thursday thoughts, july 2020

I had planned a little thoughtful post of things that has been swirling in my mind lately, but now I'm pretty empty. Apart from the fact that it's crazy that tomorrow is the very last day of July. And it's not that I've felt it's been a slow month as such. Only a very uneventful month, compared to a normal July, when the world was very different. But, let's save those wistful thoughts for tomorrow.

Today the rain has been pouring down, pretty much nonstop since 3.30 pm. Just managed to get home from a walk before it got totally crazy. But, as usual, much deserved for nature. And apparently it's suppose to be a heatwave over the weekend. Phew.

In a couple of weeks I've booked tickets /(free) for two miniature local outdoors cinema experiences. 50 *seats* only. I'm very curious how they'll do the setup, as you can come both with and without car. Sounds fun in theory at least. We'll bring a picnic and if it's a shambles we can always leave, without losing the ticket money.



For today's walk I had some specific photo plans, but before the rain began to pour the wind was crazy strong, so it was impossible to accomplish that mission. But the books were slightly more cooperative. Taking ones Haruki Murakami books for a walk, as one does... I never do (promise), but I wanted to take a different book photo, instead of my usual cats and books, fika and books, in the garden, on the sunbed, in commemoration that I've now finished the second book of Killing Commendatore. Not sure it was the best of ideas (pun! for everyone who has read the books) to take it slow with that read, contrary to book one. It kind of killed the momentum and magic somewhat. But, great book/s, magic realism is da thing!

Still, my very first read of his, "Kafka on the Shore", which I bought for the cover alone, 13 years ago, is still my number one favourite of his.



Was contacted by a recruiter of freelance content editors/managers/writer on LinkedIn the other day. Not The Dream Job - or even Dream Gig - but to keep an open mind to offers is a good thing. At least until one understands that the recruiter (fot the umpteenth time) is unprofessional, inexperienced and hasn't really read my profile properly.

And then don't want to/can't answer basic and valid questions. Oh my, how tired I am of this well spread behaviour - of which LinkedIn sadly is a serious culprit, or perhaps is a willing platform for it. How come so many people (not least recruiters) don't take any pride in their work and in being professional and decent anymore?

The search continues. And the trust in the Universe too. It's August soon. A new working year is about to begin. Now is the time for amazingness, ne s'est pas, Universe? Surely a brilliant sustainability dedicated company/organisation with likeminded my-kind-of-people must be in dire need fo a communications manager or alike right NOW? And I'm pretty sure, convinced really, that it IS me you're looking for!



Long term readers might remember those shoe buying bonanzas I had in Berlin a few summers. It seems like another life. And it very much was so really. Anyway. These green El Naturalista wedges I got in 2010. Have never liked the look or feel of wedges. Until I tried these on and they turned out to be really comfy. And as apple green is my number one shoe colour, who could walk away NOT getting them?

Wore them lots for several summers. But haven't worn them fore some years now. But as my feet have enjoyed the vegan wedges lately, I thought I'd give these a go today. The were pretty great. Once again, how enjoyable isn't it to thrift in your own wardrobe?



Slowfashion, OOTD and shoe per diem:

Organic cotton/linen sweater, Bric-a-Brac Stockholm
Denim skirt, Levis
Green wedges, El Naturalista
Re-Kånken, Fjällräven
Unikko Umbrella, Marimekko

Block colours, gott love them!

And thank you brain, thank you fingers, once again, for actually getting to work when I start. writing.

friday excitement in the time of a pandemic

When we're living in a considerably smaller, constrained world, Friday fun or yay it's the weekend-feelings are also very different for what used to be normal.

What started off like a plan for a walk to the suburb center (where the commuter trains and suburb buses station lays, five minutes bus ride from home, 20-30 minutes walk depending on speed and weather) to go to the pharmacy and do some shopping, turned into a five hour project.



Before Corona-bus was a concept - only five months ago, this was a great option for a bit of everyday exercise. Now it's basically a must, if you don't have a bike or a car. I've never been a hypochondriac, but just the thought of stepping onto a bus, not to mention a train, or someone's car actually, gives me the creeps. So walking it is.

Said and done. Left home at 10.15 am. It wasn't suppose to rain until late afternoon, so we had plenty of time to get there and back until that happened.

Or so we thought. Because 10 minutes later the skies opened, and little mum and I had to take shelter under a roof outside a dentist's surgery. For at least 45 minutes, until the rain calmed down.

When we got down to the center it begun to drizzle a bit again. Popped by the pharmacy - surely there must be something better that will heal that darn armpit-heatwave-induced-fungal-infection-which-stopped-me-using-all-the-pretty-dresses that the initial powder, followed by the same brand cream, haven't helped much after a week's usage? I got another cream, and if that helps as quickly as it's said to, I must wonder why non of the pharmacist recommended that one in the first place... - did some grocery shopping, and then the skies opened again.



Perhaps we could pop by a little cafe for a vegan fika with social distancing? I hadn't been toa cafe since March 13. It was a mixture of anxiety and excitement to step into one again. Can't say I was impressed by neither the social distancing measures the cafe proprietor had taken, nor how the guests behaved. But we managed to put chairs out and create our own little stay away-corner of 2 metres distance. Obviously the vegan options were poor, but the chocolate ball and most of all their own almond hook was really nice.



So we stayed there until the rain had calmed down again. Then headed home. We came half way, at the church, when the skies opened up a third time. And spend another at least 45 minutes under a roof there. (Click on the image to see and hear the rain on Flickr)



Only a marginally less granny toodler style outfit.

On the way home we passed the thai food truck, which apparently now will close for  the holidays until August 9. A plantbased phad thai with tofu was called for. I'm glad the paper bag it came in didn't fall apart until I got home. Because yes, obviously the rain had began pouring down again by then.



It was a lovely lunch/dinner though. After a bit of reading I decided to take a nap. Woke up 4 hours later... Had a cup of tea and sandwiches, watched some TV, went to bed again, read, listened to a guided meditation. And slept 9 more hours. I never used to be able to get to sleep or sleep well after having a nap, long or short. But apparently these are extraordinarily exhausting times. And this was an even more exhausting day. What used to be a simple walk with errands that should have taken about 1,5 hours took 4,5 hours with added angst.



This was also the day when I inaugurated the Marimekko Unikko rain poncho I got a year ago. That's right. The heavy rains haven't been around a lot since then, or I haven't been out in them. It was a good rain coverage (might have been even better without carrying a Kånken and a tote of grocery shopping though...).

Plus I feel a bit like Urcellen Ellen, a cute, educational Swedish children's TV-program for us growing up in the seventies, wearing it. I guess it goes well with the granny toddler style sported these days.

And that's how an exciting Friday looks in the time of a pandemic.

One day at a time, people, one day at a time.

apocalypse now

For most people these past few months with abnormal temperatures, with its forest fires and floodings, seem to have passed as an insignificant blip on their non-existing climate change radar. They continue their lives as usual, possibly with a 'phew it's hot', showing off their endless meals of meat and dairy on Instagram and Facebook, drive their fossil fueled cars for errands (to which they could just as easily walk, bike or take the bus), plan and fossil fuel fly to their sixth holiday of the year. A holiday they clearly need to shop for a new wardrobe for.

The TV-news and papers report "How to escape the heat in Sweden by taking a holiday in country X or Y" - to which you obviously have to fly.

In 2017 we apparently were more frequent flyers than ever. In an age where the opposite should be norm. Laying on my sunbed in the garden shade these past few weeks I've noticed there are a lot of airplane routes over this part of Stockholm. In 30 minutes I counted to over 10 planes passing over my head. Which is only a small portion of all the ones going in various directions here every day. Madness.

The upcoming September election in Sweden and its campaign has been disturbingly void of talks about climate change and what drastic measures that need to be taken, by ALL of us PERSONALLY, to at least alleviate global warming slightly.

Because at least those of us who like to use our brains for thinking, analyzing and see the connections that have been there for years, ignored for years, know it's not a question of escaping it anymore. If my memory serves me right, the last year we could have made a real difference, if politicians hadn't been cowards and people not complacent and selfish, was 2015.

Three years later, mother Nature really shows who is the ruler of the planet we all live on. Most of us humans carelessly and void of compassion.

I've read absolutely heartbreakingly frank threads on Twitter from scientists and people working with green energy saying they've avoided telling the harsh truth about climate change and how really, really bad it is, for years now. Since they've then been dismissed as alarmists and next up for losing their job.

One scientist said she was very afraid that her young daughter would in a not so distant future have to kill other people or be killed in the fighting over a place in the rapidly shrinking habitable spaces on earth. And she deliberated whether or not to have another child. On the one hand it would mean another citizen in the Western world burdening the planet with his/her lifestyle. On the other hand, it would mean someone would be there to have his/her siblings back when the reality changes.

That people still. do. not. get. that there is no point arriving, in this planetary crisis, when things will settle into a new stable, long-term state, is deeply disturbing. There is no new normal. And the hard payback for our human behaviour for centuries has arrived with a vengeance. Karma is a you-know-what.

Don't ask what the planet can do for you, ask what you can do for the planet. When you're making a decision ask yourself "Is this good for me? Is it good for the planet?". Since there is no planet B, make the decision based on the planet's needs not your own selfish ones. Do I need to change my habits? Can I satisfy my wishes in another, more sustainable way?

Instead of being the inspirational Ms Sustainability 2018 I had aimed and hoped to be, I find myself in a serious state of climate angst. Last year I even backed a book called "The Happy Hero - how to be a climate optimist" by Solitaire Townsend, the co-founder of Futerra agency, on Unbound. That seems like eons ago now.

I'm no stranger to being an odd bird, but this current state of feeling I'm living a completely parallell life to your average Swede, with no connections to their way of very limited thinking about their own part in the puzzle of the planet, it's honestly really rather depressing. The let's snooze the wake-up call (for the umpteenth time) attitude is quite distasteful.

I had planned to write a bit about the hedgehog family, good food, great food, tea, human behaviour, books - because strangely enough I've had the inclination and energy for that lately. If little else, I have at least read books this hot hot summer - fantastic, simple DIY vegan nicecream - which has been my go to dinner a few times when cooking really isn't on the agenda sweltering days -, the blood moon too, but that seems so... frivolous given everything else.

So for now, let's leave this party pooper post here as a food for (after)thought. And ask yourself, what can you do for the planet in an apocalyptic state of no new normal?



When a temperature of 32C is concidered a bit cool after a couple of days of 35C. I continue to long for rain, which is said to come plenty this upcoming week. I do hope that will be true.

the way the mind works

Or in this case specifically my mind. But it's also a 

a) reminding lesson in how we react to seemingly minor, mundane things and behaviours is based on previous experiences (and values)

b) more often than not you're your own great therapist (given you're reasonally sane and insightful of course)

The first time I really really grasped this was when I was on my lengthy burnout sick-leave (now over ten years ago) - 

sure the workload was heavy, but the real reason was it was basically a workplace from hell with a very unhealthy company culture of bullying, insecure bosses and lackeys who kept targeting one of the lawyers until s/he broke down and was replaced by a new, unsuspecting target. Specifically those who did the best job, thought outside the box and weren't afraid (initially) to speak their mind. And yes I was soon the perfect target. -

I could write a long long post about this of course, and I have written several touching on the subject when I began blogging - hey it's almost 12 years ago now! - but I'll just say as much that even if I was in that hell for too long, and the recovery took years, I'm also a much much better and healthier human being for it. One of my best life lessons, even if it felt like far far from that back then, deep under the duvet. And of course, Little Loaf would't have moved in here if it hadn't been for that dark period in my life.

That workplace experience also shaped me and my reactions to a lot of ways people behave - hello master suppression techniques, you don't escape me - when I shy away, when I genuinely dislike or embrace people and organisations. And yes, back then I got it why we all react in ways that seem logical to ourselves but possibly spaced out and irrational to others, our previous experiences set the stage for actions and reactions. Fight or flight mode.

And that was merely the prelude to the recent event I was to write about. A mundane and genuinely kind offer that threw me into a calm panic mode. Calm as in it wasn't a scary situation at all, quite the opposite, but my mind went into overdrive and I realised I've come so far in this past year and at the same time I'm so shaped by both my values and all those years before that it's both great and sad really.

A month ago I had a business meeting. The journey there by commuter train would take about 1,5 hours followed by a walk for about 15 minutes through a depressing industrial area trafficed by heavy vehicles. It was raining when I left home, it kept drizzling outside the train window for 1,5 hours but when I reached my station the sun suddenly appeared which felt like a great sign for the meeting to come.

After 300 metres the heavens opened and an absolutely mad rain began to fall. Never mind, I have a fancy Marimekko umbrella that will keep me dry. But then the sudden gusts appeared and I soon realised having a fancy schmancy umbrella would not make much of a difference from not having one at all. Half there I was basically soaking wet from shoes to shoulders. And got a crazy painful blister from nowhere. The rest of the walk I frantically sang 'High ho high ho it's off to work I go' to cheer myself up.

Had some time to try and sort out my drenched look before the meeting but it was quite obvious it had been a *rather* wet walk to get there and the person I was meeting was quick to offer me a ride back to the station after the meeting. I was needless to say grateful for the kind offer but these were my three instant reactions -

1. No way I'm accepting if the person driving doesn't pass the station on his way to something work related to where it's necessary to drive. Just because it might be convenient for me doesn't mean it's a sound environmental choice. I'm already wet, I can walk back too.

2. I'm an independent, grown up, professional person that can cope with annoying things like very wet weather and blisters. I must not get used to accepting rides when there's really no need for them.

3. The realisation that for most of all those years with M I was far too accepting to taking the car instead of the bus/train when we did things together. The car was like an extra limb to him, when it was more of an environmental and health issue for me, yet it was so very convenient... And time saving. And... I am now effectively weaned from that.

I could have declined the offer after the meeting. I didn't. I kept debating with myself when I waited. When I saw the car, a company car with logos but still your usual modern car much like M's car, it put me in some kind of weird 'oh no, I can't open the door and step inside because I will now be back in the passenger seat of my life with someone else driving' panic mode. 

You know, your average irrational behaviour and thought that seems so obviously logical to the person with a certain experience. The thing that saved me from saying 'thanks, but no thanks the weather is clearing up' and just run was that I hate making a fool of myself, especially in a professional situation and I'm insightful enough to know why I reacted the way I did. 

But the 5 minute car ride felt really awkward, I played normal, - albeit still a rather wet and damp version of normal - chatting away and to make it even worse my glasses broke. One of the sidepieces just bizarrely fell off. I didn't mention it and tried to keep the glasses on my nose like it was the most normal thing in the world to have one sidepiece only. Soon that world looked really lopsided and I almost fell out of the car at the station because I couldn't see properly and for all the tension of acting normal for 5 minutes while my inside was in turmoil.

I hope I was a good actress. And I seriously doubt the person in question read this blog. (If you do, feel free to have a good laugh at my weirdness.)

At the same time as it was an encouring realisation in how far I've come on the journey of redefining myself as a me alone it was also a bewildering feeling of being ridiculously childish, a stubbornly independent weirdo who blow things out of complete proportions as well as an insightfully wise and value driven human that makes/wants to make conscious decisions for the greater good not only my own convenience in the moment.

Sometimes I'm just so liberatingly uncomplicated, easy to grasp and please, others my brain take me on the wildest rides over seemingly random, mundane things. I guess that's just a case of being a multi-layered human being. An odd bird. And growing up with an always analyzing, deep thinker father like mine.

All in all, high five to me for realising the whys and the hows for my calm panic reaction to something as simple as a kind gesture. I have no idea how I will react when something similar happens again one day.

But at least I got a blog post out of the ride that turned into two quite different rides, outside, inside.

the prosit winter hq

Despite its loveliness, the Prosit pink office is too cold for comfort with these current freezing temperatures below zero C. So in order to save energy (electric bills) I've temporarily moved it to the kitchen. Needless to say I get a lot of helping paws from board member and employees. But so far I've been able to keep them in reasonable order. And I can always close the doors to the temporary home office.

Sure, it isn't as marked off from the rest of the home as the regular office, but it's actually quite cosy. And the kettle is even closer at hand for a tea refill. Which in an ideal world would obviously be something my so called helpers would keep filled for me, right?

the super blood moon

I was pretty excited about the opportunity to watch not only a fullmoon, not only a super moon but a super blood fullmoon. Reading up on how to get the best pictures. Setting the alarm clock in the middle of the night.

Only to wake up to completely cloudy skies over Stockholm.

Well, at least I got a glimpse of the fullmoon before I went to bed.

How about you, did you see the super blood moon?

autumnal equinox 2015

Cheers, Autumnal Equinox, time flies, it still feels like summer was only yesterday! 

It has been such a fast year and to be honest I have a difficult time keeping up with the changes. They are so subtle and the seasonal differences aren't as obvious as they used to be. I feel a bit lost actually. Strange times in so many ways.

oh happy rain

Can't help but feeling it's very liberating and refreshing with these past few days of rain. 

Because as lovely as sunshine might be, it does get *a bit* suffocating after weeks of no change in weather. And the rain becomes such a relief.

Variety is the key to perfect weather. As in life.

refusing autumn

Here stands I, refusing to give in to autumn. Finally finding a day to inaugurate that excellent Marimekko shirtdress, which sadly neither occasion nor weather has allowed until now. Bare legs, yellow shoes, cardigan no coat, drinking a summery drink and adamantly refusing to  welcome autumn. 

Admittedly it was a bit nippy in the air at first. But if you walk on the sunny side of the streets you could not guess it was nearly the middle of September already. I do hope there'll be many more days like this still. I love Indian summers!

And I have no idea why it's the same story every year, so many Swedish people put on thick clothes, scarves, quilted jackets (yes really!) and winter boots pretty much as soon as their own holidays are over (which often is early August). Talk about missing out on natural vitamin D and a good part of our short summer season. If there is such a thing as the glass is half empty-people this attitude would certainly fall into that description. I know, Swedes are not the only ones giving up summer too early in the season, but to be honest, sadly we're not a very happy and content people, for all sorts of reasons. The signs are everywhere and that's heart wrenching really. The world is in desperate need of States of Wellbeing, but where do we begin? With refusing autumn?

goodbye august 2015

To be honest, despite the trip to Skåne and Copenhagen and glorious summer weather all month, you have not been a good month, August.

A few sneezes on August 7 and the unexpected runny nose and tiredness from 2012 was back. I now realise it's some kind of allergic reaction to something airborne. And since I'm sceptical to doctors obviously, given that no doctor managed to do back in 2012 even with all those tests upon tests upon tests namely identify the reason for this nose nuisance, I've simply taken over-the-counter nose-sprays and pills to try and take control over it. The nose and annoying accompanying cough have become less prominent and I don't feel as tired as I initally did anymore. Brain is back. And that is a huge relief.

Unfortunately I had some weird setback last week when I suddenly experienced muscle pain, stiff neck, shoulders and headache. Kind of like with a really bad cold but at the same time not at all. To be honest it was pretty awful, a combination of painkillers, vetevärmare (wheat warmer) and fresh carrot/ginger juices made that go away after some days.

But of course, low energy levels pretty much all August have left me feeling pretty blah, uninspired and melancholic. And to be honest, once again, it was no fun at all to wake up to another sunny day every.single.day.all.month - it was just difficult to breath with no rain in sight.

It was a real confirmation on how deeply I appreciate diverse weather and seasons to ever being able to live in a climate where it's pretty much the same weather day in day out all year round.

So despite being very sad to saying goodbye to the summer of 2015 - which has been lovely in general, but for the last month - I am truly glad to say bye bye to you, August. I will not be sad to see you go. And I'm hoping, wishing and finger-crossing vehemently that September will be just wonderful. And the nose nuisance and mysterious health setbacks will soon be a (unfortunately not so distant) memory. Onwards and upwards. And wonderful new adventures ohoy.

the first day of summer 2015

While these past three years have had exceptionally warm April and Mays, this year has mostly offered chilled temperatures. Jackets not optional. 

But today it finally felt like summer, a somewhat modest temperature yes, but sunshine and summer nevertheless.

On this day I bought a dress, had a soy latte and admired the beauty of the peony.

Amongst other things. But the true beauty is always in the details. Especially the colourful and unexpected ones.

the grumpy weather cat 2.0

From one grumpy but sweet-faced weather cat to her slightly older lens louse half-sister who is even less impressed by my lack of weather powers.



Their father totally agree on the lack of impressiveness.

In fact the grumpiness over the sad state of the current seasonal weather has now evolved into a whole other level. The 2.0 version of the grumpy weather cat. The version who has developed clearly visible horns of scorn. This does not bode well for the months to come.

a little glimpse of sunshine

Welcome to the blog which seems to be a bit weather obsessed at the moment. Which isn't difficult to grasp given the gloom and doom of Swedish climate at the moment alas.

But today there was proof that there really are blue skies above all that dull greyness we call sky. And there was glimpses of sun. In other words euphoria.

And even my suburb train station - which I really don't like for many reasons - was a little bit pretty. Given the right light and the right mood.



The "discovery" of a "new" cafe which was cosy, cute and with a fabulastic array of bread, cakes and buns teamed up with a great chat - ie the best illustration of the Swedish concept fika (I realised I hadn't created a lable/tag for that so better late than never now there is one) - also made for a really inspirational day overall.

And walking to the train home, at one of my favourite train stations, if not THE favourite, the late winter afternoon Stockholm was so very pretty, soaked in magic light. And life was more than alright.