we are

You know when your professional life has turned into a reality show full of drama, secrets and lies, truths and semi-truths, misinformation, misunderstandings and unexpected let downs? No? Well, me neither until this past week when it seems to have gone down a new path of... interestingness.

The truth is out there. As we are. And most likely it's, as usual, hidden somewhere between the different stories I've been told. I'm still an outsider looking in, and to be honest I think that's for the best. One of the reasons I started my own business was to not have to deal with workplace dramas. Yet, it has been full of it these past months. And I find it a bit sticky and quite uncomfortable.

We all come from different paths of experiences, and I do try my best, from my experience, to not judge people for how they now and then behave - apart from when animal cruelty and other violence is involved, then naturally I'm both judge and jury all the way - even when I initially feel very hurt by it. There's probably more than meets the eye.

Still, an unexpected let down by a team member isn't a nice thing at all. Whether the reason was stress or otherwise, the trust has been seriously chipped. But when someone goes low, I try to rise above it. Not an easy thing always, especially not when you feel like a pawn, a hostage in a situation out of your control. But I find that the best thing is to not blurt out any harsh words immediately, words that can't be taken back. Write by all means, but sleep on it. And mull it over back and forth.

What I've also learnt from all of this, this week in particular, is that I possibly need to chill a bit. In the most intellectual zen sense of the word. It's interesting how every setback, every drama turns into another important life lesson, it's never the hassle free rides and successes that make you into a better, wiser person.

When younger I was much more inclined to see things as either black or white, not in all shades of grey that most things are painted in. That has changed with age, and a certain portion of wisdom acquired. But I'm also aware that I'm not really interested in being involved in basically other people's drama, not having all the information needed to base my own opinion, but desperately trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together from the odd word here and there. Being an unwilling mind reader is also one of my new skills apparently.

As I can't be relying on other people to get to the point where they sort the/ir mess out, neither from an emotional, professional nor financial point of view, I've put other professional wheels in motion. It's never good to put all your vegan eggs in one basket. So on Monday I'm going to a job interview. Yes an actual job interview. It's part time, but still, a job. A new position as communicator in a company with a very high sustainability profile, where my background as a lawyer is perfect. Sounds great on paper. I do hope it will be irl too. Fingers crossed we click.

I've also shamelessly offered my services to another company/organisation that I've only recently come to be completely smittened, impressed and inspired by. Such an amazing why story. Everything we do set things in motion, it may not be exactly the things we expect, but nevertheless I believe it's important to be active and open, never settle or just wait for others to get their things together. Maybe they do, maybe things will work out alright, but wait only, never.

Add to that the distinct feeling of being an odd figurehead and pawn with no information and influence, not to mention not really getting credit for all the work done. And here we are. Who knows what will happen next, what's meant to be will be. And that's the amazing as well as annoying thing with life, you can plan as much as you want, you can't control everything anyway. Life happens as life is meant to. However ungraspable and meaningless it seems at times.

As for music I'm still in love with Haevn, looking forward to their first album to be released in March, and Where the Heart is is now very much my new theme song. Both wistful, soothing and empowering. Listening to it I know everything will be alright.

I've also had a lot of enjoyment from the TV-series Younger, currently streaming on TV here. Smart, funny and relatable.

So conclusions from the week that was -

- A reminder that things are rarely black and white. More greys, pinks and sometimes there are even unicorns.
- One might think that men are more straight forward and problem solving, than they in fact are. It's probably good to get those reminders that gender stereotyping isn't very nice. But I have to say, it would have indeed been very nice to have seen a lot more straight talking and problem solving these past few months, from those who (ought to have been) in control of situation.
- I need to curb both my enthusiasm and disappointment a dash. But all the emotions from highs to lows are the prize you pay AND reward you get for having a passionate nature.
- The best way to not dwell too much on disappointments and nuisances out of your control is to keep busy with things that are within your control.
- When you have impromptu fika it can end in seeing something truly magical - an Eurasian Eagle Owl perched on a high building in the middle of Stockholm. None of us had the big gals' cameras with us, and when it comes to that kind of photography an iPhone is just a poor poor substitute. But trust me, it was an amazingly, heartwarming experience shared with a few die hard bird watchers with supersized cameras and binoculars on a backstreet a chilly January Friday. Such a perfect and beautiful way to end the week of both highs and lows.

Welcome February,
you know I expect greatness from you,
please do your best. And I'll do my mine.