Friday, August 26, 2011

the mushroom boys


:: I'm going to try some of the delicious zucchini (courgette) recipes, you've so kindly left the other day, this weekend. Go green!

:: I heart a good quote, so thank you for leaving a few awesome comments with quotes recently.

:: When you thought things couldn't get worse, they did. These past few weeks of crap have these past couple of days become even worse, the spiral of being demeaned, belittled and taken advantage of is seemingly a neverending one. Yesterday I was suddenly forced to take a decision that was an obvious case of chosing between plague or cholera. After a sleepless night I didn't have to make that decision after all, because the company that I once thought would be a good place to work in made it for me.

Since they didn't think I'd be inspired enough to work 8-17 chained to an office chair daily for a salary that's at least only half of what's appropriate for the position. And during the weeks I've spent there working for free - well, working I would have done if they'd given me proper tasks... - I've apparently also gone down in value since they had the audacity to lower the already appalingly low salary even more. With, I might add, the crazy job office woman's eager help, she had thought it appropriate to mention "I don't think Pia cares much about her salary, she's more interested in working at a place with people she likes, so let's say x amount of money instead"... Yes, really.

She was of course in no position whatsoever to negotiate my salary in any way. I was horrified when I heard that and the fact that the company - a small web company that I now just feel sick thinking about - was more than eager to lower the salary and take complete advantage of my competence without having to pay for it *because she should be happy we so kindly offer someone in her job seeking position a chance*.  It was sickening.

And that they even wonder, and constantly deplore to me, about why the young (cheap labour) salesmen who have left the company recently, one after one - which was the reason the project manager job that was mine for a day then wasn't, simply because there wasn't enough job/projects to lead -, left... If you're not valued enough to get a reasonable salary, for your skills, then there's no reason to be loyal, to stay. In case there aren't any other irrestistible perks and pros. In this case there was not.

In hindsight, they have given me contrarious information and strange answers, there's a distinct lack of focus and ill thought through business plan in constant change (since people left), well, all sorts of (not so minor) stuff that get my warning bells chiming. But initially I prefer to give benefit of the doubt, without ever being naive.

My stupefaction record is on constant repeat. It's such a crazy world, inhabited by crazy, greedy people. Which of course isn't exactly breaking news, but I keep stumbling over too many of them. And especially this past year. Remember, 2011 was to be a good good year. Now I sit here in a puddle of doubt and despair. Thank you life.

:: Now would of course, that is if I could breath and sleep properly again, be a perfect time to get That Book, Those Books written. But for that I would need a sponsor, since bills, strangely enough, don't pay themselves. So, Dream put on hold still.

:: I do not look forward to next week. I've asked to get a new employment officer, because I can't bear having anything more to do with the crazy one. Even if her craziness might have saved me, after having put me there in the first place though, from having to chose between plague or cholera.

But seriously, this having to deal with stupid Swedish bureaucracy instead of being out and about doing a good job somewhere, finally running my own business -

which one isn't allowed to do in the Swedish system without losing the measly benefits one has paid taxes for all those years. Obviously the system, the politicians in this lauded country of Sweden aren't really interested in solving this serious issue that crushes too many people. They do not want people to rule their own lives, to actually earn their own money, to contribute to society and a better world instead of being locked into a degrading, outdated, humiliating system that these days has so much more negative aspects than good ones -

finally being mistress over my own life again, it's mindbogglingly energy- and time-consuming. Such a waste of precious time and energy. Welcome to Sweden, the country of soul crushing activities galore.

Of course, any country inhabited by people and politicians - one could argue that they are two different human species, one in touch with reality the other not - have more or less soul crushing systems in progress. But I'm a prisoner in the Swedish system, therefore I rant about it the best I can, until I find a way out of it, a good way onwards and upwards.

:: Now that I have huffed about the latest looniness, I will go ahead and have a weekend. Trying hard to be mindful in the moment, but also keeping fingers, toes, wisps of hair, eyelashes crossed that next week will be surviveable. I will pick flowers and weather permitted we'll have the annual secret cab-outing with friends (I still haven't written about last year's, bad me...)

wilco and wilby are eagerly watching @kitlane 's shop. seriously they have only just arrived and they want more friends already!

:: To round this distressing, depressing post off on a lighter note; one thing that has brought only goodness and a plethora of magic moments to this year is the discovery of bobbaloos. Also called happiness instigators. They have a tendency to multiply all by themselves - I swear I regularly find them in front of the computer stalking Kit's shop to see if some new niftly looking presumtive Swedish settlers have appeared ready to move over the pond - and yes, a few more have moved in here during the summer. They haven't been properly introduced yet, when I feel lighter in mind there will be such an introduction.

For now I'll just say, thank goodness for mushroom boys that make you smile even in the weariest of times. Hope you'll have a lovely weekend, with or without your own mushroom boys ~



The Elephant's Child said...

Aaaargh. That is just so awful. I am hoping for bobbaloo filled joyous weekend. With mushrooms. And zuchini, and sunshine.

Felis said...

Oh, dear Pia, last time I tried to encourage you, because I feel you need from that. But if you let me to be honest now, I don't think you have to stay there if you are unfortunate! I am afraid if you will eventually get to the position like in the book "The Devil Wears Prada" (by the way movie is more superficial than the book) - lost your time, nerves and convenience, for something that don't want really.
I hope to find new opportunity soon!

Julianna said...

If there is any possible way to change employment officers, DO. I would think that a well (and nicely) spoken word to someone above her could make a difference, and it is a simple fact that some people get along better with well... Other people. It certainly couldn't hurt to try. And, as you relationship with this woman is obviously already damaged, I'm sure the employment officer feels it too. It might be a relief for her as well were you to be with someone else. I've been in similar positions, where I simply could not respect my supervisors given their supreme lack of intelligence, and while I always hated to have such conversations, things always seemed to come out better in the end, with everything laid out in the table. Properly spoken, of course. With no malice and an understanding that some people simply aren't suited to one another.

You very clearly have more to offer. I hope and hope that whatever birds of career happiness are out there find you and shower you with blessings of worthiness and satisfaction. We all deserve such things.

Much love from California.

pärlbesatt said...

Jättefina bobbaloo-bilder. Började läsa om vogonerna, men har bråttom iväg på KURS, så jag läser sen, om huvudet är kvar på då. Har lite svårt att läsa engelska, som inte är vetenskaplig engelska om sånt jag vurmar för, på skärm. Så det tar lite tid, och tid har jag ingen nu, som sagt.

Hursom, stor GOTT MOD-kram till dig!

Jacqueline said...

I am sending you a hug Pia xxx

Fuzzy Tales said...

Okay, I assume you've left this god-awful company. I remember when I first moved here, 15 years ago, that I started working for a small business in town, one whose owner espoused the values I believed in. Eventually those he hired came to realize that while he had good ideas, he had NO people skills at all. I left, because as I would head to work in the mornings, every single cell in my body was screaming that it didn't want to go. He was a good "head" man--ideas man--but terrible at the execution of the ideas.

So I wish you the best of luck and would say that sometimes you have to step back, stop thinking about things, and let some time/distance help renew your spirit.

BTW, here in Canada we have our universal health care system, of course, but it doesn't cover things like dental, semi-private hospital rooms, vision care, alternative care, etc. So if you are self-employed, you either have no coverage for those or have to buy private health care to "top up" what is publicly funded.

I pay extra through my employer for those things. And we are taxed to death in Canada, tax on top of tax on top of tax, but of course it's all rather badly managed and all the old infrastructure is crumbling so needs billions, etc.

It seems to be the same everywhere!

Oh, and I love the mushrooms! I have a "thing" for fungi. LOL.

julochka said...

it sounds absolutely miserable..and how dare this "employment officer" speak for you regarding salary? absolute madness.

i hope you've been able to have a good weekend. i love your bobbaloos with the mushrooms, i'm going to stick a couple in my pocket and head for the forest right now.

as kit would say, sending squidgy squeezies your way!!

Becky said...

Such challenges! Such frustrations and futility! SO MADDENING! Big hugs from Illinois is all I can offer. I know how spirit breaking, soul crushing, mind boggling the real world has been for you.

Thank goodness for babaloo tushies!

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