goodbye sweet october, hello november

 

Another small, restricted month in a world where the new normal is abnormal is over. My month. October, that both begun and ended with a blue full moon A month when nature offers a bonanza of sparkling colours, in a very much less sparkling world.  

If I was religious I'd say that Armageddon is upon us. As I am an atheist, I'd say that Armageddon is upon us. Every day something new and scary, nature showing its full force (human induced obviously) or mankind rearing its absolutely ugliest head full of hate and completely void of sanity, intelligence,  kindness and compassion.

It is really really REALLY very hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel now, wouldn't you agree? 

I loved the positive vegan vibes, the innovative ideas, the entrepreneurial force of the Vegoforum last Saturday. It was both exhausting, infuriating and uplifting to plan the event. One day I may write more of what aspects were exhausting, infuriating and uplifting with it. But I'm doing my best to keep this monthly roundup post short-ish. So let's leave it at that for now. I'm already working with the two last forums for the year. Had a Friyay feeling about it last evening, so I worked late and felt very inspired. 

It's been quite consuming of mind and time, and to be honest I haven't been able to study as diligently as I had planned on with the Sustainability Science class alas. The exams will be an home essay (of which we have no details yet) that we have to hand in on December 20th at the latest. The last forum is on December 5th, then I have two weeks to really dig in on that essay. We have four optional quizzes before that, which counts for 20% of the grades. I've done one, and was pretty shocked about the results as it seems I've misconstrued quite a bit. A few of my replies were quite the opposite to the correct ones, which seems weird. But there you are. The focus need to be the essay.

On a personal level, during these extraordinary circumstances times for us all, well at least for us who aren't cavalier and take responsibility for how we behave and act, I think October has been a pretty good month for me.

Despite the ups and downs with the Vegoforum planning and executing it has also been a good thing to keep my wandering mind off worries, unhappiness and sorrows. To just focus in the now and then enjoy the walks, the fikas, running small errands, buying, cooking and eating good food. And of course, having intelligent conversations with the cats. One desperately has to concentrate on what can be done and enjoyed, and not the enormity of all the things one miss. One day at a time. And hey, say buy to another week. Another month. Seven and a half months, people, seven. and. a. half. months. And most likely at least as long before we can possibly, perhaps, maybe can get back to something similar to what used to be normal. See, I'm not very hopeful. 

Accepting and adjusting to how things are, sacrificing and coping, those aren't really mindsets who put you in the best of hopeful or positive moods. Yes, I've learnt a lot these months, of which I'm grateful for, but jeez, living in limbo, some sort of forced half life is rough on both body and mind. 

I did trip and fall at the beginning of the month (as seems to be my new annual tradition that time of the year). My left knee has been pretty sore on and off for the rest of the month, and both my wrists were for the first week or so. The reason for tripping, no obvious one at all. On rare yet regular occasions I'm clumsy and have been so since I was a kid. But the older one gets, the scarier it is, a broken arm due to slipping on a cat vomit isn't all that fun so I'm trying to be extra cautious all the time these days, to avoid situations like that. Yet, they happen anyway.

I haven't had much time to read books during October. But somehow I seem to be on the right track with my 55 books 2020 challenge anyway. I now need to finish 16 books before December 31st to reach that goal. Think I can do it?

Even if I most certainly don't relish the notion of being a year older (but we have already decided that 2020 doesn't count right?), I did enjoy the quiet birthday celebrations a lot. I also got myself a very orange tunic/dress - I though it would look snazzy and stylish, but albeit lovely it does confirm my granny toddler style. Embrace and flaunt it. Or maybe, possibly not wear the tunic with a pair of old cat leggings? (Suitable for a not so crazy cat lady.)

I got some lovely old, never used embroidered by my grandma cotton sheets and two old Maria Lang-books (as I've mentioned earlier I want to collect all of her books, 45ish of them), now I have 15. In times where you can't visit thrift stores or second hand book shops that's tricky. Of course you can get them online, but it's difficult to find a bunch of them from the same seller, and then you end up having to pay a lot of postage from several seller instead. No fun. Loved that she recently happened to get these books from a friend of hers (Malte the pug's old mum, who happened to be a librarian before she retired), read them, then gave them to me.

2020 was also the year I finally unsubscribed to the regular phone line. Most people just use their mobiles these days, but I'm not all that comfortable with just a smartphone and no other means of communicating in an emergency etc. So I've kept the phone subscription as a security measure, even if I still used the smartphone 99% of the time. Which means I've paid a hefty price for something I'm not really using, haven't used for these past couple of years.

First I planned to unsubscribe and get a cheaper provider, but then I couldn't be bothered. It's better to get another cheap and basic mobile phone as a backup instead. Now I'm thinking of upgrading my iPhone, in an ideal world something this expensive and also not very sustainably produced (but oh so good for working and photography), would last for at least 10 years. Which obviously is pure dreaming. My iPhone is 2,5 years, and it's slowing down and acting up a bit lately. A nuisance. But hopefully I can keep it as my backup phone, instead of selling it. 

Though as life isn't what it used to be (duh) the project of getting a new one, but not being able to go into a store and talk with an actual real life person and getting technical help etc, also seems quite overwhelming. I always have a screen shield on my phones, I can't understand people who don't, and they're so tricky to attach it's easier to get the store do it. Dread doing it myself. Ah well, one step at a time. Spending precious energy and time worrying about this is useless.  

I have two other technical issues that annoys the heck out of me, firstly the Swedish television broadcast not being analogue anymore which means that of you don't have a TV younger than born in 2009 you're either forced (if you think you need a TV) to get a new one altogether or buy an additional digital box. I helped my mother with getting a brand new TV in September and managed to install it myself, first time ever, and I'm quite impressed by and proud of myself for doing it. The manual wasn't very good (understatement) but I'm persistent enough to keep at it until I've figured it out. A little victory for September.

Myself I've so far settled for watching TV via the Apple TV, not all regular channels, but the most basic ones can be watched that way. I also have free subscription for a cable channel for a year, which has a lot of movies, TV-series and documentaries. Somehow it's quite liberating to more actively chose what to watch this way. Unfortunately, after watching some great series and movies initially I now have high standards for what I what to spend time watching and most options quickly fall flat. So many rubbish, generic, ridiculous series and movies out there. 

Second nuisance is the fact that for some crazy reason the community association (97 properties in my hoods) voted for installing fiber network in our neighbourhood, despite only about 30 houses had signed up for it. An overwhelming majority had not. Yet they managed to get a go ahead. And begun working two weeks ago, streets, parts of flower beds and shrubs have been mauled and they have yet to restore as promised. The sales tactics from the internet company  (with a very questionable reputation) have been quite aggressive too. They're suppose to finish the extensive work next week. And then we can all enjoy the damage they've caused the whole neighbourhood for the questionable benefit of about 30% of the residents.  

Well, this post wasn't as short and sort of sweet as I planned. I might as well have written more extensive about the exhausting, infuriating and uplifting to planning of the Vegoforum event. But one done, two more to go. There will be a perfect time to write a summary about the ups and downs once those are done.

Thank you October, my friend, you were pretty and you behaved overall benevolently. You were quite enjoyable, despite the circumstances. I'm grateful for that, sweetie.

November, I know your general reputation is dull and dark, uninspiring and overburdening. Shall we not agree on changing that this year of many many burdens already? Okay? Agreed!

And to friends and readers across the pond, VOTE VOTE VOTE. Please put a firm and active stop to this mayhem and madness that has been allowed to pervert and deeply stained the very idea of decency and democracy for these past four years. You need to heal your country. We all need to heal the world. Together.

happy birthday to me 2020

A year older, a year wiser but definitely not a year happier. But who is after such an epically miserable  year as 2020? 

So either I’ve aged 10 years instead of 1, or I’ve cancelled the aging process altogether and will save getting older to next year.

In this now small and restricted world it’s obviously been a quietly good day only (which isn’t bad) without a vegan proper cake though - no such bakeries around here and I just didn’t have the inclination to bake myself.

Little mum and I did get this feast from the thai foodtruck on Friday though, shared the fries and half a dish (two with tofu, two with Oumph), then saved the rest for today. And still have leftovers for tomorrow.

And on Thursday I had this vegan Snickers pastry (that actually IS vegan, as opposed to that time before...). Got two to go, so we at least could have something sweet and special with the tea.

With the fabulous vegan bake book I should obviously had baked myself, but with organizing the Vegoforum AND trying to study for sustainability science class as well as other stuff going and life itself on I’ve been to busy, too tired for that. I’m hoping I’ll be able to bake something this upcoming week though.

As for the digital Vegoforum on Zoom, it took place yesterday afternoon. For various reasons I had worried (as I am the worrying kind as well as have my moments of imposter syndrome) a lot about it. But I turned out so awesome that I was both touched as well as very happy. And proud of my work. And my passion. From the vegan food companies, entrepreneurs, innovators to the panel of politicians - three hours just said swoosh and we could have filled much more time. I see it as a very good birthday gift, that also were a great gift to so many others. The day was recorded, it’ll go up on YouTube as soon as I have figured out the editing. Though mostly in Swedish of course. I’ll add the link when it’s ready.

If disappointment had a face, Ågot’s would be it though. The kitties were totally miffed over how I treated the sacred Caturday yesterday. Not everyone was pleased about a day well spent. 

Two more forums to go, in November and December.  Vego och djurrätt i journalistiken (Veg and animal rights in journalism) resp Vego i politiken (Veg in politics). But as I now have a structure from setting up yesterday’s forum I expect the project managing to be somewhat smoother. Fingers crossed.

As for special treats for myself there’s this Marimekko oversized anorak. Little mum think it looks great, but ’it’s not really you, it’s too sporty!’ - well, you’ll never see me wearing it with jeans or anything else remotely sporty hence I will not sport a sporty look in it!

I also got a lovely orange tunic/dress. No pretty 55 year old like last year, which would have been a dream, but those are extremely hard to find, so there you are. 

I also did a Maria Nila colour refresh, blended the last dollop of Bright Red (as I did last October too) with Pink Pop. It’s more red than violet IRL though, but I kinda love it! Last year there was still some shimmer left in late December (almost three months later) so I’m thinking it’ll be just in time for another perky colour pop up for New Year’s.

Now I’m going to get a big cuppa, have dairyfree nicecream, watch a movie (What If always lift my spirits) and have a foot bath. 

As for an epically miserable year, it has still been filled with so many important lessons, and online meeting interesting people in a very different way (still find it quite awkward and exhausting though). And I liked my birthday treats, especially the work-related one. It was serendipitiously good actually. 

As I’m writing this on the iPhone and not the computer (because I loath how limiting that is when it comes to photo publishing on Blogger these days), I have now idea how the photos will turn out when I hit publish. Decent I hope. (Or I’ll have to tweak it computerwise later...)

Apart from REAL climate action, a vegan norm and kindness everywhere my wish for MY new (but remaining the same age) year remains the same as it has been for these past few years - a great job, with my kind of people, working for a better world. 

Happy B-day to Me, Myself and I the 2020 version!

bye september, hey october

September went fast. And basically being totally absorbed by the fact that mid September I suddenly got a part time temp job until December 31st. A long story, it was all very sudden and linked to my volunteer work revolving around plantbased food and the environment.

As I'm studying Sustainability Science on 25% part-time, it fits quite well with a 50% part-time job. As this year has been crazy for us all, and continue to be so, it actually takes a lot more energy to keep juggling all this than it usually would do. But all in all, I'm very grateful for the opportunity to keep on learning. 

My main job task is organizing the three last Vegoforum events for the year, all digital via Zoom. One the day before my birthday, one in mid November and one in early December. And yes, it's a bit overwhelming when you get thrown into it like this, even if the work per se isn't super heavy. Well life is pretty heavy right now, thus even things that would normally be just fun and a good energizing challenge get a bit much at times. And obviously I wan't to do a great job, so...

:: The lack of decent photo uploading on Blogger is still infuriating. So this is all you get today. The fact that the not so great at vegan pastries cafe now has opened a sourdough bakery too, is another great thing about September. Because the bread is awesome. Especially the rolls and the levain.

:: Little mum and I have taken the commuter train to the end station (two stops from here) twice, to do bank errands and visit my favourite coffee chain Espresso House. Since we get there and home between 9.30-1pm there are very few people on the train it feels pretty okay. And just the thing of enjoying a soy latte and some trustworthy vegan treats again have been a highlight.

:: I finished the second part of the philosophy class at the beginning of September. So it was a clean slate for the sustainability course. We've had four seminars so far, of which two have been great (Sustainable economics and Environmental ethics), but one quite annoying as the concept of ecosystem service is infuriating, specieism at its finest I'd say.

:: We've had some glorious Indian summer days, so autumn has just slowly arrived. And summer dresses have been quite appropriate. Even if the weirdness of the average Swede still is to dress as if it's a cold autumn in late August already. And, obviously black and drab and lots of clothes is the informal dress code. Which I loath. Obviously.

:: I've ordered another batch of those wonderful vegan, palmoil-free Scottish soaps. Bliss.

:: I've also ordered some more tea. And actually, more again the other day. It's Cinnamon Bun Day (vegan recipe for them here!)on Sunday, and they had a small batch of special Cinnamon Bun tea blend this week only. As there won't be any vegan cinnamon buns for me this year alas, I can at least have a whiff and a sip of cinnamon bun tea.

:: I've watched a lot of seminars, some poor, others pretty great. I've finished books, I've started reading new books. I haven't been able to finish any new ones lately, so I'm again 7 books behind on my 55 books reading challenge alas.

:: I've done another colour refresh, this time the colour was Autumn Red. It was visible, but a lighter, more orange red than suits me and it was practically washed away after four hair washes. I'm feeling in the mood for something darker now in October, like last year.

:: I won a big bad of new vegan fruit toffees, it was lovely. And I haven't won anything for years now (oh 2015-2016...), so it was a very welcome surprise. 

:: My recent favourite TV-crush is Zoe's Extraordinary Playlist - if you haven't seen it already, you really should! It's funny, sad (prepare to cry during every episode), moving, insightful and obviously full of music. Loved it, binge watched every episode over 2 days. Miss it. If you, like me, enjoyed Ally McBeal, Glee and Pitch Perfect, you won't be disappointed!

:: My short and sweet summary of a month that so far have been the best one, me thinks, of the last six ones. There's more bits and pieces, I could write about. But this will have to do for now. Not being able to simply add photos is a nuisance, and now I need my beauty sleep.

I want to thank you, September, I think you were a sweetheart, despite the overall current life circumstances. And your surprises were mostly of a positive, uplifting kind. I'm very grateful for having met you.

You also gave me this unexpected fun public toilet selfie moment; Professor Pia and the Mystery of the Haunted Toilet. And I have the Velma Dinkley haircut to prove I can solve it!

Hello, October, my dear birthday month. You have a lot to prove, and so do I. Let's make this a really great, productive and professional month together, with extra bells and whistles, m'kay?

farewell august, welcome september 2019

Let's try something new. As I fear my computer is getting worse - I should probably be grateful it has worked reasonably well, but quite slow, after its crash in May - I'll post this blog-post little by little, update it slowly today and tomorrow. Slow blogging and no instant gratification. So please, stop reading now and welcome back. New little "chapters" will be added continuously over the weekend.



August has been a lovely month in general. And the weather wonderful, as the rest of our Swedish summer this year. I would lie if I said I wasn't afraid it will only get worse from here on, so many scary tipping points all over the world this year. But for now, I'm grateful for our amazing summer, and I've savoured every possible detail from it.



Rounded the month off with a special outing. Visiting the Kvistaberg Observatory, located in the neighbouring suburb but rarely opened to the public. This weekend there's the annual Art Run in the municipality were local artists of very varied talent level get to show their pieces at various places. And the observatory (owned and operated by Uppsala University) is opened for viewings too.



Despite extremely poor information and communication regarding how to get there with public transport (because as usual everyone is suppose to to have access to or wanting to go by car...) and its opening hours, we managed to get there and after waiting for over one hour (alongside a bunch of other visitors) someone turned up and gave a half-hearted talk. But it was cool to finally see the place. There are three observatories and telescopes on the premises, but we only got see the youngest, which too has been discontinued alas.



It's nice to do something special, have a little outing, feed the mind and soul something extra, on the very last day of a month. I think I need to make a little habit of it. Say farewell and thank you to the month that was.



Had secretly hoped that I would finish more than 5 books (which was my monthly goal again) in August, but there have been so much other stuff occupying my life and mind, that didn't happen. But five I did, and as I've written about my long battle with lost reading mojo that's more than good enough anyway.



And as I was preparing for a hygge moment finishing that last and fifth book in this glorious caturday, I suddenly realised that my old, rarely used coffee press can indeed be used for rooibos tea too. Which means I can prepare a pot of tea and drink it in one of my smaller, pretty mugs instead of always relying on the large ones. Might seem both trivial and obvious, but apparently not for me. A nice little insight to get on the very last day of summer.



Looks like my planned, let's-try-something-new-and-add-little-chapters-to-the-existing-blog-post-idea during one weekend didn't quite worked. Have too much backlog regarding the photos and feeling tired after quite a busy, but really good, week.

So, to keep it shorter than intended and save things for another post, perhaps?

Here goes short -

:: Had an intention to use more shoes with higher heels regularly. But as comfy as they are, I chose to rekindle with them on a day when I though we'd walk reasonably little just to walk softly into another heel height. Turned out to be one of those days this summer when we walked for hours. It kind of put me and my calfs off the idea of more heels in my life.

:: Went to see an exhibition on women's vote in Sweden, it's 100 years old now. Only 100 years. And still there such a long way to go for true equal rights, even in Sweden. What women and girls suffer through all over the world in less democratic countries even today, no wonder the whole planet is in such peril. The lack of women's rights, human rights as well as animal rights are closely connected with climate change and a disregard for sustainability issues, as everything is connected. Of which we are reminded every single day, yet sadly so little, by comparison, is done to change that.

:: Have had some really lovely encounters with vegan pizza, burgers, sticky chocolate cake, chocolate mousse pastry and truly magical pralines. And I've bought some great artisan bread from various (new to me) hipster bakeries. Which is a category that has truly blossomed in Sweden these past, I'd say, 10 years. But I'm not complaining, great bread should be easy to find. I really really don't like massproduced supermarket bread with all its unhealthy additives. Everything is better when carefully and skillfully produced in smaller quantities, with fewer and healthier ingredients.



:: I had another encounter with a jar of Maria Nila colour refresh, this time in the colour Cherry Red. And it worked great with my grombre, just like the Pink Pop I tried in April. So it looks like blues and purples don't work at all for me, but red hues do. It's really difficult to get the nuance to look right in a photo, but this will give you an idea.



And after a couple of washes (it's suppose to last 5-10 washes I believe) it looks like this. But nb, the main thing of this photo is that I woke up like this. It was such a surprisingly good curly and totally effortless hair day. Which is a rare rare RARE thing.

:: I've also done my first little dabble with genealogy. Only got 3 generations back on both mum and dad's side, it's so easy to get sidetracked... But I'm looking forward to do some more digging. And there are so many resources online these days, and in Sweden several authorities offer services for free.

:: Attended a super interesting panel discussion on Can fashion be sustainable and circular economy. It was just so inspiring and though provoking and I learnt a lot of things I had no idea about. Even if I still find it so incredibly ... distasteful when they invite companies such as H&M and other fast fashion brands to discuss sustainability and how dedicated they've apparently become to that lately, despite still making dirty money polluting the environment with massproduced crap made by factory workers that aren't fairly paid. It's just such completely embarrassing greenwashing. The moderator did a great job though, not shying away from difficult questions, like they usually do.



And last (now that I omitted things that made August into a lovely last month of summer), but far from least - I have an interview booked for this week. For a position that's honestly quite the dream job. The interesting thing is that I kind of slipped in on a benevolent banana skin through the back door via recent meetings. It just feels so very right, in every aspect. Like the job ad pretty much being a carbon copy of what I said I was looking for and offering in my recent LinkedIn article.

I'm actually very excited (as illustrated by Ågot), so dear Internetz, kindly send fabulously good vibes and positive thoughts that the meeting will be great, that we will click and match irl just as perfectly as on paper.



Thank you from the bottom of my grateful heart, August, for being such a wonderful month. I'm sad to see you go, and with you a beautiful long summer. But you have made a lasting impact on my life, that's so very special of you.

And dear, September, you have a lot to live up to in the footsteps of your predecessor, but I'm sure you have all amazing things within your 30 days, right? Right. Welcome, welcome, welcome.

the purrfect dress that wasn't meant to be and other weekly snippets

counting down to plaster comes off day - 10 now.

and before that there's a day to "celebrate" i've become yet another year older. and a year wiser, that's more celebratory in my world. 3 days to that.

for years i used to get myself a pair of shoes for my birthday. but since i do shy away from buying leather for some years now that's not an option.

- not counting the fact that i don't really need more shoes. other than a pair of icebugs for what i dread will be another winter of crazy icy streets in stockholm. but that's of course an investment in my safety and health, not a fashion/consumerism thing. -



i didn't get myself anything last year, if a leaky roof and the costs and worry that held counts. but this year i wanted to gift myself a special dress. and as you can see this one meowed my name loud and clear. pink. cats. om my gosh.



as it was impossible to try it on properly in the changing room due to plaster inconvenience, but it looked like it would fit, i got it to be returned if it didn't.

it didn't. if it wasn't such a disappointment for a not so crazy cat lady with a penchant for pink, it would be laughable. clearly the dress was made for flatchested cat women. myself i showed the infamous, unflattering loaf bosom instead. so back it went. got myself a little scarf in the same fabric. i'm hoping i'll be able to use it for some fine, literally pussy bows with it on other dresses and blouses.



i also got myself some lovely rooibos tea in a moomin tin. one odd and annoying little thing with a broken arm is that it's impossible to fill loose tea in bags and strainers. the angle is just too painful. so when not someone is around to help i've had to have tea bags only. it's a rare treat when i get to fill a bag of my own with help. and when the plaster comes off it will be a standard again, hooray!



this week's special coffee was a cococcino at johan & nyström, coconut oil and oat milk, new on their autumn menu. it was nice, but i do prefer their excellent oat latte. best thing was meeting this chocolate coloured sweetheart named laika. i even got a friendly little cuddle. cafes that allow dog guests are just so much better than any other cafes.





as ben & jerry's wonderful, palmoil free, vegan nicecream costs the equivalent of gold in sweden, it was excitement when i realised coop stores sold it at 50% discount this week. i may have stocked up. a bit. my absolute favourite is peanutbutter & cookies, unfortunately everyone else seem to think so too. i don't like chunky monkey much. but chocolate fudge brownie ain't half bad either.



stockholm has been pretty in october.



i've also re-discovered the joys of the library. i still do prefer to own books from my favourite authors and such. just because i love to write in them, take notes, re-read passages and so forth. but with books and writers i'm uncertain of it's perfect to take them for a test read i e borrow them at the library.

right now i need a lot of feel-good books, to stop brooding and rest the brain. not a genre i like to buy, if not from charity shops. so that's where library books come handy too. currently devouring the 'mad about the boy' in the bridget jones-series. as she's now meant to be around my age it's interesting to see how it's partly easy to relate to parts of her life after mark darcy passed away (sob) partly i'm feeling like a very proper grown-up (even with my fondness for bobbaloos and sonny angels). she's still such a crazy immature character. which i suppose is part of the entertainment of the book, of course.



my hand has been pretty sore regularly this week. like in growing pains or muscle soreness. not unbearable, touch wood. but i get a bit panicky because i just want to rip the plaster off and flex, exercise it in a much less restricted way. counting the days indeed.

i'm glad i have the muppets - even if one of them obviously also is the cause of all this... - that try their very best to keep me occupied. or use me to their advantage, that cast is the perfect rest for a cat head...

but mostly they're just cute overload. and much much much better than any cat dress.





cheers (in a ginger shot) to another october week, 
may it be special, colourful and joyous ~

goodbye september, hello october

it's world vegetarian day today. united nations have now declared meat production the biggest environmental issue.

please be kind, be a true, smart environmentalist and go vegan. for the animals, for the planet, for your health and for a kinder, more compassionate world.



how about my poor broken arm? well, i had a dt scan on wednesday - 8 am, in the middle of rush hour, so in order to beat it i left home at 5.40 already and arrived at the hospital at 6.45. and yes i had to wait until after 8 to get my scan. which took the whole of 2 minutes - on thursday i had an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon. i didn't even have to argue for not having a surgery, he just asked if i had changed my mind about it. if not i'd get a better plaster, that i had to wear for 5 more weeks and then a lot of physical therapy.

not happy about 5 more weeks in plaster - and oh my, how i dream of a proper, long shower with lots of bubbly soap... - but so relieved about no surgery. the plaster will come off on november 1st, so yeah, my birthday will be plastered this year. literally.



the fascinating thing about my new plaster is that it's made of wood (aspen), environmental friendly and biodegradable. very light and easy to wear compared to the previous hummungus one. and i don't have my elbow fixed anymore.

a very odd and quite annoying thing with the re-plastering process - the nurse (male) kept talking about how smelly it is to have cats. 'no it isn't if you use good cat litter and clean the boxes properly' 'oh, i've had cats myself i know they smell'. seriously. he was good with the plastering, but clearly not very competent when it came to social skills and small talk. and one would think that health care staff should be aware of the fact that pets mean the world to a lot of people (even when one slip on their vomit and broke an arm), and are important for recovery processes. plus really, humans doesn't exactly smell like roses either using their equivalent to litter boxes.



i've scheduled a neutering for pelle this week. i should have done this ages ago, but he's such a doll and very easy going for a non-neuter. but since i'm now unable to give the pill to my still fertile girls with this plaster i'm really worried about unwanted kittens. and the easiest thing is to neuter him. he's 13 years old, so i feel guilty i haven't done it earlier, but it is how it is. hopefully he'll have quite a few more happy years with us all. his punishment for throwing up and me slipping in it, broking my arm one might say.



when it comes to finances everything is figureoutable, they (the illusive they) say. i'm working hard on figuring out my predicament. ever since m's death i've done that, but what i've thought would be sustainable long-term solutions have so far just been short ones. and the nasty let down didn't exactly help. i'm proud of everything i've accomplished, how much i've grown, but i'm also getting exhausted, so very tired, of all this seemingly constant problem-solving and short-term solutions.

for everything i'm grateful for having, having had in my life, i'm also sad that this is where i am financially. at a stage in my life where i really had expected i would have the perfect blend of both freedom and security. life decided differently. to work hard to find creative, great solutions while fighting the panic that's seeping in through the cracks - that's not only where the light comes in -, is not ideal.

and now i'm doing it with a broken, very blue arm. seems befitting somehow.

i do have a few interesting job interviews and possible gigs lined up this week though. may the perfect long-term solution appear soon, very very soon. dear, october, you are my birthday month, so that's not too much to as for as a perfect birthday gift, right? right.

hello teamwork, you are kind to me

Exactly a year ago I had just returned back home from Schwarzwald and an amazing week of growth and insight, where I marvelled, laughed, cried and ate amazing vegan food. I still haven't written a proper post or two about it, but one of these days...

The trip I wanted to take for this year's birthday won't happen. And I'm thinking it's fine to save that for when I have something real to celebrate, some accomplishment, not just the fact that I've survived another year. So I've decided I will spend the day in solitude, acknowledging how far I've come this past 1+ year and mapping out where I want to be in a year from now. Go for a long walk, think and enjoy the amazing colours October offers. Anything but being social with anyone but myself.

Then suddenly forecast says it will be raining cats and dogs (sadly not literally) on Wednesday so now I'm thinking a plethora of vegan snacks and watching feelgood movies in the sofa, covered by cats, all day would be the way to go. Just being kind to myself and anything but birthday-ish.

Because I desperately need to be kind to myself right now. Partly because as much as I love what I'm working with these days, these past few months, I'm exhausted. I've realised that it has been such intense times. A lot of new people to relate too, new working tools, new clients, adjusting to demands and expectations, and in some cases not having enough background information, meetings, pitches, talks, lunches and networking. And being an intro/ambivert those things take a lot of energy, even when it's inspiring and great. Partly because home related issues.

Too much of the good things. Throw in some bad things and hello there exhaustion. Before the weekend I got some news about an upcoming job meeting which got my gut feeling alarm bells chiming loudly. To cut a long story short I'd much rather have a gastroscopy than attend that meeting, but since I'm the only one based in Sweden in the Dream Team, I didn't feel I could say no. I mean, I've grown so much this past 1+ year so of course I could do it, I'm a professional, I'm great, I'm competent, I'm convincing, I'm unlimited. Etc. Even if I also felt, to be honest, I/we were caught up in something that wasn't our issue to deal with.

Then we had a talk today, we the Dream Team, and the guy in England said he will fly over for the meeting "because Pia needs the support." And I was simply blown away by that kind offer or rather matter of fact statement. If I cried a bit out of gratitude and relief afterwards? Of course I did. Have I mentioned that I work with really good people now?

Still have other, potentially heavy things, to deal with on my own. But just the fact that I don't have to deal with that gut feeling alarm bells meeting on my own is just such a relief. United front of competence, strengths that compliment each other and more voices of reason. Just what I wanted but didn't feel I could ask for.

And admittedly I don't like to ask for help. I'm no damsel in distress, without issues when it comes to showing weaknesses. Strong and independent, that's what I am, need to be. But I've come to realise that asking for help is also a sign of strength. That noone knows and can do everything (obviously) on their own all the time. And that our weaknesses is what make us human. And also strong.

But that sometimes strength comes in numbers. That is something I most certainly learnt through the grief recovery process. Not always easy to apply and accept in your daily life, when stress is involved and expectations are confusing though. So someone taking a very practical and sensible approach, when your gut feeling screams beware, is simply very welcomed.

And I wasn't even stressed that someone offered a kind helping hand, I won't even argue the environmental issue about flying, just being grateful that someone was able to read between the lines. I do believe my mind has evolved since I was so stressed out by a drive offer to the station four months ago.

Sometimes you just have to accept a kind offer. And it is after all what teamwork should be about, having eachother's backs. Next time it's my turn to offer help where help is needed, to read between the lines.

this is what i'm made of

The week that was, the first of October, my birthday month, has certainly been an emotional rollercoaster - not at all as the devastating one of 2016, I'm needless to say grateful for - but partly from work related stress and anger because of unrealistic expectations and demands from client. But at least I wasn't alone in feeling this. Hopefully we can clear this up, set up a decent structure and move on to (more) greatness this week.

To partly stress mixed with excitement from new project finally starting. Which also got me thinking about how much extra time one generally has to put in to learning new project tools. Project tools and procedures that some seem to think is the most natural thing in the world that *everyone* knows already. It isn't. And even if they're easy enough to learn they initially also take a lot of extra time to get the hang of. A more or less steep learning curve. I've done it before, I will do it again. But to be honest, a lot of the time the technology is really time consuming, not necessarily time saving and efficient, even if that's what we like to think it is. Smart yes, time saving, well...

I'm also thinking that when the technology and (less than well thought through) routines take so much time, that really doesn't bode well from a financial point of view. The budget and compensation level aren't realistic anymore. I'm pretty fab at working fast without losing quality, but sometimes there's only as much as you can do when it comes to that. Partly because of technology, part because of human behaviour out of your control.

And working my way through texts and technology I get this distinct feeling of much ado about nothing. I'm my own worst critic so I really really REALLY look through everything a gazillion times before I hit the submit button. Pretty sure I will still have to do some rework of these initial texts. And since it's not a passion project I'm also pretty sure I don't see it as a long term thing for me, unless I'm able to really work down the time spent on each task it's just not worth it. But still, always grateful for the opportunity to diversify my skills and work.

I also know that in the long run it's good for your development with a bit (or more) resistance. But I believe that resistance and obstacles to work with is much more rewarding if it's a passion project, wouldn't you agree? So I also see this as a good lesson in what I really should spend my time with, work with, and what I shouldn't.

This upcoming week I'll also start another little gig that makes me really happy. I'm going to be food inspirer on Instagram for the great vegan food box from the all organic company Årstiderna (The Seasons). I've found myself in the same ol' rut when it comes to cooking lately, very uninspired in general so I've ended up eating oat porridge for dinner more often than not. It's going to be such fun to be inspired AND inspire others to green, sustainable, healthy, animal friendly and not least very tasty cooking! I tried their vegan food box this past spring and it was lovely, especially one of the dishes was incredibly tasty and easy to make - beetroot quinoa. (I'll share the recipe soon.) You can find the account on Instagram at @veganskamatkassen - hopefully I'll see and inspire you there soon!

I'm constantly fascinated how seemingly vastly different things, happenings and not least people end up being connected in the strangest of ways these days. Or maybe this past year has been one great big eye opener. I've always said I believe in serendipity (or syncronicity, but that's not nearly as lovely a word) and magic and when the time is right things start to make sense. Perhaps this is the amazing time for it now. I keep trusting the process.

In 2013 I also wrote about being in a happy place, everything didn't work out as planned back then. And to be honest I don't think I was this at peace then with my life and how things are, in parts have turned out to be through things out of my control. The soul searching, the hard work, the aha moments this past year, especially these past six months have been exceptional. And the fine fine people I've met in all this, what can I say but wow, an abundance of gratitude for that.

Now, what about the pin above? Ever since I read about the amazing title in 2014, I think it was, it has been my dream job title. Not that I really would like to be employed as it, but if it could be a gig, a project, now that would be quite quite awesome. However I don't believe that true happiness and content at work necessarily come from having a sea of pom pom balls in the office, having a table tennis room, funky design or even free food. Neither do I believe it stems from open-plan offices (quite the opposite, my dear!) or forced team activities, scheduled fika breaks working from an unrealistic notion that everyone is created as an extrovert clone.

I believe that the secret (which shouldn't be a secret these days really) to a happy work environment is to actually see the difference in personalities and needs - and please do get rid of those ridiculous open-plan offices! - to create a happy and productive co-existence for introverts, ambiverts and extroverts where everyone respect the respective needs on a daily basis. We are all responsible for the work place culture, yet so many don't seem to get that. That's where I think the Chief Happiness Officer would do a great job.



I'm also willing to take on the role as CLO simultaneously, Chief Listening Officer. I firmly believe the world needs more of those. Too many people tend to talk too much, very few listen. And look where that has gotten us, in so much unsustainable, void of compassion trouble.

All the awesome work title pins I got at a brilliant little book release on the future of the professional life, where I also got to meet the robot Ariel and other neat people.

Must not forget to mention I baked some great vegan cinnamon buns for Cinnamon Bun Day on October 4 - that will also be a recipe I'm going to share soon. I know I'm not sharing as many recipes as I once used to, the reason is not only the lack of inspiration I mentioned above, it just somehow seems a bit trivial when there's so much other amazing stuff going on in my mind and outside right now. But the world do need more easy and tasty plantbased food so I promise I'll share some delicious recipes this week.

I had also set out to write something about the infamous Impostor syndrome in this post. Because it's crazy how no matter obvious competence you have and evidently skilled you are as well as comfortable and confident in your self esteem, the ugly notion of being a fake pops up its head now and then. If you came to my home you would not believe I'm such a perfectionist as I am in work, far from. I'm a bit Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde in that aspect. I find that both liberating and rather annoying. But still, a clean home is a sign of a wasted life, it's one of my favourite quotes for a reason.

But pops its useless head up it does sometimes, that syndrome, even more so recently when people I don't know so well yet, or people I didn't know thought so many amazing things about me, say truly great things about me, even recommend me without hesitation. So again, wow, gratitude. And I don't say this with any fake (slightly pun intended) modesty, I really feel blessed and grateful for this. And I'm getting better at ignoring that pestering syndrome, which obviously has nothing to do with a lack of self esteem. Funny how things are, and how the brain works. But of course, I should know that by now, and it doesn't have to involve the offer of a ride.

"I Got that sunshine in my pocket, got that good soul in my feet" -

bring on week two, sweet October of mine, I'm so ready for your greatness!

what's your theme song?

October. Already. Where did September go? My birthday month is here. Which this year holds a birthday I'm far from comfortable with. But age is just a number, I know. And the older, and wiser, I get the more comfortable I am with myself, my quirks and fabulastic features. 

And if astrology is anything to go by the next +1 year will be a wild, fun and amazing ride for us Scorpios - and whether you believe in that or not I'm most certainly in a place in my life, after all the sorrow, hard work, introspection and growth I've been through this last 1,5 years, where I'm more open and receptive for amazing things to happen than ever. Bring it on, Universe!

I've never been interested in fitting in - to be honest, aren't we all born to stand out in some way or the other? - and even less so with age. Right now I'm only interested in the finding (keeping) my kind of people mission and making a positive difference for the planet. Which is more important than ever, for us all. And with that does come a very firm statement of who cares about fitting in, it's so much more important to be the best You you can be, find meaning and a purpose, to leave the planet a better place than it was when you entered it. Simple, and difficult sometimes, as that.

Which brings me to the next part of this post, the sentiment I touched on in the last you are unlimited post - "Take responsability for the energy you put out in the world".

I stumbled over this conversation between Marie Forleo and the fantastic Brené Brown - whose TED talk/s I'm sure you've already listened to - and was blown away. 

Because despite being a word-person to the bone even I sometimes have trouble putting my feelings into words. This talk however puts a lot of the way I think, feel, live into beautiful, inspiring words. It made me laugh and cry. A friend said she felt a strong affirmation of herself and her life from listening to it. And yes, I agree wholeheartedly.

It's a 36 minutes video you really should listen to, you will be a better human being for it. And then start having those meaningful conversations!

I've just ordered the book "Braving the Wilderness" too, really looking forward to delve into it and explore new dimensions.

Which brings me to the last part of this post, the theme song. You who, like me, watched and loved Ally McBeal know what I'm talking about. That special tune that lifts you, make you feel strong, capable, brave, confident and irresistable. What's your theme song that lift and urge you on?

Mine has been Proud for some years now, it just encapsulate so much of what I want to be and do. It fills me with a strong sense of all the above feelings, every time. (Also the Cape Town video is lovely.)

I dance to it a lot - albeit the dancing under the stars days are most likely over for this year alas - but my absolute favourite dance tune right now is without a doubt Can't stop this feeling (similar to Happy some years ago). It just makes it impossible to sit still, I dance until I'm breathless and like nobody's watching. But for, as always, bewildered cats.

And that sums things up for me and my life right now, things and actions to be proud of is a work in progress but I can't stop this feeling of wonder, gratitude and happiness in general. It's such a lovely lovely lovely feeling to be in.

I keep trusting the process.

PS October 1st is also World Vegetarian Day and the start of World Vegetarian Month, that's most certainly something I'm proud of having been for over 30 years. Even more proud of being 99% vegan for these last couple of years of course. Naturally aiming for 100%. DS

world kindness day 2016

'In a world where you can be anything be kind.'

Given the state of the world never has this quote been more apt. Sadly. 

On this World Kindness Day let's spread some love, kindness and compassion. I'm sure you're not short if ideas yourself but I think this article has some neat ones

and never forget to give compliments - 

Let every day be Kindness Day! 💗💚💗

goodbye october 2016

Goodbye October, you have been overall gorgeous and awesome in many many ways. I'm ever so grateful for that after a very tough seven months, that you have given me much more highs than lows. My deepest wish is of course that will continue for the months, the years to come.

The hashtag #october2016 on Instagram is limited to nine photos only, which in no way is enough to show every highlight from my month that was, but at least it gives an idea.

So what has been my highlights of October? Here goes -

:: The arrival of Fleur and Li'l Nutter. And cinnamon bun day.

:: The new glasses from the Smarteyes Non-violence collection (have not had the opportunity to wear the new sunglasses becasue honestly we've only had about 8 hours of sun during October...).

:: The writer's talk at the local library with one of my favourite writers, Arne Dahl (Jan Arnald). He seems like such a very likeable guy. And I got to tell him how fantastic I think his language is. And he signed some of my books. (I only chose to take three of them with me, all 15 would have been a bit too much...)

:: The charity picking up yet more big, black plastic bags hence me cleansing more of my home and life of stuff. Oh the relief.

:: That I was able to invoice a reasonable amount of money. To be able to do that regularly would be heavenly.

:: A great evening about the health of our planet hosted by the Consumer Association Stockholm (Konsumentföreningen Stockholm) with speakers such as Tristram Stuart and Mattias Klum. The talks and their subject on sustainability made me both angry and hopeful. 

But to be really honest, I do believe everything we do now is too little too late to save our planet. Most humans want a change, but they don't want to make changes in their own lifestyle. And the politicians we have are just spineless cowards and opportunists without visions and power of action. The best we can do now is to be as good and kind as we can and enjoy life as much as possible while the planet still exists.

:: My Schwarzwald trip. A growth experience on so many levels. So so much to show and tell. And I will. In a post of its own, one day in November.

:: Birthday. The perfect day for inaugurating the Marimekko flowery happy coat. And I loved the Tove Jansson/Moomin exhibition at Millesgården. Followed by a lovely late vegan breakfast/lunch/dinner at Hälsocafét (The Health Cafe). And I bought a couple of raw food pastries that I enjoyed lots the day after.

:: The Yelp elite event making vegan freakshakes with Djurens Rätt (Animal's Rights, the oldest animal rights association in Sweden which does a great job for animals. I've been a member since I was 7 years old.)

The event was a kick-off for the #VeganViking campaign in Stockholm, Oslo and Copenhagen that starts tomorrow on World Vegan Day and lasts for the first week of World Vegan Month. Use your Yelp-app to check in to different restaurants, cafe and shops in these cities to get great offers during November 1-6.

Alas this week will coincide with the same replacement buses for commuter trains calamity as this past summer so I won't be able to take part of as many things as I'd like. But I will go for one dinner, one fika and host a breakfast at least. Edit: I did have a lunch too and it was lovely.

:: Finishing the month off with a sweet afternoon tea with my mother and Stadsmissionen (The City Mission) - not vegan alas but at least all vegetarian. And very good value for money (sadly the only place that do offer that in Stockholm these days. Every other afternoon tea here is posh and expensive nowadays, such a pity.)

:: The cats. Always the cats. They brighten up every month, come rain or shine.

So thank you so much, October, for all your highlights and good people, good things, good food. 

Hello November, please be kind and brilliant.

hello october

It seems like 2-ish weeks is my new every-day-blogging. Not for a lack of things to write about, but rather no real energy to do it. But after a busy few weeks of working and socializing (each exhausting in their own ways, for an introvert) I feel it's about time to make a little recap of my October so far.

:: As glorious and warm as September was, just as dreary and chilly has October been. In fact it pretty much happened over night. I've been so used to being able to take the short walk to our waste bins in the evenings in shorts and clogs that I was absolutely shocked at how freezing it suddenly was on October 1st.

The trees are slowly turning red and the leafs are falling, but not as drastically as that chilly air came.

Not having the heat pump turned on since April I realised it suddenly became a must, when October arrived. Unfortunately it seems like it's singing on its last tune (13 years old) so I can only hope with fingers and toes crossed that it'll last at least this winter season too. Of course I have radiators, but using those would mean I'd bump up my electric bills with 50%. No really a good option obviously.

:: Last week I got an obligatory visit from the municipal water gauge man, they change our water meters every 10th year. As my water meter is located inside my small walk-in closet situated in my pink office I needed to tidy that up. A lot. Because as much as I loved doing up my office back in 2011 I've still used that closet as an out of sight out of mind area of stuff. Mainly fabrics and clothes I'm about to give to charity but still haven't sorted through. 

And when I opened the closet door and fully realised just how. much. stuff. I had there I had a *minor* panic attack. Desperately needed to get rid of it NOW. Today I've packed 9 big, black, plastic bags with textile and two paper bags with clothes. Tomorrow the charity will come and pick them up. Such a relief. It might not be as liberating as the feeling after they picked up the stuff in May, but close enough. I have a couple of rooms that, yes really rooms plural, need a good cleansing too. (Not to mention the garden shed, but I'll save that for spring.) So I'm thinking it would certainly be a good project for a chilly, autumnal week to sort that out and then finally paint one of those rooms that I've been meaning to do for so long now. Liberating for the soul too, to get rid of old stuff that basically just weighs me down and organise the things I still love and need. 

I'm not a hoarder, but apparently you can still accumulate a lot of stuff over the years that you neither need nor want anymore. But you still don't get around to sorting that out. So I'm deeply grateful for the really brilliant option of just calling your charity of choice and arrange for them to pick things up. (Even more so for us with no car obviously.)

:: It is now two weeks since I sent that email to M's brother and sister-in-law. It was cathartic to finally do so. I didn't need or expect a reply, this was just my way of telling them how upsetting and hurtful their behaviour has been, in order for me being able to move on with my (new) life properly. But still, I believe it's nothing less than crazy that people don't want to reply and explain themselves when they recieve such an email. Unless of course I was spot on in the way I've felt and thought.

So the only thing for me now is to completely put aside that part of my life. Not forgetting M and what we had together obviously, but I will no longer in any way have any contact with his relatives. As far as I'm concerned they don't exist for me anymore. It's sad that they decided to behave in this inconcievable, spiteful way, but I can't allow myself to continue feeling so much hurt over it. It's not something I can forgive, but I can accept how it is in order to move on. For my own wellbeing's sake.

:: Next week I'll be heading to Freiburg. Finally. I'll also pop up to Heidelberg to be guided around the pretty city by a sweet blog reader (*waves*). I do have travel fever. As well as being really excited about a change of scenery and new experiences. And I obsess over the planning, packing and details, because I want it to be just. right. I'm sure it will be, but I also feel that if I get all this planning beforehand just how I want it I'll be able to relax and enjoy the experience more once I get there. 

Hopefully I'll get to visit some interesting sustainability projects, walk a lot, ride tram a lot, enjoy fika and vegan food galore. I remember the Schwarzwald area to be really beautiful and lush with pretty architecture. It'll be a lovely getaway and growth experience!

:: Just in time for the trip two new bobbaloos reached the Scandinavian settlement - meet Fleur (she's a coneflower bob) and Li'l Nutter (he's an acorn bob, inspired by one of my favourite childhood stories 'Ocke, Nutta och Pillerill' by Elsa Beskow and of course my love for acorns). He'll definitely be one of the bobs who accompany me to Freiburg, but Fleur is of a more delicate nature thus she'll stay at home.

Since they arrived on Cinnamon Bun Day (the brilliant Swedish celebration of this bun Kanelbullens dag) they if course were treated to a bun or two. 

:: As my iPhone - the replacement for the one that was stolen 3 years ago - has been acting up more and more I knew I would soon have to replace it. It only has/had 16GB memory too and with all my photos that's such an inconvenience. I'm not the least bit interested in getting the latest iPhone 7 nor the 6-model, because I think larger smartphones look daft and are less convenient size-wise. So I was happy when I noticed that there is indeed the SE-model which has the same optics and most features as the 6. I got my new one a couple of weeks ago, and while I'm not super-impressed with the camera - it's just too little difference from the 5-model, the real noticable difference was between 3 and 4 - it certainly runs a lot smoother so I'm very happy with it.

I don't use my DSLR nearly as much as I used to, but I'll still take it with me on the trip since I think a trip to a *new* (at least it was well before digital cameras was around when I last visited) destination is a perfect way to rekindle with it.

:: It's 5,5 years ago since I last got a pair of sunglasses for my very near-sighted eyes and while I can still wear them their glass isn't strong enough anymore and I do get headaches because of that. So I decided to get a new pair the other week. It would be nice if they're ready before my trip since it would be great to not have to deal with those headaches when the sun is shining. And since you always can get a second pair of glasses for half the price (all frames cost the same) I decided to get another regular pair too. Not that I really really needed them, but before the Non Violence-collection was discontinued I would have loved to get a pair of them, so I did. They're really cool and quite different from any other glasses I've ever had. Hopefully they'll look as good with the glasses inserted as near-sighted me thought when I tried the frames on...

:: And on the job-front? Well, I've been doing a reasonable amount of work for two old clients, sent the invoices last week and now I'll basically have a week of preparing for my trip. Enjoy the trip. Get back home, have a quiet birthday and then concentrate on future clients, jobs and collaborations. Now that I have my beautiful, flowery happy coat as a birthday gift to myself the only thing I can think of that I really would love to get for my birthday is great new clients, assignments and lovely (part time) job offers.

:: Oh, and I won a couple of tickets for the movie 'Miss Peregrine's home for peculiar children' both me and my mum loved the books so I'm treating her to the movie this week. Yes, I've really been so very fortunate in winning great things this past year (generous gift card in my favourite clothing store, the Schwarzwald trip, glasses, the annual consumption of mymuesli and now this). 

When life is rough in other aspects, and sometimes you're just not able to think 'happy thoughts to beat the blues', then it's nice to get little cheerful reminders like this that life isn't all about sadness and melancholy.

So far October, you've been pretty good. Please continue to be kind, uplifting and generous. Thanks so much in advance.