goodbye summer, hello autumn

It's with sadness one has to admit that summer is over. It was an awful, frightening summer where you couldn't breath and think at the same time, with climate angst and sleep deprivation galore. But since it was like a reality version of an episode of the Twilight Zone it's like you never really got to experience the beauty and relaxation that is called Scandinavian summer.

And then all the rain we could have used during summer seem to have arrived a plenty these past couple of weeks. Everything is very green now, at last, but even if the temperatures are around +20C it's still distinctly autumn in the air. As is melancholy.

So, time for a few highs as well as lows of these past weeks -



:: The above amazing sculptures are made by the Barcelonian artist Jaume Plensa, who currently have some pieces shown at Djurgården, nearby and even in the channel. The big heads are just magical, like an optic illusion. And the life sized men hugging cherry trees are delightful - the world needs more men hugging (cherry) trees! The exhibition is on until September 23. Shouldn't be missed if you're in Stockholm.



:: That this 15 year old amazing girl, Greta Thunberg, is on climate strike outside the Swedish parliament, since two weeks, until our election next Sunday, is both heartbreaking and hopeful. That politicians and grown ups have failed is very obvious. As she herself put it the first day of her strike, when she was alone there - others have since joined - "Children most often don't do as grown ups tell them to, they do what grown ups do. And since you don't give a sh*t about my future, I don't either."

Not one (Swedish) politician has really taken the climate change catastrophy serious in the election campaigns. They still do not get that the climate is the one and only thing we should all be talking about. Even if "we're doomed and very few are prepared to say so." we should address it, take some responsability and serious actions to make the most of what I seriously fear are reasonably few years left of the beautiful, livable planet humans have destroyed for shortsighted, selfish reasons.

Politicians in general seem to be incapable of long-sightedness, unwilling to tell uncomfortable truths in fear of losing votes. And oh woe if another politician or party will "get credit" for that uncomfortable truth somewhere down the line instead.

If we didn't have career politicians, which is a concept that is just bizarre imho but not many seem to question, this would not be an issue in quite the same way. A limited term of office would be a very healthy thing.

I guess anything can happen on September 9. The day before there's the international People's Climate March here too. I hope we are many many who turn up. If we are enough introverts that turn up maybe we can make a change?

I said I will be voting with my heart only this election. But reading, listening and thinking I think it's a time to vote strategically. Just vote for the environment and forget everything else. Everything else is insignificant if we don't have a planet to live on. I still haven't fully decided which party to vote for, but there are 7 parties I most certainly won't vote for, they are just more bad business as usual news for the environment.



:: Last weekend I attended the Matologi-fair arranged by SLU - Swedish University of Agricultural Sciences - about sustainability and the future food. Despite good intentions it was an overall disappointing experience, of which some of the reasons were;
- All the non-recycable disposible cups everywhere. It's not hard to get a KeepCup and bring it whenever you buy coffee/tea. Promise. - How few plantbased exhibitors there were. - Politicians and debaters need to talk more about how essential the shift to plantbased food is. Stop sidesliping and continue talking about eating animals at any cost. It's much harder to replace the planet in the future than it is to change your diet and lifestyle (which has an immense impact on the environment) today.

If we want a future it is plantbased. Period. Compared to the great sustainability forum arranged by Stockholm University (my Alma Mater) in March (which also partly talked about the future food) it lacked innovative talks, knowledge and discussions. (I don't think I ever wrote about that forum, bad me. There were many really interesting talks about our dependency on fossil fuel, and how that ties to wars, instable regions, migration and of course global warming. And also sustainable food, health and science.)

It's quite disturbing when universities don't communicate with eachother and learn from previous experiences, especially research institutes in such close proximity. Plus obviously show so little interest in talking about/with farmer's that have shifted into plantbased farming, large scale urban farming like Plantagon, food scientists etc.

:: On the day of Matologi, the police had given permission to a nazi rally - alongside 134 other events and rallies in Stockholm that day... - I know, it's deeply worrying that they still allow anti-democratic movements like that to march on the streets here. I also think it's very upsetting that the police still use horses in their work at rallies. It's such an outdated and cruel concept.


:: I've written briefly about the bizarre concept of personality tests as a lazy way of recruting. Last week I had the questionable non-pleasure of doing another one, for a job that sounded reasonably cool and interesting, after having a long chat with the CEO of said company. He promised to call with feedback the next day. He never did. And given the honestly rather creepy tests and my refusal to adapt my answers to what they obviously wanted to hear, I'm not surprised. I didn't even get a general summary of the result or a thank you email for taking the two hours to complete the test. Not a good way to deal with employer branding *insert rolling eyes*.

In fact I think the questions were so creepily weird I'm preparing another blog post about the test alone. I can't remember every question, there were 200-300 of them (yes really), but I have some noteworthy ones I'd like to write some more about.

Did I mention that the personality test I did before summer showed I was basically a selfish psychopath? It was obviously quite offensive, and at the same time a pretty hilariously proof on just how off these tests really are.

I'm all for work samples, reputation resumes, referees and "how would you solve this fictive work scenario?" tests. Those are relevant parts of a recruitment process. Ridiculous personality and "logic" tests are not. For goodness sake, MEET the candidate first, before you assess they're worth or non-worthy candidates. Recruiter, do your job, don't be lazy, be professional.

I will never again accept to do a personality test. I also think it's quite questionable to not be up front with that in the job ad, but instead sneak it in at a later stage in the process. It's a waste of everyone's time. Well, everyone but the unprofessional recruiter.



:: Had a well-deserved pedicure with my little mom. It was over a year since last. It was bliss. I hope I'll be able to do it more regularly soon. Good for the soul as well as those poor feet that literally stand for a lot.



:: Today, on the last shivering day of summer, I met up for a quiet first anniversary celebration of last year's brilliant brunch and brainstorming fika. It's a nice little tradition to end the summer with. We have alas not getting any further with our brilliant B-project - life has a way of coming in between plans... - but one day we will work something magic together.

I remember I was in a much better mood a year ago, calm after the intense grief recovery process, excited about a cool work autumn - little did I know then that I was going to be deeply hurt by it all six months later... - than I am now. I wish I felt less weary. But it is what it is, last summer was a much better, energizing and significantly less worrisome one.

The vegan food today wasn't as spectacular as last year, but the sandwich with beetroot hummus and grilled veggies was really nice and that little unassuming chocolate cake delicious.



Then we clinked in organic kombucha. Much better than champagne as far as I'm concerned.

Bye summer, farewell August, you have been disappointing, but I know it's not your fault. And I've learnt a lot, even if it was more than I needed.

Hello autumn, hi September, oh pretty pretty please, can you be nice, kind and lovely with sugar and sprinkles on top, please? Much needed. Promise an abundance of gratitude. Thank you ever so much in advance.

public transport shambles, forest fires and baby hedgehogs

I was going to write a lengthy post solely on the nothing short than complete shambles that's the public transportation in Stockholm this summer. But I won't, this will be a three piece post from infuriating, to even more infuriating, to cute overload.

Let's start with the closing of the two major commuter train hubs in the city - the Citybanan and it's two new stations are not even a year old and they costed about 17 billions SEK plus 4,5 billions for new trains. I was highly critical and sceptical to the build beforehand, for many reasons. I still am, very much so - Odenplan and Stockholm city (which is the central station) - because of faulty escalators.

The new commuter train stations are built really really deep underground, below the subway system. So it takes quite a long time before you reach the ground coming with commuter trains to the inner city these days. And the escalators are obviously very long and steep. And scary.

Last Monday there was a frightful incident with one of these scary, long escalators, it scampered and changed direction and a lot of people fell. Luckily noone was seriously injured. Up on inspection of the escalators - from the company Otis - it turned out there were serious problems with corrosion. The escalators aren't even a year old.

They had to close down over 70 escalators and since that means there aren't any safe exits from the stations, subsequently the stations were closed too.

Odenplan is opened up again - but I'm seriously not keen on using that station any time soon. Stockholm city is still closed a week later. In the middle of the holiday season. Here's a bit more information about the situation (in Swedish.)

There are currently so so many other construction works in the public transportation system in Stockholm. I thought I'd point out everything, but I won't because it's exhausting and infuriating. The reason for the embarrassing shambles basically being politicians and authorities have mollycuddled car traffic for centuries and just ignored the dire need for maintenance and modernisation of the public transport system and railroads.

Not to mention, corruption is more vastly spread in Sweden than we like to acknowledge, this situation makes one think about that too.



Which brings me to the next infuriating, but also heartbreaking, thing currently happening in Sweden. It started to be unseasonably warm here in late April already. May was really warm, and global warming was a very obvious fact. Early June was slightly cooler, but July has been nothing short than awful with temperatures +30-34C for weeks now. In many parts of the country it hasn't rained for over 10 weeks. And that has naturally led to extensive forest fires. Over 60 of them.

And the reaction, or rather lack of reaction, from the government and many authorities is simply appalling. Even a moderate amount of true leadership shown here in this man-made disaster situation would have sealed the upcoming election in September. But no such thing. I guess the government and its prime minister aren't very interested in keeping their positions come autumn.

The last straw was the Supreme Commander of the Armed Forces saying on the news the other night, that they can't use the helicopters on ground for waterbombing because it's holiday season and the collective labour agreement and holiday laws forbids a suspension of the holidays. It's not our responsability. Seriously.

It's a national crisis, the country is literally burning. The brave and amazing fire fighters and volunteers on the ground can't fight this alone. The lack of strategy and planning is just mad. For f*** sake, get this under control and deal with the bureaucracy afterwards. The stupidity and lack of leadership, be it in politics or authorities, is absolutely mindboggling. Yet, again and again, they get to keep their position (and being paid way more than they deserve).

Needless to say I won't be voting for the current government. I most certainly won't vote for the opposition either. Neither stands for a society and future I want to see. This year I will only vote with my heart, mind and good conscience. I would be deeply ashamed if I didn't.



Given this extensive heatwave I haven't had a decent night's sleep for weeks now. The house is heating up during the days and there isn't enough time for it to cool down until bedtime. I refuse to use more energy than needed ie use the heat pump's A/C system. Besides it showed serious signs of giving up for good by the end of winter, and since I'm not able to replace it as things currently are I need to save it's possible last use for winter.

I don't know how people can function in heat like this. I can't. Taking it one day at a time, like wading through syrup. I desperately long for rain and cooler days. A nights. As do nature. And the cats.

Which brings me to the lack of hedgehog visits - this 17th year anniversary of being a blessed hedgehog drop inn owner - since that first, very early, sighting in May. But then last night I suddenly spotted a tiny one in the garden, the smallest ever.

And this late afternoon there were suddenly a whole family here. One big and three tiny, smaller than the palm of my hand. They're curious, active and slightly mischiveous. And too too adorable. So now I'll just have to help them grow strong for winter, with lots of kitty food and water.

The cats, and especially Zigne, thinks it's super interesting and exciting to open the distinguished inn again.

It's tiny, preferably four pawed, things like this that help keeping the ever present Weltschmerz (and anger at the state of the world in general) at bay. They did appear just when I needed it. Blessed and grateful am I.

mind games

Hello, blog, it's been a while.

My days lately, well these past few months really, have been overshadowed by my (these days) constant companions of stress, worry and sadness. One would be enough, two is a crowd, the third one is bound to follow. This situation has also meant I've struggled with what to blog about. To write about bright and beautiful things, which there are too, and inspiration, felt false.

To, on the other hand, write about how partly Weltschmerz really has become a firm fixture in my life, and partly how the battle I've been fighting back and forth for two plus years now still feels uphill, well that's depressing. Sometimes, many times, writing down your struggles help you figure out solutions though. So here goes. Some worries and stress are for very tangible, personal reasons, others are for the state of the world, how we treat animals, the environment, eachother.

Since I can't solve the state of the world on my own - but continue to make healthy, kind choices every day. Peace begins on your plate and in your daily choices. - , or today, I need to focus on how to solve my own personal situation in the parts they need solving. I'm rather (understatement of the year) tired of short term solutions, I'm looking for longterm ones now. To stress and worry less.

Everything is figureoutable, as someone wise said. So in order to figure things out, as best I can, I've written every little (or not so little) worry and problem down. And possible solutions.

Came to the conclusion there were eight main things and areas of worry. Some of them have been solved already, others I can't do anything about but wait, while others I'm still in the process of figuring out.



I'm happy to report that Ztina, poor little kitty, is doing fine on her medication. We had a check-up at the veterinarian the other day and he said her heart looked almost normal. Possibly, for unknown reasons, it was a serious infection that caused the heart condition and fluids. I will continue with the heart medication for some weeks and then return for another check-up and hopefully talk about phasing the medication out. Fingers crossed.

On the not so happy side is the realisation that both my ex-team mates knew fully well that the client hadn't paid the December invoice. Yet they decided to not disclose that information with me, instead let me work hard all January too not knowing there was a real danger we wouldn't get paid. That they chose to be so negligent with their own money and time is one thing. That they decided for me too is not in any single way decent behaviour. Had I known, which I should have, I would not have continue to work in January until that invoice was paid. Since I had lost my trust in the client well before Christmas already.

That deception from an ex-team I treasured and trusted is really rough to move on from in itself.

Very short story - the January invoice never got paid. The client decided to declare bankruptcy. And start another company the next week. Plus take the employees for a recreational trip to Italy. True story. I'm really not sure this is even legal. Ethical and fair it most certainly isn't. And their business reputation is obviously below zero.

Still figuring my next move here. I'm sure Karma will do her bit too.



The non stop sunshine and heat for six weeks with no rain whatsoever was really rough too. Climate change is so obviously real. Yet most people seem to live their lives like there's no tomorrow, well obviously there won't be. But still, all the car driving, meat eating, shopping, flying, the overall egotistical behaviour from people who refuse to see they too are part of the problem the whole planet is facing. It's exhausting. Once you see the patterns and connect the dots there's no going back.

The refreshing rain for a couple of hours the other week just wasn't enough to drench the thirst of nature. Neither was last night's.

The search for my kind of people continues.

This week I have three things booked on the path of that quest. First a job interview for a position that sounds amazing within a really interesting sustainability organisation that works both nationally and internationally within Europe. Needless to say Ms Sustainability 2018 is very excited about this opportunity.

Second I've been thinking a lot about meditation but never gotten around to practising it with focus. Now I've rekindled with a fellow British Shorthair breeder, via LinkedIn of all places, whose practising chanting and meditation. And she's hosting a drop-in tomorrow. I'm going with an open and curious mind.

Thirdly I'm going to a breakfast seminar on circular economy. Which is bound to be interesting and inspirational.

One might call it a miniature cosmo geek week.



Currently listening to Haevn's Hold on. This is only an excerpt, but it's a lovely taste of the song with the orchestra and strings. And hold on, move on and open mind are now my focus areas. Much better than stress, worry and sadness. Some days I'm better at it than others. Work in progress still. As life is.

thorn in my side, lilacs in my heart

Amidst sorrow blogging was tremendously therapeutical. In a chaotic project - with a client obviously many vegan sausages short of a full English breakfast and ill-equipped to lead a company - blogging was a must to sort out the bizarre, erratic behaviours.

This past couple of weeks with even more unsavoury behaviours, irrelevant ideas, a complete lack of acknowledging responsability, offering plausible explanations and solutions et al have been an exhausting source of even more blog topics of various kinds.

I don't even know where to start.

With the final proof that my team was a chimera? That their endless story of blatant lack of communication has cost me a lot of money, sleepless nights and caused so much anger, worry and disappointment. Our respective work ethics, business behaviours and moral compasses are clearly very different. Worlds apart.



Or that the immense beauty in nature all May also is a very obvious reminder that global warming is real? Everything, and I mean everything, is in bloom now. Flowers and trees that should bloom one after the other between May and August, if nature wasn't having a breakdown caused my human behaviour, is now simultaneously blossoming.

Dandelions, lilacs, lilies of the valley, honeysuckle, rhododendron, peony, fritillaria, roses, apple blossoms... The beginning of the end? High summer temperatures and no rain. Weltschmerz is also real.



What I think about the fact that some companies still use personality tests in their recruitment processes that are completely irrelevant for the job in question? It's simply outdated, bizarre and not least unprofessional. And would I really want to work for an organization that use obsolete methods like that?



That this is not my cat-cats that have been sweet and friendly for years suddenly act crazy and can cause a lot of pain with an unprovoked big bite? I should probably be grateful that I'm still alive. And I admit to for the first time ever having encountered a cat whom I'm actually afraid of, from here on.



Or that when nicecream is free every kid in Stockholm claim they are vegan hipsters (and are a bit full of themselves)? Especially the salted caramel hazelnut was nice, but not nearly as fantastic as Ben & Jerry's vegan icecream.



That you can actually get pretty decent results when you cut your own hair with guidance from YouTube tutorials? I cut over 20 cm. And funny enough I don't really miss the lost wisps, this time.



Or that Haevn's first album is released tomorrow May 25? That every song they've slowly released all through April and May have been lovely. But my favourites so far are "Back in the water" and this one "Love is a game". The phrase "I will be on my weakest when you hold on" is beautiful. And I like that it's dance music. Ie perfect for star dancing.



That the discovery that new TV-show "The good fight" is a spin-off from one of my favourite series "The good wife" makes me very happy. Always love a great story, a clever dialogue. In legal setting.



That there is a special, very warm place for recruiters and HR-people that don't realise the only decent way to behave (and not least an important part of their job!) towards every interviewee that don't get the job is to call or send a personal email, tell them why and thank them for their precious time and interest?



Or that I'm so incredibly tired of stupid, ignorant people (that don't live in a cave or are illiterate) that A) Don't acknowledge that it's their behaviour that causes global warming. That everything is connected, what you chose to do on this side of the planet, the food you eat, the clothes you wear, the transport, the holidays affect what happens on the other side of the planet?

That B) always blame other animals than humans for the environmental issues. And per usual think killing animals is the solution to sort problems caused by humans. Own your responsability, idiots. The butterfly effect is real. And a huge reason for the world being what it is, is people refusing to take responsability for their actions or non-actions.

Well, where to start? Let's see this post as a foretaste, and I'll elaborate another day.

When I'm not in swoon over the bliss and beauty of lilacs.

the shining light

I'm afraid I've turned into one of those awful persons that is some kind of positivity beacon, in a sometimes very bleak world. But to be honest it can't be helped, because life right now feels pretty amazing. And as the recent quote "Take responsability for the energy you put out into the world", really stroke a cord in me I'm taking that quite literally.

And while I'm far from a Facebook fan (to but it very mildly, I'd rather use a four letter word here, but let's keep a civil tone) and basically use it for sharing articles about environmental issues, animal rights, feminism and equality plus cute animal videos and never anything really personal. Sharing personal stuff I mostly do face to face, texts or in emails. But guess what, as this past week has been even more of an emotional whirlwind than the one before that, not all without hurdles and stress but overall so awesome, I've posted several updates of unexpected things, conversation and random meetings that has touched me and made me go all warm and fuzzy.

Here goes - I apologize in advance because this might be quite sickly sweet to read, but I'm just amazed, happy and ever so grateful to experience this. Pure magic as far as I'm concerned. And if you who've said and done this happen to read this, thanks again. Gold. -

I've never had a great need of confirmation, a simple thank you as a sign of appreciation will usually do. Even if it's nice to get a little praise now and then. But to actually work with people that not only says thanks regularly but also, you're brilliant, such a star, magic lady, you're fantastic, you're in charge and so forth that's certainly different. And pretty darn lovely. It does make you work even harder to outperform yourself. Or just being yourself with extra oomf.

And it also is an eye opener, because I've come to realise that I've actually been professionally under stimulated for a very long time, with bursts of joy for various projects, but nothing like this. And that I've in parts settled to be happy enough and grateful for those bursts. While I in fact want it all, but haven't been able to find the right context, the right people.

But, lo and behold, I do believe I have now. And not that I want to overuse the word gratitude, but, well... It's nothing short than miraculous that we've clicked so incredibly well in such a short (and incredibly intense) time, compliment eachother so well. Working hard towards a common goal, a colourful (literally) environmental case of David vs Goliath. The raw energy in this teamwork is simply gold worth.

I'm thinking a lot about if you say or write things for the world to see and hear, what you want, and need, they will come (and it doesn't have to be a baseball court). Law of attraction. Things happen when they are meant to. Meetings too. Synchronicity is real. (But I still prefer the synonym serendipity.) And as I think I've touched upon before, most of us live too busy and stressed lives and aren't open enough to actually see how real this is.

And it's only through really devastating things we begin to see things and life for what it really is, can be, should be. And that's magic. We create our own magic, if we are open enough.

This by no means mean that life not will continue to be rough, full of bumps and heartaches, from here on now and then. That's just life. But if we know that magic, the truly good stuff and people, exist too, it's easier to cope and get through. When the going gets tough, the strong get growing.

Back to my amazing week, as I wrote in the last post I wasn't sure if a content project I accepted would be worth it financially vs time put in. I'm still not. But I'm surprised at how great it was to work with a finicky editor. My main flaw in the feedback was that I'm writing in too dry a style, not enough warmth and humour - clearly we're not talking about my blog here. 

But yes, I know, one of the articles was on such a dry and un-engaging topic, that little lawyer I jumped in and wrote for dear life. But overall, great and not least useful feedback. And as he said, things can be worse than writing in too dry a style, too many writers write in a sloppy, trivial way and obviously can't spell. And that's clearly so much worse than being a dry lawyer at heart.

Next up on the list of heartwarming, little things that happened during the week that was;

I was waiting for the train at the station when a stranger walked up to me (an older gentleman) and said "I just want to say that not many people measure up to you." It was so incredibly touching. I guess it was because of my always colourful outfit. But whatever reason, such a darling thing to do! Shared on Facebook, and I have to say, the concurring compliments keep coming. People  can be so sweet. Love and kindness is in the air.

Dare to compliment. It doesn't cost a thing, but a bit of courage. And it can make someone's day.

And then by the end of the week it was time for the first big meeting with client in the above mentioned passion  project. I was both looking forward to and dreading it a bit, because of hurdles regarding trust. I expected some tough talks on said issue, things that needed to change and future strategy. 

But you know what, it was a brilliant day. Powerful, inspiring, productive and fun. With some people I hadn't met before - remote work only - yet it felt like the most natural thing to finally meet. And I was told by the client that I go by the nick name 'Magic Pia' - I mean, seriously, how lovely is that?! And who knew that something I was part of 13 years ago, another tough time in my life, would cross roads with this work today...

It's a great artisan eco-paint company, truly amazing, high quality product and why story. They deserve every success and the world desperately need their products. I'm just blessed to be working with them, and not least our fantastic little marketing team of three. Fun bit is that the CEO was so inspired by the bobbaloos and Sonny Angels that most always appear when food appears before me, that he wanted them in their product pictures too. Clearly he's a man of impeccable taste. So perhaps that will be a new trend from here on.

Then on Friday evening I got a text from the sales director - who's a really fabulous woman with some unexpected features I learnt about when we drove to lunch, features that made us click even more - saying "I'm completely in love with all your pictures on Instagram! Oh you are so great, have an awesome weekend! Hugs" - you can see how it's not a mystery that I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy after this week, right? That special feeling is all around. And I'm simply incredibly grateful (sorry) happy about it all. 

I think the grief recovery process started a really serious shift in thinking for me. Opened up channels I was only vaguely aware of before that. I will not say the G-word again, but really...

Dearest October, do continue to be this amazing,
I love you something extra special for it this year.

first snow 2015

December 28 was the day the first snow fell. Let's just put it very mildly and say that this is not the natural way of the world on these latitudes. Global warming did this.

I will now try and enjoy the beauty of it all and the extra light as much as possible (although to be honest I'd much rather go into hibernation and just sleep for a few months). And keeping fingers crossed there will be no nasty ice (good luck with that) and ridiculous un-professional excuses for train delays due to a bit of snow (good luck too).

 

The bobs that are new to snow are in awe of the fluffy winter wonderland.

The cats not so much. In fact they've gone into extra grumpy mode. After leaving some obligatory paw prints.