Saturday, February 24, 2018

trying to illuminate my clouded heart

a tree of ❤️ lights, jakobsberg, stockholm suburb, sweden, february 2018

Almost four years ago I swore I would never feel so passionate about a brand that rejection, no matter how sweetly put, would break my heart. And even if a brand love story for 15 years isn't really comparable to these intense five plus months, this was a case of actually hard working with it for all these months. Add the fact that it wasn't a sweetly put rejection, but a pretty harsh dumping. - Not because we didn't do a great job, quite the opposite, but because of internal strifes and mismanagement.

I've been thinking a lot about the hip hype of being passionate about your work. It has really gotten to a ridiculous point when you read job ads these days. If you're passionate to that extent about every little paper clip, morning meeting and Excel sheet you will burn out in no time. And what's wrong with feeling reasonably detached from those things but still being adamant to do a great job? One doesn't rule out the other. Really. To rest your passion at work and save it for what really matters? How about having a pretty boring job that pays the bills and keep your other passions alive?

As soon as you feel passion you also open up to being really hurt. Be it in work, love, interests. Passions are scary.

But then again, better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. A life without love and strong feelings would be a very poor life, as far as I'm concerned.

And when you are amidst them, at work, that feeling is pretty unbeatable. The passionate energy, the creativity, the ideas and when you share it with other people, you are unstoppable.

I've worked with clients whose businesses I've been neutral to, it has been a job, nothing more, nothing less, it has paid the bills. I've also worked with clients whose businesses I've shared the passion for. The latter has been so much more energizing and fun. But I also know I've been absorbed, engulfed, it's easy to get tunnel vision and disregard warning bells.

So while licking my wounds from all of this mess I've been contemplating that perhaps I need to simply look for clients and work that are more of the neutral kind for me. That never means I don't strive to do a great job, just that I'm able to keep a healthy distance to my job and leave the passion out of it. To rest my weary mind and heart a bit.

But then I thought about my quest of finding my kind of people, and how important a quest that is. And how essential it is that all of us do our bit to make this world a better place, and how passions do play a big part in that.

I was also reminded about this paragraph in the seance message - "Time is important and the older you get the more important it is. It passes quickly, just as life. Fill it with things you are really passionate about and disregard the rest. Difficult sometimes, but you will feel much better afterwards." Continue to burn, baby, burn.

So maybe I just need to work on not being as engulfed, channel my inner lawyer, close my eyes to tunnel vision, and stay strong and vocal when the warning bells chime. Simply demand, not just suggest, clear communication and straight talk. And not least, put everything to (digital) paper.

Having a tad distance to the hurt, the answer to what I need to do now came to me the other day. Now I know what the future Pia would thank me for, which I didn't know then. And the interesting thing is that I hadn't even mulled it over intensely, suddenly the answer was just there and available to pick. The brain, a wondrous thing.

As I briefly touched on recently, my career coaching gig has been really hard work for eight weeks, but 2/3 of it is pretty much done now. And fingers really tightly crossed the last third part will be this upcoming week.

Last week we had a lovely meeting full of laughters, about a possible internship with a company (one of Sweden's largest general dealers). When I gave them my business cards, and they oh and ah:ed over them, my mentee suddenly said "Well, Pia is a celebrity in Stockholm!". On which we laughed even more. It was such a sweet and unexpected thing to say.

And I have no idea where he had gotten that notion. Just because I'm reasonably easily googleable I would not in any single way call myself a celebrity. The mere word gives me shivers of unpleasantness and shallowness. But perhaps it was a confusion of tongues and he just meant he's grateful for all my hard work on his behalf. That kind of star status I can live with, and be proud of.

I'm thinking I should keep all those unexpected sweet things people say now and then written down in a special book, to look in when life give me lemons and I'm in no mood for lemonade, lemon pie or G&T. The "not many people can measure up to you" and "... one gets happy by looking at you." episodes definitely will be scribbled down in that book. And now my newly acquired celebrity status.

Plus someone recently said she had fallen in love with me the first time we met, I wore my darlin' owl dress, in a work situation. Not in the love-love sense of the word but just being very inspired and happy. It's so good and heart-warming to be reminded, now and then, from friends, family, acquaintances and strangers alike, that you do a pretty decent job of inspire and lift moods just by being who you are. Remember, dare to compliment and be grateful for the compliments you get.

Three short things before I sign off on this rambling post -

luddkolt’s british shorthair, february 2018 -

:: Someone suggested on Instagram, brilliantly so, that I should post a Swedish saying once per week and illustrate it with a cat picture. - It happened when I posted the above photo to illustrate "To have a fox behind one's ear" ie to be cunning. But surely having a cat on your back must mean you're even smarter? - Oh I will, simply too great a challenge to pass, wouldn't you agree?

:: Four months ago I was surprised by my own feelings and thought of "This is how it feels to finally have come home." when I met a person for the first time. I hope I will be able, and brave enough, to actually say and admit that to the person in question one day. I did say I would be braver in 2018, right? Right.

fresh organic turmeric, december 2017

:: With my vegan food ambassador gig I've come to adore fresh turmeric. I still find it tricky to find in the super market, so I relish it whenever there is loads of it in the food box. Negative, your hands and nails get really yellow and you can easily be mistaken for a serious nicotinist. But the positive, the flavour, colour and not least all the fantastic health benefits (much like fresh ginger). Dried turmeric is great too, but I prefer the fresh version which you grate in stews, risottos, soups and alike. (I actually grate it over soy sausages I fry too.) If you haven't tried it you should, it'll bring colour, flavour and health to every dish. Just don't go overboard if it's a dish with mild flavours, it can be a bit overpowering.

Happy cooking and a hearty week!

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