Saturday, May 12, 2018

bright lights to guide me

tulips shoe per diem, may 11, 2018

I had a dreaded meeting with my accountant the other day. It was cathartic to tell the story, in short, to someone who has a very pragmatic, yet understanding, view of the situation. There might have been some tears of relief and gratitude. And a fighting spirit awakening again. She said what I needed to hear. What I must do next.

My flaws in this nasty project case were I was passionate, hardworking and trusting. And since those features of mine also are some I'm really proud to possess I will just own it. I don't trust easily in general, but after working through the grief recovery process last summer I felt so relieved, restored, empowered and psyched to get going with new things.

And the first meeting was so good. And when our first project started I was just thrown in head first with gusto. Since it was our first time working together as a team, remote team, it was bound to be a few kinks. I was open and willing to learn, share, without losing my own voice of reason. And when the client begun acting more and more weird, I was still so happy about my kind team. Of course they were on top of things, the background and matters I didn't know about. Simply trust.

I ended up being betrayed. And partly unpaid.

A bitter pill to swallow. A costly life lesson, on various levels. Another fight to fight. Even if things happen for a reason, as always. Though amidst it and its serious ramifications it is difficult to see the silverlining of new, yet unknown doors that open instead.

When you then are forced to struggle to sort things out, both short and long term, when you also blame yourself for being a trusting fool - then it's sweet to get some pragmatic advice and help from someone not involved. Little bright lights to guide me. And in this case, a practical lesson from my accountant.

There are times to be kind, caring, waiting, trusting the process and so forth. There are other times when you just have to look after yourself and your own needs, when noone else does or obviously even care. For anyone but themselves.

I felt lighter after the meeting, more focused. And hadn't it been for the coffee in shape of my beloved soy latte I would even have slept great. It was a long long time since I slept great. I do miss having invigorating sleeps.

årstiderna vegan food box, may 2018 - falafel

What is most always invigorating is to vegan cook as well as eat though. And this weekend I made falafel from scratch again. Practice makes perfect, because this time I tweaked it a bit and cooked it another way. 33 delightful little falafel balls came out of that. Served with fried aubergine, onion, ruccola (which I'm not a fan of but it was included in the food box recipe), diced tomatoes and a simple sauce of Oatly iFraiche with lemon. It was delicious and very satisfying.

årstiderna vegan food box, may 2018 - falafel

Cooking and thinking about how to present a meal in pictures is really therapeutic too. You empty the brain, dance in the kitchen - even if under the stars is an option again too - and focus. I'm so happy about my little gig. A really sweet thing that also happened for a reason. And sharing is caring, especially on a Caturday.

årstiderna vegan food box, may 2018 - falafel

hello global warming 2018

So pretty month of May,
half of your time is almost up,
can we make a deal, how about
being really really awesome
these last couple of weeks?
I would be ever so very very grateful.

norrtälje, roslagen, sweden, may 11, 2018

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