Hallo My Name is Dimwit

Summoned to another pointless labour market policy meeting of the usual demeaning proportions I thought that perhaps, maybe, possibly this one can actually lead to something good further down the line... As it turned out it was just as embarrassingly insulting as such things usually are.

Once again I wondered why I never seem to have any problems with being me, fairly eloquently expressing my views and personality as well as strengths and competences when in other formal or informal situations. I do believe I can safely say that I usually, most often, do not appear as a first class nitwit, in complete lack of social skills or independent thinking.

So why, oh why - for the billionth time - do these hatchets of the completely obsolete, detached from reality, labour office treat me like I can barely spell my name? Do they take courses in this offending approach?

Like their Swedish name says they're suppose to actually mediate, when for different reasons necessary, work and job opportunities. And perhaps once upon a time they did that and sometimes still do. But for most of the time they clearly seem to misspend tax money and resources, not to mention obviously take great pleasure in degrading people no matter background or competence.

A few years back I had never ever thought I'd find myself in this predicament. I never thought I'd suffer from burn-out syndrome either, me the picture of composure, never lacking of ego strength or self worth, knowing my own boundaries, capable of handling countering and penalizations. As it happened, the latter only up to a certain point.

After soul searching, analyzing - got to love it - brooding and talking I found a new me, a stronger and more insightful person and I had no doubts whatsoever that this new discovery, not to mention all this new experience, would benefit me when I returned to the labour market. I'd be unstoppable, I'd be sought after, things would turn out great and back on a new track.

Yeah, right.

I really try - with this analytic mind of mine - not to dwell on the past, things done or not done, actions taken or not, where did I go wrong or not, where did things go wrong or not. But the longer it takes to get back on the proverbial rosy track forward the more difficult it gets to try and see this mess with major student loan debts - still demanding to be paid even though I at this time have absolutely no use of all those years at university - and wasted competence called my life today in a positive light of self experienced adversity and more compassion with lesser fortunate.

Oh I really don't want to be or become one self pitying member of the club - or possibly famous law firm as one witty friend said - Haggard, Bitter, Wrinkly & Sour. But some days really are worse than others.

The days when you get summoned to meetings where you're belittled by Mr and Mrs Beetlebrain who question your qualifications, work experience and skills, who haven't the decency to actually read up on your CV, who talk about you in third person although you're in the same room and quite obviously have made their mind up about your mental capability and level of intelligence beforehand since they think a project that aim to give unemployed a chance to show their willingness to work, their willingness to learn new things, capacity for planning and social competence is right up your alley.

All this through brushwood clearance work, carpenter work, painting and taking care of hazardous waste. I'm sure these are very commendable tasks for people with a knack for it and less of a burdening student loan debt. The tasks in questions though are very far from, academic degree aside, both my core strengths as well as talents.

And it's neither a case of the demand for my qualifications and personal skills being low nor me being too uppish to take a routine office job - I simply do not get those just because I'm overqualified. Oh, if I had just gotten a penny for every time I received that overqualified-answer when job searching I wouldn't have to worry about getting a viable income source anymore.

In this life interlude of seemingly endless search for a job match - even if perhaps not made in heaven at least with a dash of rosy glow - I take great care in noticing all the lovely details around me, when I have the opportunity I try to capture them with camera and recapture them by words. I enjoy the company of more or less furry family and friends as well as time spent in the company of self and books. I try to make the most of the truly good moments in the now never to return and I channel my frustration and anger in blog to keep reasonably sane. So, thanks for reading.