Thursday, July 07, 2011

tiger cake and good fortune

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I baked a cake today, we call this one ( simple sponge cake) tiger cake. The mixed light and dark patches doesn't remind me at all of a tiger's stripes but still, tiger cake has always been its name. We had tea and cake - and as usual it was the bobbaloos who ate most of it. If they keep eating this much I fear their little travel cabin will be too small to go travel in soon - in garden. And I contemplated tomorrow being the last day at work before holidays begin.

That three weeks to try and wind down, relax, re-charge batteries, are better than no weeks at all. And that things really desperately need to change for the better after that, after summer. I may be trying to look at all things bright and beautiful, in blog and otherwise, because if I didn't things would feel even worse than they (in parts) do. I feel tethered and caged during the weeks, in a system I hate. I could scream and cry, but instead I grind my teeth, have a constant ache inside (that pretty things, loaf dog, cats, colours and good talks soothe) and sometimes, sometimes I do write a few words in blog about the pain. And then things feel a tad better.

But I wish things could come work my way again, with the work-income department of life, to have that sorted in a pleasing way, then it's easier to deal with life as being a constant emotional rollercoaster. I hate to be dependent, in ways where I really shouldn't be as a grown-up, well-educated, capable being. I don't want a bland, straight-line life, highs and lows are what make you grow, but if the basics aren't sorted they're just so much harder to deal with.

One day I may go into the details of what this past spring brought me, the hope that sprung too many times but every time turned out to be hokums of more or less weird kinds. For now, I just want good change, good fortune. But first, holidays.

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2 comments:

The Elephant's Child said...

Yay for holidays and rejuvenation and better times to come.

Julianna said...

^^Amen, to that^^

Safe travels, my dear.

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