The Stockholm week that was really went from one of those all time gloom - inside out - but ended on a brighter note. But I have to say, that with certain stupid things in my life I'm forced (like not forced with a gun to my head, but still forced due to circumstances) to endure and work with, the gloom that's got a hold of my heart just grows. So with every thing that's good and great in my life, the glumness still mill around, in the background, hover, ready to strike in full force.
For every day, for every week, for every month I'm trying to work things out, to get where I want, to actually using my potential, in new and old ways, just catching glimpses of possibilities, that so far end up leading nowhere, cul-de-sac, my spirit (which I'm proud to call mine) grows weary. What to do.
And I know, this misery, melancholy keeps coming up to blog surface more and more. How awful, how disheartening, how very, very wrong. Because if I could get where I want and out of this so very much non self-inflicted situation, the more good I could do for others. So this life, like it is, breaks one's heart in many different ways.
And through all this blues and sombreness, Stockholm remains beautiful, cold and indifferent. Like cities do.
4 comments:
Pia, I wish I had some uplifting words for you. For most of my life I felt I was pushing against the current, trying to get where I wanted to be, yet so often thwarted. To be fair, the few things I was committed to with all my heart and soul, every fibre of my Being, I made happen -- I simply would not have accepted less. Of course, they turned out, as life does, to be not-quite-so-rosy, not quite what I had envisioned. But technically, yes, I achieved what I wanted.
My only suggestion is to take a step back and see if (a) there's another path that will get you where you want to be and/or (b) if all of this is meant to lead you in another direction entirely. There is an expression about staring so long at the closed door we don't notice the open window (or something similar).
I would also add that winter can be a difficult time for a lot of us. I have struggled with depression for much of my life and while I'm good now, and off meds for almost 2 years, I'm quite well aware of my triggers. Winter darkness is one--that lack of vitamin D. Even if you are not prone to depression/depressive thoughts, adding a vitamin D supplement to your diet, as well as Omega-3, might help if you don't already.
Also, winter just isn't a good time, mentally and emotionally, to embark on new ventures -- at least not from my point of view. But it's a great time to hunker down and stay inside and be warm and cosy, sipping chai or tea or a latté or cider or even mulled wine or a hot toddy. :-)
BTW, I feel that your blog should be what you need it to be, Pia. Yours is one of my favourites to visit, even if I don't always leave a comment, and I think it's perfectly fine to blog about where you are at, inside your Self, whether that's positive or negative.
Lots of (((hugs))) and universal Light to you.
I think I just lost my entire LONG comment. Arrgggghhhh! Sometimes I hate Blogger! So there!
Basically, what I wrote is that for most of my life I have felt that I was pushing against the current, trying to get where I wanted to be and failing. To be fair, the few times in my life I REALLY wanted something, I went after it with single-minded purpose and achieved what I wanted because I refused to accept anything less. Of course, achieving those things wasn't quite the rosy be-all-and-end-all I had envisioned, which is typical of life. The universe will give you what you want, but not quite in the way you were expecting.
I would say this: Perhaps you need to step back from your current goals and evaluate whether there is another path to achieving what you want. Or if all these challenges are trying to tell you something, leading you in another direction.
I would also say that winter is not the best time to embark on new adventures, IMO. Winter is the time to hunker down inside and sip chai or lattés or cider, mulled wine or hot toddies.
The other thing I want to mention is winter's lack of light and the effect it can have on us. I have struggled with depression for most of my life and while I'm okay right now, off meds for almost 2 years, I still know my triggers and winter (and the Christmas season) is a huge one. I take vitamin D supplements year-round, as well as Omega-3, and recommend both if you don't already take them.
Finally, your blog is one of my favourites, Pia, whether or not I comment. I think it's okay to write whatever you need to, not be concerned whether the energy you think you are putting out is positive or negative. Whatever you need to write for your Self is fine, Pia!
(((Hugs))) and universal Light!
Jag har tänkt på dig, när maken sa att några november-halsband behövde jag då rakt inte göra, däremot våriga dito. Då tänkte jag Rosa plus grönt och lite gult, och tanken gick automagiskt till dig. :)
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