first guest at hedgehog drop-inn 2020

Another post second day in a row. Not something you should get used to though. But when I realised I had done a blatant mistake and not mentioning the news of the first distinguished guest at Hedgehog Drop-Inn 2020 in yesterday's post I though s/he deserved a post of her/his very own. And what better way to start a new month, than sharing an adorable, mood-lifting sighting?

If I've done my calculations correctly this is the 18th year of summer hedgehogs visits and stays, but I first wrote about them in 2007. I am so honoured they've find sanctuary here ever since. Even if there are probably new guests every summer, they might be a family that tell stories through generations  about the magical garden with plenty of food, water, sleeping places and curious fluffsters.



As they usually turn up in late July/early August, I couldn't believe it was actually a persistent wee hedgehog that was trying to get in through the garden gate, when I heard the noise on May 24. but there s/he was, strutting down the garden path. I know they're little clever pricklies and can get through and in via very small openings, but I'm surprised at their ingenuity every year.

As I've done my best (or succumbed completely to my inner garden gnome of laziness plus the garden elder weed that invaded some years ago... for a good reason though!) to let the garden be as it is, to offer a haven for biodiversity, they might hibernate and live somewhere inside here too.



From feasting on luxurious kitty food (the only I had at home at the time, I usually buy cheaper bags when hedgehog season begins) it was time for a stroll and a cat nap. Because this is just how much the cats looovez when the hedgehogs appear for the season. And sights like this makes my heart explode of cuteness overload.

Just what one needs to see and be in in these worrying times, wouldn't you agree?

PS After letting the garden grow wild like this for some years now it has become just what I wanted, much more popular amongst bees, bumblebees, butterflies and other insects. My little humble contribution to biodiversity. My very own green green mess of home. DS

goodbye july, hello august 2019

July 2019 - the month I finished not only my goal of 5 books, but 8. Hooray. Plus am a few chapters into even more books. And yes again, the more I read the less I write obviously.

That said. Apart from books what has the last few weeks of July been like than? For the most part very hot, debilitatingly, depressingly so. But at last the temperature dropped drastically yesterday - with unusually low temperatures for the season instead, which are also climate change caused of course. But at least you can breath. And sleep.



I got a general letter from my Dr Dentist thanking me for the years as is patient, but he is now going to retire and his practice is sold to another dentist. It was quite a shock, didn't realise he'd reach that age, he doesn't look like it. But I suppose, since I have been seeing him since I was a kid, it's no surprise... I will now have to look for a new dentist for my annual checkups, and as his skills was the only reason I did those 2 hours single trip commute to the other side of town I will have to try and find one much closer to home, from recommendations.

Finding good doctors and dentists (and not least veterinarians) you trust is no mean feat. I guess I've been spoilt really, with my dentist.



On the subject of doctors, I accompanied my mother to the hospital for a check-up last week and read this article in one of their magazines in the waiting room. About more and more Swedes going vegetarian and vegan. It was illustrated by one of the most powerful images I've ever seen. It is this simple, with one hand you choose life, health, the planet, the other one is just needless pain and suffering for innocent beings, and for the planet we all share.



Went on a day trip to university town Uppsala with little mum. Some years back they extended the commuter train lines to Arlanda airport and the Uppsala, making it much easier to get there, but also much less charming than taking a proper train. The commuter train ticket prices are ridiculously high for those extra miles though, so even if it's a nice little trip it's pretty costly I'd say.

Anyway, we arrived early and began to slowly saunter to the city centre. An hour after our arrival I tripped on those darn cobblestone streets and fell slap-bang on knees and hands. The first thing I cried was "oh no, hope the phone didn't break!" - when it would have been worse if I re-broke my hand obviously. It was pretty painful, if not much blood and I felt both dizzy and nauseous for about an hour afterwards and had to rest on a bench. Luckily it passed and we continued up to the cathedral, had a vegan nicecream and continued with walking around town.



This is me after the incident, with the nicecream in sight. I may have several super-powers, but the least pleasant one is my inclination to trip, slip and fall when least expected. Even if it, touch wood, doesn't happen often, it happens regularly. And the amount of scars on my knees tell a long story. And obviously the tale of two broken arms, one in my twenties (the cat bathing incident) and the other one last year (the cat vomit incident).

I was pretty sore for about a week, partly still is, my right hand and my left knee took most of the beating. And I had seriously huge bruises. Still am a bit tender, but it feels a bit better everyday, thankfully. It could have been so much worse.



We visited a really lovely tea shop - with cat tea, Uppsala is the hometown of the famous author of the children's books about Pelle Svanslös, Pelle No Tail - and had a great vegan buffet late lunch before it was time to head back home. I so enjoy these unpretentious day trips, with no particular musts and shoulds, just a bit of sightseeing and something great to eat in towns you've been to before. Hopefully there'll be time for a few more day trips in August.



In August I'm also attending a vegan cooking class. It's not that I don't cook a lot already, obviously, but I thought it would be fun to mingle a bit, get new contacts and pick up new tricks and ideas. The evening will take place at a small vegan restaurant that mainly focus on raw food and catering.



Remember the job interview that was re-schedule for August? Got an email last week saying the position was filled now. In the middle of the holiday season. When they said they couldn't do interviews until the second week of August. If it had been at another time of the year I could've understand that when they found a good match they stopped all interviews. But not at this time, high summer, that's just blatant unprofessional behaviour. And that's just what I told them.

So incredibly tired of all these unprofessional, incompetent recruitment companies and clueless HR departments. But I guess this learning experience, as jaded as it's getting me, is simply a part on my quest for the Dream Job with my kind of people. Onwards and upwards.



I got myself a stylish rain poncho. A garment which probably only Marimekko and the Unikko pattern would entice me to do. But then the heavy rains stopped and I haven't used it yet. But I was so tired about getting soaked despite umbrella, when it was windy and heavy rain fell. So hopefully this will be a very good thing come rain next.



Last week I welcomed Mr/s Hedgehog 2019. A fairly big one and so far just one. Love how the cats are still happy and curious to see them. If my memory serves me right this is the 12th year I'm honoured to host the Hedgehog DropInn in my garden.



Of the eight July books read, I think this one was the most powerful. In all its simplicity. "Scener från hjärtat" (Scenes from the heart) is written by the family Ernman - Thunberg (yes, Greta Thunberg, her mother world-famous opera singer Malena Ernman, her father and sister). It's absolutely heartwrenching about a family in crisis, a wrecked social system and not least a world that's burning on the brink of collaps, but very few react and act accordingly. For me it was highly relatable. And for those who still think Greta isn't capable of all the amazing, inspiring things she does herself, but a puppet on a string, that's clearly and simply not true. The book should be obligatory reading for everyone.



Thank you, July, for every lessons learnt, the good, the bad and everything between. Good people, good food, good books and cat cuddles galore.

Welcome, August. I'm so excited to see you, beautiful, wistful, last month of summer. Please bring good news, good health and fine things, and not least, it is about high time for that much awaited, hard worked for, Dream Job now, don't you agree?

public transport shambles, forest fires and baby hedgehogs

I was going to write a lengthy post solely on the nothing short than complete shambles that's the public transportation in Stockholm this summer. But I won't, this will be a three piece post from infuriating, to even more infuriating, to cute overload.

Let's start with the closing of the two major commuter train hubs in the city - the Citybanan and it's two new stations are not even a year old and they costed about 17 billions SEK plus 4,5 billions for new trains. I was highly critical and sceptical to the build beforehand, for many reasons. I still am, very much so - Odenplan and Stockholm city (which is the central station) - because of faulty escalators.

The new commuter train stations are built really really deep underground, below the subway system. So it takes quite a long time before you reach the ground coming with commuter trains to the inner city these days. And the escalators are obviously very long and steep. And scary.

Last Monday there was a frightful incident with one of these scary, long escalators, it scampered and changed direction and a lot of people fell. Luckily noone was seriously injured. Up on inspection of the escalators - from the company Otis - it turned out there were serious problems with corrosion. The escalators aren't even a year old.

They had to close down over 70 escalators and since that means there aren't any safe exits from the stations, subsequently the stations were closed too.

Odenplan is opened up again - but I'm seriously not keen on using that station any time soon. Stockholm city is still closed a week later. In the middle of the holiday season. Here's a bit more information about the situation (in Swedish.)

There are currently so so many other construction works in the public transportation system in Stockholm. I thought I'd point out everything, but I won't because it's exhausting and infuriating. The reason for the embarrassing shambles basically being politicians and authorities have mollycuddled car traffic for centuries and just ignored the dire need for maintenance and modernisation of the public transport system and railroads.

Not to mention, corruption is more vastly spread in Sweden than we like to acknowledge, this situation makes one think about that too.



Which brings me to the next infuriating, but also heartbreaking, thing currently happening in Sweden. It started to be unseasonably warm here in late April already. May was really warm, and global warming was a very obvious fact. Early June was slightly cooler, but July has been nothing short than awful with temperatures +30-34C for weeks now. In many parts of the country it hasn't rained for over 10 weeks. And that has naturally led to extensive forest fires. Over 60 of them.

And the reaction, or rather lack of reaction, from the government and many authorities is simply appalling. Even a moderate amount of true leadership shown here in this man-made disaster situation would have sealed the upcoming election in September. But no such thing. I guess the government and its prime minister aren't very interested in keeping their positions come autumn.

The last straw was the Supreme Commander of the Armed Forces saying on the news the other night, that they can't use the helicopters on ground for waterbombing because it's holiday season and the collective labour agreement and holiday laws forbids a suspension of the holidays. It's not our responsability. Seriously.

It's a national crisis, the country is literally burning. The brave and amazing fire fighters and volunteers on the ground can't fight this alone. The lack of strategy and planning is just mad. For f*** sake, get this under control and deal with the bureaucracy afterwards. The stupidity and lack of leadership, be it in politics or authorities, is absolutely mindboggling. Yet, again and again, they get to keep their position (and being paid way more than they deserve).

Needless to say I won't be voting for the current government. I most certainly won't vote for the opposition either. Neither stands for a society and future I want to see. This year I will only vote with my heart, mind and good conscience. I would be deeply ashamed if I didn't.



Given this extensive heatwave I haven't had a decent night's sleep for weeks now. The house is heating up during the days and there isn't enough time for it to cool down until bedtime. I refuse to use more energy than needed ie use the heat pump's A/C system. Besides it showed serious signs of giving up for good by the end of winter, and since I'm not able to replace it as things currently are I need to save it's possible last use for winter.

I don't know how people can function in heat like this. I can't. Taking it one day at a time, like wading through syrup. I desperately long for rain and cooler days. A nights. As do nature. And the cats.

Which brings me to the lack of hedgehog visits - this 17th year anniversary of being a blessed hedgehog drop inn owner - since that first, very early, sighting in May. But then last night I suddenly spotted a tiny one in the garden, the smallest ever.

And this late afternoon there were suddenly a whole family here. One big and three tiny, smaller than the palm of my hand. They're curious, active and slightly mischiveous. And too too adorable. So now I'll just have to help them grow strong for winter, with lots of kitty food and water.

The cats, and especially Zigne, thinks it's super interesting and exciting to open the distinguished inn again.

It's tiny, preferably four pawed, things like this that help keeping the ever present Weltschmerz (and anger at the state of the world in general) at bay. They did appear just when I needed it. Blessed and grateful am I.

oh let the river in

Hell hath no fury like a woman not being paid by her client. And as new unsavoury details unfold in the ex-project mess I'm really gobsmacked that they think the people affected by this appalling, careless and selfish behaviour will just accept and be quiet. Which is obviously sheer stupidity on their part.

Not only have I not been fully paid, this project has also put my own business in danger. Due to the fact I have lost other revenues since I said no to other job offers as I (was a fool to) believe in it as a long term prospect. And the whole thing has been time consuming, energy draining and obviously really hurtful. At a time in my life when I really really didn't want to fight any new battles.

And that's only my story in very short. I'm not the only one hurt. It has been an important life lesson. But with ramifications I did in no way expect, just because I trusted people to be decent, fair, truthful and not despicable ass hats.

Of course I'm not going to be quiet and accepting about this. Doing that would eat me up from inside. They have certainly messed with the wrong person. Currently collecting facts and pondering the best way for maximum impact.



So while I entertain different scenarios in this aspect, my brain is still capable of work, entertain and enjoy other things. Like long walks and seasonal inauguration of the Moomin sneakers - which sadly gave me serious blisters this year so I won't be stepping into them anytime soon, buhu - and the brilliant weather. Global warming gave us high summer weather in early May, I know, and it's with very mixed feelings of human guilt I enjoy it. Weltschmerz is always lurking at the back of my mind.



I baked vegan scones and had a little brilliant cream tea brunch to celebrate the arrival of May. To be able to enjoy so many meals al fresco as I've done so far in May is bliss. And I'm certainly not alone. My ever present masters of mindfullness and life enjoyment make the most of every day in the garden.





I May have got myself a very Moominesque Marimekko dress. I feel like a life size Little My (obviously my spirit character) in a fabulous power dress in it. Classic design and it will last for years. Just like my beloved flowery happy coat. Statement pieces of great quality that lift the mood of both wearer and viewers are great. I also like the fact that the dress is both casual and party depending on accessories. And it has pockets. Which all the best dresses have.



On my way home that day I spotted something that looked like a Moomin stuffed toy discarded at the recycling station. It was. Serendipity. The Moomin dad naturally came home with me. He might be the start of the revival of the Teddybear Sanctuary.



In the shivering last days of April my Christmas (!) amaryllis finally came into gorgeous bloom. Those two flowers have since withered but I think my little eye spy a couple of new buds replacing them. Better late than never, only five months late.



Soon, very soon the lilacs will be in full bloom already. My hedge is brimming with buds. And fingers crossed I don't have the snivels this year, so I can enjoy the wonderful, enlivening scent. The hedge is situated right outside the bedroom and the scent of it seeping inside is one of the loveliest seasonal things.

The top loveliest seasonal thing though arrived here today, the first summer hedgehog. Contemplating mowing the lawn when I noticed movement in the shrubs and some cute little sneezes, sure enough a wee hedgehog sighting. S/he was treated to some luxuary cat food and later feel asleep in an adorable little prickly bun shape in the flower bed. I feel blessed having such precious summer guests.



As far as the Ms Sustainability 2018 new gigs and jobs go, so far no positive news alas. Keep those fingers, toe and paws crossed, please.

on being a free spirit

Someone said I look like a fairy today. As much as I can't for my life see why - dirty bedhead hair and shabby, old sun dress etc. - it was a fun and sweet compliment. Presumably one of those fairies who dance around at misty meadows on summer nights with flowers in their hair and not the willowy ones in Lord of the rings.

And it got me thinking  about how truly liberating this grief recovery process has been. How I feel lighter, brighter, strangely more me for it. So perhaps the (giggle worthy) fairy-like appearance is something that shine through from within rather than the outside appearance. When it feels like a heavy weight has been lifted off your tense shoulders, it's visible not just feelable. In fact I feel more like my free spirit self than I have in a long long time.

We have a few sessions left and I have to say, without exaggerating, it has been one of my best experiences in life. Sad it had to come through a heartbreaking event, but looking back at my life - and people that inspire me - it's not the happy days and circumstances - no matter how grateful I am for those - that has led to true growth, deeper understanding and compassion, a step up the ladder of becoming a better human being, fellow earthling. It is the hardship, the sorrow, the troublesome days.

Though I most certainly do not advocate a positive, upbeat attitude and outlook at all costs at all times, because I think that creates a false image of life, living and the world. However, the way you react to those tragedies we all go through in one way or the other, those hardship, setbacks, troubles and what we decide to focus our energy on, that's completely up to ourselves.

Don't become bitter, learn another life lesson and move on to greatness instead.

Which quite possibly is easier said than done for some, being born where I am, brought up in a loving family, being fortunate in so many ways and grateful for so much, I know I can't begin to grasp the hardship some, less fortunate people go through in life. But I'm sure you get my point here.

Since I wouldn't have had the chance to go through this process if it hadn't been for my British Shorthair breeding, - 

which as far as I'm concerned is a thing of the past, another thing I'm so grateful to have been a part of, all the lovely lovely kittens over the years, cat show successes, happy new owners, my own quirky, darling snoopervisors. But as much as I love the breed itself I also think there are enough cats, dogs, animals and yes, humans too out there wanting love and a safe family to call their own and no need to produce new ones. Quite the opposite imho. Oh, I digress. - 

Instagram and LinkedIn I posted this (in Swedish) in both channels -

"To work with this book has been a large and important part of my summer. Never would I have thought that I would share deeply personal things in a group of unknown people, but it has been an amazing experience. Liberating, cathartic, challenging, evoluting, healing and something of the most important things  I've done in my life.

And why do I write this on LinkedIn? Because partly, we are complex people, our private and professional lives influence eachother much more than we might grasp. And I know this book/process would make many people feel much better. And with that become better professionals, colleagues and business owners.

Partly, without (my British Shorthair breeding), Instagram and LinkedIn I wouldn't have had this valuable opportunity - you who have been a part of this journey, you know who you are, you are worth your weight in gold and I am so grateful to have been a part of your journey too!

..... "

Which brings me to the free spirit part of this post. Many many years ago, during my sick leave for burn out and as a part of the settlement with my former employer - situation briefly described here - I went to a career coach. I think we had about 6 sessions together, I don't think I was any closer to what I wanted to do after those sessions as such, but he was a likeable guy and I got some reasonable good advice and food for thought. 

At one of those sessions he suddenly went quiet, looked at me and said "Your skepticism towards authorities really is very deep. You're truly a free spirit!". I laughed and said that it was probably true, just that I hadn't seen it like that before. All these years later it's actually one of the best and most insightful compliments I've ever gotten.

I should have started my own business back then already I suppose. But at the same time I don't think I was quite ready for it. And for some reason I still had faith in the Swedish labour market. Many, many, many hard lessons later I took the jump and it has been fantastic in oh so many ways, still is. At the same time as I admittedly more and more miss working with others towards a common goal, you know, the my kind of people thing and fuzzy feelings galore.

In general the labour market has changed so much since back then, I believe that today, in certain organisations and companies, there is room for free spirits to flutter and sprinkle magic dust. So I remain hopeful and stoked that will soon be the next logic step for me.

The free spirit card above? Well, that's from a blog reader turned friend - the day I spent with you in Heidelberg in October was one of my best in 2016, thank you again! And yes, I will blog about the Schwarzwald trip one of these days, I will... - and arrived a while back. Apparently she thought of me when she saw it at Trader Joe's; hedgehog, pink boots, Midsummer flowers in the hair add a free spirit. I was touched! It's pretty amazing when someone actually pinpoints me that well by reading the blog. Even if I suppose nearly 12 years of wording is a decent source for pinpointing. Nevertheless, touched.

And tomorrow, the commuter trains are back on track - doing a special free spirit happy dance under the stars!

the thoughtful life

It's been a while since I last blogged. The (over)thinking, living, worrying, figuring out, problem solving, planning process does take a lot of time. And not every day is very productive in regards of that. But I also believe that I have every right to be kind to myself when it comes to rest and relaxation. So with that in mind the progress of redefining myself is slow. Or perhaps this is just what it is, must be, a mix of faster and slower days - 

though to be honest (and what's the point of not being that, life is short...) I blame the slowness pretty much on the summer public transportation chaos for us stockholmers depending on commuter trains. I wish I could simply take the train to the city, as usual, have a change of scenery, go for walks, sit myself down on a bench or a lawn, look at different views and think, plan, look ahead. But I can't, because the chaotic stress of the replacement buses I've limited my trips to the city to max twice per week. And I always know that those days there will be a lot of hassle and time spent on hot buses, bad communication, cranky people and overall a lot of nuisance, so the change of scenery and inspiration always comes at the cost of stress and exhaustion. But there's only so much enjoyment and inspiration you can get, despite this being a beautiful suburb, from walking the similar routes with no change of scenery and being pretty much a social recluse. 

If you don't have a car or driver's license - which I usually don't miss - this really highlights how incredibly reliant you are on the public transportation working flawlessly. Especially in a period of very special circumstances.

Of course this too shall pass. And for that reason I do immensly look forward to August 8 when the trains are on again and the daily travel limitations are lifted. But I'm also sad that most of the summer will then have gone by without me really being able to enjoy it the way I would so have wanted to.

By then I will have read a lot of books though. - 

for things to sink in and change, real change, progress, to happen.

Since my life currently, and more than ever, revolves a lot about thinking and processing, analyzing and planning I find that the little things and delights I used to blog about seem so trivial. That by writing about them - 

How I really enjoy my new organic morning muesli.
How I took the time to complain to the customer service about the annoying time spent trying to pay for my fika with partly coffee card partly with a regular card resulted in me getting a generous amount of money refunded to my coffee card.

How I really would love to get the most adorable, happy budgie skirt but that the current financial situation doesn't allow such frivolities.

How I actually did get a cute narrow pleats skirt dress the other week which practically costed nothing since I was able to pay for it with 'vintage money' (ie a voucher check for returning old clothes I no longer use. It's a Gudrun Sjödén thing.). A dress I had no idea about if I hadn't seen it on a friend's Instagram. A dress that was sold out both online and in most stores but that I walked all over town to different shops and was able to find the right size in the perfect colour. A colour I didn't know was perfect until I tried it on.

How happy I am that there's now a liquid non dairy butter/oil (with no palm oil) which makes baking vegan so much easier and tastier.

How grown up I felt when I, after the initial hysteria, managed to sort out all by myself what was wrong with my iPhone touch display which made the phone unusable. And that the following week's major issues with the mobile internet connection not working made me finally unsubscribe from the overpriced subscription. That I did my research and realised that other companies offer much better deals. And that they have much better customer services. That I just went with my gut feeling of enough is enough. 

How amazingly delicious sesame seed breaded tofu is.

The sheer joy of welcoming the first hedgehog of 2016 in the garden.

Etc.

- I trivialize the really important things and feelings.

But life really is made up of both true tragedies, unexpected incidents, life turning accidents as well as seemingly minor matters and silly luxuary problems. And that one probably wouldn't be able to cope with the former if the latter didn't exist.

I'm also struggling with two recurrent worries. One is obviously the 'this will not be a fair and decent aftermath' since I have no legal status. And how easy that worry could be solved by being open and honest in communicating and status updates (phone calls and emails). Instead I am left completely clueless on how things are progressing. And the scenarios of the hows and the whys are playing on repeat in my head. 

Should I simply close the social doors to that part of my life, the shared memories of M, just focus forward and only trust my own problem solving capacity? Or should I be open to the possibility of good will and fairness from there? Both alternatives have positive and negative implications. And honestly, my gut feeling sways from day to day. I just wish I didn't have to spend so much time worrying. Or let myself worry. Perhaps needlessly so, perhaps not.

The other worry is in the shape of how much should I actively push forward and how much should I just let myself relax and have faith (in an atheist way of course) that solutions will come when they are needed? 

And which active solution is the right one, do I really want to be employed again or should I simply adopt an aggressive (oh noes) approach looking for more clients? Granted it was really nice to get a paycheck after my May gig, not having to deal with employment taxes and such. But I know in my heart that running my own business and being a freelancer has made me so happy over these past few years. However the uninevitable unstable income curve is not something I can afford or work through now. For me getting back to financial stability is a key factor to healing. And growing.

And that's how far I've come on the path of redefining myself. Some things are out of my control, others are not. Figuring out how and what to procede with now - what can I do to worry less, and which approach is best in both short and longterm ways? Can I do something more, else, different than I already do? - I guess that's what the summer of 2016, the summer of chaotic public transport, is for.

thank you, may

Thank you, May, I do believe you've been a kind and useful month. 

Full-time work for pretty much the whole month has been quite exhausting, mainly due to the rush hour commuting. But it has also been really good for the brain having been forced to concentrate on working and learning. And socialising. 

I may be an extrovert social introvert (or closet extrovert as some might say), but to be honest, having to chat regularly or listen to others chatting every single day 8 to 6 is too much for me. And it doesn't matter if they're nice and friendly, I want more space of my own.

That said it has been a great gig, I've had a room on the opposite side of the office from rest of the communication department and that has suited me perfect (for the above reasons). Yes, the people have been very friendly and uncomplicated - and overwhelmingly grateful for my work it seems (hooray) - I've been left to my own devices in a very liberating way and I've learnt a lot on various levels. The gig is finished now and I've been able to relax a wee bit in the sun the last couple of days of May. Gratitude.

Just what I needed really. I'm ever so grateful for the opportunity and not least the person who tipped me about the project on Facebook - which is a place I rarely visit, it mainly annoys me in all sorts of ways, but see, now it has proven to be very useful too, go figure! - I'm a bit amazed really how well things aligned for me in May.

But the month of May has not been all work and no play. Oh no, the gig also helped me discover some new, great places for lunch and food in that part of town. Which is a part I've mainly seen as a thoroughfare and these days a supersized building site. But now I see it as something much more. Not least a place that helped me forward in a very difficult time in my life.

So I've discovered a fantastic little Indian street food lunch restaurant, foodtruck turned restaurant, which serves both flavourful vegetarian and vegan food too. I've discovered an organic food-shop/lunch restaurant (a part of well-known Swedish foodstore chain) which is pretty brilliant. And gotten tips about other places to explore. Which I may write a bit about later.

I went to a really great Yelp breakfast club-event and discovered a new-ish organic, muesli brand which is right up my alley from brand philosophy, copy, packaging to of course flavour. I've been munching on grand muesli pretty much every morning ever since the event. And if I hadn't worked early mornings already then I would never have decided to go up as early as 5.15 in order to be at an morning event 7.30. But now I did and did and it was such a nice experience.

The weather has been great, from really hot summer days - too hot for comfort, both personally and on an environmental level - to very cold ones - which too is uncomfortable for the same reasons - and some well-needed rain. From always gorgeous cherry blossoms, to apple blossoms to wonderful, generous lilacs, nature has been ever so beautiful.

And the charity shop's pick up of all my bags and boxes of clothes and stuff early in May gave me such a liberating feeling. I'm planning to do it again during the summer. There are lots and lots of stuff out in the garden shed which needs sorting through (many boxes which I haven't opened since I moved here in 2001. Yes, really...) and possibly in the wardrobes too. Even if granted, I've done a lot of much needed, liberating wardrobe cleansing already.

But of course I haven't been all practical and busy, I've had days off on my own with my thoughts. And the sorrow continues to be striped, a couple of months after the passing, but it also makes more and more room for self-reflection. What could have, should I have done differently and most of all of course, what can I, must I do differently from now on. To create the life I want and need.

As devastatingly sad and unexpected as the reason for all this is I can safely say that it has forced me to grow a lot in a very short time. Some days the problems and issues that need sorting seem overwhelming, others I'm just doing them. But no matter the daily mood shape I'm always aware that sorting has to be done and I'm the one that has to do it. Though perhaps I can be kind to myself today and leave it until tomorrow.

In general I'm not really good at asking for help, when it comes to everyday practical stuff, but I'm ever so grateful for the best mum in the world and her nearby friend with car who kindly help no-car-me getting the cat litter and food home. 

My next thing is to get help with transporting many big bags of garden waste, the old kitchen sofa and old bathtub to the nearby waste site. Which currently seems like one of those huge, overwhelming deals when you don't have a car or a trailer or know someone obvious who has or can. But as problem-sorting alongside 'everything will be alright because it has to' are my new mantras that will be done one way or the other.

It's interesting how the really mundane things suddenly become so complicated when you can't lean on someone else but yourself. 

Obviously I have no travel plans for the summer this year. It would certainly be good for the soul to get away for a while, just be in a new environment but any such ideas are simply not viable financially. But as the Swedish summer is a thing of wonder and I have lots of things to potter with at home I'm alright with that. Circumstances are so very different now from a year ago when we planned for Berlin in a few weeks... Instead I'm looking forward to my Schwarzwald-trip I've decided to take in September.

I have a great joint work project I hope will kick off soon, but I would also love to get new gigs during the summer. Sweden is notorious for closing down during June-August for holidays (yes, I know, crazy) but really there are always need for telecommuting freelancers and temps during the summer months so hey, Universe, please get in touch on that subject. Keep them gigs rolling in, thank you kindly in advance.

Goodbye, May, and thank you ever so much again. 

Hello, June, please be helpful, kind and soul-soothing - and full of hedgehogs.

bye july

Time to say goodbye to July, it has been a lovely, relaxing summer month of rain and sun which has been so good for nature. And sleep.

I know most Swedes are total weather grumps - all year round, no matter what the weather is, complaining is the thing. People are just boring and weird that way. - and of course they have been complaining and whining all summer long that it hasn't been a proper summer yada yada yada. But you know what, nature loves it! And there have been quite a few sunny days and decent temperatures around +25. The perfect mix. Much preferred over the last three summers which have been incredibly hot and left the gardens and nature in a dry mess. Plus seriously sleep depriving. I'm grateful I don't live in the south of Europe, the temperatures there seems crazy high this year too with no relief days.

If I would say one negative thing about the summer of 2015 so far it would be that on the cloudy days there has been a distinct, un-summery chill in the air. But still, why so many people dress in high boots (!) and thick jackets for that I have no idea, that's just crazy summer kill joy behaviour.

That said it has been a rather slow month, much like June (with the grand exception of Berlin then of course). I've treasured that slowness a lot. Reading, sleeping in, drinking tea, listening to music on the sunbed, watching movies - and a great style documentary -, eating strawberries, those are good activities.

• I cut my hair. Much shorter than I usually do. I needed a change. Not really visible in the picture, but it's assymetric and much shorter in the back than in the front. And I can still do a ponytail. Though, let's face it, if I don't do anything really drastic to my hair and diligently style it (which I rarely have the time or inclination for, despite all my awesome hair products) it will look pretty much the same - ie the curse of the the curly hair

• There was the tiny frog - whom I haven't seen since.
• There was the hedgehog 2015 - whom I have sadly not seen since either for some reason.
• My new cosy, colourful garden corner
• Three + two new bobs arriving - yes, two tiny more that have yet to be introduced...
• I've found not only one but two new great dresses of the Marimekko kind.
• Plus a cardigan and a frilly blouse.
• I've played tourist in my own city.

• I've enjoyed my blue sandals a lot, they have been truly wonderful to walk in.

• There have been regular eating of good brunches - and by that I mean a sleep in followed by a sandwich and pastry at a sweet garden cafe of choice.
• There has been working and ooing over my snazzy new office equipment, thank you Berlin.
• There is a bobbaloo car in da house.
• As well as a new but second hand wardrobe for all important recycling (plastic, tins, glass, paper, cardboard, deposit etc). The old sofa I thrifted when I moved to my second apartment 24 years (!) ago and then did a fine job re-upholstering, a job that through the years have been properly destroyed by various cats has finally been put down and sent to sofa heaven. I feel both sad and relieved. But is is cleansing. Finally I seem to be getting the hallway in practical and pleasing order, adapted to cat owning factors.
• Got an unexpected and pleasing email from a long term project-client. It's nice to be appreciated.
• But sadly no month without the madness of heartless people doing vile things to animals, I've cried over the horrific end for Cecil the lion. And for all the other poor animals who never ever get a chance of life because the is such a despicable thing as canned hunting. Hopefully some good things will come out of this from all the justified outrage and great people who work against the madness of vile hunters and animal abusers.

Now I'm looking forward to August with excitement. Even if I have worked all through summer it has of course not been as intense as it can be, I'm looking forward for it to be, new business collaborations and new clients, networking, lunches and discussions. It's going to be such fun!

But of course summer is far from over yet. Before all that fun begins there will be other funs, like shorter roadtrips and a visit to the Skåne region - and dinner at lovely Friden gårdskrog - as well as Copenhagen.

Thank you, July 2015, 
you have been a good month for mind and body.
Welcome August, we're going to have such fun together, I'm sure!

hedgehog 2015

It's finally time to say "hello!" to the hedgehog season of 2015!



Spotted the first one in May already, but outside garden still and haven't seen any on a regular basis since. But now they seem to have found their way into the garden, the first stodgy one I found scratching his head loudly in the lilac hedge this afternoon.



And I'm certainly not the only one who's happy to see the summer guests. The littlest cat was awfully keen on playing with the prickly guest. Hedgehog not amused.



And she desperately wanted to spoon Ms/Mr Hedgehog. She/He even less amused.



I love this time of the garden year.

Previous hedgehog summers here and here for example.

the hedgehog cushion

all set for hedgehog season 2015. hopefully this year's hedgehogs are up for learning to play the keyboard, as instructed by this snazzy cushion.

mixed emotions about keyboard playing hedgehogs from the felines me thinks. although the prospect of skateboarding bulldogs would have been even worse i suspect...

the cushions you didn't know you needed from ikea, of all places.

the proof is in the hedgehog gingersnaps

Finally. Finally I have gotten down to a) bake that organic gingerbread dough I've been emaning to bake since before Christmas - thank you due date - and b) put the cat baking roller to the test.



And as you can see it works swell! I used my regular roller to roll the dough out and the I used the cat roller to make the pattern. And came to the conclusion that a) the dough need to be as thin as possible or b) be of the kind that don't rise so much when baked plus c) a lighter dough most likely shows the pattern better.







I used Moomin characters, dog, heart, dala horse and hedgehog cookie cutters and I love that the shape that turned out best with the cat rolling pin was the hedgehog cutter.

Since there will be a lot of cakes baked in this residence due to the seasonal kind eggs in the weeks to come I will most probably not bake more cookies anytime soon. But on the other hand I'm really keen on baking my own shortbreads. Finally. And how awesome wouldn't that be, cat patterned shortbread...



The fantastic rolling pin (that comes in different patterns, but seriously the cat one is obviously the best one) is from Valek Rolling Pins on Etsy.