I’ve been thinking about the current overwhelming stress and worry cloud over my head. I wish I was able to look at it as an adventure, the excitement of not knowing what will turn up, to trust the process and know everything will be alright, even if it currently feels ridiculously stressful.
Once upon a time that way of thinking came easy, but then I always felt I stood on firm ground, had a solid base. Now I’m at a free falling place in life.
And that isn’t a pleasant, inspiring place to be in.
Although, I suppose it’s the perfect place for the ”anything is possible” mindset.
I had such high hopes for a) the every meeting has a meaning situation and my new mentor,
b) the fantastic sustainability/circular economy company she stumbled over, and I reached out to and later even applied for the sales position (which would certainly be an interesting new challenge) at and
c) the green book club meeting that felt very serendipitous.
Alas nothing long term positive came from neither.
The mentor did not really understand the assignment. And honestly she turned out to be one of those persons that makes everything circle back to her life experiences and her attitude towards life and people.
Every time we’ve met it always ends up with anecdotes from her life. And more often than not, the same stories on repeat. I’m lucky if I get to open my mouth.
Naïvely I thought she as a mentor (who supposedly loves problem solving) would listen, grasp who I am and give useful advice. So far, apart from stumbling over the above company, she clearly hasn’t understood who I am and her suggestions have been more or less ridiculous. Offensive even.
And even if we clicked right away in the beginning, I now feel the whole situation annoys me more than it gives me the energy and momentum I want and need. It just rubs me the wrong way.
So I suppose I’m a life lesson richer. But sadly disappointed. Extroverts really don’t understand how ambi/introverts work.
Apart from the late email I got from the founder of the local sustainability company I thought sounded amazing, and for which I would be a perfect match, I never did hear anything more about the job.
It may not be a position I’d even contemplated applying for before, but nevertheless I ticked so many of the boxes they looked for and then a gazillion more. They would be fools if they didn’t at least met me, had me in for an interview, or a coffee.
Apparently they did not understand what a gem they decided to waste. And given how excited and happy I was for this obvious opportunity that would be so beneficial for us both, it was quite disappointing that it didn’t pan out. Fools they were.
As for the green book club. Well, we never decided on another time and date to meet up and discuss the book that was chosen. At least not when I was in the room. And I really really didn’t want to read that book either. I gave it a chance, and basically hated it. Which is an extremely rare thing for me.
Last week the chairman of the local Green party aka the woman who set up the book club sent an email saying that tomorrow’s book club meeting would take place in another place than last time and if we couldn’t make it please let her know.
It was a really weird thing to send an email one day before a meeting I had never heard of. I said I couldn’t make it and that I really didn’t like the book, but of course wished them a nice evening the next day.
The next day she removed LinkedIn connections with me. What an utterly weird behaviour. Because I didn’t like the book I never wanted to read in the first place, or what?
Such bizarre behaviour, especially after she wrote she felt that first meeting had been magical. So even if I had looked forward to other interesting books and more book club meets I have been truly put off the whole idea now.
My search of my kind of people continues. Again.
And today I dressed in blue.
That seems to be my only constant in life really. My penchant for colours and colour coordination. And my love for animals of course.
Let’s make this week a good one! One step a day.
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