bye june, hey july 2020

I'm thinking about challenging myself to actually write a little blog post every single day in July. Because there isn't much else one can do these days, other than walk, cook, eat, drink tea, read, cuddle cats, watch movies, meditate. Life continues to be very restricted for most of us, who don't own or have access to a car. I think most of us feel life is on hold, the waiting game prolonged.

I've struggled with setting the tone of this post, will I keep it light and positive, or will I simply tell it like it is. Life is made up of both, even in these troubled times for all of us. And I haven't exactly shyed away from the difficult stuff before...

So, even if I'm grateful to be an intro/ambivert, and ever so grateful I'm not of an addictive nature, this is *starting* to take its toll on me too. Even if I enjoy my own company, and solitude, I also feel lonely. People with loving partners and good families probably don't get it. Nor do people with friends they have deep and meaningful relationships with. To be quite honest, I don't think I have anyone like that in my life anymore. There, now that's said and out there.

During these months, no one has gotten in touch to hear how I'm doing. And vice versa, after the first few weeks I have felt zero inclination to reach out myself. The energy levels are limited. People are working, from home or wherever they feel comfortable and safe to be, they're only interested in social distancing contacts with people close by. If anyone with a car was interested to meet up in my neighborhood, for a take away lunch and a walk and talk, I'd be happy too. But few people seem to have cars and the ones I've asked have said "sure, but maybe later", and that later never happened...

I'm not the least bit interested in having more Zoom- or Skype talks than those which are work or pro bono-necessary. They're just stressful and unproductive, they never fill me with joy or inspiration. The only contacts I have with people these days (apart from darling little mom, grocery store clerks, the neighborhood's dog ladies and such) are via short comments on social media. Which on the one hand feels quite insufficient, on the other hand quite enough for my current energy levels.

The times we're living in are traumatizing for most us, so maybe this is the new normal (at least for us not prone to alcoholism or violence...) and perhaps that also means we only have just enough energy to focus on the immediate close circle.

I know I feel that way, but at the same time I feel lonely. On the other I don't have the energy to spend on a lot of interactions. And if I start reaching out to more people, perhaps I'll feel it's a bit overwhelming in the end? It's enough to cope with my own thoughts and personal issues. Weltschmerz as well as personal worries. And even if meditating does help, it's only as much as that can do to keep the demons away. One day at a time, one day at a time. Reading, cat cuddling, cooking, walking, repeat. Who said it was without complications?

I found June to be a particular bad month, on a personal level. (Because we all know what a shi**y month it was for the world, so no need to dig into that. And this is after all, my little world within the world, so...). It began with a plantar fasciitis from hell in my left heel (not had one since 2009, but this past year I have been wearing more sneakers than usual and I find that sneakers generally give much less support to my feet than regular shoes. Sure they are seemingly comfortable and kind, but overdo the walking in them, there will be a hefty price to pay...

So I had to spend a couple of weeks resting, stretching and hobbling out to the garbage bin regularly  (in different shoes, just to see which ones would work best for a painful heel). Finally last week I did my hobble in the vegan wedges I got in March, and they felt very promising. The next day I did a longer walk to the grocery store, and it was painfree. Huzzah!

Taking it slowly, but so far two walks this week and I'm hopeful to be back on my usual walking track within a foreseeable future.

The job processes I was recently positive about, didn't lead to anything. And others haven't either. It's absolutely crazy that it is this hard to find my kind of people, my kind of company. I'm weird and wonderful, but apparently too many companies and organisations find me weird and incomprehensible. No matter how qualified I am, no matter how much potential and visions I have. That in itself is deeply disturbing, and depressing. Maybe I should just give up finding a job in Sweden, and find one abroad that accepts and encourage remote working?

But all in all, I'm really at lost on what to do now, where to look, where to find, at last. When you find yourself, after much work and effort, in this position, you kind of have to truly trust that universe has your back...

Last week's depressing heatwave didn't exactly help the mood either. I'm grateful for cooler weather and two days of several rain showers now though. But nature is in desperate need much much more water, more rain.

Before the heatwave I immensely enjoyed my little, shabby, green haven of a garden. Lilacs, honeysuckle, rhododendron... Roses, mock orange and now clematis. I wish they could blossom for a longer time though. It's fleeting time of immense beauty and calls for intense appreciation of nature's little wonders.

One of the cats passed away last Friday. He suddenly got poorly and rapidly lost weight after Midsummer. Over the years I've gotten (too) well versed with cats and cancer, and its often very quick process. I used to dash off to the vet, and followed by painful procedures with always poor outcomes. After those times I decided to never again submit 10+ years old cats to that stress but keep them comfortable at home and if possible let them pass away in the comfort of their well-known surroundings and alongside friends.

He drank water, didn't ate very much, enjoyed cuddles, slept a lot and kept to himself. On a very warm and humid Friday evening he fell into the final sleep on the veranda. As the vet was closed by then I had to wrap him up and keep him in the freezer over the weekend. That's how you have to problem solve things, even the very sad things. On Monday morning I put him in a box, walked to the vet, and paid a hefty price for the cremation. And that was the end of Waldemar Warwick.

He was a fun, weird kitten and young cat, but as a grown up, older cat he wasn't one of the cats with big personalities, but a more subdued fella. But still, he was part of the cat puzzle in this residence. He had never been sick once, always a healthy sight in shiny, black fur so this came very unexpected. He would have turned 13 in a couple of months.

With a cat gang now between 8 and 16 years old, most of them never having been sick a day in their lives, I guess you can never tell which one will be next. It feels a bit like being in the Agatha Christie novel "And Then There Were None".

I can't imagine my life without cats, but with the immense joy, gratitude and furry love comes sorrow. There have been countless of tears shed over cats lost, over the years. And well, this experience didn't exactly add anything positive and joyful to my current mood. But there you are, life.

I had high hopes for June, those were really put to shame. I'm not even sure what lessons I've learnt from it. Life is rough, but there are always people who are worse off, be grateful for the good things you have, have had and will have?

Now half of the year is gone. And EVERYTHING is topsy turvy, can you please, gorgeous July, turn into something positive, uplifting, beautifully solution based and inspiring? I need it. And I'm not alone.

See you tomorrow. One little post at a time.

first guest at hedgehog drop-inn 2020

Another post second day in a row. Not something you should get used to though. But when I realised I had done a blatant mistake and not mentioning the news of the first distinguished guest at Hedgehog Drop-Inn 2020 in yesterday's post I though s/he deserved a post of her/his very own. And what better way to start a new month, than sharing an adorable, mood-lifting sighting?

If I've done my calculations correctly this is the 18th year of summer hedgehogs visits and stays, but I first wrote about them in 2007. I am so honoured they've find sanctuary here ever since. Even if there are probably new guests every summer, they might be a family that tell stories through generations  about the magical garden with plenty of food, water, sleeping places and curious fluffsters.



As they usually turn up in late July/early August, I couldn't believe it was actually a persistent wee hedgehog that was trying to get in through the garden gate, when I heard the noise on May 24. but there s/he was, strutting down the garden path. I know they're little clever pricklies and can get through and in via very small openings, but I'm surprised at their ingenuity every year.

As I've done my best (or succumbed completely to my inner garden gnome of laziness plus the garden elder weed that invaded some years ago... for a good reason though!) to let the garden be as it is, to offer a haven for biodiversity, they might hibernate and live somewhere inside here too.



From feasting on luxurious kitty food (the only I had at home at the time, I usually buy cheaper bags when hedgehog season begins) it was time for a stroll and a cat nap. Because this is just how much the cats looovez when the hedgehogs appear for the season. And sights like this makes my heart explode of cuteness overload.

Just what one needs to see and be in in these worrying times, wouldn't you agree?

PS After letting the garden grow wild like this for some years now it has become just what I wanted, much more popular amongst bees, bumblebees, butterflies and other insects. My little humble contribution to biodiversity. My very own green green mess of home. DS

goodbye may, hello june 2020

I lied. I'm sorry. It did take another month for a post to appear here again. I'm too tired, jaded, worried, sad, angry, heartbroken (take your pick for the day) to feel inspired, energized and happy enough to blog these days. It's really difficult to look forward to things, imagine a prosperous future. The feeling of Weltschmerz on your shoulders is particularly heavy in these times.

Not happy enough to do anything substantial or newsworthy really. Funnily enough I read a lot, which usually is something I struggle with (loosing my mojo for) when I'm in a low place. But there you are. And go for walks and cook. The nature is gorgeous this time of the year and the weather has been on the chilly side of early summer (which I'm grateful for, we need lots of rain). But still, the world is very limited and small right now.

Oh, and I do a lot of guided meditation, a few times each day, between 15-45 minutes at a time. Have however not found the peace and serenity in it I had hoped and waited for. Somehow I think the times we are living in are too overwhelming for that to happen. It will take time, a long time. But one thing that has improved, my mind doesn't wander as much as before. That's at least something.



I finished both courses I took this spring, the Science of Well-Being at Yale and the shorter one in Swedish on Climate, Environment and Consumption. The first one was great and very inspiring - but as I said, the rough and extraordinary times we are living in makes it a real struggle to apply all that new knowledge in real life... - the second one was alright. No new information for me, but a lot of useful things to brush up on regarding sustainability and choices.

My best tips for being a better earthling and champion for sustainability and peace are still -

• Go Vegan! And do it NOW.
• Buy organic and avoid palmoil.
• Consume less, consume better.
• Fly less, much much much less.
• Stop your routine-like driving everywhere. (Yes, I know, public transport just isn't an healthy option currently, but things will not stay like this forever. Walk, bike and take the bus/train. Do the healthy, sustainable thing.)

I'm involved in a couple job processes. But to be honest I don't have a good gut feeling about neither of them. When a process is stretched out and you don't get updates, it just doesn't feel ... right anymore. You question the company, you question yourself, and is it really such a great match... Oh how illusive is that dream job of mine...

Vegoforum was obviously cancelled in March due to corona, but last week it was turned into two digital seminars with focus on sustainable, healthy, vegan school meals. Great speakers, great insights, and very inspiring. I wish we could all go out and make a quick and radical difference right here and now with all that inspiration.

I'm also doing volunteer work as a board member in the non-profit association SMMI (Svensk Mat- och Miljöinformation, Swedish Food- and Environmental information) now, Vegoforum is one of their projects. The mission is to promote, teach and inspire about a sustainable food chain and the environment, tied to the Agenda 2030 and its sustainable development goals. It's lovely to *see* the knowledge and dedication of the people involved in the movement. But as much as I love that, this too is a struggle as we're confined to Zoom-meetings (so not a fan. Who knew that a simple telephone call/conference would feel like a relief one day... for an Odd Phoney) so far. 

After M's passing in 2016, I never eat take away. I cook everything myself, unless I'm eating out obviously. But the fact that a Thai foodtruck that can veganize about 20 dishes on the menu, has opened up nearby has been such a lovely change during corona-times. Have had a few take aways with my mum so far, the food is great (and especially the tofu is perfect) and it's kind of a weekly-ish highlight. I hope they get enough business in the neighbourhood to stay put. We'll kickstart June with a Thai lunch too, happiness boosters are few and far away. Even for us who has so so much to be grateful about during these troubled times.

Last week Marimekko had a digital runway with participants all over the world showing their summer outfits inspired by Marimekko, on Instagram, instead of the annual Helsinki fashion show. It was really sweet. And one of those little treasured happiness boosting things to watch people of different sizes, colours, gender and ages loving their outfits and strutting their stuff. This was my wee contribution, love the Unikko filter for Instagram. And yes, I did a vegan Maria Nila colour refresh a couple of week's ago again - mixed pink pop and cherry red.

As there are currently no reasons to dress in all my pretty dresses or favourite clothes in general, I try to at least take one out for fresh air once per week. Which basically means, let's make a dress effort for walks to the grocery stores or the Thai foodtruck.

As much as I was and is proud of the Swedish covid-19 strategy I'm now very less than proud of the blatant negligent and careless attitude of far too many Swedes when the sun came out. I know that I wrote about that last month too, but seriously, people are indeed idiots. And watching the news, it's most certainly not a Swedish thing only. Idiots everywhere.

And I can't say I'm any happier about the open up-strategies in other countries either. Much too soon, too casual I'd say. Opening up to the second wave. And thus putting further strains on all the incredibly hard working hospital staff (will they ever have time to heal, rest, recuperate and get a decent pay I wonder...). But there you are. Life and people are currently particularly hard to grasp and relate to, on so many levels.

Goodbye, May, you have been pretty, you have been a struggle. Thank you for the insights and lessons, but I'm sad to say it wasn't very good to meet you this year.

Hello, June, I really hope, wish and keep my fingers crossed for more joy, kindness and progress. Can you, please, pretty pretty down on my knees please, make some dreams come true? And if there's anything more I can do to make that happen, please do show and tell!

the waiting game

”Step outside, take a breath, listen to the calm and gentle sounds of nature. It is the sound of recovery.”

I know, it's been a long month since I last blogged. It's probably been a month of many ups and downs for us all. A bewildering month of many adjustments, a lost month but also full of insights and learnings.

Myself I also managed to catch a nasty cold - I'm pretty sure it wasn't Covid-19, as it was acting like my colds act, only it was prolonged into 2,5 weeks before I felt really well again. So during those weeks I only ventured out a few times to the garbage bin at dusk, to avoid people.

I haven't been in to inner city Stockholm since March 16, thus obviously haven't travelled by bus or train since then. Just walked around the neighbourhood and to the grocery store (it's great to get there at 7 am when they open up, perfect for social distancing). It feels surreal, life's taken a time out somehow.

I'm still proud to be a swede and our strategy of course, but I'm appalled at the selfish flippancy too many people seem to show as of lately, filling up restaurants, restaurateurs not taking responsibility despite clear restrictions, not taking the social distancing seriously as if spring and warmer weather is some magical overnight cure. The stupidity and ignorance, mindboggling.



Before corona struck I bought two vegan shoes from El Naturalista. I've been eyeing them for a year, but resisting since I (obviously) don't desperately need new shoes. But now there was a decent sale on, and I would (also obviously) love to have a few more non-leather shoes. I'm also thinking I'll finally sell some of my El Naturalista leather sandals, that I have only used a couple of times (not really my style or fit, but once I thought they were a must...), so less in more out.



Unexpected feline bonus of the purchase, Ågot absolutely adored the mesh bags that came with the shoes. You might think they were drenched in catnip.

Before corona I also had my discerning eye on a gorgeous skirt and dress from Marimekko. But I have to say that, nowhere to go, noone to see, working from home and only going for walks and picking up groceries has been a most effective way of curing shopping urges. And given the gazillion emails about sales, new collections at reduced prices I get every single day, I'm not the only one. I also think that with incomes and future job situations being really worrisome for many of us now, shopping for things that aren't a must seems pretty crazy. I mean, I already struggle to use my existing beautiful wardrobe right now.



Talking about shopping and consumerism, one of the two online classes I've been taking this past month is about Consumption, environment and climate. I can't say it's been an eyeopener as such, since I've spent so many years already reading and learning about the topic of sustainability. Obviously. And the obligatory test I took about my ecological footprint clearly shows that if people lived like me, the planet would be healthy, thriving place for us all. Yes, the combination of vegan living, chosing organic, slow fashion, not owning a car or flying a lot, choosing energy from renewable sources and more, can truly make a huge difference. It both infuriates and saddens me that people still don't get that. When politicians and big businesses fail us, we could make such a big difference ourselves just with our daily choices.



My other class is a Yale-course on the Science of Well-being. It's great! I'm also proud of the insight it has given me, that my main signature strength is Perspective, followed by Appreciation of Beauty & Excellence, Humour, Creativity and Love of Learning. I do love my perspective strength, but I have to say that given how the world looks and people still behave, it has also always been a struggle with this blessing. I so wish people would finally learn how to connect the dots, our current situation is such an obvious, heartbreaking lesson from Mother Nature we MUST. I will now embrace and acknowledge my strength more, use it even more for a greater good.

I'm now on the shivering last weeks of the course and rewiring my brain, which in my case is meditating regularly every day. And you know how long I've been struggling to make that a routine, in vain. I still struggle with focusing. But now I have better tools and insights to make it happen. And the quote from the course "A mind-wandering mind is an unhappy mind" has certainly striked a cord.

I've also applied for a university course at Stockholm Uni - Resilience Center on Sustainability Science. They've changed it into a digital class, still in Swedish, but available from anywhere in the world this time. I hope I'll be accepted, it's pretty much exactly what I've been looking for in vain until now. It'll start in late August, part-time for 6 months. I'll know if I got in in June. Fingers crossed.



As an intro/ambivert I don't miss interacting with people that much - I still go for social distancing walks with my mum and the neighbourhood's dog ladies - but I do miss the freedom of just taking the bus-train to the city, museums, walks, seminars, meetings, fika, lunches, you know, all those simple things we take for granted. Most of all though, I missed not being able to experience the blissful cherry blossom trees in Kungsträdgården this year. Last year seems like another world... Which, crazy enough, it truly is.

But I'm also grateful for the fact that the sadness over that has been alleviated by the fact that there are actually more cherry blossoms trees in my neighbourhood than I realised. They're obviously not as impressive as rows of 20+ years old trees, but the sight of them still light up my heart and mind.



I didn't get the job I went to an interview for in March. I was over-qualified, I was told that before the interview, but there were other benefits and great things about the job in question so I didn't mind at all. But it wasn't meant to be.

I've applied to two fantastic sounding jobs lately, they both get me salivating really (that is an extremely rare thing), last day of application hasn't been yet. So I'm holding my fingers crossed more firmly than ever before. Please join me in that firmly-fingers-crossing activity.



I promise there won't be a month's hiatus until the next post. I want to write about books, the fact that lipstick has become one of my small things in order to keep up some sort of normalcy, about all the lovely vegan food I've eaten, cooked and baked (yes even that, I haven't baked since 2017!) recently, about the thai food truck that has put up doors within walking distance and that they can veganize pretty everything on the menu, tea, feline shenanigans, great TV-series, movies and much more. So for a month lost to us all, April 2020, things still happen, life is slow but still very much there around us, within us. Savouring the little things is more important and obvious than ever before.

Goodbye April, I won't miss you, but you've been a master teacher of what's important and of what must change.

Welcome gorgeous, green May, I hope you will be a kinder teacher and great enabler.



"...you've been wandering in between, the things you have and your longings and your dreams..."

proud to be a swede

This needs to be said. I find it fascinating that so many people have so much time to spend having issues with how Sweden act in the corona crisis when absolutely noone has the right answers. This is new territory for us all. Keep calm and do your best kind thing. Listen to science and act responsibly. Time will tell.

Why not spend much more time condemning the horrific nasty wet markets reopening in China instead? Seriously. Not to mention scrutinizing your own choices when it comes to your plate. Why continue using, abusing, eating other sentient beings and continue being an obvious part of the problem instead of going #vegan and be part of the solution? Consuming animals is why we got here in the first place. Period. It's never the animals fault though, it's always human behaviour causing things like this. Karma is a bitch. Rightly so.

And as far as I can see so far, the virus-development in Sweden is definitely not worse (rather the opposite from recent numbers) than any other country with stricter measures. Things will of course get worse than this, before the peak is reached. We are all aware of that, but this how we carefully navigate unknown waters now, responsibly and fact based. 

I would be generally happier if all borders and flights were closed for the time being, and obviously that Swedes from the more affected areas (namely Stockholm city) didn’t travel to the countryside and their summer cottages so we can flatten the curve. (The sense of entitlement by some selfish pricks are always mindboggling... Though  that’s a universal thing, not a Swedish one. This piece of Party Zero in Westport, Conneticut had me fuming for example...) 

But other than that, as far as I can see, it seems like the majority of Swedes actually do have that much talked about common sense aka folkvett. As a great column (in Swedish only) talked about today, I’m proud to be Swede today just because of the way we’re handling the corona crisis: ”I’m proud to be Swedish right now. And not Danish for example. Or French. We’re allowed to think for ourselves.”

And let me tell you, being Swedish born and bred it’s a very rare thing for me to be proud of Sweden these days - and you long term readers know how critical and disappointed I am, and have been for many many years, about the misuse of resources, competence, taxpayers money, gutless politicians and now greenwashing of costly environmental initiatives in Sweden, to mention a few things. Still, grateful in so many ways for having been born and bred here yes, but proud not so much at all. But when it comes to this current crisis, strangely enough I generally am. 

On a very heartwarming note, the fact that it didn't take many days of lockdown until wild animals were slowly fearlessly taking over cities, that's just amazing in so many ways. If you haven't heard of the posse of goats roaming the streets in Welsh Llandudno yet, you have now!

PS If you've never seen purple potatoes, you have now. DS

everything is connected and figureoutable

We're living in strange times. And it's difficult to know where to start. What can one write that doesn't seem trivial or selfish. What I do know though, is that this certainly is the epitome of "It was the worst of times, it was the best of time".

Can you imagine, when we have gotten through all this - with a lot of heartache, sorrow and stupid mistakes along the way, I'm sure. But how hard it is to grasp amidst darkness, the hardest lessons brings the greatest growth. Always have, always will - how many positive changes we can bring to this world, to our obsolete systems??

The Covid-19 situation clearly stems from the majority of the world being completely disconnected to the natural world and other sentient beings. Nature (thank you, Karma) has probably never been so crystal clear with a vengeance in how unsustainable and disgustingly void of compassion our lifestyles are.

Stop eating, using and abusing animals. Enough now.

Our economic system is broken. And has been so for too long. When we've gotten through this we need to switch to a Universal Basic Income. That would improve so much in our lives and in this world.

Everything is connected. This is a violent wake up call from Mother Nature. Will people listen and connect the dots, finally?



I did have a lot of this and that updates for this post, but then corona happened. And I don't know what to think about people, about the situation, about the world anymore. If things seemed incomprehensible in many ways before, they're even more muddled now. Or, these times clearly show the true nature of both people and companies. Those who are stupid, selfish, ignorant and plain evil. Vs those who are thinking, progressive, kind and open to change that needs to happen.

I think I'll save the this-and-that-post to another time. For a lighter post. It's after all been pretty much four weeks since the last one, who knew that March 2020 would turn out to be such an epically world-turning month. I said that kindness is infectious, clearly less welcome (but perhaps desperately needed from nature's point of view) things are too.

Today it's also 4 (!) years since M passed away. I'm wiser, I'm stronger, I'm better. But also, another year of feeling that so much has happened yet so little. I'm still feeling so far away from where I want to be in life, from my true purpose. I feel I'm meeting enough people - but is it the right people? And if not, where on earth do I find the right people, my kind of people?

I feel I have a clear message of where I want to be, need to be, to contribute in the best way. But apparently I still haven't been able to connect with the right crowd, at the right time, as far as I know. It is a waiting game of, for me, epic proportions. And it is exhausting.

These days, in the here and now though, I'm ever so grateful for being an introvert (ambivert). And the cats. Always the cats. And then the rest, everything, is figureoutable.

My current music crush is a sad one. But oh so beautiful. Like life. And it fits my mood.



Hope you're in a good, safe place in life.
Everything will be fine in the end, because it has to.
It really does. Kindness and compassion are the powers that will heal us all.

thank you february, welcome march 2020

So happy to hear Agnes amazing voice again. One of the two truly brilliant voices that have won Swedish Idol winners since it started in 2004. And this song lift my spirits.

Onwards and upwards, on the very first day of spring (according to the calendar, with climate change it's difficult to know when and where things happen weatherwise anymore alas) a little recap of my February.

• Visited the Spring art salon at Liljevalchs. Like last year it was quite disappointing, compared to the brilliance of 2018. Low quality a la kindergarten art reflected poorly on the few pieces that were truly wonderful and talented. Haven't uploaded all the pictures yet - but for the painting of the black cat Sigge who happens to be the spitting image of my Waldemar. Loved it! - so may edit later or make a photos only post of it later. But you know, I've become bad at keeping my blog word these past years (still no posts of the Freiburg trip. Ages since I posted about the vegan food box adventures, despite promises promises), so who knows...
• Continued to put in volunteer time for Vegoforum, but as it is a practically no budget project it is hart near impossible make an impression om social media and with marketing. It was actually easier to make things happen on shoe string-budgets BEFORE social media. Or well, at least before everything had a price and the algoritms were set in the dispiriting way they are now.
• I've been able to get a few sponsors, which I'm ever so grateful for, but despite looking for decent vegan food sponsors I've come up empty so far. And it's less than a month left. I'm truly surprised and disappointed, since I thought it was a collaborative and supportive community. But there you are.
• On the brighter side I spent some hours at the vegan fair Linköping Vego yesterday, with the Vegoforum-guys. It was such a good day, the train rides, lots of visitors, lots of meeting old and new friends and acquaintances, sampling great vegan food, being inspired and impressed by all the good stuff, and the engaged, good people. Bought some great food items, didn't have time to eat properly during the day, mean to get some at the station before boarding the train instead. But then I was so short of time that I had to jog trot to the train, with heavy heavy bags of food with no time to spare. I felt pretty shitty during those two hours on the train, without food and drink. So when I landed at the central station I had to rush to the cafe, get a wrap and coffee and just stuff myself with that before I had some energy to get myself on the commuter train. In hindsight it was all worth it though, even if my food plans - I always have food plans, since I easily get quite angry when I'm hungry, so plans are good. It doesn't have to be a lot of food, but it needs to be regular - didn't go accordingly.
• I've been to a Rotary-meeting - finally went. after a LinkedIn-contact had suggested it for years - no vegan food at the lunch restaurant where the meeting was held, so I had to have lunch somewhere else afterwards, the average age of the attendees was, as expected, very high. But the talk by Slöseriombudsmannen (The Wasting ombudsman) was very good. Waste as in municipalities, politicians and authorities wasting and incredible amount of tax money every year. We all know it's happening, we are just not very aware of just a devastating problem it is, and noone is accountable for it. Obviously.
  
  

• Have immensely enjoyed various versions of plantbased semla (or semlor in plural) during the past month. This is a new style, and award winning at that - semmelmunk aka semla donut. It was lovely. I even filmed myself eating it. But as I don't know how to embed it in a blog post, unless I upload it to YouTube, and that will never ever happen, there won't be any sharing of that. But this is my happy face after a mouth full. Bought at Söderbergs bageri, vegan donuts two days of the week, great bread and some other lovely vegan pastries too.
  
  

• Have had three extra special, inspiring, empowering lunch and fika meetings with three great women/LinkedIn contacts - one I simply met on a bus last summer, when we just started talking about global warming and climate change (as one does. Even us introverts start talking to strangers on public transports. It is that serious.) Exchanged business cards and now finally had lunch. The other one I met at one of last years recruitment processes. And the third one I've worked with, but never met irl until now.
• The finding my dream job, true purpose, my kind of people process continue to baffle, annoy and honestly infuriate. But after spending so much time figuring out what I want, where I could best serve, find meaning and happiness, I will not settle for less. Anymore. Been there done that, not again. 2020 is the year of Goodlife.
• I have an interview booked for Wednesday. Sounds like a great job, great company. Fingers crossed we'll click. I am however pretty jaded by now, so cautiously optimistic is my middle name.
• Went to a seminar on 'Circular business models for entrepreneurs' with speakers/researchers  from RISE institute. Very interesting. And inspiring. The challenges are daunting. The possibilities endless. 
• Had a pedicure. Much needed. Blissful.
• Bought a sweater in hemp and organic cotton. Or bought isn't the right word since I didn't pay a thing, but exchanged it for the voucher checks I got at the two second hand sales at Bric-a-brac last year. Most expensive sweater I've ever "bought", and I would never pay that much in cash for it. But now it felt like the right thing to treat myself to. 5-7 pre-loved garments out, a percentage of the sales to charity and one garment in. Slow shopping at its finest.
• Went to a seance again. It was a good one. Got a message, it was simple, but so very very  accurate for the place I am in life currently. Comforting, empowering and uplifting in all its simplicity. Sometimes that's everything, when you start to question yourself and your choices, your path. Happens to all of us, at one stage or another in life. 
• Currently reading Marie Forleo's 'Everything is figureoutable' (which, as you know, has been my mantra for, especially these past four years). It's a good read, not a quick one or offering a quick fix, but it makes a lot of sense. As one of those lovely synchronicity things I'm actually going to the release party for the book translated into Swedish in a couple of weeks. So I'm trying to finish the book before that.
  
  

So, how did February treat you? Kindly I hope.

Let's hope for an even better March, more positive, kind and healthy news for us all. Remember that kindness is infectious, and spreading a little joy on a daily basis is a good good thing. For all. Going vegan is of course the best way to spread both kindness, healthy vibes and positivity, so while nature is going green for spring, why not go green yourself? You can do it!

thank you, joaquin phoenix, for being a beautiful human being

I rarely watch the Oscars. I'm just not very interested in occasions that can be considered a club of intermutual admiration. And to quote someone wise "... difficult to watch is the palpable self-importance and smugness. Most of them seem barely capable of stringing together a sentence of any substance."

That said, I'm not sure what made me stay up until 5.10 am to watch it live this year. Only saw the last couple of hours, after finishing watching a movie and discovering it was already pretty late so why not round the weekend off watching the Oscars...

When the Best Male Actor was finally announced I was so very happy to see it went to Joaquin Phoenix. Not only a great actor but a humble and dedicated animal rights activist. Not sure what I expected from his acceptance speech, but nothing quite as amazing, eloquent, powerful, compassionate and beautiful as this. I bawled my eyes out. Then I cried myself to sleep because what else could one do.

The message has by now probably been heard by everyone not living under a rock, but it's so undeniably important if we want to create a better world for everyone. Violence breeds violence, and peace begins on our plates. If we even want a future, then it is vegan. So can we now begin to save this burning, suffering world in desperate need of kindness and compassion, please?

"Run to the rescue with love, and peace will follow."

His full speech in writing here.

hello february twenty twenty

There are quite a few songs I've enjoyed so far this month, It's a beautiful life by the amazing voice of Billy Raffoul is one. A song beautiful, sad and wistful at the same time, and his voice is pure magic still.



In January I had a little outing to Enköping - for you who've followed me for years, you might remember how much we enjoyed visiting the cute Cafe Tant Gredelin and the cab rides there over the years - with little mum. First time on public transport, train there, bus ride home on dark country roads. It was really enjoyable in all its simplicity. The health food cafe with plenty of vegan options was as lovely as usual, but alas the old favourite Tant Gredelin had exactly zero options for vegans. It's mindboggling that this is the case in 2020, but well, that's (to be honest) ignorant Swedish small-towns for you.



January also held a purchase of a beautiful red raincoat - you who know the movie Don't look now, know how off-putting a red coat with a hood can be..., but I decided to go for red because it is still a beautiful colour - from Swedish Stutterheim. Alas it was a complete failure. First UPS made a mess of the delivery. Then the coat itself was way smaller than the online size chart. A 7 centimetres diff is a lot...

Plus that's most certainly not a proper A-line model. I rarely return things I order, it's simply not a sustainable habit, but obviously this had to go. So, no matter how beautiful and well-made the Stutterheim raincoats are, they are truly ridiculously small in sizes. Waste of time if you're not short, skinny and flatchested.

I'm so tired of the weird, windy rains we've experienced this past year. Umbrellas don't work when the rains go horisontal, and no matter great coats you always end up soaked. I really want a hooded raincoat, but as I'm particular with quality, model and colour that seems to be as difficult to find as a unicorn. Marimekko have lovely ones now and then, but they're always patterned and this time I want a solid, bright colour.



January also held some seminars, meetings, networking, business lunches. And the lessons I learnt from those are;

• Plenty of confirmations that people are weirdly anti-social and frankly rude when it comes to occasions where networking opportunities are unpretentiously simple, even for introverts. And despite being an intro/ambivert I would never be as rude as so many, too many Swedes are. And oh, how they like to hear themselves talk, while asking questions and truly listening to others is a rare rare quality. (At least as rare as a perfect raincoat.)
  
  I would be a very rich gal if I had gotten a dollar for every time someone effusively turn their back when I present myself and what I work with. Or for every occasion someone just ignores me and start talking with someone they already know, although we're sitting or standing at the same table having our breakfast or lunch. Sometimes I'm too tired (not a morning person) or otherwise not interested in networking at seminars, then I go sit by myself or work on the phone. I really don't get why this blatantly rude, egocentric attitude is such a usual thing at mingles. And it most certainly aren't the introverts acting like this.
• I still prefer one-one-one meetings and networking. It's most always the most meaningful way to meet and interact with people, as far as I'm concerned. 
• At one potential job-meeting I had, that rude attitude also reared its ugly head. It was the female equivalent to that not-speaking-the-same-language-interview some years ago. First of all I don't think it's very pleasant to meet up for a professional meeting in a busy and very loud lobby, surely there must be a quiet room or corner available? And it was soon painfully clear that we really didn't share the views on communication, sustainability, greenwashing and values. I have no idea why she even wanted to meet me.
• At a sustainability lunch with local businesses, arranged by my municipality, I met a various bunch of people, from a rather passive aggressive middle aged white man who questioned both communication as well as the whole idea of sustainability (and yes, he questioned the speakers too) - he obviously ticked all the prejudicial boxes - to a very lovely mother-son couple who run an urban-farming startup whom I really clicked with.
  
  Unfortunately their urban farming business also holds a fish farm, before I realized that I felt it would be a grand business to work with communication for. They gave me a ride home in their Tesla though, that was pretty awesome. The talks were very interesting too, and the fact that Sweden is so impressive in knowledge, innovation and management when it comes to waste is brilliant. Compared to countries like Spain and Greece where 57% resp an appalling 82% of waste go to landfill. Infuriating. Heartbreaking.
  
  I wish the vegan option for the lunch itself had been decent too. But it was half - like the avocado business in 2012... - a wrap filled with some green leaves, chopped red onion and a couple of olives (olives are one of few vegetables I can't stand). It's mad that caterers in the year 2020 don't understand that vegans want to get full after a meal, and enjoy protein and seasoning. I have given feedback and offered my knowledge for future occasions.

For February I decided to go Vivid Violet, a colour refresh I hadn't tried before. It had a pretty decent effect, but it won't be a favourite (enough colour left in the jar for one more rinse). I always enjoy the deep conditioner feature of every vegan Maria Nila colour refresh-product though.



Remember the amazing spring art salon at Liljevalch's museum in 2018? Last year's exhibition was a disappointment. And so was this year's. But one of the few pieces I enjoyed was this painting of black cat Sigge, who clearly is the spitting image of my Waldemar.

The longest time spent at Liljevalch's wasn't looking at the art, but in their museum shop, scouting for the perfect words for a diy bracelet. More of that in another post.



I've enjoyed last year's brilliant find of vegan semla a few times already. And so have the felines obviously.



Read a couple of enjoyable books so far this month. (While January was a poor reading month, only managed to finish one.)

My January held a lot of good, and some bad. First it felt like I was finally close to finding what I'm looking for. But alas, I was not. Truly inspiring meetups, and some ugh really poor ones. But all in all, oh so many lessons learnt.

Now I wish wish wish and work work work for February to finally swoosh me right into the arms and company of my kind of people. Life is short and for all the energy, oomph and strength I might exude, I would lie if I didn't admit it's also draining and exhausting to have been searching for the right place, the right people in vain for so long now. Staying true to yourself, your values, your path must pay off and that's that. The Universe. Has. My. Back.



Says the woman who looks just like her memoji. February, pretty pretty please, bring the joy and awesomeness on!!!

walk into 2020 like it's a rainbow paradise on fire

First of all, I adore you, my January 2020 music crush - Harry Styles has never been on my radar, 'he's in one of those countless generic boybands, right...?', but I saw him on The Graham Norton Show (which I love) and was completely smittened by the song and his totally snazzy dressing. Look. At. That. Suit. Fabulous.

Secondly. The year, the roaring 20ies have sadly started with one soul-crushing event after the other. And so, to my fellow climate angstees, I recommend this piece on How To Stop Freaking Out and Tackle Climate Change with a pretty great and constructive 5 point plan to do it.

However I do not agree on ditching the shame as such. I still firmly we all need to strive to be better in our own lives, make better choices, as we too as individuals are responsible, not only a broken, sick system and despicable political structures. We can't blame Big Brother for everything. We too must change. As well as keep demanding structural changes of course.



And on that subject - my first post on LinkedIn for 2020 was about this pile of soft toys koalas at IKEA. A company that has and continues to cause a lot of environmental damage all over the world with its production, and a seemingly pretty disgusting marketing ploy. I'd say that no amount of solar panels, recycled furniture or vegan sausages can cover up that fact.



And don't get me started about the fact that our beautiful cherry blossom trees have already begun its blooming season... Three months early...



But the year has not only begun with the continued climate angst and Weltschmerz. The first thing I did to kick it off was to colour it in Pink Pop again. The vegan hair colour rinse from Maria Nila worked its magic again - there's not much left after 5-6 hair washes now, just as expected - and I've decided 2020 will and must be a year with many green insights and a lot of the magic that is pink.



Just before the Christmas holidays I got a free test subscription to a film and TV-series channel blissfully void of ads. The four weeks were subsequently prolonged to eight weeks, so I have enjoyed quite a few good (and bad) movies and streaming of great TV-series. Binge watching has been lovely. And have you ever felt that when you binge watch a great series it feels like losing friends and a context when its over?

Here are my favourites, series and movies, highly recommend them! -

• The First
• The Capture
• Mary kills people
• Five bedrooms
• A million little things
• War of the Worlds
• Wild Bill
• The Rook
• Gold Digger
• Howard's End - I've always loved the original movie from 1992 with Emma Thompson, Helena Bonham-Carter and Anthony Hopkins. But this new TV-series adaption is so very beautiful (the attention to details...) and moving. And those adorable terrier puppies in episode 3, look just like Little Loaf Malte when we brought home at 9 weeks old. 
• The Wife - Gleen Close, amazing,
• Isle of Dogs
• Paddington 2

And just like 2019, I let Isabel Dalhousie, philosopher and Edinburgh sleuth extraordinaire, set the tone for 2020, with this year's first read.

I finished 51 books in 2019, first time I wrote them down and added them to Goodreads. I might never get back to reading as much books as I once did (and audio books are not my cup of literary tea), but I'm happy with almost one book per week (with everything else you have to explore and fit in in your life). Some were spectacular, some lovely little bagatelles, and a few pretty bad. Easy reads but badly written.

I finished the 6 weeks course in "May cause miracles" by Gabby Bernstein, just before New Year's. And while some of the chapters were zero relatable, I just skimmed through them, others were so.very. relatable. It was a good read, I'm still not calm and focused enough for meditation, but it was still a really eye-opening experience in switching one's perspective in thinking and acting.

I think these two first bought books of 2020 also will be two of by greatest reads of the year, one is a Swedish book by climate psychologist focusing on our climate angst, and how to turn what seems like a hopeless grey blanket covering us (this winter it literally has been, the tiredness quite overwhelming) into positive action. Have read 30 pages so far, and it's a yes yes yes, me too-kind of book. I'm so happy to attending a breakfast seminar with them this week, one the Behaviour Impact Gap.

And I think Marie Forleo's "Everything is figureoutable" will be a very good read too. I've always clinged to that notion, especially these past four years of course, looking forward to reading new thoughts and actions on it.

I know I sort of promised to write a recap of last year, but really, let's start with a clean slate, shall we? Like wiping off a really scary, but also nourishing, cleansing and liberating, clay mask from your face. Let's start fresh! (The memories and lessons will always be there, tucked safely away, anyway.)

So, so far this year for me - quite a few interesting and surprising calls, talks, meetings. Some great, some not really what I'm looking for, but still interesting lessons.

I don't think I mention that the friend who volunteered at the great Vegoforum day last year, dragged me with her to the first planning meeting for Vegoforum 2020 in the beginning of December? Wasn't sure it was for me, but somehow I said yes to voluntering, and it has been really interesting and fun so far. This year it will be four theme-days followed by four democracy workshops, the first one in late March.

This Veganuary - I hope you've signed up for it?! - has also been the hat trick for my position on the Top 20 Swedish Lifestyle Blogs to Follow, third year in a row. I may not blog nearly as much as I used to, but still now and then I apparently offer something pretty readable.

Hopefully it won't be 20 days until next post, but for now, I hope your year has begun in a wonderful, hopeful and inspiring way. Continue to act, be and create the change you want to see in the world, in desperate need of that, and remember that...