reflections on the swedish election 2018

The credible surveys on the different Swedish political parties environmental politics before the election showed there were only two parties that take global warming and climate change seriously. Of which one, the Left party, will never have any real influence since it's the ex-communist party ie is apparently still very revolutionary and extremist in Sweden in 2018. No matter how many votes they get apparently. Seriously, for x sake, grow up. We are all on this planet to learn and grow.

- As I recall, conservatives have a pretty heavy luggage of sins themselves; they were against voting for women, women's, workers, gay rights, they worked long and hard to keep slavery and apartheid. And have been and are just as heavily involved in dictatorship regimes all over the world as left wing politicians. To name a few things. Let s/he who is without sin first cast a stone. It's interesting that right wing politicians, at least in Sweden, never have to be accountable for their predecessors appalling behaviour, but forever left wings. Food for thought. -

The other one is the Green party. Ie the only party that has the environment as top issue on their agenda. They have formed the government alongside the Socialdemocrats for the last four years. turbulent years, with very uncomfortable scandals among good new environmental policies. Granted, not nearly as strong policies and straight climate talks that were needed, but still better than it could have been.



In the scary times we're living in there shouldn't be a need for a Green party. Every party from left to right should have strong environmental policies and agendas. Because whatever other issues the respective party think are important, *newsflash* they're not if we don't have a livable, healthy planet to have any kind of visions for.

But not even after this awful summer before the election did the climate get a lot of attention in the election campaigns. Because clearly immigration, housing, taxes, education and health care etc etc ad infinitum are much more important than a livable planet. Face palm.



And after the Sunday election with a truly bizarre result the 15 year old on climate strike leading up to the election - and will continue to be every Friday until the Paris agreements goals are reached - is still the smartest cookie in any jar compared to those so called grown-up politicians. Whom act like spoilt, petulant children in a sandbox.

It was impossible not to watch the election night on TV. Even if, with few exceptions, it was like watching a horrifically embarrassing mud wrestling match between toddlers dressed like grown ups. There really is no wonder at all that the disgust of politicians is so widely spread.



The most embarrassing thing to watch was the four conservative/liberal party leaders repeating themselves in high pitch voices "The prime minister must resign, the prime minister must resign, the...!" - instead of, as proper dignified, mature grown-ups would say "The election result is very strange and inconclusive so far. We will bide the end result and solve this as grown-ups, act our roles and work out a solution that's best for the country and the world."

I've always been very sceptical about block politics, it leads to ridiculous lock in effects. Grown ups, no matter party affiliation, should be able to work together on dire and important issues (like our mere existence for example). Period.

And the best thing that was said - mind you, by three red politicians that managed to act like grown-ups, far from always the case with them either - was that this election should be the death of block politics, it's time to come together in coalition and rule in the center of politics. The times calls for it.



I've never been faithful to any blue (conservative) or red (progressive) side or party. My heart is obviously very green, but certain years certain issues have been more important for me when I've casted my vote. I've never voted with my own wallet in mind, but always for what I think and hope would be a better society. I don't like the idea of being tied to one party or side - free spirit me talking here too - I prefer to entertain many thoughts at the same time, and grow with thoughts and time.

This year I was, finally, be able to vote 100% with my heart and head. But after this apocalyptic summer, I just couldn't. I had to vote for the climate, anything else would have felt irresponsible and immoral.

And (in hindsight naively) I thought the majority would.

Oh my, was I wrong. On the election day the earth passed the 1,5 degree global warming target. Apparently there's only 5% chance of reaching the Paris agreement goal. Still, most people just don't care. Which the Swedish election results is just another proof of.



The day before the election we marched in the global People's Climate March in Stockholm. Sadly the arrangement was quite dispiriting. We don't need more dopiness in the environmental movement, that will just continue to alienate those that still needs convincing, we need straight talk and clear facts. And a lot of action. It would also have been nice to see a wide influx of attendance from all (reasonable) political parties.

But I guess they had their hands full with the last bit of campaign smearing before the elections.



We can't continue to burn fossil fuels, fly, drive, shop, eat meat and dairy - which by the way aren't human rights - like nothing has changed. We need drastical structural/political changes as well as change our personal habits. And we as private citizens can't continue to live like we've always done and wait for someone else to fix this because we are all eachother's someone else.

So, despite being deeply disappointed about the election results, I still continue, in my little green corner of the universe, to lessen my carbon footprint and hopefully inspire others to do the same.

And I am still looking for my kind of people.

fingers crossed for ms sustainability 2018

One of the reasons I moved to this suburb of mine early 1990ies was that it's the countryside with close links to Stockholm city - about 30 minutes with commuter train - fresh air, grand views, woods, walks, a serenity you will never get living in the city - which I love obviously, but I would never ever live there again. Inner city born and spent my first five years there before we moved to the suburbs, on the very opposite side of the city where I live today - I need room to breath, less people, crowds and traffic, more nature and green spaces. Might be the introvert me speaking. Or just nature loving.

Unfortunately things have changed a lot since I moved here. There has been a generic building frenzy these past 10 or so years, with no care for the beautiful green spaces. Instead of using the already built upon places, like obsolete tennis courts, industrial (non toxic) areas and so forth the county politicians (no matter political colour) see it fit to bulldoze nature and the important green open spaces. In some unholy alliance with building companies, which obviously isn't unique for this county, but close to home makes it easier to grasp.

One of the more recent bulldozing is based on some crazy idea that we need yet another shopping centre out here. As if the large shopping area 10 minutes drive from here, including IKEA and an outlet village and other shops, isn't enough. Agenda 2030 and encouraging consumerism aren't compatible. I'm so tired of politicans not making such simple connections.

Off with the woods, blast the rocks, build even more ill planned, fugly, generic houses. Don't forget to make sure it's easy accessible by car alone, no need for public transport. Oh, and we need a gas station too. Nevermind the Swedish strict regulations where gas stations can be built vs residential areas. Sure enough, after the gas station built was well on its way someone suddenly realised that building permit was illegal. Obvious to anyone but the permit giver.

To this new part residential, part shopping area a new, supersized Coop supermarket has moved. Previously situated a couple of kilometres down the road, easy acessible for the nearby neighbourhood and a few bus stations away from where I live. So instead of renovating an already working supermarket within easy reach for the customers by walking, biking, bus and car, they saw fit to move it and erect a new building with no easy access unless you live very nearby or have a car.

Building in 2018 should be all about sustainability and careful, smart planning, with practical solutions that don't revolve around cars and driving. Quite possibly too little too late, but still to be this *insert foul words of choice* stupid, ignorant and negligent is not acceptable.

That said, it seems like this new supersized Coop hasn't become as popular as they thought, partly because the nearest bus station is three kilometres away and you have to walk through a muddy construction area not fit for pedestrians to get to and from there. So Coop offer free, special bus rides there twice per week.

They don't exactly advertise the service. I've taken that bus once, last month. We were three people on it. And that's the usual quota. Ill-advised *service* is a kind word for it.

Coop makes a big deal of this new supermarket being sustainable, green and everything extra awesome. Myself I see food waste galore. Because there is simply no way they get that abundance of food sold while still edible. I don't like supermarkets, I want small, independent shops or at least smaller grocery stores that take the vast food waste problem seriously.

That said, this post has now reached the top of the grumpy, muddy hill and it will now be a breeze of positivity, sunshine and grand views on the easy walk down.



When visiting the Coop I discovered they had suddenly catered much more for vegans and there where a lot of new, organic brands present too. So I was admittedly a bit starstruck by that fact, in all my grumpiness. If money wasn't an issue and had this residence many mouths to feed I would possibly had bought a lot of nice, tasty, green things. But I settled for some old favourites and trying some new ones. Amongst them nicecream.

There was a whole wall full of different vegan icecream brands. I have never seen something like that, it was amazing. Hadn't tried the Ben & Jerry's vegan icecreams, but since I never liked their original ones which I find to be overloaded with sugar, I was most certainly not going to spend my money on a tub of that. No I had my eyes set on a Swedish brand. Until I saw the price, jeez. So in the end I went with a tub of Ben & Jerry's vegan chocolate fudge brownie, because surely that was cheaper than a nicecream that clearly had gold dust as a secret ingredient?

It was only after I checked my receipt that I realised that it was in fact 15% more expensive than the other one. I was in shock. For a nicecream I wasn't even that keen on. I'm such a fool.

I was really sceptical when I opened the tub. Had a spoonful. Died and went to nicecream heaven. Turned out it was in fact one of the best vegan icecreams I've ever had. Smooth, flavourful and not too sweet. The amount of chunky brownie bits in the chocolate was perfect. Did not find any visible gold dust though, which is surprising.

No plans to get another tub anytime soon, if it wasn't on special price. But then I had the homemade chocolate sauce for the Easter dessert (no, I haven't forgotten about the recipe) left over. And bananas. And always un-sweetened coconut cream in the fridge. Banana split sounded like a nice thing to make. So I needed nicecream.

Once again I was fooled by the B&J price, and saw another price than it actually was. In fact even slighty more expensive than the first time. April's fool I.

I'm afraid I'm well on the path of becoming the (not) so crazy cat lady that buys really expensive vegan icecream, because I'm worth it.



However, when I made the banana split that price seemed well worth its literally weight in gold. Because needless to say, this bowl of chocolatey, peanutty banana split was heavenly. Easy peasy to make, a banana (organic of course), whipped coconut cream (un-sweetened), a couple of scoops of B&J chocolate fudge brownie and peanut butter cookies, drizzle with chocolate sauce, topped with crushed peanuts.



The third part of this post will be about work. Because on Thursday I got a call from Denmark about an interview for a communication position at a well-known, international environmental organisation, for their Stockholm office. I applied for it a couple of weeks ago, but while I don't doubt I'd do a great job and tick a lot of important boxes on their wishlist, the competition must be absolutely fierce, it's such an amazing opportunity.

The interview was scheduled for Friday already. It was a lovely meeting, I would love to get the job, a six months gig. Such a fantastic chance to make a real difference and work with passionate and like-minded people. Two details that warmed my heart at the meeting, there was a huge delivery of Oatly iKaffe oat milk in the kitchen and the head of communications had swam with manatees, twice. Obviously the position screams my name.

As usual I went into analyzing overload mode after meetings like this, what did I say, what didn't I say, what could I have presented better, what did they say, how did they react and act, what if, how come? But, as usual, what's meant to be will be, I can't do anything else but trust the process now. And no matter what I was so pleased to get the interview, I will always treasure that fact.

So, dear universe and the internets, fingers, toes and paws crossed firmly now, okey? If I could I would treat you to a heavenly vegan banana split to get you into a magical and powerful mood for it. But since I can't I will send you an abundance of kind thoughts of gratitude instead.

Yours sincerely,
Ms Sustainability 2018

PS The Ms Sustainability 2018 expression is courtesy of my ex-team mate, he had some brilliant and entertaining ideas along the way. When I think about that the whole situation is even more sad and incomprehensible. DS

organic vegan food inspiration, part 2

Have had what someone brilliantly called a cosmo-geek week. Loads of inspiration from strong, capable women and too much people for my poor intro/ambivert brain and personality. I'll write more about that when I've rested the brain and collected my thoughts.

For now I'm so very grateful for Friday, followed by blissful caturday. I'm suspecting next week will be fun and hectic too, so I'm putting my very snooze on all weekend. My only sadness is that there are no more episodes of Younger available. And that the foodstore hadn't gotten the delivery of peanut doodles (which is my new snack of choice).

I'll cook something nice from whatever I have in the fridge and freezer. And look forward to another fabulastic week of the vegan food ambassador gig. Here are the wonderful dishes I've cooked since I posted about the falafel. Some definitely more memorable than others. The recipes can as usual be found on the Årstiderna website or in the app, but in Swedish. So if something tickles your tastebuds please let me know and I'd be happy to translate the recipe.

The photo above is of a delicious sweet potato soup with curry, lime and coconutmilk - the sweet potato and pumpkin soups are two of my favourite dishes for the boxes, perfect comfort food packed with flavour - topped with a tomato salad with lemon grass and roasted pumpkin seeds, served with toasted pita bread. A fantastic meal with lots of texture!



Wholemeal noodle salad with broccoli, carrot, cucumber, coriander, cashewnuts and a spicy tamari sauce. Basic but good.



Spicy white beans cream - which then has become a new and simple favourite of mine, it's like hummus but with your favourite white beans instead - fried zucchini, tomato salad and grilled pita bread with za'tar spicing. Lovely flavours and textures.



Potato-leek soup with roasted pumpkin seeds served with sourdough baguettes. Basic but good.



Tartlets with asparagus, mungbeans and broccoli. Served with a lovely salad of point cabbage, apple and pomegranate. Great flavours, amazing textures.



Spicy stew with potato, chickpeas and chili-tomato salad. Basic but nice.



Mexi-bowl with quinoa, black beans, point cabbage, avocado and tomatoes. Basic but good.



Red curry stew with broccoli, carrot, grean beans in coconut milk served with wholemeal rice. Basic but good.



Fried rice with turmeric, oyster mushroom, broccoli, chard and cashewnuts.Lovely, the mushroom added extra oomf.



Peas-pumpkin hummus - oh my goodness... - with oven-baked aubergine and toasted wholemeal pitabread. Amazing and delicious.





Noodle salad with carrot, cucumber, roman lettuce, green beans, tahini sauce and gomashio salt. Very basic, but I like the touch with gomashio salt.



Seitan-sausages in bun served with cucumber salad and asian cabbage salad with sesame seeds. It's nice with those rare dishes you don't have to cook a lot to get, a pretty basic dish but the asian salad is mmm. Sesame seed oil and seeds make everything taste better.



Beetroot risotto with roasted hazelnuts and parsley-cabbage salad. Very nice, but I have to say the one I usually make is better, creamier.



Curry stew with chickpeas, sweet potato, carrot, tomato in coconutmilk. Basic but nice.



Latkes - potato-Jerusalem artichoke rösti - with hummus and fried kale. Lovely, but for the kale.



Celery cream with grilled spring onion, fried kale and roasted buckwheat. Lovely but for the kale. Roasted buckwheat, what a clever thing!

No matter how I've tried I really don't like kale. I can only have it in a smoothie, but it's rubbery and nasty in anything else I've tried, cooking myself or eating out. I don't care if it's a super plant, it's like eating weed to me. Sorry, kale, we will never be friends. I know your intentions are great, but you are not for me.

this is what i'm made of

The week that was, the first of October, my birthday month, has certainly been an emotional rollercoaster - not at all as the devastating one of 2016, I'm needless to say grateful for - but partly from work related stress and anger because of unrealistic expectations and demands from client. But at least I wasn't alone in feeling this. Hopefully we can clear this up, set up a decent structure and move on to (more) greatness this week.

To partly stress mixed with excitement from new project finally starting. Which also got me thinking about how much extra time one generally has to put in to learning new project tools. Project tools and procedures that some seem to think is the most natural thing in the world that *everyone* knows already. It isn't. And even if they're easy enough to learn they initially also take a lot of extra time to get the hang of. A more or less steep learning curve. I've done it before, I will do it again. But to be honest, a lot of the time the technology is really time consuming, not necessarily time saving and efficient, even if that's what we like to think it is. Smart yes, time saving, well...

I'm also thinking that when the technology and (less than well thought through) routines take so much time, that really doesn't bode well from a financial point of view. The budget and compensation level aren't realistic anymore. I'm pretty fab at working fast without losing quality, but sometimes there's only as much as you can do when it comes to that. Partly because of technology, part because of human behaviour out of your control.

And working my way through texts and technology I get this distinct feeling of much ado about nothing. I'm my own worst critic so I really really REALLY look through everything a gazillion times before I hit the submit button. Pretty sure I will still have to do some rework of these initial texts. And since it's not a passion project I'm also pretty sure I don't see it as a long term thing for me, unless I'm able to really work down the time spent on each task it's just not worth it. But still, always grateful for the opportunity to diversify my skills and work.

I also know that in the long run it's good for your development with a bit (or more) resistance. But I believe that resistance and obstacles to work with is much more rewarding if it's a passion project, wouldn't you agree? So I also see this as a good lesson in what I really should spend my time with, work with, and what I shouldn't.

This upcoming week I'll also start another little gig that makes me really happy. I'm going to be food inspirer on Instagram for the great vegan food box from the all organic company Årstiderna (The Seasons). I've found myself in the same ol' rut when it comes to cooking lately, very uninspired in general so I've ended up eating oat porridge for dinner more often than not. It's going to be such fun to be inspired AND inspire others to green, sustainable, healthy, animal friendly and not least very tasty cooking! I tried their vegan food box this past spring and it was lovely, especially one of the dishes was incredibly tasty and easy to make - beetroot quinoa. (I'll share the recipe soon.) You can find the account on Instagram at @veganskamatkassen - hopefully I'll see and inspire you there soon!

I'm constantly fascinated how seemingly vastly different things, happenings and not least people end up being connected in the strangest of ways these days. Or maybe this past year has been one great big eye opener. I've always said I believe in serendipity (or syncronicity, but that's not nearly as lovely a word) and magic and when the time is right things start to make sense. Perhaps this is the amazing time for it now. I keep trusting the process.

In 2013 I also wrote about being in a happy place, everything didn't work out as planned back then. And to be honest I don't think I was this at peace then with my life and how things are, in parts have turned out to be through things out of my control. The soul searching, the hard work, the aha moments this past year, especially these past six months have been exceptional. And the fine fine people I've met in all this, what can I say but wow, an abundance of gratitude for that.

Now, what about the pin above? Ever since I read about the amazing title in 2014, I think it was, it has been my dream job title. Not that I really would like to be employed as it, but if it could be a gig, a project, now that would be quite quite awesome. However I don't believe that true happiness and content at work necessarily come from having a sea of pom pom balls in the office, having a table tennis room, funky design or even free food. Neither do I believe it stems from open-plan offices (quite the opposite, my dear!) or forced team activities, scheduled fika breaks working from an unrealistic notion that everyone is created as an extrovert clone.

I believe that the secret (which shouldn't be a secret these days really) to a happy work environment is to actually see the difference in personalities and needs - and please do get rid of those ridiculous open-plan offices! - to create a happy and productive co-existence for introverts, ambiverts and extroverts where everyone respect the respective needs on a daily basis. We are all responsible for the work place culture, yet so many don't seem to get that. That's where I think the Chief Happiness Officer would do a great job.



I'm also willing to take on the role as CLO simultaneously, Chief Listening Officer. I firmly believe the world needs more of those. Too many people tend to talk too much, very few listen. And look where that has gotten us, in so much unsustainable, void of compassion trouble.

All the awesome work title pins I got at a brilliant little book release on the future of the professional life, where I also got to meet the robot Ariel and other neat people.

Must not forget to mention I baked some great vegan cinnamon buns for Cinnamon Bun Day on October 4 - that will also be a recipe I'm going to share soon. I know I'm not sharing as many recipes as I once used to, the reason is not only the lack of inspiration I mentioned above, it just somehow seems a bit trivial when there's so much other amazing stuff going on in my mind and outside right now. But the world do need more easy and tasty plantbased food so I promise I'll share some delicious recipes this week.

I had also set out to write something about the infamous Impostor syndrome in this post. Because it's crazy how no matter obvious competence you have and evidently skilled you are as well as comfortable and confident in your self esteem, the ugly notion of being a fake pops up its head now and then. If you came to my home you would not believe I'm such a perfectionist as I am in work, far from. I'm a bit Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde in that aspect. I find that both liberating and rather annoying. But still, a clean home is a sign of a wasted life, it's one of my favourite quotes for a reason.

But pops its useless head up it does sometimes, that syndrome, even more so recently when people I don't know so well yet, or people I didn't know thought so many amazing things about me, say truly great things about me, even recommend me without hesitation. So again, wow, gratitude. And I don't say this with any fake (slightly pun intended) modesty, I really feel blessed and grateful for this. And I'm getting better at ignoring that pestering syndrome, which obviously has nothing to do with a lack of self esteem. Funny how things are, and how the brain works. But of course, I should know that by now, and it doesn't have to involve the offer of a ride.

"I Got that sunshine in my pocket, got that good soul in my feet" -

bring on week two, sweet October of mine, I'm so ready for your greatness!

looking for my kind of people

Dear Blog, it has been exactly one month since I last blogged. Which is the longest (voluntary) blog hiatus I've had. Not for the lack of thoughts and things to write about, but it is after all better to live and experience those thoughts and things than writing about them.

I can't even begin writing about everything that has happened during this past month, so much meetings, seminars, inspiration and people - but at the same time, here and now despite all this nothing has drastically changed for me personally, as far as I know. And when all the activity slowed down last week and I welcomed a breather I was struck by a horrible cold, that has been a most unwelcome companion for over a week now. I haven't had this nasty kind of cold for years so I suppose it was the body's way to say slow down. And hopefully I've now boosted the immune system for years.

The climate change has certainly been very obvious this year, the last (?) snow we had on May 9. Craziness. And then a few days later early summer arrived. We've had some lovely summer days with temperatures around 20+C and over, but the evenings are still unseasonably chilly. Summer colds are definitely worse than winter ones and even if I'm not allergic to anything the pollen season has been adding to the nastiness of it. Ah well, I'm feeling better now, if not all well.

Talking about climate change, I attended the Climate March in April. I do not do marches or group things, but still I did this one, because just as the sign I made says "you know it's serious when even the introverts turn up". Had a nice march with friends but it was really dispiriting to see how poorly organized it was plus how appallingly few people that turned up for the march. Was I the only introvert in Stockholm who realised how serious our situation is?

I'm still no closer, as far as I know, to that part-time job goal of 2017.

A few times I've thought I've been but they've turned out to be far from the great opportunities they looked to be - two misleading ads, one job was a case of "wanting someone passionate about working in an office with no need of flexibility" and the other interview was a case of blatant mansplaining. Sigh. I thought we had come so much further in 2017.

But I'm working on it! And of course continuing to run my own Prosit business. Which I hope to do for oh so many years still.

A few highlights of these past few weeks have been -

:: A lovely breakfast seminar about diversity at Junibacken experience centre/museum of Astrid Lindgren's magical storybook world. It was before the museum opened - no visitors, only the utter delight of experience the quirky building, the stories, the ambiance and not least the Storybook Train (which made me tear up). The museum is also a conference centre and open for private functions. I didn't know and I think that is such an awesome place for it!

:: A great TED Talk with global speaker and writer Navi Radjou about Frugal Innovation, which was pretty mindblowing, to say the least. You can listen to his talks here. And you really really should, you will become a better human being for it or at least strive to be.

:: Another lovely breakfast seminar at sustainability agency Futerra where co-founder Solitaire Townsend talked about how they work with Theory of Change. Brilliant. (Incidently it seems like a pretty perfect place to work at...)

:: Geek Girl Meetup 2017 - Geek Evolution. A day of geeky unconference talks by inspiring women only. In a mad world there are so many great projects out there!

Since it has been another busy month I haven't had time to really think a lot about my need for grief counselling. But I have got some nice tips of people I'm going to look up. When you're busy with practical things, with inspiring stuff, there's no time for those difficult thoughts. It's when you have to reflect they come. So yes, when the time is right I will do something about it.

This past month I've also thought a lot about how difficult it seems to be to find my kind of people work-wise. I may be a bit of an oddball, but I never thought my reasonable needs for regular solitude, flexibility and general decent behaviour could be so at odds with many workplaces still. It may be naïve but I really thought a lot had happened since I was employed years ago. Seems alas it hasn't.

Or perhaps it's just the usual case of there's a time and place for everything and when we find eachother, that illusive workplace with my kind of people and I, everything will finally feel awesome, right and we'll create magic together.

My quest continues.

stockholm august cavalcade

Making the most of the first week of commuter trains back on track (pun intended) for me meant three Stockholm outings (a mix of business and pleasure), another outing and then I was, as an introvert, peopled out. But also very happy of the things I experienced, big and small, the people I met, the things I ate, during the week.

I have to say that after two laboursome, stressful months of substitute buses it was simply luxurious to be able to ride the train again. Funny how something reasonable (like the public transport working) one take for granted suddenly is a luxuary. And very very much appreciated.

Though after the first week of August the weather has alas been very fickle, with some quite chilly days for summer. Which makes me sad. August was always such a lovely, but wistful, late summer month of mild, beautiful evenings. These past few years it hasn't been sadly. Hello global warming in Scandinavia.

But even if it's been a few chilly days it's still very much summer, you just have to put a cardigan on. So what's up with all these weird people actually wearing high boots, quilted jackets and mittens (yes really!)? The very same people that complain about the cold, long Swedish winters obviously don't grasp the idea of enjoying the summer fully. Mindboggling. And just because your summer holidays are over doesn't mean you have to start wearing autumnal clothes. Embrace the natural vitamin D, folks.

That said, here are some highlights of the the city that's my home from the week that was - enjoy ~

thank you, may

Thank you, May, I do believe you've been a kind and useful month. 

Full-time work for pretty much the whole month has been quite exhausting, mainly due to the rush hour commuting. But it has also been really good for the brain having been forced to concentrate on working and learning. And socialising. 

I may be an extrovert social introvert (or closet extrovert as some might say), but to be honest, having to chat regularly or listen to others chatting every single day 8 to 6 is too much for me. And it doesn't matter if they're nice and friendly, I want more space of my own.

That said it has been a great gig, I've had a room on the opposite side of the office from rest of the communication department and that has suited me perfect (for the above reasons). Yes, the people have been very friendly and uncomplicated - and overwhelmingly grateful for my work it seems (hooray) - I've been left to my own devices in a very liberating way and I've learnt a lot on various levels. The gig is finished now and I've been able to relax a wee bit in the sun the last couple of days of May. Gratitude.

Just what I needed really. I'm ever so grateful for the opportunity and not least the person who tipped me about the project on Facebook - which is a place I rarely visit, it mainly annoys me in all sorts of ways, but see, now it has proven to be very useful too, go figure! - I'm a bit amazed really how well things aligned for me in May.

But the month of May has not been all work and no play. Oh no, the gig also helped me discover some new, great places for lunch and food in that part of town. Which is a part I've mainly seen as a thoroughfare and these days a supersized building site. But now I see it as something much more. Not least a place that helped me forward in a very difficult time in my life.

So I've discovered a fantastic little Indian street food lunch restaurant, foodtruck turned restaurant, which serves both flavourful vegetarian and vegan food too. I've discovered an organic food-shop/lunch restaurant (a part of well-known Swedish foodstore chain) which is pretty brilliant. And gotten tips about other places to explore. Which I may write a bit about later.

I went to a really great Yelp breakfast club-event and discovered a new-ish organic, muesli brand which is right up my alley from brand philosophy, copy, packaging to of course flavour. I've been munching on grand muesli pretty much every morning ever since the event. And if I hadn't worked early mornings already then I would never have decided to go up as early as 5.15 in order to be at an morning event 7.30. But now I did and did and it was such a nice experience.

The weather has been great, from really hot summer days - too hot for comfort, both personally and on an environmental level - to very cold ones - which too is uncomfortable for the same reasons - and some well-needed rain. From always gorgeous cherry blossoms, to apple blossoms to wonderful, generous lilacs, nature has been ever so beautiful.

And the charity shop's pick up of all my bags and boxes of clothes and stuff early in May gave me such a liberating feeling. I'm planning to do it again during the summer. There are lots and lots of stuff out in the garden shed which needs sorting through (many boxes which I haven't opened since I moved here in 2001. Yes, really...) and possibly in the wardrobes too. Even if granted, I've done a lot of much needed, liberating wardrobe cleansing already.

But of course I haven't been all practical and busy, I've had days off on my own with my thoughts. And the sorrow continues to be striped, a couple of months after the passing, but it also makes more and more room for self-reflection. What could have, should I have done differently and most of all of course, what can I, must I do differently from now on. To create the life I want and need.

As devastatingly sad and unexpected as the reason for all this is I can safely say that it has forced me to grow a lot in a very short time. Some days the problems and issues that need sorting seem overwhelming, others I'm just doing them. But no matter the daily mood shape I'm always aware that sorting has to be done and I'm the one that has to do it. Though perhaps I can be kind to myself today and leave it until tomorrow.

In general I'm not really good at asking for help, when it comes to everyday practical stuff, but I'm ever so grateful for the best mum in the world and her nearby friend with car who kindly help no-car-me getting the cat litter and food home. 

My next thing is to get help with transporting many big bags of garden waste, the old kitchen sofa and old bathtub to the nearby waste site. Which currently seems like one of those huge, overwhelming deals when you don't have a car or a trailer or know someone obvious who has or can. But as problem-sorting alongside 'everything will be alright because it has to' are my new mantras that will be done one way or the other.

It's interesting how the really mundane things suddenly become so complicated when you can't lean on someone else but yourself. 

Obviously I have no travel plans for the summer this year. It would certainly be good for the soul to get away for a while, just be in a new environment but any such ideas are simply not viable financially. But as the Swedish summer is a thing of wonder and I have lots of things to potter with at home I'm alright with that. Circumstances are so very different now from a year ago when we planned for Berlin in a few weeks... Instead I'm looking forward to my Schwarzwald-trip I've decided to take in September.

I have a great joint work project I hope will kick off soon, but I would also love to get new gigs during the summer. Sweden is notorious for closing down during June-August for holidays (yes, I know, crazy) but really there are always need for telecommuting freelancers and temps during the summer months so hey, Universe, please get in touch on that subject. Keep them gigs rolling in, thank you kindly in advance.

Goodbye, May, and thank you ever so much again. 

Hello, June, please be helpful, kind and soul-soothing - and full of hedgehogs.

the thoughts of an introvert

A while back I saw a t-shirt with a print that said "Introverts unite! We're here, we're uncomfortable and we want to go home" - needless to say it was very easy to relate to. And one day soon I'll get that t-shirt.

For now, after spending a day in the city I'm ever so grateful (no matter how nice the city visit/meeting has been) to know I usually don't have to do that the next day or two or even more days in a row. That I can work from home, not having to share my space with others, plan my days in whatever way I want just as long as I meet my deadlines.

That's bliss. And deep gratitude. Plus it does make me appreciate my must-days amongst people the more, both from an inspirational and introvert point of view.