merry everything and happy always 2022 ~

 

I hope your holidays are lovely, kind and plantbased. 

Wishing you a merry everything and a happy always (or rather as often so you still appreciate and cherish those happy times without complacency or taking it for granted).

I made this lovely vegan dessert - frozen dairyfree cheesecake with silken tofu, orange, ginger snaps and dark chocolate. I know I’ve said it a gazillion times, will share later, but this I definitely will. Promise.

This little blue-eyed light of mine turned 11 years old a couple of weeks ago, I miss her sister so much, the Prosit sister duo is no more, but I’m so grateful I still have Ztina in my life. ❤️

And little sister Ågot of course. 💙

Let there be light, be the light and share it. Happy Christmas or whatever way you chose to celebrate the winter holidays!

hello march 2021, welcome hope springs

March, the first month of spring has finally sprung on these latitudes! 

Though it’s just global warming madness that it was -10 degrees C one week and close to +10 C one week later. And we are so far away from reaching the 2030 sustainability goals. And too few people are willing to change their behaviour on their own, their own convenience trumps everything - and the world remains on fire. Every day is climate angst.

But in the here and personal now I have to admit I’m grateful for not having to deal with the freezing indoors situation we’ve been struggling with for nearly two months now. My electricity has been faulty for so long now, and the old heat pump is basically my only source of heat. It has not been pleasant. And my little furry posse deserves better in their old age too. 

But the catch 22 is, we’re in the middle of a pandemic hence I would never ever let some handyman in to look at whatever problems need fixing right now. And if the pandemic wasn’t an issue finances still are. 

I’m so looking forward to the day when I’ll be able to finally get things looked after on my little red house again. To be able to worry less, and feel more joy. Surely that’s not an awful lot to ask for, Universe?

I’m trying to be as kind as possible to myself now, I desperately need that after finishing the project managing of Vegoforum in mid February, stressing about money, being dispirited by the fact that my search for the dream job still remains in vain. And on top of that, not feeling like my usual self and strongly suspecting that what I thought was a heavy cold/flu in March/April 2020 was in fact Covid-19.

As I never took a covid-test when it was first made available last year, it will probably not show any signs of antibodies 11 months later if I take a test now. Still, gotta start somewhere, and I have a doctor’s appointment this week. A new health center within walking distance, so I have no idea about the doctors or the quality of health care. But at least it’s close and that kind of trumps everything these days, in a restricted pandemic life.

Being kind to myself also means reading as much as possible. I’m so grateful that despite suffering from brain fog and memory issues I’m able to read and enjoy books. This heap is library books only. At the moment I try to go there once a week to return and borrow books. In our current limited life that’s one little regular outing that brings me joy.

I’m attending a live online book club with Elizabeth Gilbert on March 30, so I need to finish my own copy of ’City of girls’ before that date too. 

Another thing I’ve noticed during this pandemic life is that my dreams are very vivid, intricate and laboursome. With an extremly limited life every little detail in books, TV, social media, chats, tiny interactions with people are brought into crazy life in my dreams. 

I’ve read about pandemic dreams (nightmares) and that we are many suffering from them. Though I can’t say I find them terrifying, but very exhausting as it feels there’s a whole other life that demands a lof of energy and gusto in my head while I sleep. I’m never really thoroughly rested when I wake up in the morning. 

Another thing I enjoy a lot now too, is the fact that I’m finally able to wear shoes and perky socks again. After months of icebug boots only, it’s such a relief! 

I’m thinking I should set up a little weekly shoe plan so I make sure I use my shoedrobe much better. And challenge myself to wear more heels regularly. Also a way to exercise different muscle groups. 

These days the littlest things matter more than ever I think.

 

I force myself to smile more, fake it til you nake it style, but it doesn’t come naturally as it used to. I’m planning to colour rinse my hair pink again for spring. As I feel tired and grey inside out now, I felt that could be a little welcome moodlifter. 

I’m continuing to search for that illusive dream job where passion meets purpose (communications manager for preferably a plantbased brand, but as long as it’s a company dedicated to sustainability I’m happy).

As freelancing via my own business really doesn’t give me the joy, growth and positive challenge it used to (never did I feel I would grow weary and tired of it, I mean, being your own boss, awesome, right?) I don’t feel it’s the viable option it should be in these times.

But as that dream quest is dispiritingly difficult (and it really really shouldn’t be!), I’m also looking at other reasonable jobs in line with my skills and experience. We all need to pay the bills, without completely selling our souls. 

Please, March, I’ve been asking your monthly family the same thing for a long time now, mostly in vain alas, but could you please bring positive vibes, joyous news and much needed new beginnings?! One year in limbo is quite enough me thinks. Thanks ever so much in hopeful advance. 

everything is connected and figureoutable

We're living in strange times. And it's difficult to know where to start. What can one write that doesn't seem trivial or selfish. What I do know though, is that this certainly is the epitome of "It was the worst of times, it was the best of time".

Can you imagine, when we have gotten through all this - with a lot of heartache, sorrow and stupid mistakes along the way, I'm sure. But how hard it is to grasp amidst darkness, the hardest lessons brings the greatest growth. Always have, always will - how many positive changes we can bring to this world, to our obsolete systems??

The Covid-19 situation clearly stems from the majority of the world being completely disconnected to the natural world and other sentient beings. Nature (thank you, Karma) has probably never been so crystal clear with a vengeance in how unsustainable and disgustingly void of compassion our lifestyles are.

Stop eating, using and abusing animals. Enough now.

Our economic system is broken. And has been so for too long. When we've gotten through this we need to switch to a Universal Basic Income. That would improve so much in our lives and in this world.

Everything is connected. This is a violent wake up call from Mother Nature. Will people listen and connect the dots, finally?



I did have a lot of this and that updates for this post, but then corona happened. And I don't know what to think about people, about the situation, about the world anymore. If things seemed incomprehensible in many ways before, they're even more muddled now. Or, these times clearly show the true nature of both people and companies. Those who are stupid, selfish, ignorant and plain evil. Vs those who are thinking, progressive, kind and open to change that needs to happen.

I think I'll save the this-and-that-post to another time. For a lighter post. It's after all been pretty much four weeks since the last one, who knew that March 2020 would turn out to be such an epically world-turning month. I said that kindness is infectious, clearly less welcome (but perhaps desperately needed from nature's point of view) things are too.

Today it's also 4 (!) years since M passed away. I'm wiser, I'm stronger, I'm better. But also, another year of feeling that so much has happened yet so little. I'm still feeling so far away from where I want to be in life, from my true purpose. I feel I'm meeting enough people - but is it the right people? And if not, where on earth do I find the right people, my kind of people?

I feel I have a clear message of where I want to be, need to be, to contribute in the best way. But apparently I still haven't been able to connect with the right crowd, at the right time, as far as I know. It is a waiting game of, for me, epic proportions. And it is exhausting.

These days, in the here and now though, I'm ever so grateful for being an introvert (ambivert). And the cats. Always the cats. And then the rest, everything, is figureoutable.

My current music crush is a sad one. But oh so beautiful. Like life. And it fits my mood.



Hope you're in a good, safe place in life.
Everything will be fine in the end, because it has to.
It really does. Kindness and compassion are the powers that will heal us all.

thank you, joaquin phoenix, for being a beautiful human being

I rarely watch the Oscars. I'm just not very interested in occasions that can be considered a club of intermutual admiration. And to quote someone wise "... difficult to watch is the palpable self-importance and smugness. Most of them seem barely capable of stringing together a sentence of any substance."

That said, I'm not sure what made me stay up until 5.10 am to watch it live this year. Only saw the last couple of hours, after finishing watching a movie and discovering it was already pretty late so why not round the weekend off watching the Oscars...

When the Best Male Actor was finally announced I was so very happy to see it went to Joaquin Phoenix. Not only a great actor but a humble and dedicated animal rights activist. Not sure what I expected from his acceptance speech, but nothing quite as amazing, eloquent, powerful, compassionate and beautiful as this. I bawled my eyes out. Then I cried myself to sleep because what else could one do.

The message has by now probably been heard by everyone not living under a rock, but it's so undeniably important if we want to create a better world for everyone. Violence breeds violence, and peace begins on our plates. If we even want a future, then it is vegan. So can we now begin to save this burning, suffering world in desperate need of kindness and compassion, please?

"Run to the rescue with love, and peace will follow."

His full speech in writing here.

happy new 2020, happy new decade

I have so many wishes and hoped for this shiny, brand new year. But most of all, may it be infinitely kinder, more compassionate, loving, caring, colourful and joyous than this past year (and decades before that). That is, until the human-induced climate emergency devours us all naturally. But before that, let's be kind. Go vegan. Spread love.

I mentioned a recap of 2019 last week. Well that ain't happening today. But I enjoy recaps of another year of growth, so someday soon it will.

My plans for New Year's Eve - binge watching my new favourite TV-series "a million little things" until I'm going to bed with a good book well before midnight. Bliss.

And for my personal hopes-and-wish-top-list for 2020 (apart from good health and happiness for myself and the people and furries I love as always) are still

1. Finding my true purpose.
2. (Which also holds) finding my meaningful new dream job (clock is ticking, time is too short to settle for less).



3. Finding my tribe, my kind of people.
4. Have more faith, worry less.
5. Have more energy, get more meaningful things done.
6. Feel more joy, less sadness.



Also, let 2020 be a year of more vegans rainbow-soaps for all! (More of these amazing handmade soaps in another post.)

May your new year treat you with kindness and joy, and may you treat the world with more of that too. Welcome 2020, let's be so very kind together!

karma come over and welcome june

With only a few minutes to spare before May 2019 turns June, procrastinator Pia realises she should write a farewell May-post. To at sum up these past couple of weeks, of sorts. And somehow try and keep it really short and sweet. *Do I hear sniggers again?*

:: I think I'll skip photos for now, and add them later. It has been such a hassle being without the computer. Luckily it's back and extra super luckily they did managed to save the hard-drive too. But alas it's not doing very well, so they recommended I'd get a new one anyway... Try not to think too much about that for now, and limit my time on it.

Really hate the fact that a computer is considered old after 4 years only, and instead of having a repair, service or update, which clearly would be better for the limited resources of this planet that are constantly diminished as I write, we should discard and buy a new one. The wear and tear society of poor quality is just so completely naueseating. One would think we should have come so much further along on the sustainable road by now.



:: There have been further developments in the mysterious case of little blue-eyed light of mine, Ztina. She finally had hear dental check-up and surgery, confirming FORL, several teeth already gone and then removing several tiny toothies (saved in a box). She must have been in such pain and I feel like a bad bad meowmy for not realising that earlier. One might think the vet should have thought about that earlier too though... It has been a costly and very worrisome path to get here. But then again, cats are so great at hiding pain. And showing weird symptoms.

However, pretty much immediately after waking up from her surgery she was a changed cat. Step by step back to her old self. She is still on pain medication, and have some weird quirks going on. But I feel she's on a strong path of recovery. She may not be her completely old self ever again, but I love her new self very much too.



:: Due to last year's incredibly hot global warming summer the aspen has been in bloom like never before this year. Covering the air and ground with thick whiter fluff lite snow, lint or dandelion seedlings for a week or so. It was a bit magical really.

And so far, touch wood, we've had much more rain and chilly days in May compared to last year. Please, please let that continue. It is so much easier to enjoy the days of sun when it's not tropically hot and dry for months.



:: I've attended four seminars. One on circular design - interesting topic, so-so presented. One on the Naturskyddsföreningen's (The Society for Preserving of Nature) new book "Naturligtvis" (translates Naturally but the word is also a double meaning in Swedish, it can also be Naturally Wise) about how to help insects, animals and biodiversity in your garden - it was great, bought the book of course. But can also affirm that I'm already doing a lot for it by not being a keen gardener, letting it tend for itself and be *a bit* wild is a great thing for biodiversity. And who knew that dandelions and its pollen are great for insects?



Extra plus for the fantastic vegan salad that's included in the lunch ticket at the bookstore that hosts some of these events.



The next seminar was on skincare, and how much of the skincare products sold are just clever marketing tricks and of now use for our skin, often quite the opposite. The writer who talked is a pharmacist and scientist. It was so very interesting, and yes it confirmed a lot of the things I've always suspected about skincare products. Eg that serums and tonics are basically useless for a healthy skin. It's the ingredients that are important, not the product. Yes, I bought that book too, Hudbibeln (The Skin Bible). It's fascinating, in Swedish only but I hope it'll be translated. EDIT: Horay, it's in the process of translation into several languages as of June 2019. Soon in English.

Currently using more skincare products in my daily regime than I've ever done before. But it has been a struggle these past few years to try and regain as much as possible of the once healthy skin of mine. And it wasn't until I began using Dermalogica I felt I was finally on the right track. So now I'm just trying to figure out the best products to continue with, and the ones that haven't made that much difference. I want to get down to a bare minimum. Don't think 2 + 1 + 6 products is viable in the long run...



The fourth seminar was on Rewilding Sweden. I've followed Rewilding Europe on LinkedIn for a couple of years now, and also worked with a client a few years back who was part of various wildlife project in Italy. Such an inspiring project. And also an important part of fighting climate change. The seminar was hosted by a politician in The Green Party and it was held in the Parliament. Some speakers far better than others, and the president of the Swedish Hunting Association was of course pretty nasty and offensive. Void of thinking outside her narrow little box and without compassion. But other than that, it was a really enlightening afternoon.



:: After the reversed job ad I published on LinkedIn a few weeks back I have some interesting meetings booked in the upcoming weeks. To be honest, yes I'm pretty jaded by now, I don't think that perfect illusive job will finally land in my lap any time very soon, even after all my hard work. But I'm curious and open-minded, who knows.

And as the song goes "Karma come over, lean on my shoulder, tell me what's good, I've been thinking about you" (Years & Years, great, catchy song).

This "Trusting in the timing of the Universe", that does take a lot of effort and energy. And frustration. Which could obviously be used in better ways.



:: I've finally bought a pair of lovely white, chunky vegan sneakers. I had a pair of Rombaut Boccaccio high on my wish list, but seriously, I could not defend paying that much for a pair of white shoes. Have not even paid that much for a pair of great quality boots now on their 10th season the upcoming winter. And I seriously doubt a pair of white sneakers will last for 10 seasons, no matter how well I care for them, if I'm honest.

Good thing was that when I compared them to the Matt & Nat pair I think they looked better, more I. At a way more reasonable price. They're super comfy, but it's also a fact that it takes time to get used to how well-padded sneakers work on your feet compared to sturdier shoes. All that softness, I find it... strange. But I'll get used to it, I'm sure.



:: I stumbled over the vegan, organic, natural deodorant Nuud on Instagram. Been thinking a lot about how rubbish pretty much every common deodorant is, and how about all those ingredients, are they really healthy? So I decided to order a bottle and have a try (free postage everywhere, in case you want to try it too). Love the package design, and clever, simple copy too. Have just started my detox, and even though they warned that one might experience extra smell initially during the process, I have to say that it's definitely better after +24 hours than with an average deo. Don't smell a thing actually. Can it be that Nuud is just as fantastic as it claims to be?


:: I've cooked some fantastic meals from the vegan organic food box too. It has been far too long since I wrote a post on that. Soon is the time for one.


:: Got some new solar lights at IKEA, this time three bigger bulbs that I hung in the tree. After only a few hours on a cloudy day they shone brightly the same evening already. Which is a small sign that there are so much free energy out there, waiting to be harvested, at no cost for the environment, the opposite. We should all install solar panels on our roofs, for goodness sake! Which has been high on my wish list too, for years and years.

But for now, I'm contemplating getting 3-4 more bulbs to put higher up in the tree. Imagine how magical that would look when the clematis covers the branches by the middle of summer.


:: I'm using the Bullet Journal every day. Not sure if I'm using it as one "should", perhaps more a simple diary than a planner as such. But I also do monthly and weekly lists and feel the pressure to tick them off more than I did before. So I suppose I'm on the right path at least.

Looking forward to start planning for June, do the monthly log, migrating tasks or deem them irrelevant.


:: In April I read five books. It has been ages since I did that. I had hoped to do the same in May, but I only started with two books and on the last shivering minutes of the month I'm only half way through them both. Too much on my mind, in my May days for reading I suppose. Reading fingers crossed for June.


All and all, I think May has been a pretty glorious month, full of fabulous learning experiences, inspiration and great food. Yes, there have been problems and worries too, but I've also solved most of them with pleasing results. And for that I can feel strong and proud, also on those days when I feel small and troubled (we all have them, if we're honest, no matter how great we are deep inside). Most grateful thanks, May, you've been lovely, mostly kind and caring.

Welcome, dear June, let's continue on this path of goodness and why not add sprinkles of glory, m'kay? An abundance of kindness and gratitude your way, in advance, yours truly.

the vegan ring and other little fabulous christmas fair things

There will be a part two of the last post, but let's pause that for a moment and contemplate the fact that finally this beautiful, handmade, silver ring (and its delightful ceramics ring holder) has moved in with me. Vegan. Because I care. A simple and self-evident statement of compassion, kindness and true environmental engagement.

I first saw the ring in the Instagram feed, by talented ceramic artist Kinga Kremer - yes there's a webshop and yes you can order worldwide - whose clay work I first spotted at one of my favourite vegan cafes Mahalo last year. Because beautifully glazed plates that states "Tofu never screams", brilliant. And I knew the ring screamed my name.



When she told there'll be a Christmas fair with a vegan corner in December, and that the limited amount of rings would make their debute there I knew it was a must. Yes I was the first one in line yesterday, and yes I was the first one skip jumping up the stairs and yes I was the first one at her stall saying "hi I'm here, now I want a ring!".

Since my left hand is still swollen on and off I didn't want to get a non adjustable ring for that, so opted for the right ring finger. But apparently that hand was also swollen that day, since the ring is much too big now. However it now fits the left hand middle finger instead. But luckily all fingers are vegan so that's fine by me. Also a perfect finger to make a certain gesture with I suppose.



When M was alive we used to visit 3-4 Christmas fairs every year, not really for shopping, more for the ambiance. I don't think I've been to a single fair these last few years, no need for ambiance, no urge for shopping and the best ones always seem to time-consuming to get to by public transport. I'm glad this wasn't and I'm glad I went. Not only because of the ring, but also because it was so nice to meet people I follow/following me on Instagram and have a chat. As well as meet new vegan businesses to support and follow.



I got some vegan candles - perfect for the Advent candlestick of course - nail oil and delicious vegan chocolate pralines (where the surplus goes to homeless dogs in Iran). I'll show and tell more about those companies and kind Christmas gifts in a later post soon. If you want handmade, caring, cruelty-free, environmental-friendly, useful gifts and support small business owners you might find something interesting there.



The cafe at the fair had also been taken over by vegans, which was an extra treat. I really enjoyed the spicy Persian saffron tea, and the grilled sandwich was unpretentiously nice but the saffron bun just dry and boring alas. Which made me think it's high time to bake this year's first batch of plantbased lussebullar...



All and all it was the perfect way to spend the Advent first Sunday - early arrival at the fair, spending a couple of hours there, coming home early, being happy about the fine finds, having a reasonably slow rest of Sunday, planning the week, drinking the daily cups of the tea calendar teas and watching movies under heaps of cats.

And obviously, making good use of the new vegan candles. With the usual fire mezmerized snoopervisor, Zigne. If a cat could be an arsonist, I'm pretty sure she would be, little fluffster. Her behaviour always makes me think of this song -



Which I love, not always in the mood for, but every time I hear it this powerful paragraph sticks

"All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach 
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep 'em on a leash"

It may not be a theme song, but words to live by. 

So thank you, November, you were lovely (despite the lack of sun).

Welcome, December, I wish for kindness, sparkles, lights and awe (and the arm to heal and improve well), I hope you can deliver. 

Thank you ever so much in advance.

grow more, learn just a little

Chanting. Job interview. Circular economy breakfast seminar. My very condensed week that was.

I've been meaning to start regular meditation routines for many many years, but somehow life went on without it. And when an old fellow cat breeder told me about her having practised chanting for many years, last year, I thought I should look into that. It took me a year of thinking, but now I've had a glimpse of it.

First of all, I shy away from anything with a whiff of religion - as far as I'm concerned, the root of so much evil in this world - I may be spiritual and philosophical but I also concider myself an atheist.  I also believe everything is connected, in serendipity, magic and that there are more powers at work in this universe and world than the human brain and intelligence can ever fully understand. However I firmly don't believe such thoughts have anything to do with worshipping bearded or bald men existing above the clouds.

My only religion is kindness. Which obviously embrace every (kind and innocent) living being and fellow earthling.

When I attended the chanting and meeting I had no preconceptions, only an open mind. And five days later I'm still not sure what I felt about the experience. It was interesting to hear that so many of the things I believe and live by, the above mentioned but also the concept of Karma, Law of Attraction, to be responsible for the energy you put out in the world, happiness and that you grow into a better person by hardships, difficulties, sorrows are things firmly rooted in Buddhism. And it's not often you find yourself in a group of nine strangers being urged to share your experience of philosophical questions (that you had no idea was on the agenda).



But I also know I'm an intro/ambivert and I prefer one on one interactions before group activities. I do prefer to have a solitary think before I speak on new topics. And overall it was a bit... too much for me. Dare I say slightly suffocating? I will however read up on the concepts and chanting, because doing it as means to find inner peace and growth is something that appeals to me. Simply a part of me being braver this year. Without group activities.

The bonus of the meeting was I got to meet another British Shorthair than my own ones. She was such a sweet and social little soul, 14 years old but didn't look it.



The job interview went well. It seems like a really exciting position, with a lot of pieces of the puzzle being in perfect match with my particular background. As the interview was with a recruitment company I can now only have my fingers very firmly crossed that the organisation also want to meet next week. And yes, it would be darling if you could hold your fingers kindly crossed too, dear internetz.



The breakfast seminar on circular economy was interesting and enlightening. I had some good talks with people. However I was admittedly deeply disappointed about the fact that a company that works with sustainability issues and sustainable businesses only served sandwiches with both meat and dairy. That's just crazy, and neither credible, sustainable nor inclusive in communication. It's not the first time this has happened at seminars, despite mentioning "vegan" when I sign up. But it's *a bit* more remarkable when it's that kind of company and that kind of talks.

And no, "you can remove the meat, cheese and butter from the sandwich" is simply not an acceptable suggestion in 2018.

Most everyone gets happy and satisfied with a vegan sandwich for breakfast, plus it's healthy, sustainable and cheaper. It doesn't have to be more complicated than that.

I had a glass of orange juice and a pear. And then I had to go to a favourite cafe for a lovely vegan sandwich and oat latte in order not to faint from a lack of bodily nourishment, before I went home. Imagine if this gorgeous, simple hummus on rye had been the seminar breakfast instead...

At the end of another week, collecting my thoughts and hopes for a new one, it's difficult to grasp that it's Midsummer by the end of next week, and then only one left of June. Time continues to fly and the only thing we can do with that knowledge is to grow and learn a little more each day, each week, each life. Be kind and stay true to ourselves.

trade in your darkness for the light

When I began writing this post I was really angry. But before I hit publish I thought about the "Be responsible for the energy you put out in the world" and decided to sleep on it. And here is the much shorter version, still angry and disappointed, but I'll omit the worst, unsavoury details.

The anger includes myself because in hindsight I feel like a fool for trusting people I obviously shouldn't have trusted. For being open and willing to take a chance at a new, much less structured way of working, which went so awry. Will not make that mistake again. Even free spirits need basic structure. And trust is earned, partly by clear and transparent communication. And since I'm not usually gullable, the whole thing feels... bizarre. What. was. I. thinking?

Wish I could just let The Project That Became A Mess go, as a very important life and work lesson. But unfortunately I realised while going through my papers and invoices for the annual closing I'm still missing payments for it. A fact which obviously has added another layer of disappointment, hurt and anger to this whole mess.

So not only did I a) agree to a subpar fixed payment (since the work had so much promise for the future, in various ways) for a job that turned out to need a whole lot of more hours than originally stated -

and I who always want to do a great job, since it's important to be proud of your achievements, did put in more work and hours because to get the consistent quality level and attention to details that was needed -

b) I haven't even gotten all the payment I should have.

For me it's an important sum to get, for a well-managed company it would be penny ante.

However, since bitterness is a useless emotion, just like worry - what have I learnt from this? Well,

1. I will never ever again go against my instinct, experience and adopt a laizzer-faire attitude in work when it comes to agreements, communication and structure. This was the first time I did, and look what a mess that turned out to be. Duh, says lawyer I.

I realize this was a rather special situation and circumstances, but really, had we just set aside a few hours before we jumped right in this could have mostly been avoided.

2. I don't care if people, future team mates, think I nag and repeat, nag and repeat, nag and repeat, because seriously, it. is. so. very. important that we discuss, get everything in writing and have the solutions to what ifs and different possible scenarios well sorted beforehand. For everyone involved. Stress less, be more focused and productive.



Another thing to feel better, stress less and come up with solutions to tricky situations is to go for long walks in nature. Which also boosts kindness, happiness and creativity. As I haven't been able to do that much for these past couple of months due to all the snow and ice, I found it both incredibly elevating as well as exhausting when I've so far had two long dog walks in the sun and wind two days in a row.

No, I'm not a dog owner again, it's one of the neighbourhood dog ladies who needs help with walking her sister's dog (who she is currently caring for, one of the cuties I practised my dog whisperer skills on). She's such a sweet tempered labrador, but she is also very strong and needs someone who can hold the leash and keep up with her. Even I find it a bit laboursome, but perhaps it'll give me som serious upper arm muscles.

Funny thing is that the dog sitter think I and Mynta (the herb Mint in Swedish) match eachother so well. Walking side by side. Although, important detail, Mynta has a very special swagger and wag her bottom quite noticably. I most certainly don't.

I still miss having a dog of my own again, but it's also a responsability for someone who needs more of my time and not least structure, compared to the cats, perhaps I'm simply not there yet. And just as I believe that the above work experience with it's ups that ended in a serious down was meant to be, for experience and growth's sake, I believe if a doggie is meant to be it will happen.

Much like songs come your way when your mood calls for them. And even if it's difficult to believe I don't only listen to Haevn these days, this dreamy thing with Celine Cairo is one of my current music crushes.



From darkness to light, from anger to music that soothes a weary soul. As life is. And with winter phasing out, spring, real spring is just eager to step in and take charge. I do believe this will work wonders for the body and soul. And not least bring opportunities and new beginnings. Which I welcome with open arms and a curious, eager mind.

my cosmo geek week, part I

My intention was to write a long, rambling-ish post about some of the inspirational stuff I've done this past week. My cosmo-geek week. But I realised just now that it'll be a lot longer than I had intended, so I'll make a part I and II of it instead.

Here goes part I -

:: I managed to snap one of those much coveted tickets to the annual Women in Tech Stockholm convention (WIT always takes place on March 8, naturally), this year 1500 tickets were gone in 120 seconds... As you know I shy away from fairs and places that attract a lot of people in general. The introvert me hates it. That I entered and attended countless of cat shows for years and years is in hindsight bewildering, I know.

But I have been known to attend TEDx talks and Geek Girl meetups, and enjoyed myself - if not the "do mingle!" element. I'm a grown up, I can chose myself and if I chose to watch, listen, learn and be inspired 'only', well that's nobody's business but mine. Especially not when I've paid for the tickets. - and this seemed liek a great opportunity for inspiration and learning.

The day before the WIT 2018 there was a sort of kick off breakfast talk at tech giant Tieto. I'm not a morning person, having to leave home at 5.45 am to be sure to get to the venue - the company headquarters are situated really inconventiently - by 7.45ish did not fill me with joy. But I'm so glad I went. The talk was held by IT Woman of the Year 2017, Malin Cronqvist, the founder of charity platform Help to Help.

Which funds scholarships in Tanzania and Uganda via transparent crowdfunding. Which, unlike most major charity organisations, make sure the money get where they're supposed to. A remarkable example - in a country with 56 million people (Tanzania) there are 236 dentists and 20 anaesthsiologists. Whopping numbers of wrong.

The talk was so. very. inspirational. A simple and very hands on idea that can make real change happen. And by empowering women we are empowering societies, countries, the world.



:: The WIT conference in itself was exhausting, way to much people, not enough breaks and certainly not enough food for such a long day. But also very inspiring, some talks, discussions and interviews were great, others very less so. You can watch all the sessions at the WIT website. But from my personal point of interest view I enjoyed talks from these talented women the most -

Joy Buolamwini, "the poet of code on a mission to show compassion through computation". You should watch her enlightening about bias in algorithms. Who codes matters, how we code matters and why we code matters, to fight misogyni and racism.

A panel discussion about #metoo and the extended misogyni within the tech industry, Swedish hashtag #teknisktfel (technical error).

Computer science professor Danica Cragic, who specialise in robotics and just won the award Tech Woman of the Year 2018.

The breakout session Starting up, Starting over: What startup life is really like.

A message from the (female) mayor of Stockholm, Karin Wanngård, that our fair city is a #awomansplace - "Equality in Sweden isn't perfect, but it might be the best that we have in the world." The website is worth an enlightening visit.

A panel discussion on building sustainable businesses. One participant was the co-founder of Gigafood, an acclaimed plantbased catering and sustainability business.

Inventor and engineer Anna Svensson, the woman behind the world's first integrated solar panels - yup, before Elon Musk - at the company SolTech Energy. 

Helena Samsioe, co-founder of Globhe, drone delivery and drone data on demand.

Then I left a bit early, which was a relief after 8 intense hours. And with me home I got loads of inspiration.

:: Part II of my cosmo-geek week will be about the above sweet, endearing and tear inducing sculpture called "Kerstin shall save all the animals" which is part of the annual spring salon since 1921 at art museum Liljevalchs. And quite a few other favourites I got at the exhibition too, how about pieces with though-provoking names like German philosophers with cats, the bulldog Rolf (made from old nylon stockings), 365 days of yoga, Rabbit with carrot (crocheted), The Introvert House, The pig mother, I wish I was beautiful as a swan, could fly and wear red high heels?

:: It will also be about my first, belated meetup with my new friend I met via the integration project Kompis Sverige (Buddy Sweden), it took me 2 years to get a proper match.

:: About an unexpected compliment from a ticket collector.

:: And about the fact that my obsession with fondness for bobbaloos has, for various reasons, turned into an obsession with fondness for the Japanese collector doll and goodluck charm Sonny Angel.



:: For now, let's end this post by contemplating that moment, upon arriving at a job meeting, and you're met by a wallpaper that looks like "one of your outfits has turned into a building" - not my words but they perfectly captured the situation. Needless to say I'd love to have a dress in that exact same colour and pattern like that green, tpriped wallpaper.

fortitude

Did promise happy things, positive news or just plain silly matters, didn't I?

So let's start. Monday to Friday-ish - 

:: This week's amazingly colourful organic vegan food box made my heart sing! Add delicious, healthy and kind to the gorgeousness, there is truly only guilt-free happiness in plantbased food. I'll show you all the wonderful (with few exceptions) dishes I've cooked lately (as food ambassador on Instagram) soon. Still adore my little assignment.



:: On Tuesday was Fat Tuesday = the importance of having a decent semla. Alas, no baking my own this year, but if you want to here's a decent recipe (vegan if you chose dairy-free butter and plantbased milk of course). I had mine at Fru Maria's Bak, it was lovely, but for the cow's cream. I've finally reached the stage where I'm pretty disgusted by the taste, constant notion of where it comes from, the vast cruelty behind it plus my tummy can't really deal with it anymore. 

Even if I've eaten 98% vegan for the last few years now I do believe I've reached the point where I really need to stick to the 100%. Both for conscience and health reasons. And it certainly isn't a sacrifice, it's a joy and you're just spreading more kindness in the world.



:: I had a really good talk with a person who has been considerably more bruised and awfully treated by this mess, than I. And during that conversation she said so many sweet, kind and caring things - some of which made be blush, laugh and cry tears of relief afterwards, since she actually understood me - had I only got a tiny portion of that care and understanding, instead of patronising, from my (ex)team I would have been so grateful and things would have been very different now.

What we talked about and how we talked raised several questions for me, like

• Do we really communicate so differently, women and men? Or is it just a coincidence when that happens?
• Is the male ego more fragile than a woman's? Or is that simply an individual thing? 
• Is it easier for women to have intellectual humility and a growth mindset than it is for men? To admit they've been wrong, misunderstood things, to apologize? To realize that's in fact a strength, not a weakness?
• The need for straight talk, is it something prefered by women? Is circumscribing and mollycoddling more of a male thing?

Still, I do prefer to think of it as individual traits, that we all are shaped by our experiences, environment and genes, as individuals not by gender in general. But then again, this project has, in hindsight, been quite a social experiment regarding this. And I don't like what it has shown, so far. 

It's so strange to realise that the obvious patterns in this poisionous mess aren't seen by everyone. The master suppression techniques, the breach of labour laws. Where the blame, responsability and empathy should lay but aren't. Who needs a great big scolding and who doesn't. Is it female intuition? Is it a pathos for justice? Is it easier to look in another direction? Fear of conflict? Every man for himself? So many questions, a complete lack of answers and dialogue, only silence.

I said yes. I said no. I was disappointed. Frustrated. Angry. Hurt. My professional pride was steamrolled. I also promised to be braver in 2018. I said what needed to be said. Fortitude. Still, what broke my heart most in all this is how easily the team was divided, by things and people that shouldn't have been able to do that. Yet they did.

But again, grateful for having met them. It was amazing while it lasted. Wish it had continued. Still I'm proud of showing and telling how I felt, and feel. I wouldn't have been true to myself if I hadn't. And that is the most important thing always. It was my little way of braving the wilderness. If that makes me a bit inconvenient, then so be it.

:: I've been working very hard on my coaching gig for these past 8 weeks, and I would lie if I didn't say it has been quite frustrating too. But it seems like, touch wood, things are finally on track as per Friday. Such a great way to end the working week. Especially concidering what happened a week ago. 

It's good to be reminded of the simple thing that at the end of the day, at the end of the week, I want to be able to say that I contributed more than I criticized. 

I've also come to realize that I'm actually a pretty decent facilitator. And that it is a trait of mine that was never really appreciated or understood in the project, never tapped into and fully made use of. We could have created magic together, with our different strengths. Ah well, it is what it is, their loss and a thorn in my heart. Back to the drawing board of figuring out where I'll contribute best with being myself.



And on fortitude, of course there is a Haevn song with that name. And it's beautiful. Naturally. I will roll into the weekend on that notion. A weekend of healing from the hurt a little bit more. Practise my resilience. And figuring out where I want to go from here.

PS. For me the natural thing would be to sit down face to face and talk this through properly. When the hurt and dust have settled a bit. The whys and hows. Set aside a day for it, don't stress it but focus. Talk and listen. And write things down. Is it possible to sort this out, rebuild the broken trust, move on, set a proper strategy? Phone calls are just poor poor substitutes for that. But the again, I'm the one with a strong preference for straight and clear communication. Noone else seem to be. DS

the unexpected let down

Oh how quickly things can change. Unfortunately my cool cat attitude didn't even last a week until I was treated in a very unprofessional and careless way, by someone I still thought was part of The Team.

Even if things changed a lot in the beginning of January. And then the project abruptly came to a halt at the end of the month, I still thought our little team were on the same page. That we would, given the currently very special circumstances, continue to treat eachother with respect and in the loop as much as possible.

And the fact that just being who I am, the way I am, my experiences, my special USP skill set, has been of a unique fit all through this, well, surely my hard work - naturally alongside everyone else's hard work, one of the nicest thing about this project and our fine team has been that our respective strengths and weaknesses have complimented eachother oh so well - and presence will be as valued as it has seemed to be, when we get through the currently bumpier ride than ever?

Turned out I was wrong.

I've tried to keep an open mind, accepted behaviours, the lack of clear communication, for some time now, that there's more than meet the eye, personal issues, stress, we all have bad days and so forth. But my cup runneth over this past week. I can't be expected to be a mind reader, knowing what's going on behind the scenes, in someone else's mind. How they see or not see the future, if they've changed their mind, path, loyalty. And here I am, no longer a cool cat, in this aspect, I'm just a sad, hurt cat. An angry, frustrated cat.

When I began writing about this, it ended up being a very long, cronological post. However I don't think that's very interesting, for anyone but myself. But if you're interested in how the marketing project journey began this September post is a good start.

This week most of the hard work I've put in to set a consistent on brand, high quality and attention to details standard for copy, photos, TOV and strategy in communication and social channels were basically reduced to meaninglessness.

When I pointed that out, in less strong words but nevertheless clearly that enough is enough for me now, I didn't get the least bit of professional courtesy, civil explanation or something like sorry, it wasn't the intention but... You now, how it works in a decent team. Instead I was told that

a) "We can talk, that's what grown-ups do." 

- Don't, just don't, say that to the one and only person who has all along been grown-up and insisted on straight talk, better communication, regular team updates all through the project. Don't say that to the person who has worked with communication all her life. The one who knows the importance of communication, communication, communication.

b) "No need to be upset just because someone does things differently." 

- Words that spring to mind are patronising, and shudder, mansplaining even. And obviously the situation is not that simple. I'm not that childish.

To be honest I can't believe it's the same decent person that seemed to value and appreciate my work, company and input so much. Whom I had such fun with. Now simply acting like a careless bull in a china shop. In a totally unprofessional way. (Although I'm not sure a bull in a china shop can ever be professional.)

These six months have, needless to say, been very intense. We've had such incredible fun, meaningful discussions, banters on fire, cool, quirky plans, silly nicknames, shared goals and a lot of energy, been frustrated and angry together, worked and played together so well.

With our refreshing mix of differences and similarities it was an unexpected friendship I had come to value. I got the impression of a caring, kindred oddball spirit. I mean, the offer to fly over "because Pia needs the support" and we are a team, that was one of the nicest thing someone has ever done for me. But now suddenly, that is simply a not so distant memory. Trust broken.

I also want to mention that trust is created, and earned, by what you say and most of all by what you do. Not by what you think, and don't share. I thought we suffered through this project turned lopsided together, and that we had other grand plans to be realized on the other side of it all.

Everything we do communicates. And to not communicate, that is communication in itself. Patronising and mansplaining speak even louder. I seem to have lost my team, as I've come to value so much, this week. I also seem to have lost a person I appreciated and thought I would work and play with in many more projects to come. And that hurts. A lot.

Perhaps it just wasn't my time to be a cool cat. My tribe is still out there somewhere, that much I know. And I've grown, learnt, changed and become a better person through all of this. I'm forever deeply, deeply grateful for that.

I still believe what's meant to be will be. I will now continue to lick my wounds from this experience for a while. But who knows what fantastic things, opportunities and people who are out there waiting to cross paths with me?

February, can you please, pretty please, show your kind and benevolent side now?

on being a cool cat

If last week went down a path of new interestingness, this past week has most certainly continued on the same trail. Such weird coincidences, slightly more synchronicity than serendipity, a lot of 55. Life right now. And the most interesting thing amidst all this I can't control, is that I'm getting pretty good at just remaining a cool cat. Not much choice other than that at this moment in time.

As may be known by now, patience isn't my greatest sport. I want things to move along, develop, be better, greater, as awesome as they can be as soon as possible. But when life doesn't want that at the same speed, we're forced to listen and adapt. And there are so many benefits to being patient, including health ones. Good things come to those who wait is more than a cliche. Cool cats listen.

The job interview went great. Plus two hours went by so quickly - and no I've never had such long first interviews. It wasn't really like any other interview I've been to, fascinating. Didn't have any obvious gut feelings pro or con afterwards, but a few days later I woke up early and had a sudden insight. And they've kept coming ever since, quite the list by now. I'm obviously not the only party or candidate involved in this process, so who knows what'll happen in the coming weeks. But whatever happens I've learnt a lot more about myself from that long interview, meeting these people, or perhaps it just confirmed what I already knew. What I want. And once again, it's enthralling really, how everything is connected. It's a small world.

To be honest, I do believe last year's grief recovery process unleashed something within me, not only allowed me to let go of certain particular painful parts of the sorrow, but also opened my mind in a way I have only touched on before. I'm not sure how to write about this without possibly sounding a bit doolally. But I'm not. Not in that sense anyway. But these past six months I've had the strangest feelings of premonitions, there's just no other way to describe them. Very tangible things, situations coming true. So much more than your usual gut feeling. Very grateful they've only revolved around positive matters or at least situations and disappointments through which I, and others, have gained valuable insights. Touch wood I might add.

On a lighter note, I'm quite pleased with my new glasses. They are indeed green horn-rims, and the style is not something I'd usually go for, but being basically blind as a bat when I try on new frames I thought they looked decent and pretty cool - remember my dad had something similar when I was little and a bit funky 60ies style is never wrong. And I firmly believe you should try something different whenever you have to get new glasses.

I'm glad I liked them when I picked them up and was able to actually see through the glass. I decided to get a second pair this past week, you always get a second pair for half the price at my optician of choice (for 8 years now). Pink, but not any of the two pink I chose from the other month.

A pretty cool side effect with these glasses is that you apparently get an immediate vampire look. No, my eyes aren't quite as shiny green no, I wish. But the iPhone PS app (one of my favourite photo editing tools) is revamped (oh the pun) into something quite fun to play with, try it if you haven't. Plus it makes those gray hairs look less unbearable, even if I'm getting better every day at not caring... I've been called Snow Queen from this photo a few times by very different people, which made me laugh, it's quite ominous. But I do promise I have no poisonous apple or other vengeful things up my winter sleeve. And I'd much rather be a Cool Cat.

A cool cat who managed to snap one of those much coveted ticket to the annual March 8 Women In Tech day conference in Stockholm. Have always missed out, but this year, after a pretty nerve wrecking 5 minutes with server crash I got one. The 1500 tickets were gone in 2 minutes, so needless to say I'm pretty chuffed I was one of the lucky ones...

Another fun thing that happened during the week was that I found myself stepping into my favourite shoe shop on my way home (ages since I bought shoes, believe it or not), it was a sale and I wasn't going to buy anything, oh no. Then I saw that one of my favourite ART models, one of the pairs that were ruined by the leaky roof in October, were on sale in my size. So what is a gal to do? While trying them on I chatted with another customer about how awesome the brand is, she was so inspired that she got the same shoes. And then we decided to meet up in May in our same shoes and have ice cream. Love little chance meetings like that, who knows what might come from them? In this case, vegan ice cream for sure.



Also, if you haven't already seen this clip from the Ellen show - I can't believe she's 60! Vegan diet, kindness, love, humour and dancing are the not so secret ingredients to that I'm sure - when she got her beautiful birthday gift from her wife, you must. Keep tissues close at hand though, you'll bawl your eyes out.

And what touched me most was the quote "To be loved is good, to be understood is profound." - and that is so true. To be understood, truly, that must be the base on which love is built. Simple and challenging at the same time. As life in general.

What will happen next week? If this first week of February is anything to go by, add to that my expectations of great things of course, it will continue to offer bemusement, delight and surprise. Which are things cool cats naturally appreciate.