Today it's exactly two years since M passed away. And as important and healing as the grief recovery process was, the subconscious mind works in mysterious ways. I've had trouble sleeping these past few weeks, a general sense of worry persistently present. It was my mother who pointed out the time of the year, this week the date, next week Easter, which used to be my favourite holiday, now forever linked to death and sorrow. Even if the grief isn't ever present, far from, I believe this time of the year will be tainted by it all for a long time. That is simply how life, and death, works.
That day when I by coincidence - which are life's little messages to tell us we are not alone - ended up on a bench at a cemetery in Freiburg on a beautiful October afternoon and cried my heart out seems awfully far away, like a distant, memorable, bittersweet dream.
I've come so far since, looking forward to going much further. In fact this week I took another step in that direction, a step so far outside of my comfort zone I'm still surprised I did it - but it was such an obvious thing the future Pia would have been angry about if I hadn't.
Someone pinged me on a 2 weeks gig as a teacher in social media at a journalist education in Rwanda, I applied. The course would take place April 2-13 already, so I didn't have time to think it over. And I didn't really expect getting a reply. But I got swift and great feedback, which then got me really stressed, because was I ready for this, with such short notice? But luckily, for now, they chose someone else for this gig, though wanted to get in touch again for the courses this autumn. Which I think sounds awesome and give me time to prepare. What an amazing experience it would be, wouldn't you agree?
This week also held a really interesting, inspiring as well as dispiriting sustainability forum at my old Alma Mater, Stockholm university. With topics like How can we achieve Agenda 2030 in a polarized world as is? The future of food, how do we get consensus on the importance of plantbased diets and health and non food waste? The world's crazy dependence on oil - the topic that interested me the least, but it was so enlightening and heartbreakingly scary - and How can academia, the business world and society work together for a better world?
Rounded the week off with having a lovely lunch and much needed, long talk with the one person that has been undoubtedly, undeservedly more bruised by the hurtful mess. The whole situation is a different kind of sorrow to work through. To learn by and move forward from, wiser and stronger.
Which in the end is what every setback, sorrow and disappointment is, a valuable experience and opportunity to change, grow and become a better human being.
As usual music helps a lot in the moving on part of life. This week I'm happy to see that George Ezra's new record is out, Get away is my favourite from Staying at Tamara's so far. And even happier to hear Haevn's first single from their first record to be - Back in the water. Everything they make seems magic to me, always beautiful and soothing. Music always makes sense, even when life doesn't. That in itself is magic.
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