Tuesday, April 05, 2016

the rollercoaster of emotions

As someone wise said, sorrow is striped. And this current daily emotional rollercoaster certainly does its best to validate that. 

We are all different beings, who react in various ways, expected and unexpected. What is logic to some is the opposite to others. There is no right or wrong way to feel, I try not to be too hard on myself when I feel something possibly odd amongst all the other feelings after the loss. Just be. And release.

So far the emotional rollercoaster has offered these rides, in no particular order, for whatever reason and when you least expect it:

Sadness, anger, hope, despair, dignity, anticipation, rage, sorrow, peacefulness, gratitude, lightness, determination, wistfulness, vulnerability, anxiety, relaxation, stress, exhaustion, vigour, strength, surprise, weakness, problem-solvingness, pride, abandonement, fragility, tiredness, disappointment, sleeplessness, surprise, shame, pain, worry, relief, grounded, indifference, insecurity, energy, regret, cluelessness, melancholy and so the list continues...

I would say that the feeling I haven't felt since it happen and the world, my world, without any further warning turned upside down, would be happiness. But that would not be true, because with being grateful for having experienced so much together, ups and downs and everything in between - which would never have happened if I hadn't been I and he hadn't been he - as a base I can still feel happiness over the sun touching my face, nature coming to life after a long winter, music in my ears, a cat purring in my lap, forest therapy and good talks.

And in no way am I unique when it comes to unexpected sorrow like this, it happens every day, all over the world, to a lot of beings. If they manage of course can I. And I will be stronger for it.

Everything will be alright. In time much better than alright. Because it has to.


Elephant's Child said...

And grief takes its time. Its time, not yours.
You will emerge.

Poppy Q said...

Miss Pia - I just know that sometime you forget to cry, and it is replaced by all the good memories of the times shared together. Sounds like you have good plans, walks in the woods and cuddling cats sounds perfect to me.

Julie and Poppy Q

Feisty Harriet said...

I so wish I could meet you for a cup of tea and a chat, a hug and a smile. I just cannot imagine trying to move along day-to-day, minute-to-minute even, with the kind of grief you're dealing with.


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