It's now offical. My membership in the mature student society has expired. Finally. It's been a smallish hell to get out of it, since of course me jumping the ship wouldn't look good in the official statistics. Not mine, since I don't keep those, but the authority in question's which frankly did a lousy job in purchasing of this course. The pure irony of it is, that this is just what this course was all about, purchasing and procurement.
So there. I've said it. I flunked out. So to say. Of 30 weeks became two months. Two months that gave me an insight in a what seems to be a very interesting, challenging and diverse line of work. Where my legal knowledge and way of thinking/acting/working/being would be such an advantage. But also two months of more agony than I bargained for when I began the course. Although I've also met some people I very much would like to keep in touch with. Just not in the overburdening company of this course.
Lesson learnt? I most certainly will never. Ever. Take another course suggested and arranged by this authority. No darn way I will.
Knickknackery - the long list of critizism I wrote to the authority in question concerning the course, guess what came out of it? Correct answer is; they *realized* the course was to crammed and it *had to* be prolonged with four weeks. Horay.
Next week the five weeks-period of traineeship begins, guess how many of the now 25 students that have managed to get a trainee post? Correct answer is; 3. Good luck.
Myself I have now a couple of weeks of time-out, trying to wind down, trying not to think too much of what went wrong. Also at the same time dealing with the fact that there, among all this crappy course thing, have been a sudden, sad passing away in the kitty bunch. Trying not to blame myself for that (since what the mind tells you isn't always what the heart feels). The exhausting what ifs, whys, how comes, why mes, the overall overwhelming whys of life - away with thee!
When I finally found myself to be really back on track about a year ago, back on track to really very much look for a viable source of a decent income once again, I could never ever, in my wildest dreams imagine it would be this insanely difficult to find a new job!
After all this soulsearching, high and low jobsearching, I still keep on drawing a blank. And in this case I'm actually completely at ease and confident about the fact that I'm not to blame, that I'm very good at what I do and who I am. The only thing I blame here is the complete stupidity, rigidity and inflexibility of the Swedish labour market.
Sigh. Now and then I'm contemplating, however briefly, emigrating. Other times I'm thinking of renaming this blog to something in the way of Slightly Desperate Stockholmian Searching For A Great Job. Subtitle - It's All In The Details; Decent Pay, Flexibility, Wor(l)dy, Challenging, Evolving, Dash Of Perks.
But that would surely be too darn depressing, pathetic, maddening. Instead I'm trying to keep reasonably sane by enjoying the beauty around me, trying to do the most of it but nevertheless regularly failing (even if that naturally doesn't show up on blog). Can I please get paid for this?
2 comments:
Sounds like a tough time. Hope something comes along soon to inspire you.
In my family the joke has been me resembling Little My of the Moomintrolls, but sometimes I just feel like the sad Toffle character. Taking one day at the time. And I too hope something good will turn up once again one of these days. Thanks, Wendy.
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