what will be, hopefully

I had quite the mind blowing meeting yesterday. At a surprising place, a place I really really don't have a lot of good to say about in general. But apparently there are gems of people working there too. Gems I do hope aren't wasted at such a place. Because new thinkers is what life is all about. And for that place to really get that kind of new thinking - that sort of blows my mind. Totally.

As I'm not a person to go into details about this part of my life, not at this time, I won't. But I can say that the meeting was quite unexpected, with short notice, in parts dreaded, in parts interesting. In parts not what I had expected (in a bad way), in others not what I had expected (in a great way).

Admittedly I don't want to be too positive, jump the gun, get my hopes up. Too much. One never knows, really. But if I would, I would say that it's quite a lot about what I really would love to partly do with my life, though in a way I'd never expect. To be honest I would have shied away as best I could. But because I'm in a position, right now, of not being able to shy away like that, from this, I couldn't refuse the meeting. And it was this person, who I basically thinks rocks (only met her a few times), who called about the meeting, it was tad intriguing after all.

Apart from the least bit positive with this (unpaid), there's a second least bit positive (the place, the institution), I would probably say it was one of the best meetings I've been to ever, so far. Because in that really strange, and rarely happening, way I felt I was really heard. That there were people who actually understood what I was saying, who I was, what I wanted. Who listened, who asked the right questions, who cared about the answers. Who cared about my ideas, my background, my competence, who really wanted me there.

And some of the things said really was surreal, mind-reading surreal, things regarding my situation I only discuss with people extremely close to me (because they're so easily misinterpreted by others with not so open, active minds), suddenly this one person said just that, using the same words. I was so happy, so relieved, to be understood like that. Because sometimes (even with a solid self esteem) one does despair. For every week, month, year, the waste of resources and competence, of not being taken seriously by... some, one does despair.

It was such an inspirational meeting, at the weirdest of places, I was, am, full of ideas. On February 14th (such a sweet day) a new phase in my life will begin. I hope it will be a good beginning, that much good will come from it, I am realistic, tad nervous because I do hate getting my hopes up, again, only to possibly see them crumbled and my soul chipped once more, but I'm also very much looking forward to it. In the strangest way.

I also hope that I after a few weeks, in the future, will be able to look back at this specific post and be happy with what I wrote. And that I wasn't all out of depth with my views, impressions, ideas, thoughts and hopes. I hope I was right. That it will be alright.