hello december

Kränku tea advent calendar of 2017 - whatever did you do all through December before you found this brilliance?

Feels like pretty much every month this year calls for a "gosh, really gosh, where did the month go??". December first is no exception. I mean, only a few shivering weeks left of this year, how did that happened? How is it even physically possible?

After 2016 being one of my life's worst years, 2017 turned out to have been one of my best. Not without struggles, roadbumps and backlashes, since life isn't meant to be that way. But all and all, a year full of amazing insights and personal growth, great jobs, fantastic people - my tribe! - conversations, laughters. If last year was more about tears than laughter, taking a day at a time, surviving, this year has been more about laughter than tears. Momentum and moving forward. Pieces of the puzzle falling in to place in seemingly serendipitous ways. The best kind of way.

And there's still one lovely month left, if you can see past the glaring consumerism, people's silly self-imposed stress, gluttony and food waste of December, it's a pretty cosy month. When you can light lots of candles, listen to Christmassy music, drink copious amounts of tea and the odd glühwein, eat vegan lussebullar - just realised I haven't posted the vegan recipe of them yet, but it's very similar to this old one, just omit the quark, dairy and egg and use oat milk instead - and just be.

Admittedly the lack of daylight and sun these past few weeks - with global warming there's less snow and with that darker days - with it getting dark at 1 pm already (I kid you not) have turned me into a semi-zombie state. And it's pretty awful. There's only as much as vitamin D supplements and an overall healthy lifestyle can do to beat that. I basically fall asleep in the sofa in front of the TV every evening, completely tied down by a gazillion cats who think I'm the best human heater in the whole wide world. And I'm so darn cold all the time, because even if it's not very low winter temperatures these days (around +/-0 C) there's some crazy clammy nastiness indoors that not even the heat pump can completely beat. I bundle up like the Michelin man and try keeping busy. Dancing helps too.

On the topic of music I've been listening a lot to Cock Robin lately. Had forgot how much I adored them in my late teens. Looking at the videos is quite embarrassing, incomprehensible and daft like videos from the 80-90ies were. Were they even cool back then? And then there's the fashion, the hair styles. Oh dear. But the tunes have aged well I think. The singer's voice is still amazing, the sense of melancholy and sense of urgency is irresistable (even if he looks like he's going to wet his pants any minute. Watch this video for proof of that.) But as a thumb rule, you should never ever watch videos from the 80ies because they always completely destroy the magic of the music.

As it is December I thought I'd make a little summary of how many of the personal and professional goals I did reach this year. On the personal, merely two, but at least the best two. The skin condition and the new recipe every week. The skin condition, which is not back to normal but still so much better. Stress and worry are most probably a big reason behind it all, and with working a lot with that this year it has at least improved conciderably. Also I believe all that sun bathing past summer played a part of improvement. Plus possibly the recent addition of the Dermalogica Ultracalming serum to my skin regime.

And the try new recipes, well I have the vegan food ambassador gig to thank for that of course. Who knew such a thing would appear late in the year and help me with a personal goal? And the three personal goals I haven't ticked, they have been replaced with other things instead. The grief recovery process trumps everything, it has been worth its weight in many chests of gold.

As far as professional goals are concerned I'm happy to report that I've ticked them all. I may not "commute to work every day", but some days I "commute" so much more instead.

Looking forward to setting meaningful goals for next year. It will be fun. Especially when you see great results from previous year.

Last but not least, when someone you haven't known for a long time seems to know you a little bit better than you know yourself. And by that also pushes you outside your comfort zone. How do you react? Of course there isn't one easy for all answer to that. As it falls in the category of pink vegan meringues - which I've come to think of as an analogy for how much humans complicate things - my reaction now is a whirlwind of emotions, bewilderment being one of them. I don't know how it even is possible, as I don't concider myself an open book. Surely not, not even if you read this blog. Nah, obviously I'm an enigma wrapped in a mystery caught in a riddle.

Yet the fact that someone has managed to decipher me, challenge me, unlock things that have apparently been dormant, it does make perfect sense. It has after all been a year of constant revelations. And as one of my best decisions of 2017 has been to trust the process, I'm doing that in this case too. It's not easy to stop being my impatient self, but it is quite liberating. And as I did make a promise to myself last year, one that I'm not about to break, something I have only told one person, it's easier to be patient, intuitive, curious and a dash pious.

It is after all my Latin derived name. Not a name in accord with my personality, but that makes it just a little more... entertaining and easier to emotionally deal with meringue-wise. Which is more... interesting than being boring. Since it's equally important to be both serious and fun, to grow, but I refuse to be boring. Both on the personal and professional arena.

Welcome, dear December, please be as awesome and amazing as you possibly can be.