learning lessons, letting go of 2018

On the last shivering days of 2018, what's better than doing a little virtual purge of a few things that caused 2018 to not be the awesome year I had envisioned, but quite the opposite, another really bad one, with madness, sadness and lowpoints.

How about a few words on the nastiest, most deceitful client ever, namely Färgbygge. A Swedish paint company with strong ties to the anthroposophical movement claiming they had a unique non-toxic paint rival to none on the market.

However it turned out to be a highly unprofessional, sectarian company that, to cut a long, crazy and infuriating story short, filed for bancruptcy. After they had moved their assets to a new company, which automagically then appeared under the same name as the old company, but with a different corporate identity number.

First thing they did in the "new" company were to take the selected employees to a boosting holiday in Italy. Just how many customers, business partners and suppliers they've cheated along the way, who knows. Quite a few I suspect. From my, and others, experience it's a company with zero business ethics. Not a company I would in any way recommend dealing or working with, if you want your blood pressure to remain a healthy level. Or expect to get paid for your work.

And given everything they did to avoid full disclosure in court when they were sued by the Swedish Paint Trade Organisation for false marketing, I would not trust their so called organic, non-toxic, all-natural paint either. What's on the tin is most likely not in the tin.

More information regarding this can obviously be found in public records and other written materials, not subject to NDA in any way.

I still scold myself for being stupid and naive, even if I know that's not really the case. Trusting people to be honest, decent and fair, that's not stupidity. And it most certainly isn't as if I didn't questions things and situations all through the costly project.

Noticed they've done a lot of removing from and revamping of their social channels recently. And continued to paint a false picture of themselves and the brand, including conned new (I presume un-suspecting) business partners into collaborations. It's just a sad, unhealthy and unprofessional company. But I also believe in karma. One day everyone involved will get what they deserve.

And the start-up team I was so happy and grateful over during this project? Well, as I've written about before, they let me down completely and we haven't had any kind contact since spring. My gut feeling was clearly muddled, I may have been in too happy a place back then (is that possible?). Not people I'd trust to work with again, which is, admittedly, sad, since before everything went horribly awry we had so much productive fun. But there you are, do not trust so easily just because it sounds, looks and feels so good. It actually, possibly, maybe is too good to be true.

I've also let the coaching gig for international talents-integration project go, after the latest round which was basically disastrous. My warm and fuzzy feelings for the project disappeared for good. So much disrespect for my time and experience, we're simply not paid for all the time and effort we put in (hello serfs) - it never seize to amaze me, the fact that just because you're a freelancer or consultant you're often expected to accept subpar payment for high-quality work.

No more.

If I could have a pound for every time I'm approached by a recruiter on LinkedIn about "an amazing opportunity" which end up to be for a measly sum of, not uncommonly, 75% less than my usual hourly rate, I would be a rich gal. Sums which are simply impossible to make a decent (not luxuary) living on.

So as everyone else seem to blast their horns on how spectacularly, superbly amazing their personal and professional life have been in 2018, I'm honestly owning the fact that it has been one of my worst. So much madness, worry, sleepless nights and lowpoints galore. Not to mention the climate angst.

Which I don't know how not everyone, with an ounce of IQ, acknowledge and engage in, instead of tooting their own admirability and infallability when they sum up the year.

During a year with a whirlwind of crazy things happening. With people, companies, politicians, societies I really don't get, and have lost patience with and trust for, I must say that what has kept me going on a sometimes steady, sometimes wobbly path forward, are the golden, sparkly moments of amity, collusion, very special people and ideas. And the best of cats. Always the cats. An abundance of gratitude for that.

It has also been a year of massive personal development and growth. Funny how those two things always go hand in hand, the struggles, the setbacks you grow from. Never the successes, they're simply the delicious, juicy cherry on the sundae of struggles.

I'm also grateful for the absolute knowledge that I'm a better person and earthling than I was at the beginning of the year. That, if anything, is something to toot a bit about.

And that my BS detecting skills have, alas, risen to new, unforeseen heights.

So relieved 2018 is over soon. And if it's even possible to look past the climate angst, I do believe 2019 will be brilliant, shiny dressed in a general fabulousness.

I refuse to let this post of some of the really bad memories of 2018 be the last one for the year. So more to come before the bells finally toll for the year that was.