Wednesday, August 17, 2011

wednesday vortex

"hello my name is pia and this is my new facial expression"

The meeting last week went slightly better than expected. I thought we had talked things through (as much as one can, obviously I can't tell that woman everything I think about her and her job, she will never ever be able to nor interested in fully grasping how I feel and who I am).

Had a good talk with the CEO at the company - were I now work for free in order to turn things back into the job as a project manager I had for 24 hours - he understands how tricky it is to "keep the employment office people happy", and our goal to actually turn this into the job again seems viable. It really felt as if I was on the right track, it felt so good to actually again being able to talk to sensible people that you can have a normal conversation with. I even felt a ting of professional happiness.

For a couple of days I could begin relax again and look forward to something workable. Actually being in somewhat charge of my own life and actions again. But the next few days the administrator woman began bombarding me with emails of jobs I should apply for. Jobs I lacked qualifications for, jobs I didn't want, one of them would require nearly 5 hours commuting each day...

I have no idea why she is deliberately and very actively trying to destroy my chances for a job that actually seems decent, for all parties involved. It is just so distateful, pesty and completely lack common sense.

Clearly her behaviour isn't that of a sensible person - her last words to me last week was "you really should work on your sensitivity" meaning I'm too sensitive for my own good. Those words came from a woman that shamelessly wear fur coats, clearly she isn't familiar with compassion, the real sort - but knowing that and at the same time being at her mercy, in vain trying to explain how I feel and how I want things to work out for me, for measly (yet important) financial reasons... In short, that sucks.

No wonder I can't sleep, I worry all the time, the jaw tensions are worse again, I'm in tears more than I usually am, my stomach doesn't feel well, I'm angry, I'm sad, in despair. What sort of life lesson should I learn from this crap? I already knew that administrative authorities are brimming with witless petty kings and queens (I have also had them as colleagues for too many years), so what else is there to learn? Seriously?

Things could look rather nice, instead someone (who should have enough on her work plate as it is) is going out of her way to sabotage "nice". It feels like I'm living in some bizarre parallel universe of despicable weirdness. Therefore my new, pretty constant facial expression as seen above.


pärlbesatt said...

Du tycks ha råkat på en vogon. De är många, tyvärr. På min väg finns det många också. :(

Gott mod!

Erica said...

It makes me so sad that you are dealing with this! You certainly need to get away from this poisonous woman and I hope you find a way to do so soon. I had a boss once who was similarly "evil" for lack of a better term. It took her being fired, and my getting a new, mentally stable, boss for me to even realize the extent to which my relationship with said "evil" boss was not only unhealthy for me, but actually abusive on many levels. It sounds like you may be in a similar situation, and my heart aches for you. I hope that you soon find the happiness, relaxation, and appreciation that you clearly deserve!

Sienna said...

In a word 'bureaucracy'. She is just trying to justify her job. It happens all the the time. We are all with you, and wish you the best. Hang in there!

The Elephant's Child said...

That face is known in our household as either 'cats bum face' or 'lemon lipped'. Either would apply. Can I wish painful hemmoroids on your persecutor for you?
Hope things improve v v quickly.

Becky said...

According to my husband, I am wearing that face constantly since starting my new (old, recycled, same old same old) job. I feel your angst! It is like.... I KNOW there is something else out there for me. I know it, I just can't figure it out. ANd all that the universe is doing is telling me over and over again that I made the wrong choice to go back. Yet the universe will not show me any other way to go. I am very angry at the universe right now!

Felis said...

This sort - woman in fur coats- Cruella de Vil. They are wearing with part of dead body and just lose their soul. That is law of the Universe, I'm pretty sure. Something like karma - they lose their soul. Without soul she just want everybody else to be miserable like her. You are so witty, shine and positive, for her you are like light for a demon. Do not let to make you sad. She will lose force when stay in your light for a long. Don't be sad, you are strong! And can be anywhere you want, even there!

Åsa said...

Vännen, jag lider med dig. Sienna ovan har rätt i sin kommentar och tyvärr är det inte bara myndighetsfolk som gör som hon utan även andra arbetsgivare och ja under mina senaste 5-10 år har allt ställt på ändan. Jag trodde vuxna människor skulle vara snälla, raka och rättvisa. Oavsett de är chefer, arbetskamrater, klubb- och klasskompisar och t o m de så kallade vännerna. Trodde mobbing och utanförskap äntligen skulle vara över. Oj oj så fel jag haft om vuxenvärlden...

Så bra du skriver. Jag får aldrig ur mig något vettigt för jag blir precis som du arg, ledsen och förtvivlad och då kommer inget vettigt ut genom fingrarna.
Men är hon sur tanten? För att du inte är kvar hos dem? Känns som de satt mer käppar i hjulen under åren än givit luft under vingarna.
Det är verkligen som en parallell värld/tillvaro där andra pratar över huvudet på en och bestämmer när, var och hur man ska vara. Runt mig är det tyvärr långt fler än bara handläggarna på AF som beter sig så.

Just nu är jag inte "sysselsatt" och borde utnyttja varje sekund på dagarna men den inre stressen och ovissheten om morgondagen paralyserar mig. Jag vet inte längre vad jag ska göra, vart jag ska söka mig eller ens om jag har någon som helst yrkeskompetens och teoretiska kunskaper värda namnet. Känns som jag halkar efter livet och står kvar som en vilsen 20-åring.
Jag kan bara inte begripa att det ska vara så omöjligt att hitta någons om är villig att betala för den efterfrågade arbetskraften.

Jag hoppas chefen agerar å det snaraste till din fördel! H*n måste inse vad som går förlorat på att inte anställa dig på riktigt. Detta gratisjobbande måste få ett slut! Det är ju faktiskt den allra enklast lösningen för att "keep the employment office people happy"

Varma kraaaamar från en för stunden kaffestinn Åsa

Angella said...

"you really should work on your sensitivity"--Wrong. That is exactly what makes you the unique beautiful person you are. She's probably jealous of your awesome shoes.

**If you are ever close to America (ha) and need a job, you are welcome to help run my book store. I quit corporate America years ago and have never looked back.

Best of wishes to you!!

Sienna said...

I have come across a quote that spoke right to my soul. "You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage - pleasantly, smilingly nonapologetically - to say NO to other things. And the way to do that is by having a bigger YES burning inside." -----Stephen Covey-----

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