the waiting game

”Step outside, take a breath, listen to the calm and gentle sounds of nature. It is the sound of recovery.”

I know, it's been a long month since I last blogged. It's probably been a month of many ups and downs for us all. A bewildering month of many adjustments, a lost month but also full of insights and learnings.

Myself I also managed to catch a nasty cold - I'm pretty sure it wasn't Covid-19, as it was acting like my colds act, only it was prolonged into 2,5 weeks before I felt really well again. So during those weeks I only ventured out a few times to the garbage bin at dusk, to avoid people.

I haven't been in to inner city Stockholm since March 16, thus obviously haven't travelled by bus or train since then. Just walked around the neighbourhood and to the grocery store (it's great to get there at 7 am when they open up, perfect for social distancing). It feels surreal, life's taken a time out somehow.

I'm still proud to be a swede and our strategy of course, but I'm appalled at the selfish flippancy too many people seem to show as of lately, filling up restaurants, restaurateurs not taking responsibility despite clear restrictions, not taking the social distancing seriously as if spring and warmer weather is some magical overnight cure. The stupidity and ignorance, mindboggling.



Before corona struck I bought two vegan shoes from El Naturalista. I've been eyeing them for a year, but resisting since I (obviously) don't desperately need new shoes. But now there was a decent sale on, and I would (also obviously) love to have a few more non-leather shoes. I'm also thinking I'll finally sell some of my El Naturalista leather sandals, that I have only used a couple of times (not really my style or fit, but once I thought they were a must...), so less in more out.



Unexpected feline bonus of the purchase, Ågot absolutely adored the mesh bags that came with the shoes. You might think they were drenched in catnip.

Before corona I also had my discerning eye on a gorgeous skirt and dress from Marimekko. But I have to say that, nowhere to go, noone to see, working from home and only going for walks and picking up groceries has been a most effective way of curing shopping urges. And given the gazillion emails about sales, new collections at reduced prices I get every single day, I'm not the only one. I also think that with incomes and future job situations being really worrisome for many of us now, shopping for things that aren't a must seems pretty crazy. I mean, I already struggle to use my existing beautiful wardrobe right now.



Talking about shopping and consumerism, one of the two online classes I've been taking this past month is about Consumption, environment and climate. I can't say it's been an eyeopener as such, since I've spent so many years already reading and learning about the topic of sustainability. Obviously. And the obligatory test I took about my ecological footprint clearly shows that if people lived like me, the planet would be healthy, thriving place for us all. Yes, the combination of vegan living, chosing organic, slow fashion, not owning a car or flying a lot, choosing energy from renewable sources and more, can truly make a huge difference. It both infuriates and saddens me that people still don't get that. When politicians and big businesses fail us, we could make such a big difference ourselves just with our daily choices.



My other class is a Yale-course on the Science of Well-being. It's great! I'm also proud of the insight it has given me, that my main signature strength is Perspective, followed by Appreciation of Beauty & Excellence, Humour, Creativity and Love of Learning. I do love my perspective strength, but I have to say that given how the world looks and people still behave, it has also always been a struggle with this blessing. I so wish people would finally learn how to connect the dots, our current situation is such an obvious, heartbreaking lesson from Mother Nature we MUST. I will now embrace and acknowledge my strength more, use it even more for a greater good.

I'm now on the shivering last weeks of the course and rewiring my brain, which in my case is meditating regularly every day. And you know how long I've been struggling to make that a routine, in vain. I still struggle with focusing. But now I have better tools and insights to make it happen. And the quote from the course "A mind-wandering mind is an unhappy mind" has certainly striked a cord.

I've also applied for a university course at Stockholm Uni - Resilience Center on Sustainability Science. They've changed it into a digital class, still in Swedish, but available from anywhere in the world this time. I hope I'll be accepted, it's pretty much exactly what I've been looking for in vain until now. It'll start in late August, part-time for 6 months. I'll know if I got in in June. Fingers crossed.



As an intro/ambivert I don't miss interacting with people that much - I still go for social distancing walks with my mum and the neighbourhood's dog ladies - but I do miss the freedom of just taking the bus-train to the city, museums, walks, seminars, meetings, fika, lunches, you know, all those simple things we take for granted. Most of all though, I missed not being able to experience the blissful cherry blossom trees in Kungsträdgården this year. Last year seems like another world... Which, crazy enough, it truly is.

But I'm also grateful for the fact that the sadness over that has been alleviated by the fact that there are actually more cherry blossoms trees in my neighbourhood than I realised. They're obviously not as impressive as rows of 20+ years old trees, but the sight of them still light up my heart and mind.



I didn't get the job I went to an interview for in March. I was over-qualified, I was told that before the interview, but there were other benefits and great things about the job in question so I didn't mind at all. But it wasn't meant to be.

I've applied to two fantastic sounding jobs lately, they both get me salivating really (that is an extremely rare thing), last day of application hasn't been yet. So I'm holding my fingers crossed more firmly than ever before. Please join me in that firmly-fingers-crossing activity.



I promise there won't be a month's hiatus until the next post. I want to write about books, the fact that lipstick has become one of my small things in order to keep up some sort of normalcy, about all the lovely vegan food I've eaten, cooked and baked (yes even that, I haven't baked since 2017!) recently, about the thai food truck that has put up doors within walking distance and that they can veganize pretty everything on the menu, tea, feline shenanigans, great TV-series, movies and much more. So for a month lost to us all, April 2020, things still happen, life is slow but still very much there around us, within us. Savouring the little things is more important and obvious than ever before.

Goodbye April, I won't miss you, but you've been a master teacher of what's important and of what must change.

Welcome gorgeous, green May, I hope you will be a kinder teacher and great enabler.



"...you've been wandering in between, the things you have and your longings and your dreams..."

walk into 2020 like it's a rainbow paradise on fire

First of all, I adore you, my January 2020 music crush - Harry Styles has never been on my radar, 'he's in one of those countless generic boybands, right...?', but I saw him on The Graham Norton Show (which I love) and was completely smittened by the song and his totally snazzy dressing. Look. At. That. Suit. Fabulous.

Secondly. The year, the roaring 20ies have sadly started with one soul-crushing event after the other. And so, to my fellow climate angstees, I recommend this piece on How To Stop Freaking Out and Tackle Climate Change with a pretty great and constructive 5 point plan to do it.

However I do not agree on ditching the shame as such. I still firmly we all need to strive to be better in our own lives, make better choices, as we too as individuals are responsible, not only a broken, sick system and despicable political structures. We can't blame Big Brother for everything. We too must change. As well as keep demanding structural changes of course.



And on that subject - my first post on LinkedIn for 2020 was about this pile of soft toys koalas at IKEA. A company that has and continues to cause a lot of environmental damage all over the world with its production, and a seemingly pretty disgusting marketing ploy. I'd say that no amount of solar panels, recycled furniture or vegan sausages can cover up that fact.



And don't get me started about the fact that our beautiful cherry blossom trees have already begun its blooming season... Three months early...



But the year has not only begun with the continued climate angst and Weltschmerz. The first thing I did to kick it off was to colour it in Pink Pop again. The vegan hair colour rinse from Maria Nila worked its magic again - there's not much left after 5-6 hair washes now, just as expected - and I've decided 2020 will and must be a year with many green insights and a lot of the magic that is pink.



Just before the Christmas holidays I got a free test subscription to a film and TV-series channel blissfully void of ads. The four weeks were subsequently prolonged to eight weeks, so I have enjoyed quite a few good (and bad) movies and streaming of great TV-series. Binge watching has been lovely. And have you ever felt that when you binge watch a great series it feels like losing friends and a context when its over?

Here are my favourites, series and movies, highly recommend them! -

• The First
• The Capture
• Mary kills people
• Five bedrooms
• A million little things
• War of the Worlds
• Wild Bill
• The Rook
• Gold Digger
• Howard's End - I've always loved the original movie from 1992 with Emma Thompson, Helena Bonham-Carter and Anthony Hopkins. But this new TV-series adaption is so very beautiful (the attention to details...) and moving. And those adorable terrier puppies in episode 3, look just like Little Loaf Malte when we brought home at 9 weeks old. 
• The Wife - Gleen Close, amazing,
• Isle of Dogs
• Paddington 2

And just like 2019, I let Isabel Dalhousie, philosopher and Edinburgh sleuth extraordinaire, set the tone for 2020, with this year's first read.

I finished 51 books in 2019, first time I wrote them down and added them to Goodreads. I might never get back to reading as much books as I once did (and audio books are not my cup of literary tea), but I'm happy with almost one book per week (with everything else you have to explore and fit in in your life). Some were spectacular, some lovely little bagatelles, and a few pretty bad. Easy reads but badly written.

I finished the 6 weeks course in "May cause miracles" by Gabby Bernstein, just before New Year's. And while some of the chapters were zero relatable, I just skimmed through them, others were so.very. relatable. It was a good read, I'm still not calm and focused enough for meditation, but it was still a really eye-opening experience in switching one's perspective in thinking and acting.

I think these two first bought books of 2020 also will be two of by greatest reads of the year, one is a Swedish book by climate psychologist focusing on our climate angst, and how to turn what seems like a hopeless grey blanket covering us (this winter it literally has been, the tiredness quite overwhelming) into positive action. Have read 30 pages so far, and it's a yes yes yes, me too-kind of book. I'm so happy to attending a breakfast seminar with them this week, one the Behaviour Impact Gap.

And I think Marie Forleo's "Everything is figureoutable" will be a very good read too. I've always clinged to that notion, especially these past four years of course, looking forward to reading new thoughts and actions on it.

I know I sort of promised to write a recap of last year, but really, let's start with a clean slate, shall we? Like wiping off a really scary, but also nourishing, cleansing and liberating, clay mask from your face. Let's start fresh! (The memories and lessons will always be there, tucked safely away, anyway.)

So, so far this year for me - quite a few interesting and surprising calls, talks, meetings. Some great, some not really what I'm looking for, but still interesting lessons.

I don't think I mention that the friend who volunteered at the great Vegoforum day last year, dragged me with her to the first planning meeting for Vegoforum 2020 in the beginning of December? Wasn't sure it was for me, but somehow I said yes to voluntering, and it has been really interesting and fun so far. This year it will be four theme-days followed by four democracy workshops, the first one in late March.

This Veganuary - I hope you've signed up for it?! - has also been the hat trick for my position on the Top 20 Swedish Lifestyle Blogs to Follow, third year in a row. I may not blog nearly as much as I used to, but still now and then I apparently offer something pretty readable.

Hopefully it won't be 20 days until next post, but for now, I hope your year has begun in a wonderful, hopeful and inspiring way. Continue to act, be and create the change you want to see in the world, in desperate need of that, and remember that...

easter shenanigans in pink

Over Easter I began planning in my Bullet Journal, one of my goals for April and forward was to blog 1-2 per week. I've already begun slacking obviously. At least there are other areas where I've ticked a reasonable amount of boxes. And I honestly think we would be very boring humans if we got A+ in every single thing we aimed for. Life is so much more fun and interesting if we leave room for spontaneity and life's little surprises, wouldn't you agree?

And just as the BuJo principle says, if you haven't ticked the box there's always a new month for that task. Or perhaps it's not important enough, and can instead be removed form the to do lost.

Welcome to my easter shenanigans in many shades of pink!



As if I needed more tea. I got it anyway, easter calls for special tea. Including a refill of the wonderful angel tea I bought after the completion letter session in my grief recovery process group. And as M's birthday would have been on the 19th, and instead his funeral was on the 20th, three years ago, I got it so we could have a cup of tea together of sorts.



As is also obvious by now, is that everything need special snoopervising by special feline lens louses in this household. In the end, everything is about the cats. And more often than not about this redhead.



I picked up the green Marimekko blouse that needed altering, from the tailor. It looked great and I inaugurated it on a museum visit to one of my favourite Stockholm museums, Thielska - which I wrote a bit about 12 (!) years ago - there was a special exhibition on the Dalecarlian design sisters Jobs - behind my beautiful slippers from 2011 - the exhibition wasn't very good alas. (Unlike the William Morris at Millesgården on my birthday.)





But visiting the charming Thielska gallery is always lovely. And I got to visit the magical tower room with it's painted ceiling animals and see one of my favourite paintings, The Knight and the Maiden. The only vegan dish on the menu in the cafe was rubbish though. An overpriced salad in serious need of protein and lots of love. Plus a cheeky seagull that snatched parts of it before I sat down.







I enjoyed my breakfasts al fresco, with my special Easter teas and the vegan Easter muesli. And look, Zigne. Plus speckled eggs nails and dairyfree chocolate bunnies. Wish I had bought more that one jar of that muesli, it was so crunchy and lovely.





There was a simple vegan Easter lunch and too much plantbased candy. Loveliness. I read books, watched movies, went for walks, cleared the garden from the clematis. It's absolutely crazy how it grows and grows and grows every year. Still need to figure out how to get the garden waste to the disposal site. Tricky without a car of your own. But problems are there to be solved.



Remember the vegan hair colours from Swedish cruelty free brand Maria Nila? I saved them for a first use until spring. And what better than try one of them during Easter weekend? I chose pink and I'm happy to say that despite still being predominantely brunette my hair now has now highlights of light pink (thank you greys!) and a pink overall glow. As it's only hair mask and colour refresher it'll only last 8-10 washes, but I think that's perfect to have a play with. Looking forward to try the blue one. And as the pink was such a hit I'm no stranger to find more colours to try.



And the gorgeousness of pink cherry blossom trees in Kungsträdgården happened during Easter too. It was their 20th year of bloom this year. Pure magic as usual. And another year of collecting pictures for my long-term planned book "Men under pink cherry blossom trees".





Here is the blue Kånken my mother went for, ended up replacing the one I bought for her birthday for a blue that suited her better. And look, Zigne.





The vegan brunch I treated her for on her birthday, on Easter Sunday, was lovely. Happy birthday to little mum, and many more to come, I hope and wish!





Got me some lovely soaps from Lush. Miss that Serendipity (you know, my favourite English word, and notion) has been discontinued, but Rockstar and Maypole are other favourites I return to. Plus the scrubby Sandstone is pretty good too. And look, a cat. A photobombing cat. How unusual.



There have been many sunny, beautiful days since I last blogged. But as we're in desperate need of rain to cope with the probable hot summer, and this is just too warm too soon, I struggle to appreciate the beauty amongst climate angst and, frankly, human stupidity everywhere.

- Yes, I also think the fire in Notre Dame is sad. But I think human priorities are just crazy warped when so much money can be collected into the cause of rebuilding it, when the whole world is on fire and desperately needs rebuilding and caring for. There will be no planet to live on, breath on and enjoy architecture and culture on, if we don't stop using and abusing instead of rebulding and caring for nature and species we share this planet with, first. That there are in fact private citizens who have so much money, and so little common sense obviously, to give away and chose to give to such a cause when there are a gazillions more important causes out there, that's mindboggingly distasteful and infuriating, in my opinion. -



But as someone wise said, nature won't thank us for not appreciating the beauty it still offers. Despite its seasons being warped. Who knows how much time we have left, the planet have left. I will appreciate more, I promise, despite my constant companion, melancholia.

I had looked forward to wearing the combo above all winter, when the day finally came, during Easter week, it was too warm, too soon. But yes, at least I have an abundance of colourful clothes and combos I get happy just thinking about combining and wear. And that I appreciate lots.



And colourful, quirky cats with lots of character. Who I am every so grateful for.



Apart from starting the Bullet Journal during Easter - not fully in to the daily process yet though, but I hope it'll help me focus and tick more boxes than before - I also finished that reversed job-ad for LinkedIn, I have no idea if these things actually work or if it's a lot of much ado about nothing. Time will tell I suppose.



As this will be the last post for April, I want to say thank you ever so much, month, for everything colourful, beautiful, magical, pink and kind things you have gifted. And all the amazing plantbased food and drinks. You have not been without struggles and sadness, but you have taught me a lot and for that I am grateful.

Welcome, May, I can't begin to tell how excited, curious,wishful and not least impatient I am over what you will bring! Can we decide that it will only be good, very good, much good things? A gazillion grateful thanks in advance.

oh let the river in

Hell hath no fury like a woman not being paid by her client. And as new unsavoury details unfold in the ex-project mess I'm really gobsmacked that they think the people affected by this appalling, careless and selfish behaviour will just accept and be quiet. Which is obviously sheer stupidity on their part.

Not only have I not been fully paid, this project has also put my own business in danger. Due to the fact I have lost other revenues since I said no to other job offers as I (was a fool to) believe in it as a long term prospect. And the whole thing has been time consuming, energy draining and obviously really hurtful. At a time in my life when I really really didn't want to fight any new battles.

And that's only my story in very short. I'm not the only one hurt. It has been an important life lesson. But with ramifications I did in no way expect, just because I trusted people to be decent, fair, truthful and not despicable ass hats.

Of course I'm not going to be quiet and accepting about this. Doing that would eat me up from inside. They have certainly messed with the wrong person. Currently collecting facts and pondering the best way for maximum impact.



So while I entertain different scenarios in this aspect, my brain is still capable of work, entertain and enjoy other things. Like long walks and seasonal inauguration of the Moomin sneakers - which sadly gave me serious blisters this year so I won't be stepping into them anytime soon, buhu - and the brilliant weather. Global warming gave us high summer weather in early May, I know, and it's with very mixed feelings of human guilt I enjoy it. Weltschmerz is always lurking at the back of my mind.



I baked vegan scones and had a little brilliant cream tea brunch to celebrate the arrival of May. To be able to enjoy so many meals al fresco as I've done so far in May is bliss. And I'm certainly not alone. My ever present masters of mindfullness and life enjoyment make the most of every day in the garden.





I May have got myself a very Moominesque Marimekko dress. I feel like a life size Little My (obviously my spirit character) in a fabulous power dress in it. Classic design and it will last for years. Just like my beloved flowery happy coat. Statement pieces of great quality that lift the mood of both wearer and viewers are great. I also like the fact that the dress is both casual and party depending on accessories. And it has pockets. Which all the best dresses have.



On my way home that day I spotted something that looked like a Moomin stuffed toy discarded at the recycling station. It was. Serendipity. The Moomin dad naturally came home with me. He might be the start of the revival of the Teddybear Sanctuary.



In the shivering last days of April my Christmas (!) amaryllis finally came into gorgeous bloom. Those two flowers have since withered but I think my little eye spy a couple of new buds replacing them. Better late than never, only five months late.



Soon, very soon the lilacs will be in full bloom already. My hedge is brimming with buds. And fingers crossed I don't have the snivels this year, so I can enjoy the wonderful, enlivening scent. The hedge is situated right outside the bedroom and the scent of it seeping inside is one of the loveliest seasonal things.

The top loveliest seasonal thing though arrived here today, the first summer hedgehog. Contemplating mowing the lawn when I noticed movement in the shrubs and some cute little sneezes, sure enough a wee hedgehog sighting. S/he was treated to some luxuary cat food and later feel asleep in an adorable little prickly bun shape in the flower bed. I feel blessed having such precious summer guests.



As far as the Ms Sustainability 2018 new gigs and jobs go, so far no positive news alas. Keep those fingers, toe and paws crossed, please.