Thursday, February 03, 2011

what will be, hopefully

I had quite the mind blowing meeting yesterday. At a surprising place, a place I really really don't have a lot of good to say about in general. But apparently there are gems of people working there too. Gems I do hope aren't wasted at such a place. Because new thinkers is what life is all about. And for that place to really get that kind of new thinking - that sort of blows my mind. Totally.

As I'm not a person to go into details about this part of my life, not at this time, I won't. But I can say that the meeting was quite unexpected, with short notice, in parts dreaded, in parts interesting. In parts not what I had expected (in a bad way), in others not what I had expected (in a great way).

Admittedly I don't want to be too positive, jump the gun, get my hopes up. Too much. One never knows, really. But if I would, I would say that it's quite a lot about what I really would love to partly do with my life, though in a way I'd never expect. To be honest I would have shied away as best I could. But because I'm in a position, right now, of not being able to shy away like that, from this, I couldn't refuse the meeting. And it was this person, who I basically thinks rocks (only met her a few times), who called about the meeting, it was tad intriguing after all.

Apart from the least bit positive with this (unpaid), there's a second least bit positive (the place, the institution), I would probably say it was one of the best meetings I've been to ever, so far. Because in that really strange, and rarely happening, way I felt I was really heard. That there were people who actually understood what I was saying, who I was, what I wanted. Who listened, who asked the right questions, who cared about the answers. Who cared about my ideas, my background, my competence, who really wanted me there.

And some of the things said really was surreal, mind-reading surreal, things regarding my situation I only discuss with people extremely close to me (because they're so easily misinterpreted by others with not so open, active minds), suddenly this one person said just that, using the same words. I was so happy, so relieved, to be understood like that. Because sometimes (even with a solid self esteem) one does despair. For every week, month, year, the waste of resources and competence, of not being taken seriously by... some, one does despair.

It was such an inspirational meeting, at the weirdest of places, I was, am, full of ideas. On February 14th (such a sweet day) a new phase in my life will begin. I hope it will be a good beginning, that much good will come from it, I am realistic, tad nervous because I do hate getting my hopes up, again, only to possibly see them crumbled and my soul chipped once more, but I'm also very much looking forward to it. In the strangest way.

I also hope that I after a few weeks, in the future, will be able to look back at this specific post and be happy with what I wrote. And that I wasn't all out of depth with my views, impressions, ideas, thoughts and hopes. I hope I was right. That it will be alright.


Felis said...

I'm not sure I understand completely clear what you say. But that you are happy is enough for us to hopeful too, it will be what you want!

pärlbesatt said...

För stökigt i mitt eget liv för att jag ska kunna läsa lång text på engelska just för öjnablicket, men jag utläste iaf att nåt bra hänt på oväntat ställe. Och jag blir såååå nyfiken, förstås.

Har sett många annonser som fått mig att tänka på dig, på Fortifikationsverket bl.a Jag vet att du sa Inte ofantliga sektorn helst, men annonserna lät spännande. Sen var det på HI också, men det skrev jag visst till dig om på Fejan, som jag tyvärr fått lämna av det skäl jag öppnade med.

Mer info kan fås per vanlig mejl. Om du vill. Vore ju synd att tappa varann helt bara pga omständigheter nån annan ställt till. :(

Richard Lawry said...

I wish the best for you

An Arkies Musings

Åsa said...

I'll get it! Fattar precis viljan av att mer eller mindre lägga benen på ryggen och springa åt andra hållet men p g a omständigheterna tvingas in i något ändå. Jag håller tummarna att det verkligen blir en vändpunkt nu.
Skriver med ikväll :)

julochka said...

i'm sure this will make sense later, but what seems to be there between the lines sounds exciting. crossing my fingers for it to be all you hope it will be and none of what you fear it might.


Heather said...

One of the best meetings ever? That certainly does sound like a wonderful beginning! Very hopeful for you, Pia, and may this opportunity be one that you have been searching for. Sometimes the very best things start on a path that we would have least likely chosen.

heidikins said...

I hope that whatever this is will be amazing and wonderful and a dream-maker (as opposed to a dream crusher).

Can't wait for an update!

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