hello, february 2021

You know what, today was the first day in about ten months that I woke up in the morning (late morning) feeling I had had eigth-ish hours of interrupted sleep and had the energy to actually feel inclined to do things without forcing myself to do them just because I should.

I had forgotten how life could/should feel. And how miserable is that?

 

I cooked, I took photos, ate some and then I took a long walk with little mum in our current winter wonderland. There were actually un-forced spring in my steps. Again, 10 months lost.

Since we went past the local church and I’d never been inside and it happened to be open, we stepped in and sat in the warmth for a while. I’m an atheist of course, but I can enjoy quietly contemplating in my own bubble in churches. However the organist was playing rather unpleasant music so there wasn’t any quiet time available alas. 

But I always like to light candles and remember beings lost and missed. And for things I wish to change.

No line thrown my way, yet, alas. But for now I’m grateful for a beautiful day with energy and without brain fog. And the fact that I’ve planned and put together a third Vegoforum (theme being Vego and animal rights in media this time) to be held on February 13th (two talks will be in English, speakers from The Vegan Society and Sentient Media, three in Swedish and then we’ll have a panel in Swedish). It’ll be held on Zoom and it’s free, but you need to book a spot for it. Or watch in on YouTube after. Where you also find last year's digital forums.

And with that I’ve tied together the tasks there wasn’t time to complete on my gig last autumn. It feels great to finally tick that box. The project has been fun, frustrating, exhausting, infuriating, inspiring and I've learnt oodles. Now I need to rest from that, and let someone else take the rein again. I must focus on finding my purpose, my people, my job. Simple (and difficult apparently) as that.

As this is quite an urgent situation now I also work a lot on my ability to really trust that the Universe has my back and attracting my goals. I think I've been very clear with what I want (ehat I really really want) for years now. But still it has been illusive and evasive. Come on 2021, I need your help!

Apart from continuing on my purpose finding quest, I’m planning to read more books now again. I’ve only finished three (of my 52 books goal of 2021), so I want to step that process up.

Next week I’ll be able to pick up vegan buns at my local bakery and assemble my own semla at home. Was afraid there wouldn’t be any semla at all this year, but I’m so happy to report that I asked and they said yes. It’ll be fun to make my own almond paste again. If I had a kitchen aid I'd bake my own vegan semla buns, but that's not an option now.

I hope this good day will not be a rare exception to the previous brain fog months. But for now I’m ever so grateful for one truly happy day. Let’s keep this post light and short for a change. Life’s rough enough in these times.

In the next posts I’d like to write about Two Fluffy Tykes art, baking vegan cakes and the miracle of aquafaba, more organic vegan food inspiration, philosophy, sheep, good books and the not so happy current things like my indoor heating that leaves a lot to be desired. Oh how I’m looking forward to the day I’m able to sort that out properly...

February, welcome, be kind and inspiring, and very helpful pretty please. 

the universe has your back and other november snippets

November has been an incredibly dreary month, with only a few hours of sunlight. A long, dark, listless month leaving me exhausted and lacking in energy, no matter healthy eating, supplements and movement. I can't understand how anyone can be anything else than exhausted and uninspired during these circumstances. Our month of November ended with a lot of snow yesterday and a generous amount of sun today. Alas those hours of much needed natural vitamin D can't make up for a complete lack there of for one month. No matter how lovely it was.

This lack of energy obviously also means I've had and have very little inclination and inspiration to blog. It hasn't been an uneventful month, but at the same time, I can't say I've gotten any closer to my main goal of the year yet, as far as I know.

I have however read, and am reading, two books of Gabby Bernstein, not the latest one on being a super attractor, but "The Universe has Your Back" - which I found rather interesting, despite its icky praying all the time-ness - and now doing the "May Cause Miracles" 6 weeks kickstart to happiness. I can understand and embrace the importance of a shift in thinking, from fear based to love based, to move forward and attract your goals. But I can't relate to every chapter and I still find all that praying unpleasant and uncomfortable. That said, the book has really made me think a lot and its teachings can of course be adapted to both challenge and suit its reader's circumstances and needs. Week 3, here I come.



A short summary of my month of November (sans photos) -

• A lovely vegan afternoon tea at Sigtuna Stadshotell
• The second of Bric-a-Brac's annual second hand-clothes-selling for a good cause.
• A great breakfast seminar on the environmental and health benefits of remote work.
• A lovely facial at Dermalogica. And apparently my skin isn't nearly in as bad condition as I think. Let's see what the dermatologist says in a couple of weeks...
• Getting tickets for the Pet Shop Boys tour, in June next year, huzzah.
• A little afternoon tea at my local library (I got vegan treats) and sharing of our favourite British books.
• A proper vegan feast at one of my favourite bakeries, Bageri Passion, last Saturday. It was an absolutely fantastic initiative. It's such a rare thing that us vegans get such a display of high quality bread and pastries to chose from, I enjoyed everything I bought but my number one favourite was the Budapest roll which was totally magical. (photo from the event above)
• Another inspiring breakfast seminar on keeping and mending the things we already have, and not contribute to the vicious consumerism cycle (of which the awful Black Friday gimmick makes me sick, it's absolutely disgusting that it's not banned yet.) as it's one of the major reasons our planet is doomed. Talks and panels with people from NGOs, academia, authorities, companies and also politicians.
• Watching "Last Christmas" at the cinema, which turned out to be a nice bagatelle imho. But then nothing will ever be able to compete with "Love Actually"'s perfectness.
• Getting addicted to the Elf yourself-app. It's hilarious, and I can't stop watching or creating new ones.
• A writer's talk at the library with prominent feminist Ebba Witt-Brattström. She was brilliant.

Thank you November, you've been dark, glum, depressing, but also full of important lessons and inspiring moments and people.

Welcome December, can you please be lighter, brighter and kinder. than your predecessor? And remember that all I want for Christmas - except for politicians that finally rise to the occasion, take our devastating climate crisis seriously and a peaceful all vegan world of course - is finding my dream job and my kind of people. I'll be doing everything I can on my side, while I trust you to work the magic in your special way, m'kay? Many grateful, loving thank yous in advance.

february so far

Dear Blog, it has been two years since a cold, so I guess I shouldn't complain that one has graced me with its present again. And since I stuffed myself full of ginger, citrus, chili, garlic and various hot drinks since Tuesday (since I had a meeting on Thursday I really really didn't want to miss) I'm through the worst (touch wood) quicker than usual, hooray!



So glad I stumbled over these favourite German ginger herb coughdrops in a health food store last month, I've ate a lot of them this past week, and alongside ginger tea and ginger shots they have worked wonder.



How about the rest of February on these latitudes then? Well, the main thing is probably the crazy, capricious winter weather. Global warming certainly has many unpleasant faces and now we've had the scary ice followed by heaps of snow, and then rain. Which turned public transport, roads and streets into havoc for a few days. Buses getting stuck and sliding (and with buses in Stockholm for some mad mad reason not being equipped with winter tires on all tires, you can imagine the scenes...), cars too. The public preparation for this kind of weather, that will only get worse and the new "normal" is very very poor in Stockholm. It shouldn't be a surprise for anyone, but it obviously is.



This is the first year I've bought and worn spikes on my boots, and I have to say I don't know how I've managed these past 5-6 winters without them. Brilliant on scary scary ice they are. Unfortunately the ice gripper design lacks a bit, thus I've lost them three times in a couple of weeks, but managed to retrace my steps and found them. Which obviously won't be the case every time it happens, and they're to expensive to keep buying again and again. So I got a pair of better designed heel grippers too. Which are also much easier to remove when your indoors or on snow-free streets.



But most important of all, I did succumbed and got a pair of Swedish Icebug boots (which obviously are designed for Scandinavian weather, that's more than you can say for most shoes and boots designed and made in quite different weather alas...). It's such a pity and nuiscance they *had to* add that suede part on the boots, it serves absolutely no purpose as the boots are perfectly weather proofed without it. And most of their shoes and boots are accidently vegan anyway.

But this was the only model that fitted my needs, and I chose safety over my non-leather values. So many recommendations from friends, and also my physical therapist. Have only worn them a couple of times so far, but they are very comfortable, warm and feels very sturdy on these treacherous streets.

Given the persistent raining these past days though, which has washed away a substantial part of both snow and ice, I'm not sure when I'll desperately need the Icebugs next. Ah well, they're here and at my beckoning when needed.



It was *a bit* of a mess with the delivery company Budbee - which I'd only had great things to say about before - which delivered them though. I followed the delivery in real time and when I saw they had stopped at the parking lot I went out to get the package. But before the driver turned up I got a notification that my package had been delivered. And the only reaction was obviously WTF?! No phone number, but their chat was opened and I was so angry, where were my rather expensive, pre-paid and necessary boots?

Ten minutes later there was a knock at the door and two women living two streets down also at a number 3 turned up with my package. Which I'm ever so grateful for. Because they could have just as easily been lost or the wrong recipient not been home. (Also I specifically told Budbee not to leave the package outside the door...). It's pretty basic knowledge for a delivery driver to know the maps and be certain s/he delivers to the right address imho.

I'm expecting another package from them next week. I do hope they will do better. *Insert rolling eyes* (Which is probably my most used emoji alas.)



On the subject of annoying things, my new iPhone, which I only got in September/October -

and what a mess that was before we managed to sort out the previous subscription, get the right phone for the right price, iCloud, installing... And it was the week after I broke my arm too. Exhausting it was. And infuriating, I don't think I've written about this before but at a couple of pints I was so angry and the stupidity of it all and my own shortcomings (I'm glad I'm stubborn) that I just screamed and hit things when I put down the phone after talking with the customer "service" -

is acting up. Both the keypad and the camera and other things here and there. It obviously needs fixing, but seriously, most of us have a good portion of our lives in our smartphones and we also need them for our works. How will that work? Of course, I did survive the stolen iphone in 2013... An unwanted digital detox one might say. But one does expect a rather expensive thing to work flawlessly more than 4 months though.



On the subject of work, I did have a pretty great job interview last week. For what seems like a great company with focus on sustainability. Fingers crossed I'll be one of the four that get called to a second interview next week. I felt we were a great match, hope the recruiter felt that too. Though obviously you never know who you are up against of course. What is meant to be will be, as always.



Post-interview I. With the obligatory ginger herb cough drop. Accidently all kitted in Marimekko. Or perhaps, dressed for happiness success.

I was also emailed by another great company, within the health and sustainability sector, about a copy project gig. After I had posted about one of their products on Instagram they'd apparently kindly stalked me online and contacted me. That made me very happy. I hope we can agree on the details, it would be such an interesting, fun and special gig.



On the topic of health, I've enjoyed eating overnight oats and chia puddings in cafes, but it's not until 2019 I've begun making my own versions. They've all been lovely. And I'll share some suggestions for ingredients in a post of its own to come. And yes, crunchy peanutbutter is a delightful part of it, not to be missed.



On food. I've come to realize how convenient and stress-free it is to order online and get home delivery. You can get most of the heavy stuff that's a nuisance to drag along on the bus or schedule a carpooling for, delivered to the door. Which is a relief concidering my arm in rehab as well as the treacherous roads now.

One of the things I've finally had the time to eat via this delivery is the Swedish frozen vegan pizzas from Oumph. Which turned out to be just lovely, the dough is fantastic and the flavour/texture is great. teamed up with a nice salad it's such a treat for dinner.

For you living in the UK, if you haven't tried the plantbased Oumph products yet, you really should asap. You won't be disappointed.



About the UK. Remember my fabulous budgie skirt? And the grand sausage dog cardigan? I now have a fantastic sheep dress from Palava too. Organic cotton in a snazzy 1950ies model, quite unlike anything else that I have and I was a bit catious in ordering something as fitted as that (never mind measuring carefully and talking with the customer services about the sizes). But it was such a great fit when it arrived!

Haven't taken a photo of it yet, the snow rained away before I had a chance to make a dreamy capture of it, but trust me, cuteness galore. And so perfect with my favourite old applegreen shoes. When spring comes. (Seems awfully far away currently, but I fear it will be as short as last year and another devastatingly hot summer will follow...)

So instead of sheep dress, the above picture is of a sweet handmade necklace from Palava too, which I got on sale. Squirrels and acorn - which is one of my favourite things also in bobbaloo shape - how adorable is that? (Photo taken by a friend.)



Something else I got for spring, hair colours. Or specifically vegan colour refreshers from Swedish brand Maria Nila - which has fantastic haircare products I highly recommend, all vegan - hair masques which colour that lasts 4-10 washes. I've been wanting to colour my hair pink or green for years, but I've never felt like bleaching my hair to get that perfectly pink effect. As I've struggle enough to accept the natural greys...

But now I thought maybe those greys can work to my colour advantage. And the worst thing that can happen is that there'll be no real colour visibility but I've only had a good nourishing hair masque. When the woolly hats and caps come off I'll have a go at these bottles.



Currently though, life is as much as possible snuggles with these inspirational beings, whose new favourite sleeping arrangements - despite their new luxurious bed - is various versions of this. One corner of the sofa is reluctantly left for me. And many cups of tea and other warm beverages - hello  golden mylk, beetroot latte and vegan hot cocoa with whipped cream and plantbased marshmallows... - while watching TV or reading books.



My favourite TV crush right now is the addictive Australian drama "A place to call home". Strong characters, great actors (and stylish costumes). I discovered it by chance on SVT Play before Christmas and was hooked after a couple of episodes. Now watching season four - previous seasons still available on Play in Sweden - I'll be sad when the final season six will have be shown. It gets all thumbs and paws up for well worth watching.



Oh, February, you've been such an interesting mix of highs and lows and learning experiences so far, let's keep up the good work and make it an epically fabulastic month, okey?

ice ice baby and other january snippets

Thinking about my professional and personal goals for 2019 I thought "writing two blog post per week" could be one. That obviously isn't going to happen. Moving on.

Moving as in walking outside is otherwise currently not recommended on these latitudes, climate change offers all sorts of crazy, scary weather these days. And last week's heavy snowfall was quickly followed by rain and then the temperatures dropped significantly below zero C. Leading to knobbly, extremely icy roads and streets.

With little or no road maintenance this means most streets and roads in the Stockholm area, and probably in other parts of Sweden too, are beyond scary right now. For the first time ever I'm wearing spikes on my shoes, which does help, but still, scary it is.



Did venture out to pick up a parcel today, and get some grocery. Apart from a rare sun shining it wasn't a pleasant experience at all. Noticed the neighbourhood's big garbage can was barely used, it's usually almost full the day before it's weekly emptying. I guess people actually have gone into hibernation.

I celebrated the icy outing with a big cup of hot cocoa. Vegan and dairy free of course, with oat milk, whipped coconut cream and plantbased marshmallows plus a sprinkle of cinnamon. It was really rather delicious.



Between the last post and the ice I've had some lovely lovely green lunches and inspirational talks with friends and aquaintances. I've continued the quest for my tribe, had a couple of interviews, but as far as I know and feel I'm no closer to finding it alas.



I've had my second meeting with the physiotherapist, which revealed both good and bad news, partly things (mobility and pain) has improved, but partly the mobility will probably never be what it was, since the wrist and the bones have healed rather differently than the original position. I still don't regret saying a firm no to surgery, with all the risks that come with that option.

Slowly things will improve more, apparently you'll have to wait up to a year to evaluate the situation. And you adapt to new circumstances, and how things are. Even if the compensating with the right arm and other muscles for the loss of mobility in the left hand/arm has led to other aches and pains at times, it's doable I guess. It could be worse.



I got a pedicure as a Christmas gift from my mum, I try to go at least once per year, preferably twice (pre-summer and winter), it was bliss. I stumbled over a pair of irresistable cat socks on sale on my way there. So as an extra treat I could put on a fresh pair of colourful socks after the treatment. It's the small things.



On our way to late lunch afterwards we had the most bizzare incident with what can only be described as a mad mad elderly woman on the bus. She started a fight, that even got physical, with another elderly woman (innocent to the kerfuffle) over the impaired seats. I think we all froze because it was so unexpected and crazy, and who knows what the mad woman had in her big bag.

Things calmed down, but I later heard from a friend that she had also been a witness to a similar incident on the same bus route and then the bus driver had stopped the bus until security guards got there and removed her. I've rode that bus route countless of times over the years, but this was certainly the first time anything like that had happened. I do hope I won't cross paths with that crazy one again. Touch wood.



I was told by Facebook that my fabulous happy coat number one turned 5 years old last week. Time flies.It's still one of my best (clothes) buys ever.

And I was finally brave enough to put my happy coat number two into the washing machine. Even if the washing instructions say "machine wash 30C" I've dreaded it, who knows what can happen to a costly (worth every penny!) fluffy quilted jacket when it spins in the washer... But I don't want to use the dry cleaners unecessarily either.

It went well. Phew. I don't know if it helped that I washed it with three new tennis balls, using the old trick for down jackets (which this obviously isn't). But so pleased it's done. With a positive outcome. That coat is so very I. And it's a good memory from a rough year, when everything changed.



I still haven't used my new anorak, the last thing I bought in 2018 (meant for future dog walks but which is to pretty for it anorak), partly because of the weather but mainly because buying a coat with big black flowers was obviously a less that well-thought through idea. My two reasons for never getting or wearing black are a) it's a depressing, boring, uninspiring non-colour for people that only wants to blend in and b) it's a magnet for pet hair and lint.

And if it's something I'm mentally allergic to it's clothes and fabrics with fuzz. I'm super careful to not let the cats near my work/out and about clothes and only wear the shabbiest of comfy cuddle-friendly clothes at home. It has worked well for all these years. Apparently I let my guard down and thought "surely a sturdy partly-black cotton canvas coat can't be that liable to cat hair and lint?" - I was wrong.



Something I discovered when I took these pictures. I had been super careful with the coat, and still it was full of cat hair and lint. I know black clothes in stores are all fuzzy hanging on the rails already, with all the black-wearing Swedes I guess noone cares about that (but me). There's only so much a lint roller can do.

That said, I've invested in a new, much recommended heavy roller and refills, and have decided to try and not let the pet hair and lint issue bother me. At least not that much. Let's see how that works... Maybe a good lesson for 2019?



I've bought a cute handcarved hook for the coat, so it can hang pretty and by itself. I chose a duck, and not a cat, simply because the animal hooks with beaks or protruding noses were more pleasing to the eye. From the Swedish company Wildlife Garden, which has a lot of lovely garden and animal related interior things.



As I mentioned earlier, I've contemplating a haircut of change. A way to start the new year fresh I suppose. I will never have the time or inclination to put a lot of time into styling, even if the frizziness often is annoying. Keep it simple is my hair motto (with great shampoo and conditioner and hair paks of course).

One morning last week I looked in the bathroom mirror and was finally so tired of the dull, dry hair ends that I just took the scissors and made a blunt cut. Managed to cut much shorter than I had planned, but I like the look. Of which I don't have a decent picture yet - and no, it isn't me in the picture, but my newly arrived, much belated thanks to our rubbish Swedish postal *service* PostNord Christmas greeting, spirit animal/guardian feline angel. Thank you Lizzy, she's adorable!

I'm still in a blended state of shock/liberation. It was a very long time since I had it this short. I can still get a tiny ponytail, but on the other hand I rarely do that anyway. New hair, new year, here I come!



New year also means new bras, or at least it will from now on since it's such a great thing to get new at the beginning of a fresh new year. I was delighted to discover that my reliable model for 15 years (yes, really, I'm so relieved I've found the model I'm comfortable with, trying on underwear is one of the most dispiriting activities ever) now comes in pretty spring colours too. So tired of the boring black, beige, white. Baby blue and peach are so much nicer than that. Now I wish for red, green, pink, orange, yellow, pale grey, navy and violet too...



Musn't forget to acknowledge we apparently have a government in Sweden again, it only took the toddler politicians 4 months to come to an agreement. An agreement I suppose is neither very bad nor very good. However the most pressing issue, the dire need of drastic changes in our habits for at least a slim chance to evade the worst climate change consequences, that has hardly been mentioned. Which is heartbreaking as well as infuriating.

On the subject of climate change, if you haven't read the report about the planetary health diet from EAT/Lancet, you really should. I don't know how many research reports that are needed for people to change their eating habits and politicians to set the rules, an endless amount it seems. If we're going to have a livable, peaceful future on this planet it needs to be plantbased. Period.



Now, while under siege of the ice I'm planning to figure out and set my goals for the new year. I'm so relieved and grateful I mostly work from home, -

Not only for the ice situation, the commuter train delays all autumn have been ghastly, and it has become even worse after new year's. I don't know how people who do commute on a daily basis can stand it. Especially as the ticket prices have gone up again, while the service only gets worse. Swedes are simply too docile. -

that I'm able to take that kind of step back. I have the enclasping goals set already, I just have to break them down in more tangible entities. Focus.

I'm also planning to have groceries delivered, which will be a new thing for me. And dusting off the excercise bike might be a good thing too. And what better time than now to tentatively work myself back to a yoga routine.

Onwards and upwards, 2019!

trade in your darkness for the light

When I began writing this post I was really angry. But before I hit publish I thought about the "Be responsible for the energy you put out in the world" and decided to sleep on it. And here is the much shorter version, still angry and disappointed, but I'll omit the worst, unsavoury details.

The anger includes myself because in hindsight I feel like a fool for trusting people I obviously shouldn't have trusted. For being open and willing to take a chance at a new, much less structured way of working, which went so awry. Will not make that mistake again. Even free spirits need basic structure. And trust is earned, partly by clear and transparent communication. And since I'm not usually gullable, the whole thing feels... bizarre. What. was. I. thinking?

Wish I could just let The Project That Became A Mess go, as a very important life and work lesson. But unfortunately I realised while going through my papers and invoices for the annual closing I'm still missing payments for it. A fact which obviously has added another layer of disappointment, hurt and anger to this whole mess.

So not only did I a) agree to a subpar fixed payment (since the work had so much promise for the future, in various ways) for a job that turned out to need a whole lot of more hours than originally stated -

and I who always want to do a great job, since it's important to be proud of your achievements, did put in more work and hours because to get the consistent quality level and attention to details that was needed -

b) I haven't even gotten all the payment I should have.

For me it's an important sum to get, for a well-managed company it would be penny ante.

However, since bitterness is a useless emotion, just like worry - what have I learnt from this? Well,

1. I will never ever again go against my instinct, experience and adopt a laizzer-faire attitude in work when it comes to agreements, communication and structure. This was the first time I did, and look what a mess that turned out to be. Duh, says lawyer I.

I realize this was a rather special situation and circumstances, but really, had we just set aside a few hours before we jumped right in this could have mostly been avoided.

2. I don't care if people, future team mates, think I nag and repeat, nag and repeat, nag and repeat, because seriously, it. is. so. very. important that we discuss, get everything in writing and have the solutions to what ifs and different possible scenarios well sorted beforehand. For everyone involved. Stress less, be more focused and productive.



Another thing to feel better, stress less and come up with solutions to tricky situations is to go for long walks in nature. Which also boosts kindness, happiness and creativity. As I haven't been able to do that much for these past couple of months due to all the snow and ice, I found it both incredibly elevating as well as exhausting when I've so far had two long dog walks in the sun and wind two days in a row.

No, I'm not a dog owner again, it's one of the neighbourhood dog ladies who needs help with walking her sister's dog (who she is currently caring for, one of the cuties I practised my dog whisperer skills on). She's such a sweet tempered labrador, but she is also very strong and needs someone who can hold the leash and keep up with her. Even I find it a bit laboursome, but perhaps it'll give me som serious upper arm muscles.

Funny thing is that the dog sitter think I and Mynta (the herb Mint in Swedish) match eachother so well. Walking side by side. Although, important detail, Mynta has a very special swagger and wag her bottom quite noticably. I most certainly don't.

I still miss having a dog of my own again, but it's also a responsability for someone who needs more of my time and not least structure, compared to the cats, perhaps I'm simply not there yet. And just as I believe that the above work experience with it's ups that ended in a serious down was meant to be, for experience and growth's sake, I believe if a doggie is meant to be it will happen.

Much like songs come your way when your mood calls for them. And even if it's difficult to believe I don't only listen to Haevn these days, this dreamy thing with Celine Cairo is one of my current music crushes.



From darkness to light, from anger to music that soothes a weary soul. As life is. And with winter phasing out, spring, real spring is just eager to step in and take charge. I do believe this will work wonders for the body and soul. And not least bring opportunities and new beginnings. Which I welcome with open arms and a curious, eager mind.

the organic cotton cat dress

Granted the days for wearing flimsy, pretty dresses currently seem awfully far away -

it has been so cold for the past week, heaps of snow and freezing winds and there doesn't seem to be an end to it anytime soon. Apparently we haven't *enjoyed* this type of snow and weather since 1987... -

but I've missed out on the fabulastic PeopleTree cat dresses for so many years I felt I had to snatch one up asap, being the not so crazy cat lady I am.



It's darling! Organic jersey cotton. Not as roomy as the lovely owl dress, ideally I would have liked it to be given we aren't all flat chested. And it lacks pockets alas. But still really cute. Have many comfy, colourful cardigans to add to the outfit. Looking forward to gentler weather lots, not least for feline dress reasons.





If I team the dress with colourful stockings I might even chose a less colourful cardigan. Like the one I happened to thrift in my own wardrobe recently. I got this grey Gaeltarra Ireland cardigan in Dublin 2003/04, wore it lots back then but have lost sight of it for years. Thought I had given it away to charity by mistake, but I found it when I did that big cleansing a couple of years ago. Wasn't until recently I was reminded that it would be nice to wear it again too. With it's quirky design of holes, not created by moths.



My February begun with me losing my old cosy, faux fur favourite mittens on the train. And I haven't been able to find them despite visiting the lost and found office several times. It makes me really sad, like no other mittens they've been such reliable friends when winter days are freezing. But the month ended with welcoming a fantastic cat dress.

Much of the professional month has been about the issue of my clouded heart, it has been a tough learning lesson, both professionally and on a personal level. But I do believe it ended on a light and hopeful note professionally. Did what I'd realised I must do to try and salvage the situation, followed by a good phone call. And now welcoming a new month in a better mood than I had thought I would only a few days ago.

Plus I have a fabulastic cat dress. And super soft hair.

Thank you, February, 
you have been a tough teacher, 
but with glimmers of sweetness.
Oh, March, you are much welcome 
to bring kindness and awesomeness galore!

hello time out, i need you

These past few days I've experienced stress symptoms I've not known or heard of before. And as they are pretty scary, but as I've understood not uncommon and luckily harmless, I still see them as a warning sign to take a step back.

I will stick my neck out a bit and say it doesn't fill me with joy to put in a lot of hours of hard work above and beyond, where you're basically taken for granted, don't get the least bit of positive feedback from client. Or engagement, trust and much needed mandate. I don't even have the energy to be angry and frustrated anymore. I'm just tired. Jaded.

No matter how much I appreciate my Dream Team and all the amazing things they are, have done and do, the fun we've had (and hopefully will continue to have) I also feel there's only as much that can be done, since the project situation seems endlessly complicated in layers upon layers. I'm open to major changes for the better, but I'm also realist enough to see that most likely will not happen.

I'll of course continue to do everything I've signed up for, because that's the only right and professional thing to do, for the time set. But I'm putting my firm foot down now and setting my limits. I'm still not a serf. None of us are.

What started as a passion project, that gave a lot of energy and fun has turned into something energy draining. An uphill struggle of Sisyphean proportions. Like wading in treacle. I've lost my sparkle. Not in general, never, but for this.

It's just not productive to work with seemingly grown up people who can't treat others with decency, trust, respect and at least a moderate amount of appreciation.

Also. It isn't really nice to find yourself in a situation that brings about too much grump, anger, frustration and annoyance. It's just utterly tiresome. Stressful and unproductive. Thank goodness for the "grounded in happiness" personality. Still, when you loose your much enjoyed, loved mojo and feeling of such fun within a certain situation, it's so darn difficult to get it back knowing it would take so much change from other people than yourself. And you can only be responsible for your own change.

My reaction has been building up during the autumn, the only reason it hasn't reached its boiling point until now is the team. But now it has and there's no point denying it. It has been an amazing journey. Learnt so much, had such fun. I will still put in my hours, but unless something drastically positive happens I will not see this as a part of a longterm puzzle for goodness. Just a job I signed up for, nothing more, nothing less. And my passion belongs somewhere else.

I have no idea how this will unfold in the weeks to come, it's Christmas and New Year's, which most always is another excuse to not take responsability for anything but the holidays. And I say that without the least bit of Grinch, just establish a fact of December life.

My coming weeks will be revolving around other clients and jobs that don't fill me with this much frustration and stress reactions (and sadness because of all the obvious awesomeness, perfection, action that could, should happen here but doesn't because of the above reasons).

And while I'm in the process of analyzing myself, my feelings and reactions, putting my (happy shoes clad) feet down, setting boundaries this has also made me scrutinize how and what I want the pink vegan meringue situation to evolve into. Yes, I trust my instinct, yes I trust the process, I know it's right despite the oddness of it all. But this week has been even more confusing. And the first step will not be mine, it will be welcome, necessary, but not mine. Just so you know. I will leave it up to you to figure that one out. I'm sure you can. To talk, listen, ironing things out a bit. Life is precious. And much shorter than we think.

Or we could just back down to neutral gear. Keep it short and unsweetened. There's always that option. To be honest, I'm not even sure this delightful, unexpected, pink, vegan meringue situation give me energy anymore. Oh, I don't know. Feeling a bit lost, free falling. I just wish life, this, could be less complicated and more straight forward. What's meant to be will be. Life has a special talent for sorting these things out.

Today was also the Lucia Day in Sweden. In a winter wonderland. With icy streets. The only celebration I did was having the above cup of tea calendar love tea and a sweet breakfast with a friend. I haven't even baked this year's first batch of lussebullar (insert a face in utter shock). And I also had a really nice lunch with a LinkedIn-contact, who happens to live in my suburb.

And while I waited for her outside the restaurant today I noticed a little ol' lady with a walker coming my way. Suddenly I realised she had stopped in front of me. Thought she was having a rest or wanted to ask something so I smiled at her. And she said the sweetest thing "I just want to say that you are so cute. One gets happy by looking at you. Yes really cute." (I wore my fabulous happy coat number 1.) Oh thank you so much, how sweet of you to say so! True story. Apparently I appeal to the old folks of my suburb, remember the older gentlemen who complimented me in another sweet, unexpected way a couple of months ago. With all the things above going on, I needed this. The unexpected sweetness from a random stranger.

It's a funny thing, that when you get complimented by senior citizens on the looks, outfits, exterior features it's endearing and appreciated. It makes me happy, in an uncomplicated way. But if it is by people closer to my own age, if it isn't a very casual 'great dress, cute blouse, fab shoes' I so prefer to be complimented for my accomplishments, values and quirky intellect. Even if it's an incomprehensibly intellectual one.

From stress reactions, grump galore to the sweetness of unexpected compliments. Getting things written down, thoughts sorted, in blog public, is always liberatingly cathartic.

Hello, time out, much needed, we will get along swell, I'm sure. Tea and candles galore.

free me

Free by Francesca Blanchard is currently my absolute favourite tune. I adore the mood, her voice, the simplicity of the text that manages to convey so much emotions - and that she's fresh, natural and actually fully, simply dressed. So incredibly tired of the fact that too many great female voices and the music industry seem to think that the three letter word and skimpy dressed is the only thing that goes, that sells. So so outdated. - and since it isn't something to dance too I actually sing along until my voice is hoarse.

And I'm even more grateful for the fact that noone, but the cats in pure state of shock, can hear that. Remember that scene with Julia Roberts in the bath in "Pretty woman" singing (well, sounding is more like it) with earphones on? That's pretty much me times 10. But given I practise a lot on this every day these days, perhaps I'll get better. Kind of. (No, not really.)

Unless it's a super catchy dance tune the lyrics have always been really important to me. It's quite amazing that you can always find those special tunes that just speak to your heart and mind, wouldn't you agree? So currently I listen to a melancholy, emotional Spotify list of old and new songs on repeat. Not that I feel melancholy as such, but it's a really good list for thinking and trying to figure things out. Yes, good thinking music.

My top 5 + 1 tunes for this thinking business right now are -



Just for now - Imogen Heap
Let go - Frou Frou - 'cause there is beauty in the break down, what a lovely sentiment...
Look after you - Aron Wright - wait for the very last sentence...
Waiting - Aquilo
Heartbeats - Aron Wright

And the funny thing is that sometimes I'm just so delightfully clueless. I thought it was amazing how I was suddenly suggested really old tunes from my teens, twenties by Spotify, because they are apparently similiar to the ones I listen to now. Songs and bands I had actually forgotten I'd listen too, but that seem so very familiar to hear again. Oh internetz and your algorithms, you just keep playing your suggestive tricks, don't you? As well as reminding me of the fact that my taste in music haven't changed all that much in a few decades, just being a bit updated to the 21st century.

NB I wasn't a melancholy teen or 20 something, but these kind of tunes just strike something in me now and then. The always close to Weltschmerz part of me secretly rejoice perhaps. Be as that may, good for thinking dreamy music it is here and now.

Then I took a day off in the middle of the week, because as a sole business owner you need to have those days. To think about where you are, where you're going, what you want and not, what's working and not. Setting a path, at the same time as you're open to unexpected possibilites that might happen that will excite and delight you. Walked for hours, had a lovely lunch, took a gazillion pictures, felt so grateful for being where I am in life, here and now, in one of the most beautiful cities in the world, in the country I call home. Which, for all its flaws, by comparison is rather decent.

I also came to the conclusion that I am on the right track, where I want to be. Despite it's flaws, and lack of strategy and progress in parts, I'm so happy to have crossed paths with my tribe of awesomeness. And for that I'm of course willing to put the time and energy into turning this project on the right track of greatness.

Then I was contacted by a recruiter for a full-time 1 year gig. And as flattering as that might be it also gave me the chills of unpleasentness. Because the idea of full-time in an office with no flexibility and being restricted still give me the creeps. It's simply not the best and most productive way to use my skills, nor something I'd be happy with. Plus I don't have the time for a single full-time gig. So I declined. With just those reasons. Free spirit me talking firmly.

I must not loose my objective. Nor my path of doing what I love, the variety and mix of gigs is bliss, as is constant learning and growth. If I didn't have that I would be miserable. And that's no way to live. I'm still not rich in money - getting there, one little step at a time, despite the nuisance of leaky roof - but I'm so rich in experiences. And that's truly something to be grateful and happy about.

The week ended with some unexpected news, which I admittedly had secretly hoped for, something I'm possibly a tad more jazzed about than I should be. But who cares, it's a sweet feeling and it's my very own. When life, things are complicated and not as straightforward as most of us prefer, it's essential to make the most of those jazzy moments. Worry less, enjoy more. And listen to music that make you think. And dream.