Tuesday, May 31, 2022

farewell may 2022, hello june


As my kafkaesque life still is what it is, but I obviously work hard to make that madness change. Handed in my appeal to the next court last week.

As some kind person asked, isn’t there a pro bono legal system in Sweden? The short answer is no. Even if there are a very selected few law firms/organisations that take on cases that ’are of special generic interest’ for our judicial system, they are obviously not specialized per se and in high demand. And no they didn’t find my case ’interesting enough’.

I have also learnt that if you get an ’animal ban’ by the county administrative board - which obviously goes from farmers grossly mistreating  cattle, to slaughterhouse cruelty to having a beloved cat run away and getting sick… - that automatically leads to a police matter being set up as ’animal cruelty’. So you get two parallell cases to deal with.

So whilst I struggled with the court appeal I was suddenly informed by a police woman a few weeks back, that I needed to come in to the central police house in the city for a formal interrogation about animal cruelty. While she was very kind and understanding about my situation, it wasn’t exactly 1,5 hours of pleasantness that interrogation. 

Even if it was good to finally meet someone face to face and tell my story, and repeat myself again and again and again, I also got that distinct uncomfortable feeling that when things are exactly THIS crazy and caused by an authority, surely I as a private citizen must be wrong and well, at least slightly deranged and proned to conspiracy theories?

It doesn’t help when I suddenly during the interrogation got new, disturbing and false information about Pelle that noone has shared with me before during this crazy process. Angry, upset, sad and (wrongly) accused was I. After that conversation she would hand over the case to the criminal prosecutor, whom could either dismiss or take the case to court.

One would think Swedish taxpayers’ money and public resources would be so much better spent… But as this Twilight Zone story has played out so far I do not take anything for granted or trust common sense when it comes to Swedish authorities. 

Last Friday I got a call from the police woman who said the prosecutor had dismissed the case, basically because there was no way to prove I had caused harm to Pelle. Which was a much welcomed sound decision obviously.

As for the court appeal I handed in a couple of days prior to this dismissal, I finally got a hold with the vet within walking distance I’ve been taking my kitties to since 2016. Even if he’s knowledgeable and experienced they’re also quite an expensive clinic and I’ve not felt completely comfortable or heard when I’ve visited them. However he was so understanding and helpful when I told my story, showed the papers and the journal of Pelle. As far as he could tell the symtoms written down by that unknown vet are all symtoms that can show up due to things that can happen quickly for various reasons and doesn’t at all have to only do with a cat being ill for a long time (and me being a rubbish cat owner). Just. like. I. have. claimed. all. along.

So even if he couldn’t give a second opinion on a cat he hadn’t met and very limited information on paper, at least I got something tangible and professional to add to my appeal. 

Also, when Pelle was 1,5 years old he got a heart and kidney scan to rule out HCM and PKD (things every serious and caring breeder do before they use individuals in breeding), he was fully healthy. Which also is clearly written in the journal. 17 years later a Swedish court, with what can only be described as highly incompetent nincompoops, decided to interpret that as if he had been sick with heart and kidney deceases and I had never taken him to the vet since he was 1,5 years… True story. Face palm.

He was and has always been, until his tragic ending, a very healthy, happy and much loved cat. When I got him neutered in 2018 they took bloodtests showing perfectly normal values. And since then he never showed any signs that something was wrong with him. Until that day he managed to escape out of the garden, falling ill and causing me to end up in the most horrific kafkaesque situation ever. 

It’s been difficult to really mourn him properly, since I have spent so much energy for a year now battling the authorities and brooding. Anxiety, tears, worry, sleeplessness, sadness as more or less constant companions. While trying to show a brave face as well as acting as a reasonably carefree person on the outside, in certain situations with unknown or superficially known people. While feeling crushed and gutted inside.

Now I’m waiting for the decision from the second court of appeal. I can only hope I build my case well and that I will finally be listened to. I need my lovebugs home with me, where they belong!

The day I handed in my appeal I had an optician appointment. Three years since the last time, pre-pandemic. Everything looked well with my eyes, I had planned to get one pair of new glasses plus a pair of prescription sun glasses for free (it was 11 years since my last ones…). Turned out in order to get that free pair I needed to get two pair of regular glasses. And if I had paid for the prescription sun glasses only they’d been more expensive than this 3 for 2 deal. So I ended up paying more than I had expected. Though a lot less than if I’d gone to some fancy designer glasses optician of course. Will pick them up in a few weeks.

I had a fairly good idea what kind of glasses I wanted prior to getting there. But with a gazillion to chose from and the ones I thought I wanted not looking good on me but finding unexpected ones that did I ended up with these models. The pale lavender ones 70ies mood will have clear glass though (which I somewhat regret chosing in hindsight).

After that appointment I treated myself to s vegan lunch in the city, some grocery shopping and three litres of strawberries. I devoured them over the weekend, they were amazing.

I also had a very good hair day that day. Fluffy fluff grey. Although I’m not really this grey already (even if both the pandemic and not least these past few crazy months have generously offered more greys…), it’s the outdoors light and the portrait setting on the iPhone causing it.

And I’ve enjoyed all the natural lush beauty and darling buds of May, after the cherry blossoms there have been lilacs galore, apple blossoms, rhododendron, honeysuckle, lilies of the valley… 

They have all been my little pockets of joy and survival kit in a current bleak world, both my own and the external.

And on that topic, I have zero expectations of seeing any swift actions caused by the current UN sustainability conference held in Stockholm called Stockholm +50. We are amidst a dire climate emergency but money still talk louder than the bold action we need. We have been failed by our politicians, and most individuals still do not get we need to change our life styles drastically. Very drastically.

In order to start the month of June on a bright tune I changed my sheets to the lovely summery Marimekko Mansikka (strawberries) bedding. Crisp sheets are the best thing to feel a bit better about life and its possibilities. And a possible good night’s sleep, at long last…

Please internetz, happy, kind vibes this way ❤️

And June, could you please be just as full of justice, sweetness and joy as I really desperately need now? đŸ€

Thank you May, for all your natural Spring beauty amidst all hardship and sleep depravation. I’m sure one day I will fully understand what these lessons and experiences lately were meant to teach me… 💚

Tuesday, May 03, 2022

living in a real life kafka novel 2022


I have been living in a state of shock and utter disbelief since the very end of March when the madness of how authorities in Sweden act has turned me into a crying, anxious, sleep deprived mess. 

During the year after my darling Pelle ran away in April and turned ill https://piaks.blogspot.com/2021/04/goodnight-sweet-pelle-2005-2021.html I have been forced to defend myself from the county administrative board’s allegations that according to them he must have been showing signs of illness for quite some time - while I, having lived with and loved him for 16 years, know he didn’t. And I have obviously plenty of photos to prove that. And he would not have had the strength to get out of my fenced in garden had he been in poor condition.

To cut a long, weird, crazy, unbelievable and very worrisome year long story short, everything I’ve said and all evidence I’ve showed have been brushed aside, they’ve deemed me unfit to be a pet owner and ordered me to, I quote ’get rid of the animals you may still have in your home’. 

That one short moment at the unknown vet when Pelle turned poorly (I’m guessing it may have been his kidneys or some other internal organs that failed him during those few hours he was out) is the only basis for the decision, my extensive knowledge of cats (including those 20 years as a small, well-renowned British Shorthair breeder) and my 16 years loving that amazing cat means nothing. 

The decision writing is degrading, nasty and unprofessional, not what you would expect from an authority. They question my mental capacity, my lack of insight and decisiveness to take, what they claim to be, a sick cat to the vet.

As a vegan and animal lover I would never ever intentionally cause harm and ignore suffering in neither my own animals nor any other. That goes against the very core of me, everything I stand for and live by

And no matter all the vet papers and receipts of the other cats I’ve taken to the vet both before and after Pelle’s tragic ending - it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever that I would not have taken Pelle to the vet if he too had shown signs of being poor - according to them nothing still shows I do have lots of mental capacity, insight and decisiveness. It is not a question of neglecting to care for my cats or them living in poor conditions. It’s only a question of my mental capacity. 

The madness, the kafkaesqueness of it all. I feel so violated, dirtied and plague-infected. Diminished, worthless and powerless. Things like this just do not happen. It feels like a witch-hunt.

I appealled to a higher court, I did hope for a final voice of reason. Instead things got even more twisted and bizarre and they too brushed aside everything I said. I’m a bad person. They are right, I am wrong, period.

The two cats left, my precious darlings, Ztina and Ågot, who both mean the world to me and have been such a comfort and joy for 10 years, not least after M passed away and then the pandemic isolation, will now have to move to my mum while I continue to fight this absolute nightmare to the next court.

It’s neither in their best interest to be forced to move home, nor in mine. We are family and this should simply not happen.

If I had a treasure chest full of gold I would be able to hire a lawyer (I haven’t practised law since the early 00ies and this was not my area) who specializes in cases like this (if this can happen to me it can happen to anyone who has pets who run away and get sick), but alas I have not. I have a friend who still practises law but this is not her area of expertise, though she has still been of valuable support and help. But being a private citizen in Sweden up against authorities with no lawyer, that is a rough upphill battle.

Sweden in 2022, you have not impressed so far. I’m heartbroken, energy depleted, anxious 24-7, my joy for life is gone and I honestly do not know how to return back to my usual self.

I’ve always wanted to be able to find solutions myself, trying to figure things out and solve problems on my own. As much as I am up for helping others when they ask I am not one to ask for help myself. But now I do need help, but it isn’t easy to find. 

So internetz, Universe, do you have any help to send my way, I am in deep and desperate need of it. 

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