Which feels like a perfect symbol for my general life currently. I am stuck.
It does not help seeing old white greedy genocidal clinically insane men ruling the world and bringing us to the brink of World War III.
It really does not.
It does not help I still haven’t found a new regular, reliable income source again. It doesn’t even have to be THE illusive dream job or dream client. I just need something/someone stable I can trust and hopefully shine and thrive from again.
I miss feeling joy.
I miss feeling hope.
I miss the feeling of thriving and shining.
I miss feeling appreciated.
I miss meaningfulness.
I miss uploading photos to Blogger.
I miss my creativity.
It’s difficult to do and feel otherwise in this timeline we call now. How do you thrive, not only survive these days?
When people around you have either gone awol basically since the pandemic, choose to remove themselves from your life -
and you can’t be bothered to try and reconnect since they clearly for reasons unknown have moved on with their lives but opted out from including you in those lives -
or you yourself have realised you don’t have much in common with the people you once called friends anymore.
Connections have been lost, and I simply don’t have the energy to care anymore. Have you?
When the lack of money and resources is so draining you basically only have the energy to read, watch TV, cook simple things, cuddle cats (the only reason for surviving), take naps but rarely sleeping well all through the night.
When the ridiculously high energy prices this freezing winter forces you to settle for sub par indoor temperatures, merely focus on surviving another day and a constant longing for warmer days again.
When the fact that the combination of a master degree in law and extensive experience in various communications fields plus a lifestyle/interests dedicated to sustainability, kindness and compassion means xxxx all when you search for meaningful new paths in life.
Well, then you have reached the point where it is truly truly truly difficult to see the meaning of it all. And that feeling is not something I’m familiar with.
Even trough tough times I’ve been able to trust in hope, solutions and bright new beginnings and kind endings. Felt joy in small everyday miracles, beautiful things and beings around me.
I do suspect I’m not alone having finally reached this point after some rough years, where it feels like we’ve been through a tumble dryer on high speed time and time again.
Where is the beauty? Where do I go from here?
Where do you? Where do we?
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