this court - quite the opposite from how this surreal crazy story has panned out so far. 

Please keep sending fine and kind and just thoughts my way, internetz!

As for Midsummer, it’s been too hot to do anything today. Around +30C feels agonizing these past few years. A heatwave is another reason it’s difficult to sleep, so I’ve had the blinders down and spent the day reading and taking naps mostly. The weirdest Midsummer ever.

We’ve had such a pleasant summer until now, and the heat will be with us at least for another week. If +30C feels like this, imagine those poor souls suffering at around +50C… Oh how we have devastated this earth with our careless, selfish lifestyles. 

And oh how I miss my furbabies. Visits with 💋 and cuddles are not nearly enough, or how life should be. Please make it right again, Universe, please bring them home where they belong.

Tuesday, May 31, 2022

farewell may 2022, hello june


As my kafkaesque life still is what it is, but I obviously work hard to make that madness change. Handed in my appeal to the next court last week.

As some kind person asked, isn’t there a pro bono legal system in Sweden? The short answer is no. Even if there are a very selected few law firms/organisations that take on cases that ’are of special generic interest’ for our judicial system, they are obviously not specialized per se and in high demand. And no they didn’t find my case ’interesting enough’.

I have also learnt that if you get an ’animal ban’ by the county administrative board - which obviously goes from farmers grossly mistreating  cattle, to slaughterhouse cruelty to having a beloved cat run away and getting sick… - that automatically leads to a police matter being set up as ’animal cruelty’. So you get two parallell cases to deal with.

So whilst I struggled with the court appeal I was suddenly informed by a police woman a few weeks back, that I needed to come in to the central police house in the city for a formal interrogation about animal cruelty. While she was very kind and understanding about my situation, it wasn’t exactly 1,5 hours of pleasantness that interrogation. 

Even if it was good to finally meet someone face to face and tell my story, and repeat myself again and again and again, I also got that distinct uncomfortable feeling that when things are exactly THIS crazy and caused by an authority, surely I as a private citizen must be wrong and well, at least slightly deranged and proned to conspiracy theories?

It doesn’t help when I suddenly during the interrogation got new, disturbing and false information about Pelle that noone has shared with me before during this crazy process. Angry, upset, sad and (wrongly) accused was I. After that conversation she would hand over the case to the criminal prosecutor, whom could either dismiss or take the case to court.

One would think Swedish taxpayers’ money and public resources would be so much better spent… But as this Twilight Zone story has played out so far I do not take anything for granted or trust common sense when it comes to Swedish authorities. 

Last Friday I got a call from the police woman who said the prosecutor had dismissed the case, basically because there was no way to prove I had caused harm to Pelle. Which was a much welcomed sound decision obviously.

As for the court appeal I handed in a couple of days prior to this dismissal, I finally got a hold with the vet within walking distance I’ve been taking my kitties to since 2016. Even if he’s knowledgeable and experienced they’re also quite an expensive clinic and I’ve not felt completely comfortable or heard when I’ve visited them. However he was so understanding and helpful when I told my story, showed the papers and the journal of Pelle. As far as he could tell the symtoms written down by that unknown vet are all symtoms that can show up due to things that can happen quickly for various reasons and doesn’t at all have to only do with a cat being ill for a long time (and me being a rubbish cat owner). Just. like. I. have. claimed. all. along.

So even if he couldn’t give a second opinion on a cat he hadn’t met and very limited information on paper, at least I got something tangible and professional to add to my appeal. 

Also, when Pelle was 1,5 years old he got a heart and kidney scan to rule out HCM and PKD (things every serious and caring breeder do before they use individuals in breeding), he was fully healthy. Which also is clearly written in the journal. 17 years later a Swedish court, with what can only be described as highly incompetent nincompoops, decided to interpret that as if he had been sick with heart and kidney deceases and I had never taken him to the vet since he was 1,5 years… True story. Face palm.

He was and has always been, until his tragic ending, a very healthy, happy and much loved cat. When I got him neutered in 2018 they took bloodtests showing perfectly normal values. And since then he never showed any signs that something was wrong with him. Until that day he managed to escape out of the garden, falling ill and causing me to end up in the most horrific kafkaesque situation ever. 

It’s been difficult to really mourn him properly, since I have spent so much energy for a year now battling the authorities and brooding. Anxiety, tears, worry, sleeplessness, sadness as more or less constant companions. While trying to show a brave face as well as acting as a reasonably carefree person on the outside, in certain situations with unknown or superficially known people. While feeling crushed and gutted inside.

Now I’m waiting for the decision from the second court of appeal. I can only hope I build my case well and that I will finally be listened to. I need my lovebugs home with me, where they belong!

The day I handed in my appeal I had an optician appointment. Three years since the last time, pre-pandemic. Everything looked well with my eyes, I had planned to get one pair of new glasses plus a pair of prescription sun glasses for free (it was 11 years since my last ones…). Turned out in order to get that free pair I needed to get two pair of regular glasses. And if I had paid for the prescription sun glasses only they’d been more expensive than this 3 for 2 deal. So I ended up paying more than I had expected. Though a lot less than if I’d gone to some fancy designer glasses optician of course. Will pick them up in a few weeks.

I had a fairly good idea what kind of glasses I wanted prior to getting there. But with a gazillion to chose from and the ones I thought I wanted not looking good on me but finding unexpected ones that did I ended up with these models. The pale lavender ones 70ies mood will have clear glass though (which I somewhat regret chosing in hindsight).

After that appointment I treated myself to s vegan lunch in the city, some grocery shopping and three litres of strawberries. I devoured them over the weekend, they were amazing.

I also had a very good hair day that day. Fluffy fluff grey. Although I’m not really this grey already (even if both the pandemic and not least these past few crazy months have generously offered more greys…), it’s the outdoors light and the portrait setting on the iPhone causing it.

And I’ve enjoyed all the natural lush beauty and darling buds of May, after the cherry blossoms there have been lilacs galore, apple blossoms, rhododendron, honeysuckle, lilies of the valley… 

They have all been my little pockets of joy and survival kit in a current bleak world, both my own and the external.

And on that topic, I have zero expectations of seeing any swift actions caused by the current UN sustainability conference held in Stockholm called Stockholm +50. We are amidst a dire climate emergency but money still talk louder than the bold action we need. We have been failed by our politicians, and most individuals still do not get we need to change our life styles drastically. Very drastically.

In order to start the month of June on a bright tune I changed my sheets to the lovely summery Marimekko Mansikka (strawberries) bedding. Crisp sheets are the best thing to feel a bit better about life and its possibilities. And a possible good night’s sleep, at long last…

Please internetz, happy, kind vibes this way ❤️

And June, could you please be just as full of justice, sweetness and joy as I really desperately need now? đŸ€

Thank you May, for all your natural Spring beauty amidst all hardship and sleep depravation. I’m sure one day I will fully understand what these lessons and experiences lately were meant to teach me… 💚

Tuesday, May 03, 2022

living in a real life kafka novel 2022


I have been living in a state of shock and utter disbelief since the very end of March when the madness of how authorities in Sweden act has turned me into a crying, anxious, sleep deprived mess. 

During the year after my darling Pelle ran away in April and turned ill I have been forced to defend myself from the county administrative board’s allegations that according to them he must have been showing signs of illness for quite some time - while I, having lived with and loved him for 16 years, know he didn’t. And I have obviously plenty of photos to prove that. And he would not have had the strength to get out of my fenced in garden had he been in poor condition.

To cut a long, weird, crazy, unbelievable and very worrisome year long story short, everything I’ve said and all evidence I’ve showed have been brushed aside, they’ve deemed me unfit to be a pet owner and ordered me to, I quote ’get rid of the animals you may still have in your home’. 

That one short moment at the unknown vet when Pelle turned poorly (I’m guessing it may have been his kidneys or some other internal organs that failed him during those few hours he was out) is the only basis for the decision, my extensive knowledge of cats (including those 20 years as a small, well-renowned British Shorthair breeder) and my 16 years loving that amazing cat means nothing. 

The decision writing is degrading, nasty and unprofessional, not what you would expect from an authority. They question my mental capacity, my lack of insight and decisiveness to take, what they claim to be, a sick cat to the vet.

As a vegan and animal lover I would never ever intentionally cause harm and ignore suffering in neither my own animals nor any other. That goes against the very core of me, everything I stand for and live by

And no matter all the vet papers and receipts of the other cats I’ve taken to the vet both before and after Pelle’s tragic ending - it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever that I would not have taken Pelle to the vet if he too had shown signs of being poor - according to them nothing still shows I do have lots of mental capacity, insight and decisiveness. It is not a question of neglecting to care for my cats or them living in poor conditions. It’s only a question of my mental capacity. 

The madness, the kafkaesqueness of it all. I feel so violated, dirtied and plague-infected. Diminished, worthless and powerless. Things like this just do not happen. It feels like a witch-hunt.

I appealled to a higher court, I did hope for a final voice of reason. Instead things got even more twisted and bizarre and they too brushed aside everything I said. I’m a bad person. They are right, I am wrong, period.

The two cats left, my precious darlings, Ztina and Ågot, who both mean the world to me and have been such a comfort and joy for 10 years, not least after M passed away and then the pandemic isolation, will now have to move to my mum while I continue to fight this absolute nightmare to the next court.

It’s neither in their best interest to be forced to move home, nor in mine. We are family and this should simply not happen.

If I had a treasure chest full of gold I would be able to hire a lawyer (I haven’t practised law since the early 00ies and this was not my area) who specializes in cases like this (if this can happen to me it can happen to anyone who has pets who run away and get sick), but alas I have not. I have a friend who still practises law but this is not her area of expertise, though she has still been of valuable support and help. But being a private citizen in Sweden up against authorities with no lawyer, that is a rough upphill battle.

Sweden in 2022, you have not impressed so far. I’m heartbroken, energy depleted, anxious 24-7, my joy for life is gone and I honestly do not know how to return back to my usual self.

I’ve always wanted to be able to find solutions myself, trying to figure things out and solve problems on my own. As much as I am up for helping others when they ask I am not one to ask for help myself. But now I do need help, but it isn’t easy to find. 

So internetz, Universe, do you have any help to send my way, I am in deep and desperate need of it. 

Monday, April 04, 2022

happy 10th birthday, littlest Ă„got


It’s hard to believe, but Ågot is turning 10 year today. So 10 years since my very last British Shorthair litter. She still looks, and in many ways behaves, like a kitten. But yes, on April 4, 2012 she was this tiny.

And back then I thought she was a boy, like her brothers. So for the first few weeks she was called Ågaton Alnwick, instead of Ågot Alnwick (the Å-litter - Å comes after Z in the Swedish alphabet - but there are obviously no British/Scottish Å-castles thus A it was).

Since old age and sickness has sadly diminished the furry gang during these past few years her only friend is sister Ztina. But Ztina prefers to sleep, eat or occupy me, while Ågot is more active, curious and playful still. Which she manages to combine with loud cleaning sessions, yawning and stretching a lot. She is after all a pretty little kitty.

A while back I bought a sourdough loaf. It was love at first sight. But a very short love story that was, as I soon sliced the bread and put it in the freezer.

Brought back memories of her cuddling Little Loaf though. I think she’d love to have a little doggie friend again.

She likes to chase suncats in the mornings. And follows me to the bathroom for extra cuddle sessions when I’m on the loo. She inspects the bathtub (just like her daddy Pelle). As it’s still winter temperatures our garden time is very limited, so we have play time indoors instead. And sometimes even Ztina joins. She’s great at just sitting pretty too. Or cuddle up in a sleepy little fur ball and snore loudly.

She’s Ågot and she’s turning 10 today. And she is much loved. Happy birthday darlin’ and many more to come! đŸ’™đŸ€❤️

PS Today also happens to be the International Carrot Day. As a proper carnivore Ågot is far from a fan of carrots, but Malte loved carrots just as much as I do. And Ågot loved Malte. So here, Malte in classic carrot style many years ago. You’re welcome. DS


Friday, April 01, 2022

welcome april, bye march 2022


On April 1 2022 this was not what I expected. But there you are. In line with what 2022 has offered so far. 

(I remember we had snow in May when I was a kid, so I’m not saying capricious weather always is linked to the human induced climate change, but it would be nice not to see this backlash now after a couple of weeks with +10C and April arriving…)

So, March. It has been a really really weird month, yes some good things happened but also some really really bad ones, or just one, a very big one, in particular. It has taken me by surprise, shaken me to the core, the absurdity, the violation of the innermost me and my values, the total unprofessionalism, it is nothing short of a real life Twilight Zone situation. It’s nauesating, infuriating, sick and insane. Is it even legal? Yes, I could go on and on, but it is not over yet, so I will leave it at that for now. Needless to say it has overshadowed the whole month.

I have experienced my fair share of absurdities and awful human behaviours before (haven’t we all…?) but this really win first prize in my book. Something quite like this has never happened previously, and just because it is so completely bizarre, and scary, and incredibly stressful, it has been difficult to appreciate the small things and the much much needed pockets of joy in March. 

And of course everything may pale in comparison with the horrific Russian invasion of Ukraine. Two peas in a mad pod, the crazy orange guy in the west and the little pale one in the east. Seriously, what is wrong with men and their inferiority complex and illusions of grandeur? 

It’s 2022 and the world is burning, we literally have a climate emergency, the ice caps have melted, tipping point by tipping point will be reached much much sooner that expected - and then some weird little pathetic dictator think the best thing to do is to start a war commiting countless of atrocities and war crimes within weeks alone. 

Can’t say I’m terribly impressed by the actions from the rest of the world’s democratic politicians either (including Sweden’s). The continuation of fueling the dictator’s war with dirty oil and gas money. And the gobsmacking ignorance of people in general (especially people with cars) expecting nothing to change, that it is always someone else who should pick up the bill and the pieces. 

When we will all have to pay a price, quite possibly a much higher one the longer we wait for a green shift to automagically happen. The spoilt brat syndrome of our western world. It’s sickening and embarrassing.

So apart from the world crisis on the brink of World War III, the climate emergency as well as my own private little hell to deal with, what have been the little pockets of treasured joys this past month then?

Well, enjoying perky Snag tights with shoes for warmer weather, vegan cooking, and baking (there may be a recipe or two appearing soon). Met up with a woman I briefly worked with a few years back and got to see her lovely art in person. It was amazing and inspiring!

Unfortunately I picked the day when the commuter train system collapsed (again) and I ended up stuck waiting on a station for three hours for a train. This was my face when I finally got home after nearly five hours (had everything ran as usual that journey would gave taken 1 hour and 15 minutes door to door).

And yes, that is a middle finger to the usual lack of communication and problem solving skills from SL (the local Stockholm public transport) that day. This is certainly a case of things used to be so much better in the good old days.

Weather slowly turning into spring (until now).

Spending time with my own two little lovable fluffy weirdos, and a couple of fun job projects (but no, still no dream job caught, or my kind of people met).

Books read, but so far none wow of 2022. 

I haven’t found any new wow-series on Netflix (after Dark) but I have almost binge watched all six seasons of Queer Eye. Used to enjoy the original series a lot, and I didn’t like this new one at first but the gang grew on me and now I found them great and in fact much better than the originals. Skipped all the animal eating focused episodes, loved the climate activist and animal sanctuary-episodes the most (obviously). Found the episodes in Japan dispiriting, sad and zero relatable. Watched the German version too, but I find it so theatrical and odd, one would have thought it would be easier to relate to Germans in need of Fab 5’s intervention but apparently not.

Welcome April, I am in desperate need of kindness, reason, less stress and more help from the Universe, new healthy change and purpose, amazing heartfelt beginnings and a lot of relaxation and relief. I’m really really REALLY hoping you will help with that April, please? 

PS Thanks for all the lessons March, it has been rough and bumpy ride. Still not sure why you felt the need to do teach me all that, maybe one day I will… DS

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