know thyself and fake it til' you make it

:: If I had gotten a €$£ for every time over the years I’d thought I would have been a more fulfilled person if I’d studied philosophy/psychology instead of law, then I’d probably be a multi-millionaire.

But IF the grass is greener on the other side, that is one eternal question. The choices we make and the choices we made, and the paths we took and take, were the ones we were suppose to take at the time. So it’s absolutely useless to dwell on that in hindsight obviously. 

Still. So much time to think that these past 6 (!) months without new meetings, insights, inspiration and memories have brought, so much soul searching, introspection, old memories coming to new life, frustration, sadness as well as small moments of joy to savour.

That said, in awaiting of the  Sustainability Science - described as "examining the interactions between human, environmental, and engineered systems to understand and contribute to solutions for complex challenges that threaten the future of humanity and the integrity of the life support systems of the planet, such as climate change, biodiversity loss, pollution and land and water degradation." -

course that starts on the last shivering day of summer  in a couple of weeks, I’m now taking a couple of philosophy courses - Know Thyself, at Edinburgh University/Coursera. Absolutely loved it after week 1 (Socrates, Plato and the likes resonates easily with me). 

But week 2 started to annoy me. Because unlike the great The Science of Well-Being course in spring at Yale/Coursera, which I truly loved and learnt a lot from, the American professor has a forced, mumbling and fast way of talking. With a complicated subject and a lot of philosophical concepts which probably take years to fully grasp, but which the course is trying to cram into 4 weeks (jeez!), that's not a satisfying learning experience.

The only thing I enjoyed with Descartes is that he apparently liked to stay in bed all day and think (one of my favourite things too). Other than that, I have to say I find him to be more than a bit of twit and very full of himself.

I'm now into week 4, and things are picking up somewhat - What is the the concept of Human Nature etc. I'm hoping to take my certificate this week.

Unfortunately I didn't get that the full course is in fact made of three different courses, not depending on each other, so I made the mistake of signing up to part II before I realised it was a part I. And as I had no doubt that it would be another great learning experience, I thought it would be better to read them chronologically. I am now annoyed at myself (though more annoyed at the poor quality of the course, or well, at least lower than I expected from it). 

I'm not exactly looking forward to another class with the same setup and same professor (who seems like a likable and knowledgeable guy irl, just not really inspiring or enjoyable via online learning). I'm not sure one can get the payment transferred to another course, but I'll look into that. Otherwise I'll do it, as not to waste my fees.

One strong conclusion I've come to after these philosophy studying weeks, is that I'm less philosophy inclined than I thought. Law suited me better after all. Or I've just not really come across "my kind of philosophers" yet. Well, apart from Socrates and Plato. Another proof that you always are and do what you're suppose to be and do.

:: Another thing I've realised so far this month - which basically is just a continuation of everything in life coming to a halt since corona, and my last post in June - and despite all the high hopes, faith and trust for August, 

is that this extremely limited, restricted, trapped small life of the past 6 months, with all its worries and stress constantly building up, is really really getting a bit too much now. 

Some days may be better, when it’s easier to savour the good things, acknowledge gratitude, breath fully and feel reasonably hopeful. The other days are honestly pretty sh*t. 

.

And *looking forward* to at least another six more months of restrictions in Sweden (work from home and stay off public transport). Not exactly reeling with joy. 

I’m also convinced there are so so many people out there feeling like this. But we don’t talk much about it, do we? 

On the news the other day they talked about suicide prevention-lines and other volunteer organisations have been overwhelmed with calls from people feeling depressed, lonely and having financial worries (lots of them elderly that are feeling isolated). They need to be get more public funds to manage this. As an example one organisation alone used to work with 30 volunteers, now they nee to be at least 300 to cope with all the distress calls.

It makes me truly sick with all the financial support that go into companies (without any real sustainability demands tied to them) and not people. That there's so much talk about getting back to *normal* and business as usual, hail consumerism. When we are all to aware that is exactly what got us here in the first place. We desperately need to build new and better. Stop eating meat. Stop pleasure flying. Stop depending on fossil fuel. Stop shopping like we used to. Stop being so bl**dy selfish. Slow down. Think. Act. Be brave. And compassionate.

:: And I finally got the palaver Palava facemasks. The fabric is pretty - and I get that when they're made of fabric scraps you can't expect the patterns to be perfectly matched. One should always chose one colour or a tighter pattern to get that - but I have to say that the design itself is lacking. They're too loose, too large. And if you can only chose from child, women, men with no measurements but a one size fits all-concept I guess this is what's to be expected for many of us.

With a no return-policy for facemasks, I need to tweak them to fit better. And I think I have an inkling on how to do it. The idea of re-entering public transport seems awfully far away, but if there'll be a must, I need these to be useful not just pretty (silly).

And when I say pretty, I mean the fabrics. Pretty fabrics that makes us all look like a sligthly kinder Hannibal Lecter, never cool. But cool and fashionable is not really THE thing here obviously. Reasonably proper protection is.

:: I call this one ’fake it til’ you make it’ - these days the things and situations I feel a smile and/or a laughter coming naturally are few and far apart. Duh. (It's a pity having a gap tooth isn't equal to instant happiness when needed...)

And when they do it’s 99 % cat or dog (or other animals) related. Now more than ever I’m not finding humans amusing, the stupidity/not-amusing level has somehow risen to new heights, or sunken to new lows is perhaps a better description. 

(these cutiepies, for example, obviously need a post of their own, I knooow!)

But I’ve heard, that if you force yourself to smile and laugh more, that’s also away to feel happier (even if there are few external factors to feel joyful about these days). So cheers to fake it til’ you make it-smiling! 

:: Haven’t been to a hairdresser for years now. Funny how you get used to diy hair cutting. Guess I wouldn’t get away with it if my hair was straight or I wanted some intricate cut... And I’m not giving up my day job for it anytime soon. But, it works without being totally awful.

Noticed a local hairdresser today who offered suspiciously low prices if it was an hourly rate, but reasonable if it was only a quick cut or a trim. Think I’ll have a little straight cut trim and treat there come autumn. 

:: Inaugurated the flower power dress last week. And had a good fika, vegan breakfast. And did the same today again. A treat that gives a glimmer of unpretentious normality to life. 

:: The thai food truck within walking distance has opened up again after the holidays. There will be a visit later this week.



:: Walks, nature and forest bathing have continued to sooth a troubled soul.

:: On Friday and Saturday it's time for the outdoor drive/walk in cinemas with social distancing and 50 people max. It will be so interesting to see how that experience will turn out.

:: For next week I'm keeping umpteenth fingers crossed for a belter of great news on the job front.

And to sum things up, obviously there are lovely, heartwarming things happening in this small on hold-life too. But I so very much keep wanting so much more. Don't we all?

Next post up, a new vegan food inspiration-post is what's needed! Can I get a buckjump?

dear august 2020

You didn't think I'd let you rest a bit just yet, did you? Even if July has left the summer, and my self-imposed challenge of a daily post is finished (and I did it with gusto!), I thought August should get a proper welcome at least.

And then I'll return to a post once or twice per week. It has been great for structure and my mood, to do this. But the more I write, the less I read. So it's time to get on track with my reading challenge now instead.

Today is not only August 1st, it's caturday and it's pride season - and here is a combination of both. Purrfection. Organic Earl Gay tea from Johan & Nyström and kitty cuddles. I mostly drink rooibos tea these last few years, because black tea is the equivalent to coffee and alcohol; sleep difficulties. (Old age has crept up on little ol' me...)

As well as the very last day of my phasing out of the unpleasant experience that I blamed nuud for but which might have been a heat related thing instead. It haven't felt icky, itchy or uncomfortable for the last week at least, and I've begun using a new tube of nuud (only needs to be applied every 3-5 day, no matter how sweaty you're prone to get or how frequently you shower. So yes, it really is a brilliant little product, I hope it wasn't the cause of this, that it was just caught in the middle of heatwave circumstances). So every finger, toe and paw crossed things will be back to normal, in that respect.



Today was also the eighth caturday in a row with a Harry Potter movie. Haven't watched them chronologically ever since we watched them all in the cinema all those years ago. just the one film here, the half other one there and that obviously doesn't give the right feels or perception. One per week has been perfect. The finale was accompanied by some favourite Swedish vegan jelly candy - Bubs and organic Änglamark. (Though pst, Coop, can you please stop outdatedly refer to vegan as a trend, it's an ethical, sustainable lifestyle, and most of all The Future. Nothing as flimsy and fleeting as a trend.)

I hope annoying Palava palaver will be sorted this week. Finally.

I also hope there will be good walks, a special vegan fika in a very special dress and at least three good books finished. And most of all, promising opportunities and great news on the dream job front. The Swedish summer holiday season isn't over yet, so I'm willing to graciously let the latter continue to rest until mid August.

But just a little nudging reminder, August, I have faith, trust and hope in you to collide with the plans of the Universe. Making happy things happen.

from july flowers to august powers

Apart from a scarf on my birthday and basic underwear, I hadn’t bought any new clothes for a year without making an effort really, I kind of put a few things on a wish list and forgot about most of them). 

And with a pandemic, all the pretty dresses, and a very different life with very different priorities, it's hard (for most of us) to justify clothes shopping and other luxuaries. Food, books, skincare and tea are always considered essentials obviously.

But as you know a leopard can't change her spots. And if she's human it will take time. So this was the dress on my wish list since well before corona entered and changed the scene called life as we knew it, I couldn't get out of my mind. 

So here it is, the only big treat to myself during the infamous summer of  2020. Marimekko obviously, duh. In one of my favourite prints, Pieni Pioni, the same as in the flowery happy coat of 2016. (My garden peonies may not be abundant, buy I love them and I'm no stranger to wearing them.)

What can I say, it's simply gloriously lovely. And seriously paw approved. By my trusty snoopervisors.

And hopefully there will one day, and for years after that, be time to love and wear it to other outings than the regular walking-to-the-garbage-bin-wearing-a-pretty-dress. Soon I hope, very soon. And then, at least another year will pass before I think I *need* to invest in a new piece. Fingers crossed, and not to lie. 

Right now I spy with my little discerning eye, a long walk and a vegan fika to welcome the wistful month of August in style. In flowers. With power.

Thank you July, you weren't exactly brimming with unlimited summer fun, but restrictions and a smaller life bring other insights, inward gazing and growth. So for that I'm grateful. And for the rain, all the life-giving rain, that oh so magic meet cute and the back to uni news. And books, never forget the joy that books bring. And purrfect cats in their boxes.

Welcome August, please bring sparks, light, hope, encouragement and golden opportunities. It's about high time you bring all those wishes and hopes at the beginning of this topsy turvy year called 2020 to fruition, wouldn't you agree? Many deeply, grateful thanks in advance, dear August.

tuesday thoughts, july 2020

I challenged myself to write a post per day in July, and half way through that's just what I've done. I'm not sure it's very "me" to post this often though, when nothing much can happen currently, for obvious reasons, it can be a stretch to come up with something worthwhile. But then again, give me a subject and I can babble away about most anything.

This everyday-posting has actually put some much needed structure into my daily life, given me more inspiration to both write as well as accomplish other little things. Many small steps will eventually turn into a big one. I write therefore I am. And I long for the day when I'll finally feel I'm back in the flow again, back to feeling a glimmer of hope for something better, behind the corner of the now.

For every job or gig application I send I can't help but feeling that dubiety about what the employer's think and plan for the imminent future, for the jobs that are meant to start in August/September. The pandemic isn't going anywhere soon and then there'll probably be a second wave (like we're already seeing happen in other countries, lock-downed or not...).

I am not willing to put myself (or people I care for) at risk for that, using public transport, socialising indoors and no matter if I keep my social distance, wearing a mask, there are too many who are cavalier and don't care if they spread or get the virus. I don't have a car, I don't have a driver's licence. There's no way I can get myself anywhere, as things are now. I obviously don't mind working from home, something I've mostly been doing these past +8 years.

But even if many Swedish employer's have let people (in jobs where it's possible) work from home all Spring, how will they react to that after Summer? Any reasonable, caring employer would obviously not put its employees at risk, but what about interviews and on-boarding? Again, it has never been an issue with all that when it comes to overseas clients, or clients in other parts of Sweden, most things are done digitally these days anyway. Still, I think about these *hypothetically* issues too. The way my mind works.

Sometimes I think it would actually be easier to work for an overseas employer (or as an alternative, go back to finding decent overseas clients. But that feels somewhat backwards, I want to go forward! But a way to keep various options open. Even if it's currently pretty exhausting to keep just one main focus going...)

On the other hand, perhaps, given the circumstances, what's needed in the here and now, is simply getting money in and surviving rather than finding the dream job/employer right now? Even if I have been searching in vain for so long now, the Universe amidst a pandemic doesn't really care about my dreams as such, I suppose. The waiting game, is a long game.

I try and shy away of reading the most perky updates on LinkedIn, you know the ones that basically says look at me I've just got a gazillion new clients/have found a great new job, that I will start after the holidays/having a lovely summer traveling around Sweden savouring every blissful moment of beauty and life. Also implying that if YOU haven't achieved that it's your own fault and you're not trying hard enough. Because that is obviously what everyone is capable of amidst a universal trauma with no clear answers and a solution in sight, and on top of that the climate emergency.

I've never really compared myself with others, we all have different paths to walk, different places and circumstances to be in, at different times in life. We all have demons to battle, even if we show a glossy facade. But really, when our worlds have shrunk so drastically (at least for us privileged...), a vast amount of people losing their jobs, their companies, gigs, not to mentioned their lives and loved ones, during these past five months, I find it pretty darn offensive, and not the least bit inspirational, and totally clueless, to keep posting such updates. Ugh.

On the brighter side, seems like the latest fungal infection-cream I got is working great. It looked considerably better after only one day's use and now it seems to be almost gone. You're suppose to use it one more week after it looks to be healed, so I guess that'll be next weekend. I do hope I'll be able to return to my nuud-deo then... Question is though, why didn't the pharmacist offer me this cream first, instead of two very poor options that also made the area itchier and very dry...? Sigh.

Have just placed an order on a few face masks from Palava - remember the budgie skirt, the sausage dog cardigan and the sheep dress? -, made from pretty fabric scraps. It's not obligatory in Sweden (no surprise), but it seems like many scientists now claim that even if it doesn't give 100% protection it's a decent extra precaution alongside practicing social distancing and washing your hands a lot. While it won't protect me, it will protect you, and if you wear one it will protect me hence if we both wear one we will protect each other. Simple as that.

A while back every Stockholmer was offered a free and reliable corona test. Problem is/was that we could only get the test taken at two places, if you don't live nearby you need a car or public transport to get there. It's crazy that you couldn't get them at your local care centre or on a corona test-centre on wheels. Now the 100.000 free tests are already used up. So I'm not sure all of us who haven't had the test yet can do it.

See, after the awful what-I-thought-was-a-mere-cold, but a very long lasting one, in March/April, I've experienced weird after-effects, quite similar to my health year 2012. (the down to a vitamin deficiency, which obviously isn't an issue these days.) Of course they can just be the body-and-mind-effects acting to a traumatic new world. But as I've read those symptoms aren't unusual post-covid-recovery-effects, for people who've had milder symptoms or showing no symptoms at all, I've been thinking that taking that test would be pretty useful. To be continued.



This beautiful boy passed away today. Rutger was one of my mum's two remaining cats, he lived with his brother Rupert with his mum Greta (who passed away in December 2018, almost 19 years old). My breeding, but he moved to her after he was neutered. He was Viola's dad and Ågot's grand-dad. He would have been 15 on my birthday, October 25. But he declined quickly these past couple of days, after never having been sick once in his life (like my Waldemar last month). And fell forever asleep on my mum's balcony this evening.



He was always a pretty shy boy, but I hope he felt he had a good life. And a peaceful passing. And now he will be reunited with his bestie, Knut. Even if he was never really close with his brother Rupert, I wonder how he'll feel being the only cat now... The only certainty in life is death. But nevertheless, it's almost always rough when it comes knocking. Again.

all the pretty dresses go granny toddler style

All the pretty dresses I was so looking forward to wear again this spring and summer, is mostly a sad reminder that the world isn't what it was merely 4,5 months ago.



My initial goal was to hang the main dresses I'd chosen to wear for the season on my bedroom wardrobe doors as a reminder to use at least one pretty dress per week, despite the stay at home situation. Go grocery shopping, go for a walk, go buy take away, heck, go to the garbage bins, make an effort wear a pretty dress!

I think I've blogged about this dresses on the wardrobe doors-tradition of mine years ago, can't be bothered to look for that post though. And somehow, now more than ever it seems important to loo at pretty things and remember the fun you've had in them and the joyful things that will hopefully, maybe, perhaps happen to them, in them, again.

People seemed to enjoy the idea when I posted it on Instagram last month, which was nice. I think we all need a bit more (superficial) pretty in our lived these days.



I've lived up to my original wear a pretty dress at least once per week-intention for over a month. Then the plantar fasciitis hit and the live put on hold got put even more on hold if possible (and it was).

And then last week, amidst the heat wave my left armpit went a bit itchy (which has never happened after I began using the toxic-free, vegan Nuud deo a year plus ago). When I took a closer look it looked like a pretty bad serious rash even. Which I've never experience during all those years with conventional deos (itches yes, rashes never). I read up on what could have caused it, allergies (which I've never had either), careless shaving, sweating, bad hygiene, excessive moisture was mentioned.

As I've never had any such issues, heatwaves or not, I thought it was the deo that caused it, even if it's pretty weird it would happen over a year down the line. Stopped using the deo, cleaned and dried the area extra carefully. And I thought it looked better after some days. Used the deo again. It got really bad. Am in a conversation with the company, if they have any suggestions what might have caused it. But also went to the pharmacy today and they said it was probably fungal infection due to the hot weather. Oh the joy. So I got a healing powder to begin with, maybe I need to get a cream too, but let's see how this works for the upcoming week.



I'm not at all keen to see a doctor for this, and especially not during these social distancing times, so fingers crossed it will work magic. And I will be really sad if the Nuud deo has anything to do with it, hopefully it is just the heat. The world is weirder than ever now, and who knows, these sort of bodily reactions might quite possibly be a twisted part of climate change. Everything is connected, so who knows.

The not so nice extra news though is that this treatment (without strong medicinal creams I'd imagine) might take 2-6 weeks to heal. Plus then one's supposed to use the powder for two extra weeks. Not using deos during that time. Oh the joy times two.

If times were "normal" I have no idea how it would be possible to function like that around people. Or maybe I'm just too priveleged seeing it that way. But most of us do not enjoy feeling sweaty, stinky and icky, if not caused by exercising or hard work. And having to wash your tops after one day's normal use isn't very fun, when airing should be enough.

So that brings us back to the pretty dresses goal, that's just not on the table anymore right now, if washing after one use is what needs done. So T-shirts it is from here on, until this has healed.



With this situation in combination with the stay-at-home-times my once frequent granny toddler style, seriously toned down over the last years, has returned with a vengeance. I. can. not. be. bothered. If it's a reasonable colour match I mix anything. Which I'd never normally do if I was doing something professional or were around more people. But nothing is normal now. Or it's a very new, unfamiliar normal.

So I give you today's slowfashion (always) outfit form top to bottom -

- Happy hamster on a scooter t-shirt (still one of my favourites, bought in Krakow in 2014)
- Grey cardigan, Filippa K (about 10 years old I think)
- Flowery skirt, Marimekko (haz pockets)
- vegan sneakers, Marimekko (Unikko pattern ftw)
- Re-Kånken, Fjällräven
- shopping tote with calves (!), Marimekko (Helsinki 2012, oh how I miss that city...)
- snoopervisors and shoe loving kitty: Pelle and Sigrid

hello february twenty twenty

There are quite a few songs I've enjoyed so far this month, It's a beautiful life by the amazing voice of Billy Raffoul is one. A song beautiful, sad and wistful at the same time, and his voice is pure magic still.



In January I had a little outing to Enköping - for you who've followed me for years, you might remember how much we enjoyed visiting the cute Cafe Tant Gredelin and the cab rides there over the years - with little mum. First time on public transport, train there, bus ride home on dark country roads. It was really enjoyable in all its simplicity. The health food cafe with plenty of vegan options was as lovely as usual, but alas the old favourite Tant Gredelin had exactly zero options for vegans. It's mindboggling that this is the case in 2020, but well, that's (to be honest) ignorant Swedish small-towns for you.



January also held a purchase of a beautiful red raincoat - you who know the movie Don't look now, know how off-putting a red coat with a hood can be..., but I decided to go for red because it is still a beautiful colour - from Swedish Stutterheim. Alas it was a complete failure. First UPS made a mess of the delivery. Then the coat itself was way smaller than the online size chart. A 7 centimetres diff is a lot...

Plus that's most certainly not a proper A-line model. I rarely return things I order, it's simply not a sustainable habit, but obviously this had to go. So, no matter how beautiful and well-made the Stutterheim raincoats are, they are truly ridiculously small in sizes. Waste of time if you're not short, skinny and flatchested.

I'm so tired of the weird, windy rains we've experienced this past year. Umbrellas don't work when the rains go horisontal, and no matter great coats you always end up soaked. I really want a hooded raincoat, but as I'm particular with quality, model and colour that seems to be as difficult to find as a unicorn. Marimekko have lovely ones now and then, but they're always patterned and this time I want a solid, bright colour.



January also held some seminars, meetings, networking, business lunches. And the lessons I learnt from those are;

• Plenty of confirmations that people are weirdly anti-social and frankly rude when it comes to occasions where networking opportunities are unpretentiously simple, even for introverts. And despite being an intro/ambivert I would never be as rude as so many, too many Swedes are. And oh, how they like to hear themselves talk, while asking questions and truly listening to others is a rare rare quality. (At least as rare as a perfect raincoat.)
  
  I would be a very rich gal if I had gotten a dollar for every time someone effusively turn their back when I present myself and what I work with. Or for every occasion someone just ignores me and start talking with someone they already know, although we're sitting or standing at the same table having our breakfast or lunch. Sometimes I'm too tired (not a morning person) or otherwise not interested in networking at seminars, then I go sit by myself or work on the phone. I really don't get why this blatantly rude, egocentric attitude is such a usual thing at mingles. And it most certainly aren't the introverts acting like this.
• I still prefer one-one-one meetings and networking. It's most always the most meaningful way to meet and interact with people, as far as I'm concerned. 
• At one potential job-meeting I had, that rude attitude also reared its ugly head. It was the female equivalent to that not-speaking-the-same-language-interview some years ago. First of all I don't think it's very pleasant to meet up for a professional meeting in a busy and very loud lobby, surely there must be a quiet room or corner available? And it was soon painfully clear that we really didn't share the views on communication, sustainability, greenwashing and values. I have no idea why she even wanted to meet me.
• At a sustainability lunch with local businesses, arranged by my municipality, I met a various bunch of people, from a rather passive aggressive middle aged white man who questioned both communication as well as the whole idea of sustainability (and yes, he questioned the speakers too) - he obviously ticked all the prejudicial boxes - to a very lovely mother-son couple who run an urban-farming startup whom I really clicked with.
  
  Unfortunately their urban farming business also holds a fish farm, before I realized that I felt it would be a grand business to work with communication for. They gave me a ride home in their Tesla though, that was pretty awesome. The talks were very interesting too, and the fact that Sweden is so impressive in knowledge, innovation and management when it comes to waste is brilliant. Compared to countries like Spain and Greece where 57% resp an appalling 82% of waste go to landfill. Infuriating. Heartbreaking.
  
  I wish the vegan option for the lunch itself had been decent too. But it was half - like the avocado business in 2012... - a wrap filled with some green leaves, chopped red onion and a couple of olives (olives are one of few vegetables I can't stand). It's mad that caterers in the year 2020 don't understand that vegans want to get full after a meal, and enjoy protein and seasoning. I have given feedback and offered my knowledge for future occasions.

For February I decided to go Vivid Violet, a colour refresh I hadn't tried before. It had a pretty decent effect, but it won't be a favourite (enough colour left in the jar for one more rinse). I always enjoy the deep conditioner feature of every vegan Maria Nila colour refresh-product though.



Remember the amazing spring art salon at Liljevalch's museum in 2018? Last year's exhibition was a disappointment. And so was this year's. But one of the few pieces I enjoyed was this painting of black cat Sigge, who clearly is the spitting image of my Waldemar.

The longest time spent at Liljevalch's wasn't looking at the art, but in their museum shop, scouting for the perfect words for a diy bracelet. More of that in another post.



I've enjoyed last year's brilliant find of vegan semla a few times already. And so have the felines obviously.



Read a couple of enjoyable books so far this month. (While January was a poor reading month, only managed to finish one.)

My January held a lot of good, and some bad. First it felt like I was finally close to finding what I'm looking for. But alas, I was not. Truly inspiring meetups, and some ugh really poor ones. But all in all, oh so many lessons learnt.

Now I wish wish wish and work work work for February to finally swoosh me right into the arms and company of my kind of people. Life is short and for all the energy, oomph and strength I might exude, I would lie if I didn't admit it's also draining and exhausting to have been searching for the right place, the right people in vain for so long now. Staying true to yourself, your values, your path must pay off and that's that. The Universe. Has. My. Back.



Says the woman who looks just like her memoji. February, pretty pretty please, bring the joy and awesomeness on!!!

the prettiest 55 year old

The reasons I rarely buy second hand clothes are that I'm rather particular when it comes to quality, design and fit. If the brand isn't well-known and already loved, the quality, design and attention to detail have to be outstanding. Also, if you're not a tiny size the supply tend to be considerably smaller. Plus really, it should be easy to wear and wash.

Something that ticked ALL these boxes appeared in a Facebook-group for buying-selling Marimekko the other month. (Clearly one of the rare positive things from Facebook.)

This dress. A shirt dress. With pockets. In a reasonable size. The most amazing thing though, is that it's made in 1964 in Helsinki and the only tiny visible wear and tear under one arm, after 55 years of wear and countless of washes. Obviously it screamed my name loud and clear. It moved in with me a couple of days ago, as a birthday gift for myself (today, hooray!).

A dress older than myself, in almost mint condition, with my name written all over it. A dress and a gift which obviously hasn't added to my carbon footprint. I absolutely adore it. And if it was possible to ONLY get fantastic vintage dresses like this one I would immediately go all in second hand. And what an amazing testament to the quality of the brand as well as the cotton back then. It's truly a gem of a dress, in every aspect. Another 55 stepping boldly into my life.





So what has this one year older, one year wiser, currently very redhead birthday gal been up to these past few weeks then? Well, alas nothing quite as spectacular as the hair colour.

A couple of art exhibitions that were both lovely; Edward Burne-Jones and the Pre-Raphaelites, the other Hilma af Klint & co, painting and spirituality.

A couple of events on sustainability; the work and projects done on the path of what MUST happen - a ban on single use plastic. And a sharing & circular economy meetup, this time on consumer goods (remember the super interesting one on sustainable fashion in August?). Both great in their own ways.

Had a very wonky video interview for a very interesting job (head of marketing in a foodwaste startup), but as there were 150 applicants I'm not counting on being one of the last few they call for the next step in the process. Have applied for a few other interesting positions. Currently doing some gigs in the meantime, while I'm STILL figuring out what my next step leading to the dream job shall be...

Currently reading "The Universe has your back" too. As I loved the talk between Marie Forleo and Gabby Bernstein on being a super attractor (which arrived in my inbox JUST when I needed it...).



But even if I firmly believe that what's meant to be will be etc, I find the book somewhat... very... American? I may concider myself spiritual, but obviously in an Atheist way, and all this praying is just... icky to me. But there are also things in the book I can relate to, so read on I will. And then on to "May cause miracles". And syncronicity, serendipity and not least The Flow ftw. Meditation, finally, is also on my immediate agenda.

Finally I did go through all that is needed to get an appointment at a skin specialist doctor in Sweden. Even if there has been a dramatic difference since I a) went fully vegan, and b) began using Dermalogica, and even more so after finding the exact products that work for my skin, I'm still not quite where I want to be. Plus I also want to get a medical opinion, which hopefully will be another crucial piece of the skin puzzle.

Unfortunately a little snag appeared, it turned out the doctor couldn't examine my skin with me wearing makeup though. So I had to get a new appointment in December. You might think I was stupid to not realising that myself, but well, I thought the examination would be more high-tech than that and I would have appreciated that information beforehand. Ah well, live and learn, at least I'm finally within reach of getting an answer to something that has been such a big part of my life for too many years now, and even more so these past few years since M's passing.

Apart from welcoming the prettiest 55 year old to my home, I had a super-nice pedicure yesterday, today I'll have a cosy day in the city running errands, having a special fika, buying vegan pastry to take home and enjoy during the weekend. And next Saturday I've booked a vegan afternoon tea which I'm looking forward to so very much. As November 1 also is the anniversary of when I removed the cast last year, I suppose you can see that occasion as a celebration of that too, rather than a birthday thing.

Thank you so far, October, for the good, the bad and the in between, I'm grateful for the lessons, but now I'm truly ready (again, still) for the truly great stuff. Oh how I would appreciate that. Truly.

farewell august, welcome september 2019

Let's try something new. As I fear my computer is getting worse - I should probably be grateful it has worked reasonably well, but quite slow, after its crash in May - I'll post this blog-post little by little, update it slowly today and tomorrow. Slow blogging and no instant gratification. So please, stop reading now and welcome back. New little "chapters" will be added continuously over the weekend.



August has been a lovely month in general. And the weather wonderful, as the rest of our Swedish summer this year. I would lie if I said I wasn't afraid it will only get worse from here on, so many scary tipping points all over the world this year. But for now, I'm grateful for our amazing summer, and I've savoured every possible detail from it.



Rounded the month off with a special outing. Visiting the Kvistaberg Observatory, located in the neighbouring suburb but rarely opened to the public. This weekend there's the annual Art Run in the municipality were local artists of very varied talent level get to show their pieces at various places. And the observatory (owned and operated by Uppsala University) is opened for viewings too.



Despite extremely poor information and communication regarding how to get there with public transport (because as usual everyone is suppose to to have access to or wanting to go by car...) and its opening hours, we managed to get there and after waiting for over one hour (alongside a bunch of other visitors) someone turned up and gave a half-hearted talk. But it was cool to finally see the place. There are three observatories and telescopes on the premises, but we only got see the youngest, which too has been discontinued alas.



It's nice to do something special, have a little outing, feed the mind and soul something extra, on the very last day of a month. I think I need to make a little habit of it. Say farewell and thank you to the month that was.



Had secretly hoped that I would finish more than 5 books (which was my monthly goal again) in August, but there have been so much other stuff occupying my life and mind, that didn't happen. But five I did, and as I've written about my long battle with lost reading mojo that's more than good enough anyway.



And as I was preparing for a hygge moment finishing that last and fifth book in this glorious caturday, I suddenly realised that my old, rarely used coffee press can indeed be used for rooibos tea too. Which means I can prepare a pot of tea and drink it in one of my smaller, pretty mugs instead of always relying on the large ones. Might seem both trivial and obvious, but apparently not for me. A nice little insight to get on the very last day of summer.



Looks like my planned, let's-try-something-new-and-add-little-chapters-to-the-existing-blog-post-idea during one weekend didn't quite worked. Have too much backlog regarding the photos and feeling tired after quite a busy, but really good, week.

So, to keep it shorter than intended and save things for another post, perhaps?

Here goes short -

:: Had an intention to use more shoes with higher heels regularly. But as comfy as they are, I chose to rekindle with them on a day when I though we'd walk reasonably little just to walk softly into another heel height. Turned out to be one of those days this summer when we walked for hours. It kind of put me and my calfs off the idea of more heels in my life.

:: Went to see an exhibition on women's vote in Sweden, it's 100 years old now. Only 100 years. And still there such a long way to go for true equal rights, even in Sweden. What women and girls suffer through all over the world in less democratic countries even today, no wonder the whole planet is in such peril. The lack of women's rights, human rights as well as animal rights are closely connected with climate change and a disregard for sustainability issues, as everything is connected. Of which we are reminded every single day, yet sadly so little, by comparison, is done to change that.

:: Have had some really lovely encounters with vegan pizza, burgers, sticky chocolate cake, chocolate mousse pastry and truly magical pralines. And I've bought some great artisan bread from various (new to me) hipster bakeries. Which is a category that has truly blossomed in Sweden these past, I'd say, 10 years. But I'm not complaining, great bread should be easy to find. I really really don't like massproduced supermarket bread with all its unhealthy additives. Everything is better when carefully and skillfully produced in smaller quantities, with fewer and healthier ingredients.



:: I had another encounter with a jar of Maria Nila colour refresh, this time in the colour Cherry Red. And it worked great with my grombre, just like the Pink Pop I tried in April. So it looks like blues and purples don't work at all for me, but red hues do. It's really difficult to get the nuance to look right in a photo, but this will give you an idea.



And after a couple of washes (it's suppose to last 5-10 washes I believe) it looks like this. But nb, the main thing of this photo is that I woke up like this. It was such a surprisingly good curly and totally effortless hair day. Which is a rare rare RARE thing.

:: I've also done my first little dabble with genealogy. Only got 3 generations back on both mum and dad's side, it's so easy to get sidetracked... But I'm looking forward to do some more digging. And there are so many resources online these days, and in Sweden several authorities offer services for free.

:: Attended a super interesting panel discussion on Can fashion be sustainable and circular economy. It was just so inspiring and though provoking and I learnt a lot of things I had no idea about. Even if I still find it so incredibly ... distasteful when they invite companies such as H&M and other fast fashion brands to discuss sustainability and how dedicated they've apparently become to that lately, despite still making dirty money polluting the environment with massproduced crap made by factory workers that aren't fairly paid. It's just such completely embarrassing greenwashing. The moderator did a great job though, not shying away from difficult questions, like they usually do.



And last (now that I omitted things that made August into a lovely last month of summer), but far from least - I have an interview booked for this week. For a position that's honestly quite the dream job. The interesting thing is that I kind of slipped in on a benevolent banana skin through the back door via recent meetings. It just feels so very right, in every aspect. Like the job ad pretty much being a carbon copy of what I said I was looking for and offering in my recent LinkedIn article.

I'm actually very excited (as illustrated by Ågot), so dear Internetz, kindly send fabulously good vibes and positive thoughts that the meeting will be great, that we will click and match irl just as perfectly as on paper.



Thank you from the bottom of my grateful heart, August, for being such a wonderful month. I'm sad to see you go, and with you a beautiful long summer. But you have made a lasting impact on my life, that's so very special of you.

And dear, September, you have a lot to live up to in the footsteps of your predecessor, but I'm sure you have all amazing things within your 30 days, right? Right. Welcome, welcome, welcome.