know thyself and fake it til' you make it

:: If I had gotten a €$£ for every time over the years I’d thought I would have been a more fulfilled person if I’d studied philosophy/psychology instead of law, then I’d probably be a multi-millionaire.

But IF the grass is greener on the other side, that is one eternal question. The choices we make and the choices we made, and the paths we took and take, were the ones we were suppose to take at the time. So it’s absolutely useless to dwell on that in hindsight obviously. 

Still. So much time to think that these past 6 (!) months without new meetings, insights, inspiration and memories have brought, so much soul searching, introspection, old memories coming to new life, frustration, sadness as well as small moments of joy to savour.

That said, in awaiting of the  Sustainability Science - described as "examining the interactions between human, environmental, and engineered systems to understand and contribute to solutions for complex challenges that threaten the future of humanity and the integrity of the life support systems of the planet, such as climate change, biodiversity loss, pollution and land and water degradation." -

course that starts on the last shivering day of summer  in a couple of weeks, I’m now taking a couple of philosophy courses - Know Thyself, at Edinburgh University/Coursera. Absolutely loved it after week 1 (Socrates, Plato and the likes resonates easily with me). 

But week 2 started to annoy me. Because unlike the great The Science of Well-Being course in spring at Yale/Coursera, which I truly loved and learnt a lot from, the American professor has a forced, mumbling and fast way of talking. With a complicated subject and a lot of philosophical concepts which probably take years to fully grasp, but which the course is trying to cram into 4 weeks (jeez!), that's not a satisfying learning experience.

The only thing I enjoyed with Descartes is that he apparently liked to stay in bed all day and think (one of my favourite things too). Other than that, I have to say I find him to be more than a bit of twit and very full of himself.

I'm now into week 4, and things are picking up somewhat - What is the the concept of Human Nature etc. I'm hoping to take my certificate this week.

Unfortunately I didn't get that the full course is in fact made of three different courses, not depending on each other, so I made the mistake of signing up to part II before I realised it was a part I. And as I had no doubt that it would be another great learning experience, I thought it would be better to read them chronologically. I am now annoyed at myself (though more annoyed at the poor quality of the course, or well, at least lower than I expected from it). 

I'm not exactly looking forward to another class with the same setup and same professor (who seems like a likable and knowledgeable guy irl, just not really inspiring or enjoyable via online learning). I'm not sure one can get the payment transferred to another course, but I'll look into that. Otherwise I'll do it, as not to waste my fees.

One strong conclusion I've come to after these philosophy studying weeks, is that I'm less philosophy inclined than I thought. Law suited me better after all. Or I've just not really come across "my kind of philosophers" yet. Well, apart from Socrates and Plato. Another proof that you always are and do what you're suppose to be and do.

:: Another thing I've realised so far this month - which basically is just a continuation of everything in life coming to a halt since corona, and my last post in June - and despite all the high hopes, faith and trust for August, 

is that this extremely limited, restricted, trapped small life of the past 6 months, with all its worries and stress constantly building up, is really really getting a bit too much now. 

Some days may be better, when it’s easier to savour the good things, acknowledge gratitude, breath fully and feel reasonably hopeful. The other days are honestly pretty sh*t. 

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And *looking forward* to at least another six more months of restrictions in Sweden (work from home and stay off public transport). Not exactly reeling with joy. 

I’m also convinced there are so so many people out there feeling like this. But we don’t talk much about it, do we? 

On the news the other day they talked about suicide prevention-lines and other volunteer organisations have been overwhelmed with calls from people feeling depressed, lonely and having financial worries (lots of them elderly that are feeling isolated). They need to be get more public funds to manage this. As an example one organisation alone used to work with 30 volunteers, now they nee to be at least 300 to cope with all the distress calls.

It makes me truly sick with all the financial support that go into companies (without any real sustainability demands tied to them) and not people. That there's so much talk about getting back to *normal* and business as usual, hail consumerism. When we are all to aware that is exactly what got us here in the first place. We desperately need to build new and better. Stop eating meat. Stop pleasure flying. Stop depending on fossil fuel. Stop shopping like we used to. Stop being so bl**dy selfish. Slow down. Think. Act. Be brave. And compassionate.

:: And I finally got the palaver Palava facemasks. The fabric is pretty - and I get that when they're made of fabric scraps you can't expect the patterns to be perfectly matched. One should always chose one colour or a tighter pattern to get that - but I have to say that the design itself is lacking. They're too loose, too large. And if you can only chose from child, women, men with no measurements but a one size fits all-concept I guess this is what's to be expected for many of us.

With a no return-policy for facemasks, I need to tweak them to fit better. And I think I have an inkling on how to do it. The idea of re-entering public transport seems awfully far away, but if there'll be a must, I need these to be useful not just pretty (silly).

And when I say pretty, I mean the fabrics. Pretty fabrics that makes us all look like a sligthly kinder Hannibal Lecter, never cool. But cool and fashionable is not really THE thing here obviously. Reasonably proper protection is.

:: I call this one ’fake it til’ you make it’ - these days the things and situations I feel a smile and/or a laughter coming naturally are few and far apart. Duh. (It's a pity having a gap tooth isn't equal to instant happiness when needed...)

And when they do it’s 99 % cat or dog (or other animals) related. Now more than ever I’m not finding humans amusing, the stupidity/not-amusing level has somehow risen to new heights, or sunken to new lows is perhaps a better description. 

(these cutiepies, for example, obviously need a post of their own, I knooow!)

But I’ve heard, that if you force yourself to smile and laugh more, that’s also away to feel happier (even if there are few external factors to feel joyful about these days). So cheers to fake it til’ you make it-smiling! 

:: Haven’t been to a hairdresser for years now. Funny how you get used to diy hair cutting. Guess I wouldn’t get away with it if my hair was straight or I wanted some intricate cut... And I’m not giving up my day job for it anytime soon. But, it works without being totally awful.

Noticed a local hairdresser today who offered suspiciously low prices if it was an hourly rate, but reasonable if it was only a quick cut or a trim. Think I’ll have a little straight cut trim and treat there come autumn. 

:: Inaugurated the flower power dress last week. And had a good fika, vegan breakfast. And did the same today again. A treat that gives a glimmer of unpretentious normality to life. 

:: The thai food truck within walking distance has opened up again after the holidays. There will be a visit later this week.



:: Walks, nature and forest bathing have continued to sooth a troubled soul.

:: On Friday and Saturday it's time for the outdoor drive/walk in cinemas with social distancing and 50 people max. It will be so interesting to see how that experience will turn out.

:: For next week I'm keeping umpteenth fingers crossed for a belter of great news on the job front.

And to sum things up, obviously there are lovely, heartwarming things happening in this small on hold-life too. But I so very much keep wanting so much more. Don't we all?

Next post up, a new vegan food inspiration-post is what's needed! Can I get a buckjump?

dear august 2020

You didn't think I'd let you rest a bit just yet, did you? Even if July has left the summer, and my self-imposed challenge of a daily post is finished (and I did it with gusto!), I thought August should get a proper welcome at least.

And then I'll return to a post once or twice per week. It has been great for structure and my mood, to do this. But the more I write, the less I read. So it's time to get on track with my reading challenge now instead.

Today is not only August 1st, it's caturday and it's pride season - and here is a combination of both. Purrfection. Organic Earl Gay tea from Johan & Nyström and kitty cuddles. I mostly drink rooibos tea these last few years, because black tea is the equivalent to coffee and alcohol; sleep difficulties. (Old age has crept up on little ol' me...)

As well as the very last day of my phasing out of the unpleasant experience that I blamed nuud for but which might have been a heat related thing instead. It haven't felt icky, itchy or uncomfortable for the last week at least, and I've begun using a new tube of nuud (only needs to be applied every 3-5 day, no matter how sweaty you're prone to get or how frequently you shower. So yes, it really is a brilliant little product, I hope it wasn't the cause of this, that it was just caught in the middle of heatwave circumstances). So every finger, toe and paw crossed things will be back to normal, in that respect.



Today was also the eighth caturday in a row with a Harry Potter movie. Haven't watched them chronologically ever since we watched them all in the cinema all those years ago. just the one film here, the half other one there and that obviously doesn't give the right feels or perception. One per week has been perfect. The finale was accompanied by some favourite Swedish vegan jelly candy - Bubs and organic Änglamark. (Though pst, Coop, can you please stop outdatedly refer to vegan as a trend, it's an ethical, sustainable lifestyle, and most of all The Future. Nothing as flimsy and fleeting as a trend.)

I hope annoying Palava palaver will be sorted this week. Finally.

I also hope there will be good walks, a special vegan fika in a very special dress and at least three good books finished. And most of all, promising opportunities and great news on the dream job front. The Swedish summer holiday season isn't over yet, so I'm willing to graciously let the latter continue to rest until mid August.

But just a little nudging reminder, August, I have faith, trust and hope in you to collide with the plans of the Universe. Making happy things happen.

from july flowers to august powers

Apart from a scarf on my birthday and basic underwear, I hadn’t bought any new clothes for a year without making an effort really, I kind of put a few things on a wish list and forgot about most of them). 

And with a pandemic, all the pretty dresses, and a very different life with very different priorities, it's hard (for most of us) to justify clothes shopping and other luxuaries. Food, books, skincare and tea are always considered essentials obviously.

But as you know a leopard can't change her spots. And if she's human it will take time. So this was the dress on my wish list since well before corona entered and changed the scene called life as we knew it, I couldn't get out of my mind. 

So here it is, the only big treat to myself during the infamous summer of  2020. Marimekko obviously, duh. In one of my favourite prints, Pieni Pioni, the same as in the flowery happy coat of 2016. (My garden peonies may not be abundant, buy I love them and I'm no stranger to wearing them.)

What can I say, it's simply gloriously lovely. And seriously paw approved. By my trusty snoopervisors.

And hopefully there will one day, and for years after that, be time to love and wear it to other outings than the regular walking-to-the-garbage-bin-wearing-a-pretty-dress. Soon I hope, very soon. And then, at least another year will pass before I think I *need* to invest in a new piece. Fingers crossed, and not to lie. 

Right now I spy with my little discerning eye, a long walk and a vegan fika to welcome the wistful month of August in style. In flowers. With power.

Thank you July, you weren't exactly brimming with unlimited summer fun, but restrictions and a smaller life bring other insights, inward gazing and growth. So for that I'm grateful. And for the rain, all the life-giving rain, that oh so magic meet cute and the back to uni news. And books, never forget the joy that books bring. And purrfect cats in their boxes.

Welcome August, please bring sparks, light, hope, encouragement and golden opportunities. It's about high time you bring all those wishes and hopes at the beginning of this topsy turvy year called 2020 to fruition, wouldn't you agree? Many deeply, grateful thanks in advance, dear August.

thursday thoughts, july 2020

I had planned a little thoughtful post of things that has been swirling in my mind lately, but now I'm pretty empty. Apart from the fact that it's crazy that tomorrow is the very last day of July. And it's not that I've felt it's been a slow month as such. Only a very uneventful month, compared to a normal July, when the world was very different. But, let's save those wistful thoughts for tomorrow.

Today the rain has been pouring down, pretty much nonstop since 3.30 pm. Just managed to get home from a walk before it got totally crazy. But, as usual, much deserved for nature. And apparently it's suppose to be a heatwave over the weekend. Phew.

In a couple of weeks I've booked tickets /(free) for two miniature local outdoors cinema experiences. 50 *seats* only. I'm very curious how they'll do the setup, as you can come both with and without car. Sounds fun in theory at least. We'll bring a picnic and if it's a shambles we can always leave, without losing the ticket money.



For today's walk I had some specific photo plans, but before the rain began to pour the wind was crazy strong, so it was impossible to accomplish that mission. But the books were slightly more cooperative. Taking ones Haruki Murakami books for a walk, as one does... I never do (promise), but I wanted to take a different book photo, instead of my usual cats and books, fika and books, in the garden, on the sunbed, in commemoration that I've now finished the second book of Killing Commendatore. Not sure it was the best of ideas (pun! for everyone who has read the books) to take it slow with that read, contrary to book one. It kind of killed the momentum and magic somewhat. But, great book/s, magic realism is da thing!

Still, my very first read of his, "Kafka on the Shore", which I bought for the cover alone, 13 years ago, is still my number one favourite of his.



Was contacted by a recruiter of freelance content editors/managers/writer on LinkedIn the other day. Not The Dream Job - or even Dream Gig - but to keep an open mind to offers is a good thing. At least until one understands that the recruiter (fot the umpteenth time) is unprofessional, inexperienced and hasn't really read my profile properly.

And then don't want to/can't answer basic and valid questions. Oh my, how tired I am of this well spread behaviour - of which LinkedIn sadly is a serious culprit, or perhaps is a willing platform for it. How come so many people (not least recruiters) don't take any pride in their work and in being professional and decent anymore?

The search continues. And the trust in the Universe too. It's August soon. A new working year is about to begin. Now is the time for amazingness, ne s'est pas, Universe? Surely a brilliant sustainability dedicated company/organisation with likeminded my-kind-of-people must be in dire need fo a communications manager or alike right NOW? And I'm pretty sure, convinced really, that it IS me you're looking for!



Long term readers might remember those shoe buying bonanzas I had in Berlin a few summers. It seems like another life. And it very much was so really. Anyway. These green El Naturalista wedges I got in 2010. Have never liked the look or feel of wedges. Until I tried these on and they turned out to be really comfy. And as apple green is my number one shoe colour, who could walk away NOT getting them?

Wore them lots for several summers. But haven't worn them fore some years now. But as my feet have enjoyed the vegan wedges lately, I thought I'd give these a go today. The were pretty great. Once again, how enjoyable isn't it to thrift in your own wardrobe?



Slowfashion, OOTD and shoe per diem:

Organic cotton/linen sweater, Bric-a-Brac Stockholm
Denim skirt, Levis
Green wedges, El Naturalista
Re-Kånken, Fjällräven
Unikko Umbrella, Marimekko

Block colours, gott love them!

And thank you brain, thank you fingers, once again, for actually getting to work when I start. writing.

solar roof dreaming

So. Of the 97 properties in my community association it seems only one (1) have a solar (panel) roof. 

Something which has been on top of my house wishlist for years, but for many reasons I haven’t been able to install one. Yet. And after the leaky roof incident, plus everything disappointing that happened after that, that's still my first priority (alongside other annoying house related issues that have been popping up these past few years... Gah!). And a solar roof is still a dreamy dream.

Obviously, unlike for my neighbours, it has zero to do with prioritizing luxuary renovations like gutting fully functional bathrooms, kitchens etc etc etc. Instead of making slow, sustainable, reusing materials renovations, many (like Swedes in general...) of them seem to have out with the old, in with the new regular cycles (from what I've seen with constant major renovations, not upkeeps, over the almost 20 years I've been living here). It's just depressing.

The vast majority of the households also have several cars and then  there's a lot of complaining about the *lack of* parking lots, instead of everything is connected-connecting the dots of having max one car, park in the garage and use the excellent public transports (pre-pandemic). Or even better, there should be a car-pool instead, and a bicycle-pool. It's well over-due that we all look past our own selfish convenience, and simply strive to be better earthlings. Cool down, my melting brain.

Quite many are also lazy/ignorant/selfish enough to not bother with recycle/source separate garbage (something EVERY Swede is bound by law to do, but too many chose to not give a sh*t about). So pretty much every time I go to our shared garbage bin, I see things that should have been recycled and not thrown in the garbage (glass, paper, plastic, tin). Be still, my rolling eyes.

.

That has little to do with not having solar panels on your roof obviously, per se. But those issues are still part of The Problem. And just another proof that the majority in this reasonably affluent middle-class neighbourhood give f**k all about the role they play in the most important matter of our time, which we are ALL facing now: the climate emergency *insert many red exclamation marks*

I have no idea who lives in the inspiring solar house on the corner. But it made me really happy to see the dedication and insight they show (and of course, at least equally dispiriting to see the other 99% ish non-solar roofs), to be part of the solution! Might need to put a nice note in their letter-box.

And my dreaming continues.

the summer book

It's difficult to believe, I know, but I have actually begun reading "The Summer Book" (Sommarboken) by Tove Jansson (the woman behind the beloved Moomins, wonderful exhibition in October 2016) countless of times over the years, but never gotten through it. But there you are.

This summer of 2020 is THE summer to finish it though! I'm now 6 books behind on my 55 books reading goal, so I must step things up. Have nearly finished two more books, but I'd like to be before schedule asap. Thinner books is the answer, but unfortunately I have so few of them in my to read-pile. But this one is reasonably thin, so it's the next one to read. And finish this time.

What's your best summer reading of 2020 so far?

organic vegan food inspiration, part 11

Just like last time and everytime before that, the recipes (in Swedish, but easily translated) on Årstiderna's website, scroll to find Veganska matkassen's recipes (as they're organized per year/week, it might be tricky to find, if you want any help, let me know!).

The previous posts are linked at the bottom of this post.

Dish above was pretty and delicious, but rather lacked in substance and long term satisfaction. but of course, make more and add carbs is the solution to that. Oven-baked beetroots, red onion, roasted chickpeas, baby spinach and apple salad.



Creamy pumpkin gnocchi with mangold and pumpkin seeds. Lovely.



Potato salad with parsley, cucumber, aubergine and rye bread croutons. It was nice, but let's just call it a bit too much work for the satisfaction level it brought.



Italian burger with red basil, aubergine, sage and oven roasted potatoes. Most plantbased a pretty great, so was this. But you should definitely add some good dairyfree dressing or sauce.



Millet salad with tarragon, mangold, pear, selleri and squash. Good flavours but a bit whishy-washy.



Pizza with cherry tomatoes, red onion, sage, red kale and nutritional yeast. Fennel salad. Very good, as usual.



Chili sin carne with onion, carrots, selleri, borlotti beans and lime. Not a great fan of chili, so I found this pretty basic. Very filling with all the beans and root veggies.



Coconut-miso rice with tofu and fried ginger marinated zucchini-paprika. Lovely!



Special rye bread with hummus and tomato-red onion salad (svedjerågbröd, can't find a decent English translation, bu it's some old, healthy, sustainable grain). It's not exactly a proper, filling dish, but eat a couple of sandwiches and load them with hummus and you're all set.



Potato-leek croquets with quinoa-watermelon salad. Good one.



Quesadillas with black beans, carrots, tomatoes, baby spinach and nutritional yeast. Served with that delicious water melon left-overs. Delicious dish. I love making vegan quesadillas!



Butternut squash with blue peas, black cabbage, spinach and Greek basil. I'm just not a fan of bean stews, and I found this one pretty blah as well as much ado about nothing much.



This was supposed to be tahini-fried aubergine on rye bread with bulgur, cucumber and padròn paprika. But of I remember correctly the aubergine was missing in the box, and I prefer zucchini anyway and I really enjoy hummus instead of bulgur. Not a fan of padròn paprika though, I find green paprika bitter and unappealing, so is this one. So hummus and tahini-fried zucchini on rye bread with padròn paprika is this.



Pizza with tomato sauce topped with zucchini marinated in parsley and kale oil. Salad with carrots and the rest of the zucchini. It was suppose to be parsnip instead of carrots, but this was lovely too. Interesting thing to bake a simple tomato sauce pizza and add a cold topping.



This was a super-lovely dish! Warm potato salad with tomatoes, green beans, oregano, rye bread croutons and mustard vinaigrette. I preferred to over roast the potatoes instead of making a classic potato salad. It was a great move.



Daal with different peas, sweet potato, ginger, onion and topped with cucumber. Pretty good, but not wow.



Noodles with kimchi-marinated winter radish and carrots with sesame oil and gomashio salt. Lovely dish. Fried tofu would have added some extra oomph.

Until next time, bon appetite!

Previous inspiration posts -

Organic vegan food inspiration 1
Organic vegan food inspiration 2
Organic vegan food inspiration 3
Organic vegan food inspiration 4
Organic vegan food inspiration 5
Organic vegan food inspiration 6
Organic vegan food inspiration 7
Organic vegan food inspiration 8

Organic vegan food inspiration 9

Organic vegan food inspiration 10

vegan haircare

After decades of trying my way through a lot of haircare products, I have now settled for three vegan favourites. But only two are easy to buy and find at reasonable prices in Sweden, so I won't write about Aveda. That's just a very rare treat.

Paul Mitchell is a brand I've returned for many years. Mainly the Awapuhi shampoo and the Detangler conditioner (carrots, baby, carrots!).

And for some weird reason it took me a long long time to try my first Maria Nila Stockholm products. But I love them, these big green bottles have lasted me basically 1,5 years now. I've come to realize my hair prefer that I don't use both Soft shampoo AND conditioner at the same time, not Volume shampoo WITH conditioner. The hair gets either soft and flat, or frizzy wire wool. But if I Soft + Volume or Volume + Soft, then it's a perfect combo.

And you know hos much fun I've had with their colour rinse this past year - it's just very sad that 2020 didn't turn out to be as full of pink magic and green insights as I had wished and worked for... And now it's only five months left of the year that begun with so much promise and hope...



As the Soft green set is almost empty, and the pink one is about half full, I stocked up on a new set the other week, as the cats in boxes showed. I'm thinking they will last at least 1,5 years, probably longer, so at least I don't have to think about buying haircare anytime soon now.

It's a seemingly silly little thing, but these days those seemingly silly little things sorted can be a huge relief.

And as the combo pink and green is my favourite colour combination in the whole wide world, I also enjoy seeing these bottles color matching prettily on my bathtub edge. Which also is a silly little thing that makes me smile a bit.

still a hardcore cat

Six years later, the remote control coma cat still has a penchant for just that, remote controls. My darling little weirdo.

every other day, good or bad now

From a waiting game - corona times point of view, this past week has been intense. The magic, the good, the uplifting and the heartbreaking, dispiriting deeply saddening. And in between there's the really annoying and infuriating.

Today consisted of the latter. I spent hours getting to understand why on earth the annoying Swedish (well, merged with the Danish company in 2011, so it's a Nordic state-owned company since then) postal company PostNord (or as we call it in Sweden PostMord as in PostMurder because they are definitely going way out of their way to offer non-service and unhappy customers) has decided to hold my parcel with Palava facemasks and put customs fee on it, despite it being an order handmade, sold and sent within the EU. And any order from England will not have any extra fees on it until January 1 2021. Period.

First they claimed it comes with a customs declaration form on it - which I seriously doubt, since no package sent from England, Palava or not, has never ever had any customs declaration form attached. Then they lied and said it was sent from China. Seriously, they made that up, as If I'm so stupid I can't read the ID-number on the package and not been following its route from England to Sweden.

Then finally they showed me a photo of the sender's info. Which for some weird reason was a filled in customs declaration form. The CN22-form shouldn't be used within the EU. The one who sent the package from Palava must obviously have made a mistake, so that mistake must be easily fixable if you're a decent, professional, service-minded human being, right?

Well, those kind of human beings do not work at PostMord, at least not in the customer *service* department.

The customs fees must be paid, even if there isn't a customs fee that SHOULD be paid.

I've emailed Palava five times about this, I will most certainly not pay those fees (ie my order would be almost twice the price). I have done absolutely nothing wrong here and shouldn’t be penalized for someone else’s mistake. Either they will have to pay for the fee due to them using the wrong form, and the PostMord idiots refusing to bulge from the fees that legally shouldn't be, and get my package (which has been held by PostNord for 1,5 weeks, but wasn't told about until yesterday...) or the whole package needs to be returned and I want a full refund.

I will never get all those hours back, that I spent dealing with this stupidity. But seriously, imagine all the money based on wrongful claims that companies as detestable PostNord can reap if people don't question, react and say no. Sometimes you just need to chose a seemingly small battle, because idiot people and idiot companies simply shouldn't be able to get away with it, every time.

Fingers crossed that Palava will act decently in this. Some companies do, while others don't. And I've found that you never know which one will, until unnecessary things like this happen. Even companies that seem really kind and caring, can surprise you.



Went for a walk, bought some more of that excellent  vegan nicecreams from last Tuesday. Muttered to myself about mindblowing idiots all the way back home. Had a bowl of plantbased goodness and a cup of tea, felt somewhat better. Though still angry. No Friyay mood in sight.

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Cat tee in organic cotton, People Tree (full image here)
Skirt, Marimekko
Vegan shoes, El Naturalista