happy birthday to me 2021

Another year older during the pandemic, another year older, and another infinitely more tired. It has been a draining, depressing year of sadness and hopelessness. To be honest. And compared to many others I’m aware I’ve been lucky in many ways of course. But still, feel like I’ve been through a tumble dryer.

I wish I was that mischivious, happy, curious and hopeful as little me above was. But instead it feels like I’ve aged 10 years this past year of corona…

And even if this October isn’t as restricted compared to the same time 2020, it is quite… weird, strange and totally exhausting to be around people, outside the usual neighbourhood people. The noise, the traffic in the city, and all the decisions, the social interactions you have to make, all. the. time.

So vegan lunch at Mahalo, some tea shopping at Tehuset Java (after all the webshopping during the pandemic I had quite a lot of vouchers for free tea to pick up), picking up vegan cinnamon buns at Bröd & Salt and having a soylatte to go at Espresso House was QUITE enough of excitement for today. I’m absolutely whacked.

Photos below from today (and the Marimekko items I got at the sales, partly in memory of my beloved Zigne - almost two weeks later the loss still feels raw… - the duvet cover may be of leopards but I feel they look more like chubby redspotted British Shorthairs to be honest. So, Zigne it is.) in non chronological order.

Ågot inspecting the deliciously scented bag full of teas.

The train ride home with a lovely soy latte.

The Marimekko leopard print duvet cover.

This birthday’s Maria Nila vegan colour refresh was purple. Finished and mixed two small jars, I think it turned out pretty decent. Will probably last through and slowly fade during November.

Tried to make at least a little effort in slowfashion dressing today - 

Wrap blouse (and anorak): Marimekko. Shirt: Gudrun Sjödén. Denim skirt: Levi’s (got it in 2018-19 and given how much I’ve used it since that has been one of my best buys ever…). Upcycled nylon stockings: SnagTights (have enjoyed their fabulous ChubRub shorts all summer, this was the first time I used their stockings and they were just wonderful! Perfect size and high waist, now I just really hope they won’t rip as easily as your average stockings…). Vegan sneakers: Matt & Nat via Greenlaces shoes in Stockholm.

Tropical smoothie at Mahalo Stockholm.

Morning tea and candles (Marimekko by Iittala, bought second hand, but never used, from Tradera this summer. One of those nifty finds I’ve enjoyed lots this past six months). Black tea Wild Cherries from Te-centralen. Lovely flavour!

Just a very cute window display in a closed-for-the-season Gelateria on the walk from the train station to the lunch restaurant.

The autumnal and Zigne themed Marimekko birthday gifts.

The vegan cinnamon bun/s instead of a cream pastry (will bake and make a cream cake myself later this week. Because in glum times like these why not birthday celebrate a little each day for a week?). And yes I did make a VIP wish when I blew that tin candle out…

The excellent vegan burger with sweetpotato fries and chipotle mayo at Mahalo.

Please October, November, what’s left of 2021, Life, the World, Universe, I desperately need some positive change, momentum, a massive anount of energy boost and some real joy now. Pretty, pretty please… with juicy cherries on top!!!

l

the end of beloved zigne

 

Deeply loved, forever missed - darling Zigne.

Luddkolt’s Zigne Shandy, redspotted British Shorthair -

2011-12-15 — 2021-10-13

It happened so quickly, so unexpectedly. From the last shivering days of August, and the first vet visit, to 1,5 months later, and she was gone. I’m absolutely gutted.

She was one of those truly special souls. Simply gorgeous from the inside out. She was such a happy lovebug that never brought anything but joy, inspiration and comfort. 

Just like a few selected predecessors, she was and will forever be a true star in my very own hall of fame of cats that over the years have touched my heart in a special, magical way. That bond is gone, even if the memories live on. And I’m crushed. 

Despite the loved kitties left, the house, and my life, feels weird and empty with yet another huge personality gone forever. As if the unexpected loss of Pelle, her father, in April wasn’t enough for 2021.

One of her very last enjoyable delights was sharing whipped coconut cream with me. The next day she didn’t really have any appetite, I tried to get her to eat that special, high energy food again, but to continue with that force feeding after the ups and downs experienced during her, what turned out to be, last three weeks just didn’t feel right. 

October, seriously, you must do better from here on, please. I am so drained and exhausted from this past 1,5 year of bad news, sorrow and deaths. I am well beyond tired of feeling this hapless and sad. Meditating doesn’t really help anymore. And honestly, feeling gratitude for the good things gets more and more difficult for every bad thing that keeps piling up like a never ending story. 

You were so very loved Zigne, I am so grateful for the nine wonderful years we got together, but we should have had more time. We really should. Send my love to the kitties that went before you, and to Malte, loaf dog extraordinaire.